He burnt my socks on a campfire
whilst I was unconscious after I had drunk a litre of blue Smirnoff and collapsed under a garden sprinkler.

There are many more reasons why I hate him, though.

A couple of minor examples:

1. At teenage 'parents away' parties he was invariably the uninvited cunt who'd urinate in the parents' wardrobe etc
2. In an attempt to be 'noticed' and 'popular' (a dismal failure on both counts) he took to smoking cigars, aged about 15
3. He wore his jeans hoiked up so high his nickname was 'tightarse'
4. His other nickname was 'horseface'
5. He was such an unlikeable cunt that, a good ten years after we’d all left Winchester, and extremely polite and very posh ex-girlfriend on a chum of mine (a proper Cheltenham Ladies’ College girl, polo set type) still loathed him so much that she felt obliged to spit phlegm on his back when she found herself stood behind him on a tube platform.

I will spare you any more, just trust me - he's a fucking wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:01, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I like this
particularly number 5.

I don't know any famous people to hate on a personal level.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I know a few.
Brett Anderson from Suede is a particularly appalling wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Apart from ex boyfriends, I can't think of anyone I really hate.

( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

I really hate most people.
You're alright, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Shucks!
*blushes*
( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I popped into Lampito's birthday drinks in town last night.
I've never felt so old in my fucking life.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Haha!
Did they think you were her dad?
( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Her drunken, rapey dad, yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Did you tell her mate that everyone on here knows she likes anal?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I bet that,
every time they mentioned 'Facebook', 'MP3s' or got their mobile phones out a piece of you died.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

It was like an episode of 'Skins'*


*I have never seen an episode of 'Skins'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I instantly dislike them all
(I have only seen a trailer for Skins, and am exceptionally judgmental).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I like the cut of your jib.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Did it look like Lampito was having a good time?
Was she steaming drunk, shouting loudly, and haymaker-ing random men?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

She was rather demure and well-behaved.
Her hair looked rather nice too. It was all a bit confusing.

I'm sure it all went to shit later on but there was only so much 'Skins' a man can take so I fucked off by about ten.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Cool
Any other b3tans there? Or were you stood to one side, awkwardly sipping on your cognac, occasionally overhearing some slip of a girl say "Who's the guy in the History costume over there?"?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Hahah
Himjim, Lusty & Crow were there. Everyone else was from 'Skins'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

;)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Seriously though
'Skins' types fuck me right off, they seem to be having the teenage years I didn't. Mainly promiscuous sex, I did the booze and loud music.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Same here, but plus the drugs.
I really wasn't that interested in girls until I started taking ecstasy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

I was interested
But the token goth guy, who girls confided in but never fucked.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Unlucky.
You know that means they thought you were a bender, don't you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Probably
Although a few have since told me they fancied me 'back then'.
Why the FUCK didn't you let me know?! Talking about how shit your boyfriend is to you is NOT a good way to flirt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

nothing more frustrating than
someone telling you 'ooh I really fancied you back then'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

AMEN

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

especially when they're someone
you would've. Not so bad when you think 'thank God you didn't tell me'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Yep, had both the narrow escapes
And the knuckle-chewing frustions.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Plus there is always the slight element of insult
'what do you mean you liked me back THEN'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

They've always told me about their past crush on me
When I've been securely ensconced in a relationship. No fear of me rejecting them then.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

People are too complex
Makes me wonder who in five years time, who I know now will turn round and say 'oh I had a crush on you back then'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

thought know
(Bazongaloid, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

^This
Got a lot of "You're such a great guy, you can have any girl you want" while wiping the snot from the nose of the object of my affections.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Infuriating, isn't it?
Still, I'm over that now*.
*clearly not over it
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

You've both got hot girlfriends now so stop whinging.

( girlinthehole, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

:-)

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I am never content!
I'll never be able to let go of all the 'might haves' and 'could have beens'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

The "Could have beens"
Would probably have led to forty five minutes of vanilla sex and then a lifetime of awkwardness afterward. That's the best way to look at it...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Forty-five minutes?!
If you include fumbling with the bra strap, giving up and using the garden shears, fumbling with a condom, losing the erection, explaining that it will come back if you give me a minute and stop judging me, awkward heavy petting, finally achieving full mast, 2 minutes of trying o find the right hole, before one glorious minute of manic thrusting before getting stitch and having to stop.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

make a note of them
if it goes wrong in the next few years, turn up on their doorsteps
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Verbal contract innit.
Give teh sex NAO!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Ha!
Yep, but since I stopped attempting to date emotionally fragile women it got much easier.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Hmmm, Crow was there eh?
So, was it nice seeing your girlfriend?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

He really has got a cock like a gorilla's arm, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Is that why his wrists are so weak
through overuse?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

All his bodily strength
is needed simply to transport his love truncheon aroun: this leaves other areas (such as the wrists) weak and flappy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I think of it less as a 'love truncheon'
than a 'mighty pilum of justice and vindication.'

Good morning, sweetheart x
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Conversely
He has arms like a gorilla's cock.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

...and wrists like two old wings of skate.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I think he's a wanker too but only from a proley telly watching point of view.
I now feel vindicated.
Thanks for sharing Monters, have a fat old man hug in support.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

No problem, old bean.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Am I the only one who hasn't heard of him?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

No, you're not

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I wish to God I hadn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Ah, him.
I was once part of the live audience for his TV show that they filmed in the top room of a bar in North London. Dreadfully unfunny, dreadfully unattractive, dreadfully full of himself, and he looks a bit like a donkey when he smiles.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)