I've been watching The Event
I like it it's pretty good. But the sex scenes in it are fucking stupid.

If you've been shot in the shoulder and passed out from blood loss, you do not go back to a motel and then have sex later that night.
If you're in the middle of sex you don't want your partner talking about your mother.

So my thinking is that either the writers have never had sex or more likely want to see the female cast in their bras at any opportunity.

What would make sex scenes on TV more realistic?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:08, 225 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

fuck this thread is in competition with a lunch thread.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:09, Reply)

You're screwed

( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I'm loving The Event!
I think spunk would make sex scenes more real
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:10, Reply)

That ER woman is very good in it.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:10, Reply)

It is very good at keeping you watching I think

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:11, Reply)

The real question is this
is it ethical to use linkedin to stalk your ex girlfriends if you've moved on and are married?

EDIT - this is a question "a friend" of mine asked me obviously.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Your friend
Hal - no not Al, no way man

Crack on I say - then you can laugh if she is a fat bloater
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:16, Reply)

ha ha, no it's not ethical at all
but it's not that big a deal unless you're going to ring her boss and call her a LYING CHEATING WHORE WHO WILL RUIN THE COMPANY AND JUST LEAVE!!!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Why is it not ethical?
Her/his details are up there for all members to see
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Which she put up there to further her career
not for the likes of Al's friend to look at.
Just because the information is public doesn't mean it's ethical to look for it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

But....
all Al's "friend" would be able to see is where she/he/it worked. It is hardly stalking
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Well no it's not stalking in the worst possible sense.
But what if he did a land registry look up to find out how much her mortgage is. He's only finding out how much her house is worth and that's public record. Or did a credit check on her it's only information about her debts.
My point is basically, where do you draw the line in gathering available information about an ex before it becomes serious.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Like everything else
intent's the key factor.
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:28, Reply)

the LR would not tell you how much someone's mortgage is
if it did, my job would be much easier.

it will only tell you (i) how much they paid for it [provided the transaction took place after 2004] and (ii) if they have a mortgage, and who the mortgagee/chargee is.

if you want to know how much the mortgage is for, you have to write to the bank and ask them to disclose the info.

/sensible answer, is sensible and work-related-experience not stalking-experience.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Sale of shares for ULTIMATE privacy

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)

i dread fucking BVI or other overseas companies
nightmare time
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I nearly got tricked into one of those for a property transaction
It got very complicated very quickly, and was a bit whiffy so I binned it off. Troo story
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)

i think there have to be substantial sums of money at stake
to make it worth the hassle. like stamp duty avoidance schemes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Linkedin is a pile of shit

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

This is true
I'm getting stalked by fucking recruitment consultants now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Same
I was headhunted twice last month alone, or at least that's what random recruitment consultants want me to believe.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

The bit that pissed me off about it is that it says "We'll look through your email addresses to see if you know anyone with an account"
And then it spams everyone on there who doesn't have an account every week for 4 months.

=((((((
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:44, Reply)

if 'he' is only looking out of a bit of curiosity to what she's up to
and doesn't actually intend to contact her then i guess it's ok.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

the only real question is
why would you want to?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I'm just curious
Errr, I mean, he's just curious. He. Definitely he. Is just curious.

He can't actually be bothered to sign up to Linkedin on the off chance that there is more info on the profile.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:36, Reply)

why don't you pay psychochomp a tenner to do it for you?
he'll have her address, new name, vital statistics, job, salary, telephone number and have added 15 of her hottest mates on facebook before you can say "cash or cheque".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I'm pretty sure he's already cracked one out
over the thought that I might suggest this.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)

that's a lovely steamy-glasses image
for the rest of us to share with our lunch. thank you al.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)

You can imagine his face mere inches from the screen
getting redder and redder as he clenches all his muscles and his right fist spasms ... Oh god I've sickened myself
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:55, Reply)

sickened cum
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:56, Reply)

erm
i think you need to pay him more than a tenner for that, you've clearly derived far too much pleasure from it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)

oh christ what a can of worms
few random examples:

1 - the hero not lasting long enough for there to be a "middle" to talk about anything, never mind relatives.

2 - the heroine wincing in real pain because the hero fails to realise that, much as his private parts might enjoy a bit of vigour and firmness of stimulation, girls seldom - if ever - feel the same

3 - the hero receiving a blowjob but failing utterly in either effort or ability to reciprocate

4 - twenty minutes of awkward fumbling as the hero tries to put on his first condom in two years and the heroine trying to look anywhere else OR worse either of them trying to approach this mundane act in a "sexy" fashion

5 - the hero jumping out of bed twenty seconds after orgasm and saying that he forgot he - er - had to wash his car that weekend

6 - the heroine texting her mates and saying "do something, he left his socks/cap/glasses/reindeer jumper on the WHOLE WAY THROUGH"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:17, Reply)

"random" examples eh??

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

exaggerated for "comic" effect maybe
the condom thing is a real nightmare though, i had one bf who used to try and make it seductive, and really... just........ just get on with it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

My ex could unroll them on you with her mouth
This was good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

i can actually do this
but i prefer not to, they taste appalling!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Flavoured condoms?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

The lube prevails
the nonoxynol-9-coated ones are even nastier
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

^ this ^
it's like licking a... well, licking a condom. there is no comparison!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I can only do it this way
I have never successfully put one on with my hands.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Girl I got with a while back did it to me
Was entertaining, because I know exactly how she learned to do it!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:21, Reply)

How?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:22, Reply)

she used to be a man
and could auto-fellate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Should've guessed

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)

She read the Belle Du Jour revealed book, in which it tolfd you how to do it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I just learnt it myself
It seemed easier and less of an interruption.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)

What, like
"Hey baby, look at me rolling a sheath of rubberised plastic down my Johnson, see how the spermicide squidges against my rigid meat helmet" kind of thing?

Did you laugh him out of the house?
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Officelol

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Quite agree that putting on a condom can be a real moment killer.
Thankfully, the morning after pill is readily available these days.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

WIre coat hangers are even easier
and cheaper
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

fucking hell, al
why not just kick her in the guts repeatedly and have done with it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Effort?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Fuck yeah, I'm not putting myself out just cause she's too lazy to go on the pill

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:41, Reply)

three little words
CHILD
SUPPORT
AGENCY
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:43, Reply)

This is why hammers and shallow graves were invented

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)

i thought you were the reason for that?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)

reminds me of one of the worst things
I ever accidentally said. A friend's cat was having kittens, and she was upset about this for rehoming reasons. I said absentmindedly that if she looked really hard she could probably find a miniature coat hanger.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:40, Reply)

*rapturous applause*

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)

thanks

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Well *I* like my reindeer jumper
so there.
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Cans of worms would make screen sex more exciting.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

How much can you heat up a can of worms before they all die,
and the extra heat is countered by the lack of writhing?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

45 seconds in the microwave, MAX.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Metal in the microwave?! Are you mad?!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Good to know.
PROTIP - although the saying is "a can of worms", if you're going to microwave them you should use a non-metallic container such as a glass jar.

EDIT - microwormpiss.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

microwavesafetypiss

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Stop copying me.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I was first, so nyah

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

More pointing and laughing.
More crying.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

More talking about your mother.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

A Lords Prayer wank

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

A prior exchange of money

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

you pay beforehand?
naive!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

They're removed his credit limit.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:22, Reply)

i'm not going to ask where he has to swipe his credit card

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:33, Reply)

ouch!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Of course!
Drinks, dinner, taxis, sanity...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

wow
you're as cynical as me!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

The lady urgently requesting tissues post-coitus.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

The smell of Rohypnol and a dead hooker.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Grumpy sheet changing
and a heated debate over whose turn it is to do the washing up.
( Kroney, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Loud farting sounds

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Serious queefage

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:28, Reply)

s'troo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

In my case
not happening at all
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:35, Reply)

The look of painful resignation you see on the guys face as you take off your clothes.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I thought you were the purveyor of excellent norkage?
This would make most blokes glee!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)

stop spying on me :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Jeez
You lot are so down on yourselves, its untrue
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'm not

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Thats OK then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Good

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)

You've got no reason to be down on yourself though

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:52, Reply)

How's your fiancee?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I think he's pining for you
He's hot-footing it back to the UK and then he's coming to see me (you).
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Oh boy, I hope you two shag really energetically and think of me and then both lie there afterwards feeling guilty that you were thinking about someone else at the point of orgasm.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I can guarantee the first bit
but I'll be too busy looking at the engagement ring to think about him or you, I'm sorry.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Well he wanted it and he put a ring on it so he should get it.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Yeah Roota
you should stick your fourth finger up his bum
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I might lose it up there
He's Scottish after all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Chompy was telling me that the worst thing is
when a girl takes you into her bedroom, declares it's open season and she would try litterally _anything_ you suggest. You're then half way through squating on top of her with the daily mail open (can't go without reading material), and then you notice her CD collection is in alphabetical order of album rather than artist.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Hahaha!
Quality
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)

What the Fuck?
Who would do that? That is the most stupid filing idea I've ever heard.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

+ L

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Are you saying you love me?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)

filling
she's on about that Salad Terminal or whatever it's called. It's another 7 quid for a reverse Dutch steamboat in the salad.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Hahahaha, _still_ going on about that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:43, Reply)

It keeps you entertained.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I had the nicest cold pasta that I've ever had for lunch today, it was left overs from last night.
I'm going to make the same thing tonight and have leftovers for lunch tomo.

Go Go Gadget Credit Crunch.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Yeh', but you're taken, which is worst.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Taken is a vague concept, Gonz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I donno the rules, do I put my key in a pot? What if there is an odd number of keys? Does someone have to watch?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:29, Reply)

They can just read Take a Break if they like
My cousin's got a black pug!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Sounds fair enough, it's always nice to hear what shoes colline is reading.
OH GOSH, PICS
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I'm having a fat day.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)

fat day epic wank
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)

+n
You missed this.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:52, Reply)

You forgot this

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Al has nice tits
it would seem
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Meh. They're not really there yet,
but they're definitely showing potential.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Budding

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I'm not
*crotch-thrusts*
*finger-pistols*
*sunglasses*
YEAAAAAH
*The Who*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Correct response
Have a cake
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Actual sex.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:07, Reply)

It would make them more realistic
But possibly not in a good way.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Laughter

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:11, Reply)

^ I agree with this one

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:12, Reply)

that's why I wear a set of funny fake glasses, nose and moustache to bed

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)

You are a Stooge

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

why I oughta...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:20, Reply)

BFF!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:23, Reply)

alright petal?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:23, Reply)

As the day has worn on, I've got alrighter and alrighter
You?
How's life?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'm pretty good and better for seeing you
been quite efficient this morning and got a bunch of stuff done

being on secondment makes me appreciate being back in my normal office, with my nice chair and all my stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Like your wanking stool

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

and my masturbation mitt

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)

and your onyx and marble Louis Vitton fisting plinth.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Ditto
I'm going to be energised and polite and productive this afternoon
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

*professionalism fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:33, Reply)

He's sad because he misses his mrs

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I know, it's hard for both of us.

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Have you changed your name
or are you someone else?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

It's still her

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

even I can tell that
and I've been failing recently.

I figure it's because I miss her so much it's clouding my judgement
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I'm with you in spirit
just yesterday I watched Reaper and thought of you.
(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

awww how sweet
I have different hair now though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

What's it like now?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:43, Reply)

like this
but a bit longer and slightly less in need of styling

sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs187.ash2/45057_10150257338780104_866725103_14387797_7463169_n.jpg
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Good horns there boy

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

that seems to have become a regular feature
I can only put it down to Slayer
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Good man!
It's become my default pose too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Is that because you spend so much time pleasuring yourself whilst fingering two ladies at the same time?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

That's exactly it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:57, Reply)

I like the blue scarf you're wearing

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)

that is my slightly Downs looking friend Vic

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I'm going to link that comment on her facebook page.

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:53, Reply)

it was pretty much the first thing I said to her the first time I met her

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Smooth operator!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:57, Reply)

it's ok
she already knew
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:58, Reply)

"Oh Vipros come over here and met my friends"
"Hi Everyone I'm Vipros"
"Hi I'm Bob"
"Hi I'm Dave
"Hi I'm Sally
"Hi I'm Vic"

"..."

"..."

"YOU'RE MY SLIGHTLY DOWNS LOOKING FRIEND VIC!"

"..."

"..."


"..."





"..."



"Vipros, I think we should probably go home now."
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:58, Reply)

it was more like
Vic's best friend: "Vipros, here comes Vic, tell her she looks like she has downs"
V : "ok"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Who's Spitty?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

she who must not be named

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:33, Reply)

a lazy high maintanance shitehawk.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:37, Reply)

trudat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

*concurs*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Oh Spatty (Don't Feel Sorry For Loverboy)

(Cave Duck, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Any news yet?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

It's a boy, and doesn't have a mohawk
I am so relieved.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:36, Reply)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Nope, nuffink from either side.
apparently no one cares that I'm GOING FUCKING CRAZY
(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Of course they don't care, they're CUNTS
They treat you like shit unless they want something from you, whereupon they merely treat you like poo.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

and charge you.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

shhhhh!
they're doctors remember?
(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Don't know what you're talking about
*whistles*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)

haha thanks

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Hi Spitty
Miss you
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:51, Reply)

miss you too my lovely liver bird

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I'm back now
until Monday anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I'm going to Exeter on monday
Guess who, sorry, I meant what, guess what I'm going to do?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I'm counting on the decoy woman in my house confusing you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

you mean the man

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I'm fairly sure she's a woman
I haven't checked, so I could be wrong.

Either way, (s)he looks enough like my Mrs to fool Al
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Frankly
if she's got tits and brown hair that'll be enough, since I've never met your mrs.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)

that's what I was hoping for

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I saw a bird who looked like his mrs in London the other day
But she wasn't quite 'it'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

what day was that?
and where? we were in London the other day.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:02, Reply)

WHAT!
And you didn't call!? You rude bastard.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I had gone up to see my brother
it was the first time I had spent any time at all with my niece.

otherwise I would've done.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:05, Reply)

is it like in Home Alone where he fixes cardboard cutouts to the record player?

(Spitz, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

wipe your cock on a tramp's hat?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

we don't have tramps in Exeter
they are Gentlemen of the Road
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

freelance residents?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Exactly
Mrs Vipros has an excellent spot in the town centre, and her hat one of those russian style bear things.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Dangerwanks

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)

One of them getting cramp halfway through
and the associated limb flailing
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

having to stop early doors for tampon removal

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I don't know why I'm talking to myself, really.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Stopping halfway through to get a drink of water and a sandwich
and the positional changes being hampered by getting your foot stuck under the duvet and falling of the bed.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:35, Reply)

The Angry Pirate

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

The TONY DANZA!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

The angry dragon is more the work of the classy bounder.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I prefer the pirate myself
easier getaway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)

The monkeyface

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Voltaire's Angry Glove

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:50, Reply)

A sound like wet denim being ripped
…followed by what looks like nothing so much as a carrier bagful of offal being emptied out of the woman’s arse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)

PROLAPSE!
The best Pro of all.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Wonderful imagery there Monty
*bokes*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Glad to be of service.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:46, Reply)

ah, the dreaded pinksocking.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:46, Reply)

HAHAHA!
Oh lovely, just lovely!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I think that's something
that should stay between you and Lampito
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I'd suggest it's something that should be put back into Lampito
asap, preferably by a proctologist
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:50, Reply)

She calls it her tail
and has made it a feature of her show
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:52, Reply)

You go camping
Just treat it like you're putting a sleeping bag back into the carry bag.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:52, Reply)

or stuffing sausage
into sausageskin
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

With one of those massive machines they have in old school butchers

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:00, Reply)

sounds like a photo
for a niche saucy seaside postcard
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:00, Reply)

With a dog running away with the sausages too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:01, Reply)

...and 'the viewers'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I guess that moment of connection
between glans and guts should be documented you are right
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I have to go and do some work now.
Fuck the lorra yez.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Love you sweety!
xx
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 14:00, Reply)