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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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STOP EVERYTHING
Battered, have you got your laptop back?

If yes, then b3ta can rejoice at the fact people are still kind and honest and lovely and made of fluff.

If not, then this is why people (Monty) are bitter and twisted cynical cunts

ALT Q: Have you ever lent someone something that they never gave back? I lent my friend the Batman box set and I see it on her shelf whenever I go round and she INSISTS she bought it the lying cow
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:06, 339 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Yes! It's scratched to buggery and filthy but I have it. I will be booting it up (independent of the network) after my delicious bagel
Stay tuned kids.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:07, Reply)
hmm
0 - 0 draw then I feel.
Did he say anythign at all as to why he was so elusive?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:10, Reply)
No and I didn't ask. I wanted to keep things civil and reduce the potential for embarrassment or anger to a minimum

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Result.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:14, Reply)
Oh yes.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Part of me wants a Jurasic Park-esq "Ah ah ah you didn't say the magic word" screen to come up

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:15, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
This thread has come to a grinding halt
I need 10cc of AltQ STAT!
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:22, Reply)
what does stat mean?
when they say it in tv programs?
(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:23, Reply)
aah, statim
thanks google
(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
Wasn't this a joke in "Short Circuit"?
And by "Joke" I mean the closest thing to a joke that is humanly possible in a Steve Guttenburg film.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:24, Reply)
dunno
but kudos for the old movie memories
(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
Do you remember Batteries Not Included?
I was going to watch it the other day but Wiggy suggested that it hadn't aged well and I would be better keeping my childhood memories untainted.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I think Wiggy would be right
But that little flying robot was cute. If I'm remembering it rightly, and I'm assuming you're not talking about the Massive Toys porn film.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
er.....

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Because the stars in that one are certainly showing their age
And lack of elasticity.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
unnecessarily graphic description there!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
done

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:25, Reply)
I lend people things all the time
trouble is I always forget about it.

Then months later I have a pleasant surprise when they return it. It's like getting new things
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
someone has my Ratatouille DVD and I can't remember who!
I've had to ask for it for my birthday again :(
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
You must associate yourself with nicer people than I do.
I lent my (now ex's) best friend £6k to clear their mortgage arrears a couple of years ago (they were on the verge of being evicted). When I split up with the ex they decided that they no longer had to repay me.

One county court judgement against them later they are repaying me at £100 a month. They don't make the payments every month but it isn't worth the hassle of going back to court.

I makes me sad that I now have to be so wary about who I help out and how.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
That's awful
I'm more careful about lending money now because of that sort of worry (lent £200 to my brother and he wouldn't repay it) but with my own possessions I'm easy-going.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)

what really fucks me off is that the husband has since had a massive promotion and is bringing a lot more money apparently. It is going to take me at least 5 years to get my money back. I don't even get any interest on it.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
it does suck that it puts you off helping people
no one's word means anything anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
I'm going to get a judgment against my old letting agent on Monday
wooo excited.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Good luck. Make sure you go for costs. Politely complain if they ask for time to pay. Speak more in sorrow than in anger.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
It's all online and he's ignored letters and emails,
there's no defence either so fuck him.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Money, books, DVDs
I reconcile myself to the fact that whenever I lend anything, the chances of seeing it back are, to say the least, low.

First OT post - be gentle, good readers...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:26, Reply)
fuck off bert

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
hey Bert
how's tricks?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
lending money?
thats brave...
(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
No, just
stupid / kind.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
oh god here we go
with the shower of bert-accusations!

anyway, to bert or not to bert, i agree, i only lend books to really special people because otherwise they come back bent or damaged or not at all. anything else i am pretty free with - car, flat, cash, i happily lend all of those. actually, that's pretty much not agreeing. oh well.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I've bought
at least 7 copies of my favourite book and lent them out. God knows what I'd do if they all ever came back again (seems unlikely though).
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
what is it?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
"Girlfriend in a coma"
by Douglas Coupland. It's really serious, as you can tell by the title...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
I've read that
the one about AIDS isn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
No
about a mystery virus that kills all of humanity in about a week, bar a small group of Canadians...one of whom has been in a coma for some years...hence title
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
oh. What am I thinking of then? It's definitely Coupland
I think it might have something about family in the title now that I think about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Hi newbie
people are worried that you may be a past B3tard called Bert. Are you willing to truthfully answer a question to prove that you are not?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Yes, of course
God knows how I prove I am not called Bert though. Any tests you can put me through ?
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
have you ever slept with a relative?
and was she under or over the age of consent?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Urrgh
where the hell am I where such things occur ? No, I certainly haven't slept either with a relative or a minor....
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
What about a HALF-relative or a miner?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
No, not with any sort of relative
although aren't we all meant to be descended from a handful of people ? So possibly my thirty-seconded cousin removed ?

Or miner, extractor of any earth-encrusted minerals, manic or otherwise...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Don't you find it awkward
finding somewhere to put the canary?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
ANSWER THE QUESTION!




OBJECTION YOUR HONOUR.


OVERRULED.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
hey
that's my line!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
I WANT THE TRUTH!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
You could start by not being Bert.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Well,
a quick check of your profile reveals an incident that took place just after the first / fourth Star Wars flick came out, and I know that Bert ain't that old. So unless you are Bert and are completely making a different life up...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Cos nobody on here would do that...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
My point exactly Gary.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Shurrup and gerrin me jet plane

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Ooh, forceful.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Also, I seem to have hurt my wrist is there anything you can do about it?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Warm olive oil and The best of The Eagles

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Shut up Bert.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
fuck off, bert

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Ok, here we go...
Have you ever had sex with your long-lost half-sister?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
I slept with Becky, I was the first and best she ever had.
Thoughts?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Yes she was *high fives*
Disclaimer: I have not, and never will sleep with Becky, I know my place, I just wanted to join in on the joke. Sorry, won't happen again.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
never will?
not with that attitude
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
As I said, I know my place

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
whats your favorite way to dress up your cock??

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Answer A. Is 'inside a 13 year old half sister.'
(If you are not Bert try to avoid this as an option)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
put you in a room with a child.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
A rorschach test would be good.
Spill ink on a page, fold it in half - now look at it.
If the image makes you have lustful thoughts towards a young relative I suggest you go kill yourself.
(If not - welcome.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
Yo, bro
*waggles eyebrows*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I find your name racist fuck off.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Oh
I took it from a Black Grape song. So much for my so-called wit.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
ignore him
his name is discriminatory towards mentally disabled people and Mario characters.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I can remotly deactivate that spreadsheet I made you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I'm pretty sure you can't
but for a sec I did sit up straight and think "is that possible?"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
FFS not you again. When will you finally take the hint you sister-shagging paedo?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Part of me wonders how many lurkers look at the salughter of any lambs who dare stray in to OT
and think "fuck that"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
The whole scenario reminds me of somewhere nearby...

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
some of us are nice
I'm nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
You ARE nice.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Well apparently Badger is lovely in real life even though she's nasty on here
so it's like that. You should meet Wiggy, he's covered in bruises.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Apparently?
TRUFAX
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)
I will decide at the bash whether or not that is indeed TRUFAX
you do have some credible character references on your side, but also numerous offences.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:01, Reply)
Her face also could be described as 'numerous offences'

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)

numerous offences a potato
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
for a minute there I was like
"you do have some credible character references on your side, but also a potato" and was all "wait, whut?"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:36, Reply)
shithead

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Charmed, I'm sure
Is this some sort of weird initiation ceremony ? Is there a "right" response I can give ?!?!?
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Just let people call you Bert for a while
We'll get used to you soon enough.

Alternatively, come to a bash, best way to prove you're not him.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
What, meet people
In REAL LIFE ? God, what a concept...might be up for that sometime, feel it's a little early to tell yet.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Two weeks time would be a good place to start...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
yeah there will only be about 50 of us, it won't be at all scary.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
ha ha

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
I firmly believe that if you're going to subject yourself to a bash
then the first time should be as scary as possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
This is my first bash y'know
but don't worry, I'm fucking shitting bricks
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
it will be my first one too

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
You'll enjoy it
Bashes are fucking awesome!

Unless my deposit magically comes through in the next 2 weeks, I'll just see you at the next one!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
We're all lovely in real life.
I've met some people at bashes that have since become good friends IRL, so it's all cool.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:22, Reply)
^^ Just avoid this man if you want to make any silly jokes
He'll ruin your favourite t-shirt!

*runs away sobbing*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Er, yeah, sorry about that.
I have a vague recollection of making a sweeping motion with my glass, forgetting it had wine in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Good work.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
It wasn't on purpose.
I swear!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
It should have been if it was the luminous monstrosity.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Yep, that's the one
And it's awesome, damnit!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I feel I just added to the overall effect.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I need to plan my outfit
Flattering, attractive, yet ok if it gets vomit on.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Wear purple docs.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)
My purple docs are at home.
I have my red and white ones, and the metallic blue MJs, and the black patent high heeled ones. So much choice!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
Wear your 'There's no place like home' shoes

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Wear your white stilletoes.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
You tried to hit me with the spanging pan, and instead hit your own hand
Sound familiar?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
Vaguely.
I was very, very drunk. It's all the missus' fault anyway, if she hadn't brought the spanging pan in the first place it wouldn't have happened.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Haha, don't worry about it
You looked genuinely upset for about half a second, then just started laughing
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Yeah, I'm a cunt like that at times.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
So was everyone else, if it helps!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Nah, I just get very good natured when I'm pissed and laugh a lot.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:34, Reply)
My overriding memory of the entire time was Me, TGB and (I think) Lab pissing ourselves laughing at your Missus' comment
'She's got a clit like a silverback's knuckle'

Magnificent.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I may have missed that one.
Still, a damned good evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:39, Reply)
I'll be wearing a white handmade corset
so I think I will actually cry if this happens.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I'll be on pints of ale
and no nowhere near a spanging pan, so you'll probably be safe.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:40, Reply)
I may start drinking red wine

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Do a LiC!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:43, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
What, all of you chanting "sister fucker" as I walk in the room...
...well, I presume you know what Bert looks like so as long as I don't look like him, hopefully that wouldn't happen.

I take it "bash" means "meet" not "thump the newcomer"...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Are you Scottish?
EDIT: Thump the newcomer? Talking to the right person here ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
No, I'm English

(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I think Bert was Scottish, so that's a positive mark.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Ginger does not equal Scottish.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
oh god, was he GINGER?!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:14, Reply)
He is Scottish by birth.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:20, Reply)
So what's a/the correct way to make an entrance to one's first bash, then?
Just wondering, like ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Well LAK are going to be entering in a human caterpillar formation.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:39, Reply)
It gets easier
Just don't say anything to Lampito if you meet her. She'll either throw up on you, punch you, kiss you, or sleep with you.

Once you've fulfilled one of the above, you'll be a true b3tan
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
I've met Lampers
and she didn't do any of those things :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
I got a kiss
ha
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Because you're hot.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
hell yeah
*trigger fingers*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:01, Reply)
You asked me not to punch you, and I obliged.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
Man, I wish I'd known that it was that easy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
I've promised not to again.
FORGIVE ME WOOKIEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Hahah.
I am going to be SO OFFENSIVE now that I'm safe.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Hey, I didn't say anything about slapping.
You'll feel the power of my backhand.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I'll hide behind Clenders.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
SAFE
Next!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)
Hurrah!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:36, Reply)
This

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
No, you were always going to be punched.
As you were nasty to me from the off.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)
fuck off no I wasn't.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post730620#post730626
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
How things changed

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:21, Reply)
Please don't punch me!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Wouldn't dream of it.
I'd end up with a fist full of metal.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Aha!
*buys more spikes*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
-wraps fists in bubblewrap-

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I'm not above getting the first punch in

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
No one's punched me yet.
Surprisingly.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

metal 'mo

You may choose whether to read this as an abbreviation for mohawk or an abbreviation for homo.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)
You put the apostrophe at the front of mo
Therefore YOU mean homo.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Yes I do.
You massive gay.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
You're the one who's invited me to stay

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:15, Reply)
You've not met my housemate yet, have you?
Clenders said she was looking forward to watching him destroy someone.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:27, Reply)
I would also look forward to that

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Clendrix will be too busy being all PDA and "Oooo Boooooyyyyyffffrrriiiieeeend"
For either of them to inflict pain upon me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)
hahahaha
Yeah... you defo haven't met him have you
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:42, Reply)
I'm starting to think every new OTer
will have to arrange to meet a "Certified Non-Berter" before being allowed to post
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Don't invite more blokes to bashes,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Why didn't you invite that 'missflea' from yesterday then?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Meh.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Meh I already have and she tried to get me banned
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Seriously?
What was that about?
(berk, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Did you miss the strikethrough?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
*belms*
Sorry, I read it as Kitty having invited her to the bash and missflee trying to get her banned. It makes more sense that this would be Chompy's approach...
/brainfail.
(berk, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MAKE MORE SENSE?
You're going on the naughty list.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Date rape.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
nice to see you have such a high opinion of me.
*croses arms*
*glares*
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)

+ *drops rohypnol to the floor and shuffles foot over it*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Tell us when you're going to start posting pictures of people eating shit

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Well, we've already got you talking it often enough, so someone eating it is only one step away, surely?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
You fucker

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
What did you have for lunch?
This will answer all our questions about you.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Hmm, lunch not yet eaten
diet today consisted of: cold can of Oxtail soup, can of energy drink, 8 cigarettes.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
oh that was a good answer, well done
Welcome!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
You'll be fine
just don't be shit and dull and we won't hate you.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Will try my best...
...right, back to work...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
back to work?
you'll never fit in here then.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
POTD

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Yes, well as I work for myself, from home
it means more "better get back to work" rather than "boss breathing down my shoulder". How much actual work gets done is fairly relative...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:00, Reply)
what do you do?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
been in IT for many a year
no jobs at present, so currently burning through my equity building a website with some friends / fools prepared to work for me for nowt. Currently drawing loads of UML diagrams and finding it boring...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
I love the fact that puppets come straight to OT, the very backwater of b3ta, for their first posts.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
If you are not Bert, then ignore these Bert jibes and keep posting.
Don't be put off by the fact that in a month's time you are still being told to fuck off for being Bert.

Treat it like an initiation.

If you are Bert, you can fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
fuck off bert

(I helped save b3ta! zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
I'm not Bert, and neither is my wife.
Fuck off sulu.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
NEW BERT!!!!!!!!!!!
WELCOME.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)
AltQ: My brother has had my Firefly DVDs for over a year
they have travelled to Australia and back with him. Every time I ask for them back he whines that he hasn't watched them yet.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)
pull a clockwork orange on him
specifically the forcing him to watch stuff, not the rest of it. Unless you want to. Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I did sit through the first few with him
but he's a question asker. Why can't people just shut-up and watch the damn DVD in silence?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:31, Reply)
dvd player once, and the bitch moved away with it, a few books
the bff still has The L Word season one box set that she got me for christmas then borrowed a few years ago
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I bloody hate that.
The ex kept a load of CDs that she insisted she'd bought when I knew for a fact that I'd got them as bloody Christmas and birthday presents off other people. I should have just taken them anyway. Still, she's dead now so can't even listen to them anymore.

Even more than that I hate lending something to someone who then goes and lends it to someone else.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away.

YOU CUNT.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
How did you get on last night?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
yeah was it a raisin or what?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
It wasn't a raisin in so much
That there were 6 of us in the pub. On the interesting side, the other 4 people were made up of two couples, meaning me and the GIRL were the only two singletons. But no actions of any description occurred.

I got some food on the way home and spent the entire night being sick. I've just had some marmite on toast and so far, it's staying down. I feel like shit.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
you decided to test your recently poisoned digestive system with Marmite?!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
my eyesights going
read that as an autism
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
He failed miserably.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
I was pre-occupied
Thinking about you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)
She was probably put off by the fact you had your hand down your pants all night.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
nah
it was the way he wouldn't let the poodle off his lap
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
That's true.
But only because my cock was rammed inside it.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)
that was the joke
you might be a dogfucker, but you're not a flasher
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
I didn't wear any pants.
In case she fancied a quick fiddle.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Another opportunist then?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Did you cut the lining out of your pockets too?

(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:00, Reply)
He must have - he's being evasive.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Red Dwarf, Series 1-8 on DVD
Never got them back :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
That show has not aged well at all.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:39, Reply)
....due to it's terminal lack of wit, shit plotlines,
even shitter acting, rapist crackheads and appeal to Iron Maiden Simpsons tie-ists.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
I've said it before
but nothing wrong with Iron Maiden. Plenty wrong with the Simpsons
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)
There is one major thing wrong with Iron Maiden:
Bruce Dickinson.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:08, Reply)
He's a talented individual

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
His talent for being a total dick is unrivalled.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)
why do you dislike him so much?
He seems like a perfectly nice sort of guy
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
When I win the lottery tonight I am definitely hiring Bruce Dickinson to fly my jet.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
there was a competition on the radio a bit ago
to win tickets to a gig and have Bruce come and pick you up and fly you there
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Don't you mean :o)))))))))))))))))))))?
You fucking should.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Fuck you Monty
I liked that show!

Nah, having read your argument against it, I can see why you don't enjoy it, but I'm simple minded!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
No you aren't. You're letting yourself down.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
Can you drive your module?

(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
NEEDS MOAR SMEGGIN' SMEG.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Sopranos series1 on VHS

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Alt Q: All the time
One mate in particular is bad for it, but the last few times I've been to his I've managed to slyly rob a game or DVD back off him.

He even borrowed a pair of my jeans once, about 4 years ago, because he spilt a load of paint on his and we were about to go out. Every time he wore them after, I would say that they were mine and he'd go "Oh, are they?" but I'd still never get them back.

Don't want them now.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
I bet you want them more now his sweaty ass has been in them
GAY
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Did you just choose to ignore the last line
Or did your Ritalin-addled brain not allow you to read that far?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
she can sense the lies implicit

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Smallville series 1 -4 my mate still has
and all my Chris Rock dvds too the prick.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:42, Reply)
the Chris Rock loss
is hardly a loss
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
I think he is great
I love his joke about gun crime and bullets should cost 5k.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
crackah ass crackah

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)
You are YODA
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)

MmmmmmMm penniless now am I.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
sounds like they did you a favor

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
THE LAPTOP HAS SOME SERIOUSLY NASTY Pr0N ON IT

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:42, Reply)
oh dear
like bert nasty?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:43, Reply)
if it's supposed to be sibling porn, how do you know they're genuinely related?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
certificates

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
but how_do_you_know??

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Nothing I think is illegal but it's quite unpleasant.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:46, Reply)
details!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
fuck details! LINKS!!!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
I ain't circulating any of it. I will however provide print outs in brown envelopes at the bash for £10 a set.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
two please, I'll only spaff over the first set.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)
...so what do you want the second set for
the coffee table?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)
nostalgia

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
To sell at breaktime to the kids he teaches.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
they're 4 years old......

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:06, Reply)
'Kids buy the funniest things'

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Hahah you have been most entertaining of late.
I for one wish you a very happy birthday, simply for the wit you have displayed.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)
haha thanks
I had to restrain myself last night because I met some freshers
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
You should have gone for them with both barrels.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
definitely not because he is not a decent human being.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:13, Reply)
'He' is a fucking woman you oaf.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:19, Reply)
He is a woman?
Holy shit!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:21, Reply)
I prefer the term trans thanks
you cisgendered heteronormative bastard
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:22, Reply)
OK Trans thanks

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:23, Reply)
this isn't a menu you can pick from

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:25, Reply)
I'm only quoting you

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)
*writes this down*
MORE!!!! BRA-VO!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Looks like that one time
I went and shouted at a Queer Study group had an effect
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I bet it had an effect on them.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I've nothing against actual scholars
who investigate and discuss queer theory and theology. But I object highly to a group of lefty arseholes calling me part of the 'oppressive machine'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)
I am genuinely shaking my head and belming.
It's precisely this sort of thing that makes me hate students (resent company very much excepted).
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Hahah "resent company".
Best typo ever.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Haha I'm leaving that as it is.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:40, Reply)
I hate them myself
all of them. But nothing is funnier than calling some worthy grad student a paedo
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:38, Reply)
I'll bet. I would love the opportunity.
As it is, all I get here is to call Bobby Pires a paedo, and he'll never even be a 'grad' let alone a 'grad student'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)
I was referring to you.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
Ok, does it have any animal porn on (being serious here)?
Or 'extreme pornography' (images where a reasonable person would believe that permanent injury or death could result from what's happening, ie, very severe bondage/mutilation).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Ok this is a description (possibly NSFW so read with care)
fat woman in a tatty hotel room, 5 blokes, 3 orifices filled + "ski-ing" of the other 2. She is also has clothes pegs attached all over her body.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Legal
But if you do see any of what I describe, or obviously any child stuff, immediately notify the police and stop touching it. Don't take photographs of it, just leave it alone (obviously close the image).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Definitely. Thanks.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Sorry for getting all serious
*takes off business hat*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Don't apologise - I really appreciate your help

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
ha ha, I can imagine him seeing some beastiality
then going "clear the room people we've got a porn"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
oh....god...
what does she look like?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Surely this a "perfect storm" moment
for "your mum"
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
Like this
NSFW!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Winner.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
:O
I have only just spotted this. How dare you, I told you that in confidence!!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:18, Reply)
*falls about laughing*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:19, Reply)
Size 16 may be 18. Early 40's covered in clothes pegs with cum dribbling off her chin.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:59, Reply)
Can I just catagorically state that this is not me.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:00, Reply)

not
+in Kos
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)
I was waiting for you to turn up.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:09, Reply)
Sorry, I was in the wrong country

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:20, Reply)
*wipes brow*
I don't look anywhere near 40.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Are we still talking about the laptop or have we crossed into "what are you doing this weekend?" now?

(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
The laptop thankfully. C'mon - clothes pegs? Seriously? I cannot understand anyone enjoying that

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)
maybe she's into pegging

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)
ho ho.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:16, Reply)
the jokes get worse

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Er
You REALLY need to see some of the stuff I have to see on a daily basis...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:19, Reply)

see do
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:22, Reply)
I don't think I do thanks!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I have heard things from this boy
that you would. not. fucking. believe.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Saucy!
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
See below. I am fairly certain it isn't illegal She appears to be consenting (doesn't look in distress) no animals or kids or extreme BDSM/harming

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Gizza look.

(I did not mean this)
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Why would you not delete your porn when returning a company laptop?
Fucking amateur.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
why the fuck would you put pRon on it, when there's so much to see without saving?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
No mobile broadband, download limit cap maybe?
/no experience whatsoever
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
You'd be looking at a lot of grot if you're breaking your download cap
especially if you aren't actually downloading.

private browsing is your friend, pRon fiends.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:01, Reply)
It could be a photo he has taken himself.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
We found
a DVD of granny pron in one of our company laptops once. The guy sat just across from the IT department. He was alerted as to his mistake by the hoots and hollering.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
My PC was the only non-password-protected PC in my postdoc office
as it ran as a shared print server. Consequently the history was full of terrifying pRon. It's just shame that idiots don't realise that, generally, an access card system on the door means you're logged, and if your card logs at 5.23am and the PC history says "bigblackmommas.com" at 5.24am .... you're guiltier than Bert at a family reunion.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Alt: sooooo many things
Worst of all was when I let a FOF convince me to lend them my copy of rare Keith Moon biography 'Moon the Loon' by Peter 'Dougal' Butler.

She even wrote me a note signing for it. Then denied she actually took it two weeks later. The fucking Swedish bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
I don't get this.
If I borrow something I return it straight away.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:51, Reply)
She fucking stole it.
It's worth quite a lot of money too.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Cat basket which my sister borrowed and forgot about and then denied she'd ever had.
Mix tape lent to my neice after she heard and liked Dizzy Fingers by Chet Atkins.

Clearly they are one family you should never lend anything to.
My sister did try to give me "back" a jumper that she swore that I'd left at her house, despite me repeatedly telling her that I didn't own a jumper of that description. I eventually put on the jumper which was clearly several sizes too small, but up to the point she was insistant that she knew better than I.
(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Your sister 'borrowed', don't you mean?
/pet hate
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:47, Reply)
You hate her Cat?
You've never met it :/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
Good point.
It's dead now and I don't think that Monty has ever provided an alibi for the night it died.
(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
Footage of its demise
can be found on Battered's laptop. The little fucker burst on me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:58, Reply)
*bokes*

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)
I have actually revolted myself here. Sorry.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:03, Reply)
It's ok
I just like cats (not quite as much as you though)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)
I have 4 cats. You will never get to meet them.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:19, Reply)
But I really want to meat them.
Err, I mean 'meet' them.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:29, Reply)
Yes I did actually spot that and change it before seeing your post. Honest.

(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I dont lend anybody
anything that I actually care about keeping. People are cunts. All of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
I've lost my lovely lovely copy of Mercury Rev "Deserter's Songs"
via the same medium.

Mind you, I'm terrible for borrowing shit and not returning it.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)
Dont worry - I'm on it!
To the Tugmobile...
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 14:57, Reply)
You, sir.
Are a fucking star.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Because he's gone for a wank in his car?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:32, Reply)
possibly.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:48, Reply)
everytime I read this question I see "bot sex"

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 15:33, Reply)

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