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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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My brother just came in here and woke me up
I don't get up til midday usually. So I hit him and said no wonder his missus dumped him (his girlfriend of two years chucked him yesterday). I feel bad now. Has a lack of sleep ever caused you to do owt daft?

Alt Q: How are you this horrible Monday morning, you massive hat-stand?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 7:54, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I'm on the toilet, Barry.
Is he gutted about his bird?
His lungs/sense of smell will thank her for it in the long-run.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 7:59, Reply)
He's pretty devo'd about it, la.
I don't know if I helped or hindered when I said she was an annoying fidiot (fat idiot) last night.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:04, Reply)
No, he will just hate you for failing to worship his deity as he does.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:04, Reply)
I dunno why he cares, he could do loads better.
He's a poncey male model (at seventeen!) for fuck sake. I'm not jealous or owt.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:10, Reply)
Love is blind.
And deaf.
and has no sense of smell.
The cat is biting my left wrist.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:13, Reply)
aha I get my new cat tomorrow.
House felt too empty with no furry purry body in it, so we adopted one on saturday. Went to see him at the vets today and we remembered me and I went all mushy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:19, Reply)
They're ace but they're nuisances.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:24, Reply)
oh yes indeedy.
This one is going to be a bit of a handful I think. He seems to be one of those "Interested in everything you do, but now give me some attention" types.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:25, Reply)
Tigger does seem to spend most of the time
Walking across the keyboard or attacking you or being scared of seagulls.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:27, Reply)
who isn't scared of seagulls...

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:28, Reply)
Seagulls are scared of me, I cause them to crash into things and kill themselves.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:29, Reply)
what type have you chosen?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)
He's a domestic short hair.
tabby coat with a white tummy and paws. His name is Henry.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)
you should go say sorry.
that's kinda really mean of you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:01, Reply)
He was practically asleep.
His brother will understand.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:03, Reply)
A healthy dose of reality from a sibling can only come from love, not bitterness

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)
Older brothers never apologise.
I should know being a younger brother. Don't worry about it. So tempted to phone in sick.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:38, Reply)
Malingerer.
I don't do things like that.*Holier than thous*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:41, Reply)
I have 18 minutes to decide. I'm a student temp I wanna sleep.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:43, Reply)
MTFUYLF

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)
fuck you I'm up
god damn M onday morning bullshit.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)
mornings are ace.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)
bleeeeeeeuurrrgh

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)
Get out there and earn money to pay tax to keep me.
Go on, off with you now.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Do I pay tax?
you know being an awesome student.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
I got even less sleep than usual
last night. About three hours. I'm liable to do a lot of daft things.

Alt Q: I'm rubbish thanks
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)
This is what I like
A good honest start to the day. Plus watching the carnage of someone with little sleep performing simple tasks can be pretty fun.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:49, Reply)
I'm alright now
had a Berocca, a cup of tea and a stretch.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)
I was slightly confused when I got woken up this morning to move my car
I had no idea why I was being woken up so early, and little idea of where I was for a few seconds.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)
Zombie outbreak?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 8:59, Reply)
No, just another pedestrian day

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)
You should have fucked him.
Alt: Fine thanks, saw an awe-inspiring gig on Saturday. Gong supported by Nik Turner's Space Ritual. My brother's old hippie mate said (with only a maximum of half irony) 'it's a stone groove, baby' - causing me to do a little wee-wee.

Note to self: do not get so pissed you buy everyone double cognacs to celebrate how good the show is. You cannot afford £33 rounds.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)
Chimichurri = fucking big win. Thanks.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)
No problem at all, good sir.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)
Wow Monty, what a weekend
What are you upto this weekend? Huh? Huh?

Also, congrats on the massive rounds. You probably unknowingly made a few friends at least.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:03, Reply)
Hahaha
It's all about the weekends on here.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)
Not forgetting what's for lunch

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)
Incest seems to be gaining in popularity too

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)
I'm having incest for lunch this weekend.
This makes me the King of Off Topic.

Bow to me, oh lowly minions.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)
*Passes the head dobber of off topic*

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)
*wells up*
*delivers unrehearsed, rambling 'thank you' speech*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)
Oh dear shit, you're turning into Kaol.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Glad you had a good night Monty
and the rounds probably endeared you to most
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:10, Reply)
Thank you.
It was brilliant. Not least because my, ahem, 'dinner guest' from the other night also came along.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)
ooh even better
are you sure you won't tell me who she is?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:18, Reply)
Quite sure, thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)
Well it's not who I thought it was so you'll be happy : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
It's Bert in a dress.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I had a theory
but I'm sure it's wrong
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)
Is it *actually* a b3tan?
I'm meetign a crack team of knowitalls at t he weekend. I'm sure I'll find out then
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
Sure is!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
Well he got all flustered when I put that too him.
But I can't for the life of me think who it might be. Which female B3tan shares his particular fondness for certain substances and is stunningly attractive?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
I don't actually give a shit

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)
Me neither but I like to wind him up.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)
You fiend.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

*twirls moustache*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
You want to put that 'tache into pigtails, love.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)
I can imagine you with 'tachetails
Are you going to DGs bash in October?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Too fucking right I am.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Hell yeah
I'm going to get outrageously drunk and be naughty (probably with Lusty)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)
*fantasises*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
Of course ; )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)
She's a bad influence on me

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)
YESSSS!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
But a very good kisser

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
*faints*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
And that's enough excitement for you today

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)
MONTY BOYCE IS CURRENTLY UNABLE TO REPLY
HE HAS JUST 'POPPED TO THE LOO'

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)
She has to because DG is her internet dad.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)
So we had Edmund, and Eds Meds, and whatever that last incarnation was called
And now there's a Welsh Ed.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)
Best conman ever
Ed will have to step his game up
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
My car is now in the garage being fixed and mot'd.
I have now become one of those awful people who feel lost without a car.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)
not as bad as being one of those
awful people who feel lost if they don't have their Blackberry glued to their hand. That's not me at all of course
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)
I am getting like that with Twitter. Feel isolated if I haven't looked or tweeted for a couple of hours.
(I know this is sad)
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)
As long as you know that, there's still hope.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)
some of it is quite good and useful for work. There's a lot of shit mind.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)
I've never even looked at Twitter.
I feel quite proud.
I hate social network sites though. People talk enough crap when I meet them let alone having to read every single dull moment of their dull life. Reading peoples dull life stories on b3ta is enough for me
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)
You are me AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
Then you'd have to claim the money off yourself

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)
I'm skint, can I pay me next week?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I dunno I'm pretty skint now, could use the cash

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)
I know a way you could earn some cash.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)
By killing you and selling your organs?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Fucked lungs, one kidney, pickled liver. You might get enough for a round.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)
What are your eyes like?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)
sexy

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)
Then I'd probably get a few quid for them
*looks for a spoon*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
I'd rather you didn't fucking dig them out.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)
You won't feel anything
you'll be dead
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)
Even death wouldn't stop me feeling your
ice cold wretched embrace.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
...in a 'Russell Howard' kinda way...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)
oi be nice!
although I did laugh when in Mongrels the cat said "what in the name of russell howard is going on with you're eye?"

class
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)
I liked it more that on Mock the Week
Russell Howard was a little freaked out about that episode
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)
You live in Leamington don't you
he lives near you.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Really wow does he
fancy me living in leamington and not knowing that
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)
I may be an autism but you're a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Well if you stopped saying stupid things
I wouldn't have to give you stupid replies
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)
Yeah but if you replied in a nice way when I said super cool things that would be fine.
But you don't you just say cunty things when I'm stupid which really makes me sad. =(
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)
haha
Score another hit to the badger

I make it 46 - 0 to me
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)
It's only you playing doofus

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)
It's only me winning

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)
you can't lose what you don't put in the middle
How the fuck did Al delete my comment?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)
By deleting his above it which deletes all the replies to it
God you really are thick
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)
facebook is good once you have hidden all the goons' status updates
plus it's handy for arranging events. Twitter is shit. You're all sweetness and light this morning I see.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)
fuck off noob

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

fuck off noob I love you
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Not now you're seeing a non ginger hussie
*huffs*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
look it's not cheating when it's on the internet
besides I've been on one date with the non ginger hussie.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Whatever

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Facebook is shit. Twitter is useful for work for me - both to promote our agency but also as a source of content & industry news.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)
sure for work, but for normal dick fucks like me it's arse.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)
Very very sad.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I had very little sleep over the weekend
But it was an awesomely successful Stag Do. On Friday I drank too much and accidentally elbowed a girl in the face.
We rocked costumes on the Saturday night, and they went down a storm, although they proved difficult to poledance in.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

How did you get on in Bristol?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Grand thanks
Went to the usual Wetherspoons and Slug & Lettuce, plus The Hatchett and then the O2 on Friday.
Saturday we hit Wetherspoons, the Bierkeller (which was a Butlins disco), some random street pub that might have been a gay bar, some place on the waterside, then Urban Tiger.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)
Thought up a good encuse for the weekend yet?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)
If I knew what an 'encuse' was, sure
Is it the opposite of an 'excuse'?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)
It's when an excuse becomes so utterly lame it can't hold up the harsh X sound

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Your face is a harsh X sound

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Whatever loserface
I'll send you a postcard
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)
Are you guys busy this weekend then?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

+ getting
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

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