Non Conjested, non soapy bellend thread right here folks.
Back 2 uni in two weeks, late start due to Ryder Cup. I am looking forward to freshers week so I want to hear some freshers week stories please.

Alt Q? if you haven't experienced a freshers week why not? what put you off uni?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've never been to Uni
My only experience of Freshers week have been telling students to go away because the bar I worked in didn't allow Pub Golf.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

pub golf is fucking dull
what's wrong with going to a pub with some friends, ordering drinks you like, drinking them at a reasonable pace and not having to rush off after ten minutes to repeat til death.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

You miss out on the looking after some guy you've just met
because he's to drunk to stand.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I'm always the guy who looks after the random
Because I'm too nice.
Of course, if they're a bloke or a minger, then I don't bother. Goes without saying.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

looks after the random ends up cleaning someone else's sick off their shoes

/voice of bitter experience
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I managed to do a Matrix-style* dodge backwards
To avoid puke in that situation.

*May have looked more like I was suddenly punch in the gut by Patrick Swayze's ghost*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I have a sad history of going for the catch rather than the dodge.
All too often the vomiting mong has been in my house.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

This is useful info

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I'm going to have to cone off your parking space.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Sadtimes

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I'll "cone off" your "parking space"
ifyouknowwhatimean
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It's nice* to know that you're equal-opportunity rapey.
*terrifying
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

You're not my type.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I honestly have no idea.
I mean, I've been on Pub Crawls and they're ok as you don't get forced to finish.

Also, why does it become funny to nick traffic signs and cones when you become a student?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I think we nicked one once because it was ironic.

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I thought they were made of plastic?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

*shakes head*

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Pub golf doesn't agree with me.
Srsly, even steady drinking like going to the pub at 6 and going home at 11 I'm generally slaughtered.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

5 HOURS OF DRINKING GETS YOU DRUNK????
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME????
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

And that's at about one beverage every 30 mins.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Shocking.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You seem totally surprised by this
it's like you've never seen me drunk.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I never have
I'm in the minority.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I would normally agree,
but it's just occurred to me how utterly irresposible I have been, and the dangers I have exposed my family to by NOT having cones and a No Parking sign in the front room. I just hope it's still car free when I get home.
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

This made me smile

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I stayed well clear of freshers week.
The thought of it was not appealing to me.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Same here.
Students are the worst kind of cunts. New lolwaki students are the worst kind of students.

Utter fucking spastics the lot of 'em.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Case in point
The Mighty Boosh.

A lolwaki program for lolwaki cunts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

In my day
the place of that show was held by 'Vic Reeves' Big Night Out'. He was actually very funny later on, but that programme was fucking dismal.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

The Boosh is alright
I definitely don't come under the lolwaki bracket though. Worst ones at my uni are the fashion students. It's like an army of cunts mincing through the campus.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

The Boosh is shit
I don't like you anymore. :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Awww Jimmer, come on!!!!
It's only telly!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

:(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

It's not your fault. I had to be one too, much as I loathed it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I guess I shouldn't complain
I'm doing Literary Porn 101 this year.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Literary anal
101
year afternoon
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Speaking of which, you were meant to be over here about 40 mins ago
What use are you as a director if you're LATE?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Won't happen again.
I got delayed Veeting my arsehole.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I love students.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

+stalking

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

s + politely with

He's just helped me out so I'm going to be nice.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:38, Reply)

From what I remember
there was always some sad old tosser (y'know, late 20's) trying to get in on the action
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I've got a sombrero, a whistle, a traffic cone, and very fashionable clothes.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

My stepbrother
Invited me to his Freshers week and declined for that reason.

I'm only 24.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

This is why I stayed away.
I started my studying at around 24.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Only four years ago?
My my.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

You gentlemanly bastard you ; )

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

*smoothes down eyebrows*
*trigger hands*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Alt Q: I got bored of academia
After year 9/3rd Year, I found myself bored with school as a whole, and stopped caring. My grades dropped sharply, I went from being a straight A student, to getting Bs. I never spent more than a night on any of my coursework, and didn't even bother to do it for maths.

This apathy continued into 6th form, where I left with 1 A level, and a couple of extra Qualifications.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I did that too
at 6th form I decided I was bored of education so I stopped and got a job instead.

I kind of regret not going to uni but I didn't know what I wanted to study until a couple of years ago so it would have been a waste of time and money anyway.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I would have done a Computing/Networking course, because it was the right thing to do.
If I had a choice of anything, I'd have studied 19th-20th Century History.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I wanted to go to drama school
but the school I was at was obsessed with 'proper universities' and didn't want to help me. Plus you have to be able to sing to get into drama school which I think is unfair.

Then I thought I would like law so I studied that for 2 years. I did not like law.

So now I'm doing mincy interior design which I'm very happy with.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

My high school was determined for at least 10 of us to go to Oxbridge
4 did in the end, one of whom was excluded from the Oxbridge meetings, as they didn't think she would ever get in. Last I heard, she was doing her masters there.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Didn't go to uni - not bright enough and academic record blighted by two expulsions.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

No expulsions, but otherwise the same.
You had to be clever to go to University in those days.
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

What's the latest? Has Moyles killed himself yet?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

*crosses fingers*

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

did you see Battered's brilliant campaign?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

No, I missed it, explain pls

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Chris Moyles whinged on air about not being paid so
tongue in cheek Battered set up a just giving account and then some guy released a charity single and it just spiralled. There are links on the OT posts below. Or go on facebook and search on Dig Deep for the Big Mouth to see all the links and media coverage.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

No. Had more media coverage - in The Observer yesterday. There might be a piece on Channel 5 later today.
Other than that it is all dying down - which I expected as this sort of thing becomes old news very quickly. Yahoo article got over 1100 comments and the YouTube video has had more than 13000 views. The single has dropped right down the chart now.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:27, Reply)

it was good whilst it lasted
I hope he now realises a lot of people think he is an arse. Fair play to you my friend.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I appreciate your help. I want to see the iTunes sales figures but we won't get them for a few more days

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I don't remember Fresher's week

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

was that because you were, like SO PISSED all the time?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I think it was because it was so uneventful

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

My birthday is half way through mine
I found my first one utterly depressing.
This year I went out once and that was MORE than enough, thank you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Only wankers in Neighbours went to 'Uni'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

1/10
Or people who were particularly fond of the epic kids tv programme Dungeons and Dragons.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

He's 100% correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:19, Reply)

you sir, are an arse.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

You, sir, are a gay paedo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I did not have sex with that child!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)

*shakes hand*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

*trigger finger*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Also, he wrote the number 2 instead of 'to'
this is a man who wants to teach today's youth.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I did that on purpose to see if TGB would bite but nothing and you spoilt it now!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Yeah, yeah
It was one big 'accident' that you put your hand down 7 year old Peter's pants. You'll have to work on those excuses.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Also why would I be a gay paedo!!
why can't it be little Stephanie's pants.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I dunno
You're the nonce-in-waiting, you tell me
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

no no, you seem to be an expert on me and my motivations so why do you want me to be a gay paedo?
Is this some sort of weird projection thing? It is ok to be a homosexual Rory.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

no it's not
don't give him false hope.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I thankfully am no expert on you
If I went to a parents teacher evening and met up, I'd seriously consider withdrawing my child from the school, that's all.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Why cause you've seen a picture of me looking dishevelled?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)

You reek of gay paedo
Your Eau de Cologne of choice, intermixed with 4711 at the weekends
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)

You're not even Diet Bert. I think you are gonna go in the permanent ignore bin.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Ha ha

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I got "freshers flu"
and lost a stone and a half. Happy days.

Then obviously proceeded to pile it back on with interest over the next two years before I was asked to leave. Because I was too cool for skool
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I went to university
the university of breasts
( broadsword, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

YEAH BABY!!

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

The 'school of hard knockers', surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I put the 'log' into 'tittology'

( broadsword, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I became the first person
to be asked to leave our pisspoor tumbledown shack of a supposed student union for being too drunk. I would not have been so drunk if it hadn't been such an appallingly shit evening, so I blame them (although I should have known better than to go in the first place).
(berk, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:46, Reply)

give me a few months and it'll be my freshers week
but in the mean time, it's 7 weeks today until I get on a plane. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

My first freshers week was awesome
my second freshers week (when I was a first year again) was horrible. I was determined to keep up, but I'd only been walking for a month again, and it cost me a considerable amount in pride and confidence
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:43, Reply)