Also,
Couldn't the condom makers have chosen a boyband whose name sounds slightly less like a sexual disease? I can quite imagine some 14-year-old chav mong complaining to her mates about the bloke she'd shagged giving her a dose of the JLS. Even Take That would be preferable, if you could see that on a condom packet it'd give you something to say if words failed at the point of climax
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:47, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Take THAT!


and party.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:48, Reply)

'New Kids on the Block' condoms...
...might not sell too well.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:52, Reply)

They just need to change one of their songs
"You've got my white stuff, baby"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

hahahaha
please promise me you'll say that the next time you're getting any?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Aww, thanks for thinking there's a chance I may get laid in the future

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:58, Reply)

i can't think of anything here that isn't dreadful pandering

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:00, Reply)

When there's nothing left to say, say nothing
from the makers of "Waiting to exhale"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:03, Reply)

is this a very polite way
of telling me to shut up and never post near you again?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Not in the slightest
I was mis-quoting The Simpsons
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:11, Reply)

phew
for about 4 minutes there, i had no reason to live. none at all.

2 minutes, even. god. i really really can't count, can i.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Right, work today has frazzled my brain, time to clock off
byeeeeeeeeeeeeee
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I can
But it's not very nice and I'm quite fond of the Colonel. He gives great museum advice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Don't worry about me, i'm thick skinned and can take it
*crys in the corner like sissy girl*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Boyzone for the gay market, though.
You probably wouldn't trust Nirvana ones not to have holes in, mind.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Yes - you would just shoot out through the head.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:56, Reply)

^ DEOTD

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

DE?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:02, Reply)

double entendre
I think it's just about subtle enough to qualify as one. And I thought it was clever.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:03, Reply)

After a relativley long discussion about the worst thing to say during climax.
I've decided it's either "shields up" or "engage"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Pikachu! I choose you!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:56, Reply)

"gotta catch them all"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:56, Reply)

jiggggerlllly puuuuuf

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:10, Reply)

If you're the kind of person that would say either of those things at climax
It doesn't matter, as the only person who is ever going to be there to hear it is you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:56, Reply)

That's because your mum is deaf.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

She's not, actually.
paraplegic, yep, but her hearing is spot-on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

this also made me laugh a lot
you are on quite good form today, aren't you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I think a top volume Alan Partridge 'A-HAAAAAAAAA' might not be desperately popular.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

^ This is brilliant
Definitely trying this as soon as I can find a female with which to copulate.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Hint: don't wear a hen party mask when you're 'on the hunt'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:09, Reply)

It allowed me to infiltrate their crowd.
Sadly it was only minutes after I started speaking that I was repeatedly kicked in the bollocks and told to "fuck off, you perv."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:18, Reply)

it would amuse me
sex is pointless if you don't have shared private jokes and sometimes laugh out loud in the sack.

this does not extend to pointing at your partner's cock and crying with hysterics, however.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I agree with this
also, high fiving after sex is both excellent and hilarious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Eiffel tower!
after during
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I was referring to high fiving ones sex partner who is of the opposite sex
not the person at the other end of the spit roast (i.e. your dad. as we fuck your mum)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Yes I got that dear
Just any chance to say Eiffel Tower. It cracks me up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I know you got it.
just any chance to remind you that I fucked your mum.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:07, Reply)

well I fucked yours
you don't hear me boasting
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:09, Reply)

you should be
she's quite picky
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:09, Reply)

c +e
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:16, Reply)

that's very far from the truth

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I know
she was very refined. And when we stopped, we realised your dad had left a cup of tea by the bed. You come from a very caring family
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:22, Reply)

that's why I have turned out to be such a charming, polite and upstanding pillar of the community

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:28, Reply)

discussing a points-based system
for brothels, is also good
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Day-glo orange pubes
Well, they made me laugh. Unfortunately they belonged to the 47-second wonder, and after that pisspoor performance I was rather less amused.
(berk, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I really don't understand what you were thinking.
The bloke must have been unable to believe his luck.

HOME: Reading this back I look like a 'Giant Panda'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I was 16 at the time
first boyfriend etc etc. Can I claim youthful, erm...stupidity?
(berk, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Seeing as it's you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I think we are going to need a shitload more bamboo.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:15, Reply)

you timed it?
harsh
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Yup
It really was that bad that I had nothing better to do than watch the clock.
(berk, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:11, Reply)

tip for boys:
never leave a clock by your bed
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Or, be less shit in bed, surely?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:14, Reply)

So very, very much this.

(berk, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:17, Reply)

If they only lasted 3/4 of a minute
I think you meant "harsh but fair"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I think then you just demand
a little more attention to finish you off. I suppose it could be seen as a compliment. as long as the next time is considerably longer.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:15, Reply)

the ideal situation would be for the foreplay to leave the woman gasping and unable to move (through achieving climax rather than something more sinister)
then you are free to jizz all over their face with no fear of immediate reprisal.*


*this is not my usual approach
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:17, Reply)

there's nothing girls like more
than being covered in jizz
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I know
but you try getting them to come to terms with that....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I'd struggle to be fair
I'd have to collect jizz and kind of do drive by jizzings or something
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:21, Reply)

it's the only way they will realise that they are all really into it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I'm pissing myself that you felt the need to clarify the subject line with the brackets
That basically sums up this place in one sentence.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:19, Reply)

it really does

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I always go for the serial killing
meaning first
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Allow me to rephrase
"If you noticed it only lasted 3/4 minute" was more what I meant. Quick isn't necessairly bad if it's doing it for both of you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:18, Reply)

The situation never really improved, to be honest
One of the numerous reasons I am no longer with him.
(berk, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Once after a particularly gratifying bout of intercourse
upon receiving praise for my performance, for some reason I cried out "back of the net!"

This was not conducive to my chances of second helpings
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Surely only appropriate if she's wearing a diaphragm?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Or while you're wiping it on the net curtains.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

^POTD
Hands down

EDIT: Crow, not Chompy. Although I also clicked the "Shields up/Engage" post above
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

BANG! and the dirt is gone!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

my friends had this discussion
but it was less geeky. The winner was "ta-daa" with jazz hands.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:06, Reply)

that's shit
I favour shouting "BAM!" like Elzar in Futurama with his spice weasel
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:08, Reply)

or
"Oh dear, I think a bit of wee just came out as well"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 17:07, Reply)