"Her skirt is so short that if she sat down on the tube, she'd contract an STI".
Very often I would come up with a little phrase or something that would make me laugh, but then never come accross a situation where I'm with someone and I can say it, or if that situation does occor, I forget about it.

It's friday today, which means lots of things, but mostly it means it's the 5th day along in the week. Let's reflect on the week, has it been totally high five worthy, or has it been a bit Meh'? I'm half way between the two but leaning towards the high five side.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 7:34, 183 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I would go for a bit meh apart from the fact I've managed to rid myself of the JeffAIDS by medicating my self with Vics first defence nasal spray.
I don't feel too bad today.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 7:56, Reply)

My own version, which I christened "girlcold"
- as it was the opposite of manflu - appears to have faded out over the past couple of days. Woo!

I can tell it's Friday as I desperately need another couple of hours in bed.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:13, Reply)

The week has been getting better for me as it goes on.
Mainly due to Amazon dropping goodies on my desk. There should be more today.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:15, Reply)

I'm waiting for things from Amazon and ebay
that should have arrived a few days ago... I'm not happy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:49, Reply)

I'm waiting for my 'Dick Dale for president' t shirt to arrive.
If it's any good my dad's getting one for Xmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

where can I get one of those?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Ebay
cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250715277881&ssPageName=ADME:B:EOIBSA:GB:1123

Only a tenner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

It started off awesome, but painful
Then became boring and belligerent.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:18, Reply)

It's been a week of highs and lows
so on balance a 'meh' rating seems fairest.

My ex is being a fucking spastic again. I couldn't agree to stay over on Saturday night because I'm going to Lusty's dad's 60th, and my suggestion of doing that tonight was refused (fair enough)....so to punish me for daring to have a prior arrangement she's being difficult about my taking my daughter over to my friends' place where I took her before, to play with their kid.

My ex has ignored my texts for two days now.

EDIT sorry, this is frightfully dull.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:30, Reply)

Fucking hell Monty
Can you threaten her with the courts again, or do you just want to let this blow over?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:34, Reply)

She's away all next weekend as well.
She was last weekend too.

It's legally fine if she gives me notice. I am powerless. If I actually do go back to court the most they'll do is reprimand her and make her promise to let me see my kid. That is the MOST they will do - and would cost me a grand. I don't have a fucking tenner, let alone a grand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Fuck, not good
Sorry fella, wish I could help. You could always knock up a pic of her with a bit of a tan, burning some poppies, and post it to the EDL?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:39, Reply)

Keep at it lad, it will all come good in the end.
When you bury the mental haridan.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:40, Reply)

+in concrete, so she can't come back

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I'm in a hurry and will lurk again in a mo but I'm glad I saw this
A lot of this will be that spastic adjusting to you having a girlfriend. She's making her presence felt and punishing you by putting a spanner in the works. Time without Len will be painful but try to be calm and be nice to her while letting her know how much you will miss the baby.
She'll feel she's done her job (making you suffer, causing you upset at missing Len etc) but she won't have an argument with you that she can carry on longer, making you suffer longer.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:41, Reply)

The girl's got it.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Herpes?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:51, Reply)

She is wise beyond her years.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

wise words BFF

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)

also it won't be too much longer
before len can make her own opinion on missing her daddy known very vociferously.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Pretty poor week to be honest
First week in a long time I've not drunk anything, it's quite odd.

Also, I was throroughly pissed off with the amount of racist and ignorant comments on my Facebook feed yesterday about the idiots burning the Poppies. Every single one of them said "Fucking muslims". Now, while that may be technically correct, when was the last time anyone called the EDL "fucking white bastards"? I put forth this argument, and was either agreed with, or shouted down. The people who said "England is for the English" just made me want to hold my head in my hands.

Ahh well, that's behind us. Time for a pretty average day, before a pretty boring weekend. You ok Gonz?

Also, something odd happened yesterday. I ventured across to /talk for a few minutes, it sometimes makes me laugh. I discovered something which might be fairly horrific. It turns out I agree with Friz on something. Is this bad?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:33, Reply)

Shut up, muslim-lover.
If you like it so much, why don't you move there?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:34, Reply)

Funny.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Worst week ever
But enough about that, tonight I have drinking and friends and tomorrow I get to hurt people at rugby
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Cheer yourself up by dressing like a frog or something.


(I'm only teasing you old boy)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:45, Reply)

frog girl
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

Just because that works for you, doesn't mean it's for everyone, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

You're no fun!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

He's not been the same since his fight with Bellatrix

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Sorry, you've lost me...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

2 minutes on google
Bellatrix fought Sirius Black in Harry Potter. Monty = Sirius Black.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

See, I know who Bellatrix is, I just can't work out any connection that would make sense here...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Monty looks a bit like Gary Oldman

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I really do dispute this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

dispute this
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

not having met you I can only go on the few pics I've seen
I'd say there's a passing resemblance.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

?

(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Or more

?
(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Somewhere in the middle.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I'm glad to hear you like that
Have fun tonight!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Thanks :)
It's amazing what a good nights sleep can do.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Isn't it?
You'll be feeling even better after a good weekend with your friends.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:07, Reply)

My week has been hectic but incredible.
I've been taking people up to see the flat, three of my closest friends, my parents etc. Their excitement is contagious. My mum said "It's about time you had some good luck" and I wibbled.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:45, Reply)

i like this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

Sweet, good man!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

Have you managed to sleep past 5am now?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Thankfully, yes.
I've been woken by my alarm the past two mornings and sleep seems much better than it was.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Glad to hear that
It was probably just some stress... You've been going through a lot of exciting things.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:00, Reply)

to see the flat, the arse, including
Their excitement Unfortunately, my chronic AIDS

some good luck chemical castration, you fucking rapist
wibbled savagely gave her what for up the gary as punishment for being so cheeky
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I specifically phrased that so you could do that.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I have revised it. It's better now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Roffle.
Edit: hahah fucking stop it
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I've finished now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)

The week has got its ups and downs
But I was going to give it a high five until this morning.

Yesterday, as you probably noticed, was very windy. Living on a 6th floor made it even worse, as I could hear not only the wind, but the plants, chairs, tables going around, hitting walls and that. Even my cupboard, that goes from wall to wall, made a lot of noise with the strong wind. Therefore, I didn't sleep much.

The train to work has a recorded voice that tells you which station you're approaching, which station you're on, not to forget your bags, be careful with the steps... Not today, though. Today it was total silence.

I fall asleep on the train and woke up when it was stopping on a station that looked familiar. My station. I reached the door just on time to see the light on the button to open the door switching off, which was good at the end, as I had forgotten my phone on my seat.

I called a taxi to pick me on the next station. I waited for 15min in the cold, and finally called the taxi again. He'd been waiting on the other side, and didn't think of calling me. Then I almost forgot my lunch on the taxi.

I have a job interview today... If the day doesn't improve I might not even bother.

Oh, yes, and I can feel I'm coming down with a very bad case of JeffAIDS...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Oh, yes, I forgot!
I got home yesterday to find a letter from the building management company telling me they're going to take me to court for not paying my service charge... when I am paying it, by direct debit, every 6th of the month! Stupid people! I was so upset with them I wrote an email (the office was closed, so couldn't talk on the phone) saying that they were distressing me without real need and if that behaviour persisted it'd be me taking them to court! FFS! If they have a problem with my payments, can't they tell me nicely before threatening me?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

*sadface*
Cheer up hon! You'll soon be Mrs whateveryourboyfriendslastnameis.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

'plants, chairs, tables going around, hitting walls and that'
You have a poltergeist.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 8:57, Reply)

The development has a poltergeist
It was all outside the building, the plants, chairs and tables were in the balconies.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)

OMG
the wind is actually a poltergeist! It all makes sense now!

I'm never going outside again.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

I might have to, to try and find a mobile signal
Sneaking suspicion there's a mast down somewhere. Damn my reliance on modern technology!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

They're heeeeeeere

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Not bad
Loving my new car still. Just shattered.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)

tered myself
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Not for a while

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:09, Reply)

for a while again!
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

*shakes hands*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)

i think i am dead from the neck up
I have mon/tue off why the hell didn't i take today and mon, what a spastic
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Hungover?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

GOOD NIGHT LAST NIGHT, WAS IT?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)

owwwww
your kindly meant shouting hurts my head.

it was really lovely but i am a little bit scared that i have to do it all again on sat now, i am getting too old for this!

plus at least 2 of my friends have texted and said "dude, your dad can't be allowed to see your present" - what the hell have they bought me?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

A slave

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

They've hired me for the weekend to be your 'companion'.
They're scared your dad will fancy me, hence the advice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

hahaha
my dad is literally the most macho yorkshire homophobe you can imagine! he's spent a lifetime fending off unwanted gay advances.

however, if he thought you were nailing his daughter...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)

More high five than meh.
Still not well, which is meh. But work's been shocking so two days off makes it all ok, and I've spent nearly the whole week with the new ladyfriend so it's been a fairly great week on the whole.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Sweet, good man!
According to the calendar, you might be joining us for the Manc bash, is this true?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Fucking bashes

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

+ , how do they work?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Very, very true
Looking forward to it immensely. Will be there slightly later so we'll just text when we get to Manc to find out where everyone is then taxi from the train station.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Superb
You are aware we'll be drinking alcohol that night, aren't you? Just want to be sure, you seemed a little confused last time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Yeah yeah yeah
Strangely that wasn't mentioned at DG's bash......
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)

I definitely didn't mention it several times.
And neither did anyone else.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Yes, I was totally unaware
of it being mentioned about 50 times.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Good.
Glad to hear it's all been forgotten and that everyone's moved on with their lives, and is letting it lie in a mature and sensible manner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Me too
It's not like I was immature enough to mention the 'cock neck' incident with Light in Chains several times. Model of refinement me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

That will never stop being funny.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Could may well be my masterpiece.
One to tell the grandkids I think.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)

If you get married,
make sure your best man isn't a B3tan. Small piece of advice for you, here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I think that applies universally though

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)

True.
Because B3tans are complete tossers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Does that count for bridesmaids also?

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)

b3ta bridesmaids are the sluttiest of the slutty

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

So are the brides, from what I've heard.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I wonder if Aber is aware of this : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

She's met you right?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Oi! I'm a model of decorum IRL.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

*snorts*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Nope
If I could choose a bridesmaid, there's definitely a b3tan or 2 I'd want there
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

If I were to get married right now, my best man would be a b3tan

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Your fiancee would also be a deaf mute with no eyes and an olfactory organ which didn't function.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

I imagine they'd have no hands either

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I thought you already married her?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

haha
al this is very harsh.

but... it did make me smile.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

And my day is now considered worthwhile

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)

it does brighten up ones day to make ms swipe smile
I managed it yesterday.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Did you show her your cock?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

as a matter of course

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

why is it that vipros sounds lovely
and you sound sarcastic, but you are saying the same thing?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

how odd, it is normally the other way round
not that I was or usually am being sarcastic
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Cheers Monty
Very much noted!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I recall quite clearly not mentioning it at all
and will be making a point of not mentioning it ever again
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

For now...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)

A great big bundle of Meh
apart from Wednesday night, when a couple of musicians came over and we all sang till the early hours. That was fun.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Sounds awesome.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)

100% shit
However, it is now Friday and the coffee has brewed. We are going to get pizzas for lunch and we are all off to the pub tonight so hopefully this will end as a high five
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)

it's been ok
it's gone quickly at least. Had a great day out of the office on Wednesday. My lodger hasn't been around most of the week which has been refreshing.

Had some fucking awesome spiced lamb stuffed in roasted red peppers and topped with halloumi the other day as well.

Gig tonight, and a fun filled weekend ahead :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Your lodger?
I though you lived with your mrs?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

yeah, got a lodger at the moment as well to help pay the bills
she's only there about 70% of the time though, which is nice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)

In all truthfulness I should get a lodger too.
*ponders*
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)

it is pretty helpful
particularly as we are saving for the wedding and trying to do up the house at the same time.

the only downsides are that she watches some real shit on the tv (she's canadian, so likes things like Oprah and Keeping up with the fucking Kardashians) although I have power of veto, and that my mrs isn't keen on people hearing us getting down to business :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Well that's one thing I don't have to worry about.
And I haven't got Sky TV.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

then follow Al's advice
but make sure he isn't gay.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

To be honest, I'd rather have someone gay.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)

So you could turn them?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

You should get a hot male lodger
wit a penchant for wondering around the house after he's had a bath wearing nothing but a big fluffy towel
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)

If I had a second bedroom I fucking would in a second.
It would sort me right out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)

the money more than makes up for the inconvenience

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Not if you had my lodger
He was a fucking waste of space.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

mine is pretty reliable
and because of her situation it can only be for a few months, so there is a definite end to it in sight.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I kicked mine out, because he was rude, he stank, didn't respect any personal space
You name it, he fucking did it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Your mum?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Nah, he was too lazy to dig her up
The bastard.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I have a small 2nd bedroom that I use as my computer room
It's too small to rent out, plus I really enjoy living by myself.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

compulsive masturbator?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)

As soon as he gets home his pants come off and his butt plug goes in

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

No sense in wasting any time

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Yeah me too.
I think I'd have to be in a much worse position money wise to consider it and I wouldn't be able to have people stay over like I can now.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

*stays over*

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Anytime hon!
Bring the Mrs.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

But, but, if I bring her she'll not let me be rude

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Oh! well don't bring her then.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Your house is awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

^^This
Roll on Manc Bash!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I cannae make it
It's my mum's 60th.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Aww booo!
The new ink looks awesome by the way.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Cheers dude! I'm dead 'appy with it.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)

As well you should be
If I last the distance before I find a new job I might put a large chunk of the redundancy on a full sleeve.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Dooooooo itttttttttttt

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Although
I would quite like to get this as a backpiece
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dream_of_the_fishermans_wife_hokusai.jpg
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I knew the piece even before I clicked
It'd be a cool piece to get, but some folk might think it odd ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

it is rather strange....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

My missus said it would be off-putting during sex
I'm slightly worried about what she's planning to do to me now :S
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

hahahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

The eyes of the octopus are ridiculous and the woman's pubic hair is where her belly button should be.

(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

My bony spine would probably warp it a bit as well
Ah well, nice idea.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I concurr.
It's fecking fantastic.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Innit!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)

You can keep a lodger in your basement though
basement sex dungeon
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

The week has been tickety, but lacking in boo.
For example: Yesterday I took delivery of two packs of "Columbian white" - but it was only coffee for the drinks machine.

The worst thing was having to wait around until after 7pm at work last night after there was problem the newly upgraded alarm - an inconvenience but hardly serious.

However today is the fifteenth anniversay of my girlfriend and I's first date. And in celebration I have composed a poem that will doubtless sweep her off her feet quicker than the Muncipal Motorised Super Sweeper MkII ( s seen in the pedestrianised parts of city centres) could.

Here it is.

There once was a girl called Janet
Whose arse was the size of a planet
To grope both cheeks
Took several weeks
And the crack had a bridge to span it.
(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)

that poem cannot fail to bring any right thinking woman (called Janet) to her knees

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Reckon he's fucking Janet Street-Porter?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

she's probably fucking him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)

That's a rather horrific thought.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)

fortunately I just blurt those sort of things out
rather than give them any consideration
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Well, just think about it, as you gaze into her eyes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

What the fuck is she wearing?
Has she just let her pubes grow?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

She's just plaited her armpits

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)

*boke*

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I know that she actually looks like this,
but for some reason it looks a bit like her face has been mashed up with Jimmy Hill in photoshop.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Oh man
when she drew attention to her cleavage on Have I Got News For You recently I felt a bit queasy.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

You mean
'RANET REET RORTAAAHHH'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Sounds like she's fucking Scooby Doo now.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I suspect Scooby would be more tender and considerate than Janet Street-Porter.

(Cave Duck, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Don't tell me, you've met her?

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

met got a daughter with
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Actually no,
but a peculiar chain of events led to my being in her ex Normski's address book with 'OLD SKOOL' against my name, and his then missus thought I was an old friend of his, so I was covertly invited to his surprise birthday party in a Caribbean restaurant.

Will that do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

NORRRRRRRRRRM-SKIIIIIIIIIII

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

He's a lovely man, he's just not terribly bright.
He was a photographer in what is termed 'The Golden Age of Hip Hop' and has an incredible collection of pics of the greats, from when they played London gigs. I was in the process of swapping some with him for some early 80s stuff I had on video but we lost touch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

you are a strange man

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I have had a fucking weird life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)

it certainly sounds it
I often have cause to think that my life has been remarkably uneventful.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Bleedin hell.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)