You forget the 'slap' round the face.
A good one with leave a cracking hand print and result in the recipient having to buy new specs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:30, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Even if they didn't need them before.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)

That is more likely if the 'slapper' has nails.
Tell ya, they are a vicious breed. I'm almost glad to be single.

Bar the lack of regular sex, someone to cuddle and talk to and someone to care for.

But aside from that. I'm well off out of it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:33, Reply)

you mean
never getting the bed to yourself, having the duvet stolen, having to listen to the same shite about people you don't know and care about that they happen to work with and act as if you care, not being able to go out whenever you feel like it but always having to answer to someone else, having to spend your weekends doing things like going to christenings and seeing their parents when all you really want to do is scratch your balls and watch a bit of porn.

am i making you feel any better??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:37, Reply)

Were we married?
This all sounds so very very familiar.

Was my ex the exception or the rule?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)

there are great things about being single
make them most of them, you'll miss them when you stumble back into the beartrap, imo.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Apart from being able to scratch my nads and watch internet porn.
Care to list any/many of them?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)

independence
free time
not having to spend time with friends/relatives of the other half that you aren't so keen on
not feeling guilty about spending money
holidays with friends
spontaneity
getting a proper uninterrupted night's sleep
being able to flirt with lots of different people

ok some of them might sound a bit selfish but that's the fun of being single, it's lots of time to enjoy yourself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)

You're right in some respects.
But I'm not getting any younger. And I'm no oil painting.

I'm skint and most of my mated are webbed up with significant others (or starting families).

My 'plan' at the moment, is to try and relocate. I think that'll kick-start me as I'm bored with things at the moment, and have been for some time. A new challenge is in order, especially one that'll make me go out and meet new people and have some new adventures.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)

the more you worry about being single
the more it will come across. massive cliche but totally true.

anyone decent won't give a fuck if you are skint. but relocating if you're feeling a bit jaded can be a great idea. doesn't have to be permanent.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)

Quite agree.
Career has stalled over the last couple of years, which I blame (in part) on the other shit I've had going on, and relocating will give me the chance to dedicate sufficient time to get back to trying to get where I want to be.

Relocating is my focus at the minute.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:59, Reply)

from where to where?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:04, Reply)

From Bristol
To where the best opportunity is.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell
i've never hit anyone or anything (brothers don't count) in my life before. but if you insist on being a human punchbag, at least you're pink so you'll match my brand new gloves.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:35, Reply)

I'm not pink.
Haven't you seen my profile pic?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:37, Reply)

not yet
but whatever colour you are to start with, you'll be pink by the time my gloves are finished with you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:38, Reply)

Well, once the gloves get delivered.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:42, Reply)

which better be tomorrow
or else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:44, Reply)

They 'never knowingly beaten' claim will be put to the test?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:45, Reply)

It will in my case.
She sounds determined to use me as a beating-receptacle.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)

i'll be gentle

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)

Oooh.
Well make sure you both agree a code-word before you start.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:53, Reply)

PINK!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:55, Reply)

No...that's what you'll be screaming with every blow landed by your new pink gloves.
"Pink!", you'll cry in glee as the first fist crashes into my chest. "Pink!", as the other hand delivers a crashing thwack! to my stomach. "Pink! Pink! PINK!" as blows rain down on me like...rain. My feeble plea of the safeword is lost in your maddened screaming, and the last word I hear as I slip into unconsciousness is...


'guzurnplat', cause you broke my brain.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:59, Reply)

that's quite a detailed fantasy!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:05, Reply)

Well, obviously when I say more women should hit things
I mean those things should be me.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:10, Reply)

so just the one thing then!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:19, Reply)

Hoy! How dare you call me a 'thing'?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:37, Reply)

You could always try ducking.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)

Is that like Dogging?
Or have I missed yet another point?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:36, Reply)

No, I just meant ducking to avoid the oncoming hand.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:37, Reply)

Gotcha.
/returns the duck-calling-hunting-aid-thingy to the box, and gets out of the car.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

course you did, sweetheart
course you did
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

I'm not a pervert, you know.
Not much.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:47, Reply)

only when you think
no-one can see.

Well at least you're not an exhibitionist
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:49, Reply)

Well I am, but only in the company of similar exhibitionists.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)

so, b3ta then.
christ what an image, all this lot exhibiting themselves...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)

:S thanks for that image

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:53, Reply)

i don't want to feel sick
all by myself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)

It'd be a dirty-mac convention

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)

at least that would cover up
most of the "exhibition".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)

true
but wait til you hear the marking categories

length of flashing, closeness of escape from the police, dirtiness of mac, shrivelledness of genitals.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:02, Reply)

fuck that is rancid
i have my suspicions as to who would win each category already
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:05, Reply)

Same.
Just be careful they don't ask you to adjudicate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:07, Reply)

my eyes, my eyes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)

Then it's more of a competition

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)

It certainly makes some Leeds venues rather interesting of a Friday.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)

so that's where you congregate

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 23:38, Reply)