The week has been tickety, but lacking in boo.
For example: Yesterday I took delivery of two packs of "Columbian white" - but it was only coffee for the drinks machine.

The worst thing was having to wait around until after 7pm at work last night after there was problem the newly upgraded alarm - an inconvenience but hardly serious.

However today is the fifteenth anniversay of my girlfriend and I's first date. And in celebration I have composed a poem that will doubtless sweep her off her feet quicker than the Muncipal Motorised Super Sweeper MkII ( s seen in the pedestrianised parts of city centres) could.

Here it is.

There once was a girl called Janet
Whose arse was the size of a planet
To grope both cheeks
Took several weeks
And the crack had a bridge to span it.
(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:54, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

that poem cannot fail to bring any right thinking woman (called Janet) to her knees

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Reckon he's fucking Janet Street-Porter?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

she's probably fucking him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)

That's a rather horrific thought.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)

fortunately I just blurt those sort of things out
rather than give them any consideration
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Well, just think about it, as you gaze into her eyes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

What the fuck is she wearing?
Has she just let her pubes grow?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

She's just plaited her armpits

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)

*boke*

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I know that she actually looks like this,
but for some reason it looks a bit like her face has been mashed up with Jimmy Hill in photoshop.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Oh man
when she drew attention to her cleavage on Have I Got News For You recently I felt a bit queasy.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

You mean
'RANET REET RORTAAAHHH'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Sounds like she's fucking Scooby Doo now.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I suspect Scooby would be more tender and considerate than Janet Street-Porter.

(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Don't tell me, you've met her?

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

met got a daughter with
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Actually no,
but a peculiar chain of events led to my being in her ex Normski's address book with 'OLD SKOOL' against my name, and his then missus thought I was an old friend of his, so I was covertly invited to his surprise birthday party in a Caribbean restaurant.

Will that do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

NORRRRRRRRRRM-SKIIIIIIIIIII

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

He's a lovely man, he's just not terribly bright.
He was a photographer in what is termed 'The Golden Age of Hip Hop' and has an incredible collection of pics of the greats, from when they played London gigs. I was in the process of swapping some with him for some early 80s stuff I had on video but we lost touch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

you are a strange man

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I have had a fucking weird life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)

it certainly sounds it
I often have cause to think that my life has been remarkably uneventful.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Bleedin hell.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)