oh christ what a can of worms
few random examples:

1 - the hero not lasting long enough for there to be a "middle" to talk about anything, never mind relatives.

2 - the heroine wincing in real pain because the hero fails to realise that, much as his private parts might enjoy a bit of vigour and firmness of stimulation, girls seldom - if ever - feel the same

3 - the hero receiving a blowjob but failing utterly in either effort or ability to reciprocate

4 - twenty minutes of awkward fumbling as the hero tries to put on his first condom in two years and the heroine trying to look anywhere else OR worse either of them trying to approach this mundane act in a "sexy" fashion

5 - the hero jumping out of bed twenty seconds after orgasm and saying that he forgot he - er - had to wash his car that weekend

6 - the heroine texting her mates and saying "do something, he left his socks/cap/glasses/reindeer jumper on the WHOLE WAY THROUGH"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:17, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

"random" examples eh??

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

exaggerated for "comic" effect maybe
the condom thing is a real nightmare though, i had one bf who used to try and make it seductive, and really... just........ just get on with it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

My ex could unroll them on you with her mouth
This was good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

i can actually do this
but i prefer not to, they taste appalling!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Flavoured condoms?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

The lube prevails
the nonoxynol-9-coated ones are even nastier
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

^ this ^
it's like licking a... well, licking a condom. there is no comparison!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I can only do it this way
I have never successfully put one on with my hands.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Girl I got with a while back did it to me
Was entertaining, because I know exactly how she learned to do it!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:21, Reply)

How?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:22, Reply)

she used to be a man
and could auto-fellate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Should've guessed

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)

She read the Belle Du Jour revealed book, in which it tolfd you how to do it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I just learnt it myself
It seemed easier and less of an interruption.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)

What, like
"Hey baby, look at me rolling a sheath of rubberised plastic down my Johnson, see how the spermicide squidges against my rigid meat helmet" kind of thing?

Did you laugh him out of the house?
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Officelol

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Quite agree that putting on a condom can be a real moment killer.
Thankfully, the morning after pill is readily available these days.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

WIre coat hangers are even easier
and cheaper
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

fucking hell, al
why not just kick her in the guts repeatedly and have done with it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Effort?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Fuck yeah, I'm not putting myself out just cause she's too lazy to go on the pill

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:41, Reply)

three little words
CHILD
SUPPORT
AGENCY
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:43, Reply)

This is why hammers and shallow graves were invented

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)

i thought you were the reason for that?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)

reminds me of one of the worst things
I ever accidentally said. A friend's cat was having kittens, and she was upset about this for rehoming reasons. I said absentmindedly that if she looked really hard she could probably find a miniature coat hanger.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:40, Reply)

*rapturous applause*

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)

thanks

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Well *I* like my reindeer jumper
so there.
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Cans of worms would make screen sex more exciting.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

How much can you heat up a can of worms before they all die,
and the extra heat is countered by the lack of writhing?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

45 seconds in the microwave, MAX.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Metal in the microwave?! Are you mad?!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Good to know.
PROTIP - although the saying is "a can of worms", if you're going to microwave them you should use a non-metallic container such as a glass jar.

EDIT - microwormpiss.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

microwavesafetypiss

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Stop copying me.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I was first, so nyah

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)