How would you commit the 'perfect murder?'
Alt q: who will succeed Alex ferguson?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:15, 66 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You do realise that if the raped and murdered body of Alex Ferguson turns up tomorrow
You'll be prime suspect?

If he only been raped, you'll still be prime suspect.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:20, Reply)

I am not chompy.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:27, Reply)

You are Edmund.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:30, Reply)

Blackadder?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:31, Reply)

EDWARD?

( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:40, Reply)

Don't know
Don't care.

I have eaten almost an entire packet of Jelly Babies and I now feel quite sick. I am hoping this Guinness is going to fix things.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:21, Reply)

Thats the spirit kroney. Death by jelly babies though?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:24, Reply)

Oh no
I know my limits. Any more than almost a whole packet is just too much.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:29, Reply)

I've got massive sweet cravings at the moment.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:25, Reply)

I'm awful
I'm going to die at a fat, gout-ridden 50 years old.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:30, Reply)

But happy

( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:33, Reply)

I'm going to die.
That's all I know for certain :D


edit: I could have sworn you were a "senior" member already...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:43, Reply)

I'd say I did it while grinning like a mad woman and dribbling.
They would think I was just one of those nutters who admit to every murder going and throw me out the police station.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:25, Reply)

+ again.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:31, Reply)

I do like a man in uniform.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:33, Reply)

You mean, with your normal face?
I'm joking, I love you really
(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:34, Reply)

If I'd have said that, I'd have got a shit load of amuse second later.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:36, Reply)

Amuse?
Give it a minute, I'm sure it'll come...
(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:37, Reply)

Abuse even!
Sorry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:39, Reply)

not telling you, mate
I'm tiiiiiiiiiiired
I've almost fallen asleep several times today, thanfully jibjab came along

yay rather good
sendables.jibjab.com/sendables/297/lets_have_sex_song
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:26, Reply)

I read jibjab
As jihad.

Why?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:30, Reply)

TERROR WRIST!
b3ta.com/board/8455449
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:31, Reply)

Me too.
I had visions of Kristine in a burkha with lots of explosives strapped to her back and running through the Virginia streets.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:32, Reply)

Does my bomb look big in this?
Olden and golden
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:35, Reply)

Sometimes Jeff you can be quite witty.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:43, Reply)

not much different than any other day, really

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:39, Reply)

Speaking of the terrible threat of terrorism
www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/11/07/terror-chief-tries-to-board-plane-with-banned-liquids-115875-22697823/

Needs something stronger than *belm* really.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:49, Reply)

Again?
And ferguson can suck donkey balls, miserable prick
( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:36, Reply)

With the cunning application of SCIENCE
what with me being an evil genius and all.
(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:37, Reply)

I read your sig as open that backdoor
Sorry
( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:38, Reply)

Have you mistaken me for Lampito?
I think you might...
(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:39, Reply)

Lols

( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:41, Reply)

My badge lives inside my purse
My grandmother almost saw it. HAWKWARD.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:46, Reply)

I would stab someone in the femoral artery
As I walk past on a busy street. No one ever sees me, I mean WOULD see me.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:38, Reply)

FUCK YES!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:38, Reply)

Did city win too?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:44, Reply)

*Breaks out the midtable mediocrity song!*
Well, we're not going up
And we're not going down,

We won't win the league,
And we won't we that cup,

We aren't that good, But we aren't that bad,
We are the City, we're mad!

(I'm just slightly more optimistic that we'll not go down this season).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:47, Reply)

There isn't a song for being frustratingly good

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:51, Reply)

lecturers in teh forensics department have been known to say to students
"do your work or I'll kill you...and you know I know how to hide evidence"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:43, Reply)

I'd like to think I have a decent grasp on Forensics
from the amount of CSI I watch.

and as someone once told me on here, CSI proves that if you're not wearing a labcoat, it's NOT science.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Hmm
Tv science takes some serious liberties...
(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:01, Reply)

The most science I've done recently was shots out of a conical flask.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:03, Reply)

Volumetric would have been better

(berk, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:07, Reply)

I cut out bits of my labcoat and sewed my friend a finger puppet.
And gave up Maths as I couldn't do cubics.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THIS
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:11, Reply)

is that you!
you are way younger than i thought!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:17, Reply)

That's me. Aged 8, mind.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:19, Reply)

ah, I thought you were 9

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:25, Reply)

I might be. Dunno.
I've still got the sketches I made of the heart, too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:27, Reply)

I meant now
`
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:29, Reply)

Oh I see.
I'm 20 now :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:32, Reply)

i shouldn't try to be funny
it doesn't work
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:36, Reply)

It was more OH MY GOD I'VE STILL NOT GOT USED TO THIS.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:39, Reply)

DNA? DNA?? What's that, French?!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXwMarH6i6I
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:05, Reply)

Oh the North!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:14, Reply)

You commit the murder
straight after you perform the perfect reverse park because there is never any fucker there to see it.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:46, Reply)

Avram Grant
to both questions.

Just drew 2-2 away at West Ham. As we did at Man U. QED.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:48, Reply)

You took the lead tonight as well didn't you?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:49, Reply)

From the spot, but yeah
couple of dodgy penalties in this one.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:51, Reply)

Some late goals tonight
Blackpool sound like they were a bit unlucky, but I'm actually delighted with Leicester for getting an injury time winner against Sheffield United.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:52, Reply)

Midweek mOtd tonight too

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 21:54, Reply)

For you glory hunters maybe.
For us 'grass roots' supporters, we'll have to wait for the local news.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:02, Reply)

pity they couldn't draw, we'd have moved up a place

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:12, Reply)

Me and my mates talk about this in the pub all the time, we're not odd or owt, honest.
I reckon it'd have to be someone you don't know at all, at the other end of the country. Stolen car, nab someone walking their dog at night, do them over, go somewhere else in the country, use acid or something to dissolve the body and then not sure where to put the remains. Get a taxi to another city, then train home. Along those lines.

Alt Q - David Moyes. Football is rubbish because we lost our derby game once again. On the plus side I've been informed that a few bullying Chelsea twats got their just deserts on Putney High Street. Wankers.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Normally some unimaginative cunt says 'feed them to the pigs', ala Snatck.
I reckon a push on a busy tube would be a good way, get a mate to trip you up, and then as you fall into the person and push them in front of a train.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Nov 2010, 7:17, Reply)

A refinement.
I have previously given this some thought. Not a lot mind. Here goes but be warned it isn’t cheap or easy...

1. Create a plastic sheet room in the middle of a remote field.
2. While thoroughly depilated and naked, use a global knife to end chosen victim. Put knife in hydrogen peroxide.
3. Put victim through a log chipper and collect resultant goop in an oil drum at least 4 times larger than volume of said victim.
4. Wash log chipper through with pressurised hydrogen peroxide which will be collected in the oil drum.
5. Stir goop and hydrogen peroxide together for at least 3 hours. Pour mixture down stormdrain. Flush away with more hydrogen peroxide.
6. Burn plastic sheet room and mix resultant ashes with sulphuric acid. Pour down storm drain, flush with more hydrogen peroxide and then with tanker full of water.
7. Have very thorough bleachy shower.
7. Go home and sit back with a good brandy and a cigar, warm in the knowledge of a job well done.

Alternatively just say a big boy did it and ran away. It’s worked before.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 11 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)