If you were forced to go on one 'reality' television shows
Which one would you go on and why?

Alt Q: Who would you most like to get pissed with?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 19:05, 94 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

jersey shoooore, bitch
Snooki
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 19:18, Reply)

A: Celebrities Suck Your Cock
Alt A: Legless. What a card. Hilarity would invariably ensue.
( djtrialprice, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 19:46, Reply)

But you see the standard of celebs you get on these shows
I'd end up with David Bellamy or something.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 20:18, Reply)

or possibly either
Dale Winton or Germaine Greer
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:12, Reply)

germain greer's cool

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:29, Reply)

The up and coming Big B3ta Brother.
I have yet to attend a b3ta bash, and I want to harangue you all in real life. For three months. With no escape.

Alt A: Christopher Hitchens, before he inevitably carks it. Probably have to travel back in time to get him to take a drink though.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 20:30, Reply)

Him and Amis together would be some night on the piss back in the day

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 20:40, Reply)

Oh hell yes.
Although I have learned my lesson about getting into drunken debates about the Big Questions with people twenty-seven times more intelligent than me.

The lesson is 'even if you win, the next round's still on you.'
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 20:54, Reply)

A: That photography one
Alt A: Iain Banks
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:06, Reply)

Britain's Next Top Model
where I go into Strangeways and judge who made the best Eiffel Tower out of matchsticks.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:06, Reply)

hey Roota
enjoy your week of gallivanting?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:13, Reply)

Hiya hun
I totally loved every second.
Even the getting filmed snogging by a Danish pervert...

How are you doing?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:15, Reply)

Glad you had such a good time :)
Danish pervert though :S?

I'm okay, bit ill but could be worse
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:17, Reply)

Oh I'm sorry to hear that
Are you being looked after?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:18, Reply)

yes
that's the lovely thing about being at home- a double bed, a great dressing gown and people willing to make tea for you
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:21, Reply)

I like this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:28, Reply)

I miss double beds at college
but then they're a bit wasted on me I guess.

When did you get back?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:34, Reply)

We got back to the UK Sunday night
I got back to Liverpool last night.
Knackered!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:44, Reply)

have a lovely long sleep

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Gonna go bo-boes at 11pm

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:54, Reply)

what was DiT doing there?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:27, Reply)

Visiting his relatives
and being a perve
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:29, Reply)

I'd go on one where we got to tell morons they were wrong
I'm currently arguing with someone who was in support of the protests that caused damage and disruption in Edinburgh at the weekend. One just got patronising on top of being wrong, which I don't feel was a good idea. It's arguing time.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:13, Reply)

no it isn't

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:29, Reply)

I think you are secretly Jeremy Kyle
AICMFP
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:36, Reply)

I'd go on the
'Give Amberl loads of money' show.

Alt Q: Given earlier musings, where I realised Withnail and I share a lot in common, I nominate either Withnail or Alexander the Great, a notable drinker
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:15, Reply)

Has Amberl
Bothered with things like going to buy food to eat this week?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:16, Reply)

not this week
I'm with my family who do the menial tasks of buying and cooking food, though I do condescendingly deign to eat it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:17, Reply)

It's like you're living some sort of high life while living with them
Before you move out again I presume, and have to go back to fending for yourself/not bothering eating.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:18, Reply)

Granny Penguin's off on one again!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:20, Reply)

I'm just looking out for people!
You go back to getting attacked by seagulls and mauled by Tigger if that's what you want.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:22, Reply)

I saw Flatley on our street today
I think he's mature enough to move on now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:26, Reply)

Did you kick him
Or throw stuff at him? I hope you did.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:31, Reply)

He was too far away

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:45, Reply)

you need a catapult

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:45, Reply)

I'll let byegones be byegones if he leaves us be

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:54, Reply)

He won't
The feathery bitch.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 22:05, Reply)

oh I usually eat
when I remember, and skipping a few meals wouldn't do me any harm at the moment.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:22, Reply)

Shipwrecked so I could instigate a lord of the flies type situation
ALT q: Ellen Page so she can realise how amazing I am.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:20, Reply)

I still think you should go out with Eliane Paige

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:27, Reply)

I don't even knpw who she is. I'm sat here with a pepperoni pizza and a huge tin of marijuana and I'm still bored.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:30, Reply)

Try smoking the pizza.
Either that, or get a dog.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:31, Reply)

I like cats
and he is sat here just as bored as me. More stoned though I think. I've noticed lately he comes in when I'm smoking and lies next to me. Dirty little junkie cat.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:33, Reply)

I like dogs.
Different strokes* and all that.

*Just typing that made me shudder.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:42, Reply)

with pleasure?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:43, Reply)

I like tits
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:43, Reply)

on cats
you fucking furry
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:44, Reply)

nah, it's OK, it's a real cat

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:45, Reply)

who was telling me about cat porn the other day it was hilarious.`

I just like boobs. I decided today they are ace.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:47, Reply)

that would be me
it was my friend's dream
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:48, Reply)

ace story he is a bestiality artist.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:49, Reply)

FUCK YEAH SHIPWRECKED
I love that show. I think they cancelled it. Massive sadface.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 7:26, Reply)

OK, where the hell is my torch?
my lights have stopped working and i can't find it. Or my matches
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:29, Reply)

Light a fart
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:31, Reply)

no matches, remember
the one time I actually need a smoker
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:31, Reply)

I can help. How far are you from South Glos.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:34, Reply)

98.9 miles
according to google
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:35, Reply)

might skip it actually.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:36, Reply)

aww
and I had one brewing, ready
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:37, Reply)

you sick little puppy
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:38, Reply)

He's just volunteering
to skip rather than use a car :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:38, Reply)

That would take me years
I tried skipping in the gym the other day almost blinded myself
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:39, Reply)

Powercut I presume
Rather than not paying your bills.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:32, Reply)

nah, fuse died
complex fuse thing needs light to fix :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:34, Reply)

Lies
Just jam your hand in there with the electrics and see what happens.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:35, Reply)

what's the difference between jam and marmalade?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:38, Reply)

spelling?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:38, Reply)

I can't marmalade my cock* up your mother's arse


*i may not actually have a cock
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:40, Reply)

stealing this. brilliant
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:41, Reply)

I seem to remember this from earlier today somewhere

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:39, Reply)

really, that wasn't me

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:40, Reply)

Big Brother, I'd smash it and you'd get laid for life
Although that Geordie bloke who won it a few years back turned up at our house for a party a month or so ago and when we told him to do one his mate went 'do you watch Big Brother?'. We said no and closed the door so it doesn't always work.

Alt Q: Lily Allen, we'd talk about Fulham and do loads of high class drugs only pop stars can obtain.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:42, Reply)

Alright Barry

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:46, Reply)

Evening.
I drank last night. Seven weeks hard work wasted.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:52, Reply)

And who was it you deemed more worthy of a beverage than moi?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 21:53, Reply)

T'was a mate's 21st
I necked a bottle of wine and shouted 'THIS IS FOR ROOTA!' the same way the guy in 300 says 'THIS IS SPARTA!'. I am not drinking again.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 22:02, Reply)

You'll just sniff Lynx Java through a sock

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 22:12, Reply)

Not far off
But I use Tesco for Men Congo Deoderant. Best anti-persperant name ever.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 22:50, Reply)

And do you find your 'congos' smell a little less, as a result of using it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 8:26, Reply)

'Celebrity Concentration Camp'
Where ordinary members of the Boyce family get to exterminate vast swathes of the 'entertainment' world with poison gas and a series of brutal scientific experiments, set in a Polish forest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Oddly enough, whilst putting my socks on this morning, I was thinking about organising a Celebrity Punch-a-thon. For charidee, like.
Y'know where members of the public try to set a new record for the longest continual beating handed out to celebrities. It would be a freestyle event where you could choose to do anything from a single flick of Andrew Marr's ear to a sustained windmill attack on Nick Knowles. You seem to have upped the ante rather nicely.
(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Alt Q. Mark E Smith & Lady Lucinda Lambton

(Cave Duck, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 9:08, Reply)

I'd like to get pissed with my Grandad. (sniff).

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 25 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Come Dine With Me
So I could have a series of really nice meals cooked for me, and as long as there was enough wine available I could cope with having to talk to twats. Then I'd probably just serve the daft buggers my finest Ham, Egg and Chips when it was my turn.

Alt Q: Tom Waits
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)