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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Just let people call you Bert for a while
We'll get used to you soon enough.

Alternatively, come to a bash, best way to prove you're not him.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
What, meet people
In REAL LIFE ? God, what a concept...might be up for that sometime, feel it's a little early to tell yet.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Two weeks time would be a good place to start...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
yeah there will only be about 50 of us, it won't be at all scary.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
ha ha

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
I firmly believe that if you're going to subject yourself to a bash
then the first time should be as scary as possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
This is my first bash y'know
but don't worry, I'm fucking shitting bricks
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
it will be my first one too

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
You'll enjoy it
Bashes are fucking awesome!

Unless my deposit magically comes through in the next 2 weeks, I'll just see you at the next one!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
We're all lovely in real life.
I've met some people at bashes that have since become good friends IRL, so it's all cool.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:22, Reply)
^^ Just avoid this man if you want to make any silly jokes
He'll ruin your favourite t-shirt!

*runs away sobbing*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Er, yeah, sorry about that.
I have a vague recollection of making a sweeping motion with my glass, forgetting it had wine in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Good work.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
It wasn't on purpose.
I swear!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
It should have been if it was the luminous monstrosity.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Yep, that's the one
And it's awesome, damnit!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I feel I just added to the overall effect.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I need to plan my outfit
Flattering, attractive, yet ok if it gets vomit on.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Wear purple docs.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)
My purple docs are at home.
I have my red and white ones, and the metallic blue MJs, and the black patent high heeled ones. So much choice!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
Wear your 'There's no place like home' shoes

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Wear your white stilletoes.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
You tried to hit me with the spanging pan, and instead hit your own hand
Sound familiar?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
Vaguely.
I was very, very drunk. It's all the missus' fault anyway, if she hadn't brought the spanging pan in the first place it wouldn't have happened.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Haha, don't worry about it
You looked genuinely upset for about half a second, then just started laughing
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Yeah, I'm a cunt like that at times.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
So was everyone else, if it helps!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Nah, I just get very good natured when I'm pissed and laugh a lot.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:34, Reply)
My overriding memory of the entire time was Me, TGB and (I think) Lab pissing ourselves laughing at your Missus' comment
'She's got a clit like a silverback's knuckle'

Magnificent.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I may have missed that one.
Still, a damned good evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:39, Reply)
I'll be wearing a white handmade corset
so I think I will actually cry if this happens.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I'll be on pints of ale
and no nowhere near a spanging pan, so you'll probably be safe.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:40, Reply)
I may start drinking red wine

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Do a LiC!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:43, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
What, all of you chanting "sister fucker" as I walk in the room...
...well, I presume you know what Bert looks like so as long as I don't look like him, hopefully that wouldn't happen.

I take it "bash" means "meet" not "thump the newcomer"...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Are you Scottish?
EDIT: Thump the newcomer? Talking to the right person here ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
No, I'm English

(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I think Bert was Scottish, so that's a positive mark.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Ginger does not equal Scottish.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
oh god, was he GINGER?!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:14, Reply)
He is Scottish by birth.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:20, Reply)
So what's a/the correct way to make an entrance to one's first bash, then?
Just wondering, like ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Well LAK are going to be entering in a human caterpillar formation.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:39, Reply)
It gets easier
Just don't say anything to Lampito if you meet her. She'll either throw up on you, punch you, kiss you, or sleep with you.

Once you've fulfilled one of the above, you'll be a true b3tan
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
I've met Lampers
and she didn't do any of those things :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
I got a kiss
ha
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Because you're hot.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
hell yeah
*trigger fingers*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:01, Reply)
You asked me not to punch you, and I obliged.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
Man, I wish I'd known that it was that easy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
I've promised not to again.
FORGIVE ME WOOKIEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Hahah.
I am going to be SO OFFENSIVE now that I'm safe.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Hey, I didn't say anything about slapping.
You'll feel the power of my backhand.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I'll hide behind Clenders.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
SAFE
Next!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)
Hurrah!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:36, Reply)
This

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
No, you were always going to be punched.
As you were nasty to me from the off.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)
fuck off no I wasn't.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post730620#post730626
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
How things changed

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:21, Reply)
Please don't punch me!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Wouldn't dream of it.
I'd end up with a fist full of metal.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Aha!
*buys more spikes*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
-wraps fists in bubblewrap-

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I'm not above getting the first punch in

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
No one's punched me yet.
Surprisingly.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

metal 'mo

You may choose whether to read this as an abbreviation for mohawk or an abbreviation for homo.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
You put the apostrophe at the front of mo
Therefore YOU mean homo.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Yes I do.
You massive gay.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
You're the one who's invited me to stay

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:15, Reply)
You've not met my housemate yet, have you?
Clenders said she was looking forward to watching him destroy someone.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:27, Reply)
I would also look forward to that

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Clendrix will be too busy being all PDA and "Oooo Boooooyyyyyffffrrriiiieeeend"
For either of them to inflict pain upon me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
hahahaha
Yeah... you defo haven't met him have you
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:42, Reply)
I'm starting to think every new OTer
will have to arrange to meet a "Certified Non-Berter" before being allowed to post
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Don't invite more blokes to bashes,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Why didn't you invite that 'missflea' from yesterday then?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Meh.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Meh I already have and she tried to get me banned
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Seriously?
What was that about?
(berk, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Did you miss the strikethrough?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
*belms*
Sorry, I read it as Kitty having invited her to the bash and missflee trying to get her banned. It makes more sense that this would be Chompy's approach...
/brainfail.
(berk, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MAKE MORE SENSE?
You're going on the naughty list.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Date rape.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
nice to see you have such a high opinion of me.
*croses arms*
*glares*
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)

+ *drops rohypnol to the floor and shuffles foot over it*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

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