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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Evening, chumps!
What's your problem?

alt q. What you lookin' at?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:43, 156 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
spinach soup
nice, but squeeky.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:44, Reply)
like squeaky beans?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:47, Reply)
yes but more soupy

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:48, Reply)
I'm a middle-aged whinge bag.
Alt Q: My glass of wine.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:48, Reply)
I got a little bag of free sweets from Firebox with my nephew's present.
Woo!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:52, Reply)
yay!
are they proper old school sweeties?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:54, Reply)
Fun gums.
Little sweetie teeth and a toothbrush.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:56, Reply)
sweetieironylols

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 18:57, Reply)
One shift to go before annual leave and I can't be bothered in the least even though it's one poxy shift
Alt: Whatever the fuck I like.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:08, Reply)
No problems for once
I'm going skiing in the Cairngorms this weekend and I've finally been able to pay my kite instructor's insurance, so I can start work doing that. I'm cooking a huge pan of chilli which will be ready in five minutes, then I'm going out drinking in Edinburgh for my friend's 20th.

I feel that I may be approaching Viprotic levels of smug, but don't worry. I won't be so happy tomorrow morning.


Alt Q: My flatmate and his girlfriend being sickeningly cute on the sofa.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
I wish I was in Edinburgh

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
It's nice
But cold.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
That'll do

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)
Aw! me too.
It's a lovely city.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:11, Reply)
Amen

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)
Hopefully will be there on New years day. Wooooo!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:18, Reply)
Ooh lovely!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
With some smashing peeps as well.
It's a win win situation : )
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:21, Reply)
It'll be the 2nd
but other than that, I concur!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
Oh yes! sorry.
Woo for the second.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Roll on January 2nd then.
Hooray for £13 return tickets!

Alt: The monitor screen, dumbass.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:17, Reply)
yeah, my mate lives up there
his band are playing sometime in January, I should send some edinburghian b3tans to check it out
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:23, Reply)
My car's broken again
With the same thing that was 'fixed' less than 2 months ago. They got shouted at.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
Like this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta51awj9fTk&feature=related
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:15, Reply)
More in a "I paid you lots of money 2 months ago
So I won't be paying this time" way. And getting a courtesy car.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)
Bawbag

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:18, Reply)
I didn't call them that
As I'd like my car back fixed.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
"I'll take a hammer to ya, ya wee prick!"

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
Look at you wanting to become Scottish

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
I just like that fella

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:28, Reply)
And DJ?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
A bit, yeah

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
She fell for my* quality patter
"Have you got any Scottish in ye? Want some?"

* - my dad's. Hangs head in shame.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:30, Reply)
*reacts*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
I'm going to watch that link when I get home

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:27, Reply)
This is 100 times funnier
www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3iR2fFO_dE&feature=related
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:30, Reply)
perfectly ordinary run of the mill conversations there
Bawbag.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:13, Reply)
I'm looking in the mirror admiring myself.
Just had a consignment of clobber from Mr Fat Bastard. I just can't decide which shirt to wear to Motorhead. Black cotton, with a dark geometric pattern, or a soft navy denim.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:25, Reply)
Soft navy denim FTW!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
Thanks, I'm shite at working out what to wear.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:28, Reply)
You can't go wrong with denim.
As long as you don't wear the same colour denim top and bottom.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
No chance of that.
I've got some black trouseys to wear.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
Then you cannot fail to look stylish.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
aka
A Canadian Tuxedo
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
I'll ditch the lumberjack coat then.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Bart!
I had a dream Enrico Cadillac Jr asked me out last night.
How are you liking 'em?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Hello evening Internet people
Tell me something awesome.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
MY BOLLOCKS HAVEN'T GOT CANCER, JEFF!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:33, Reply)
PRAISE JESUS!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
I am very happy about this.
Less so that every bloody examination of them so far has been done by extremely fit lady doctors. I tells ya, I haven't thought about Thatcher so much in AGES!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyMXsvBwHKQ
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
That's exactly what it was like
but with less jingling and more slurping sounds.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
I use to have some of them.
Very relaxing.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
I still do

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
So, is it like a breast X-ray, where they squash your nads between 2 sheets of glass.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
No, just smeared in KY
and then a hand held ultrasound rubbed around on them.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
You can get this on the NHS?
Where do I apply?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
Wow!
You saw the best and coolist person in the hospital!

The 'Ultrasound' guy!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
Yarf.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
That is some TOP TOP BOLLOCKING news DG
What have they got?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
SPUNK

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
PRIDE

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)
SPUNKY PRIDE
Sounds like a limited edition bitter.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
or a bad evening in a surprise bukake party

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:45, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)
They no longer have an attractive lady doctor smearing KY Jelly all over them for one thing...

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
You can get that on the NHS?
*Moves up north*
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
Yay for cancer free bollox!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
I have an interview!
I am basically a tasty bun that the colleges are fighting over :)
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Crunchy has a bun in the over.
Or something.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
I heard that in the test match coverage.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
you got me stumped

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
I can't wait until these puns are 'over'

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
I just hope something better than that
rises from these ashes
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
You're 'wide' of the mark if you think that's the case.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
I'm creasing up.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:43, Reply)
and green with envy?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)

Give us a leg break.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
that pun was wicket

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
Are you a fan of cricket? Or are you forced to use Googly to find these puns?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
I'm not exactly batty about it

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:45, Reply)
Have you got a square leg?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
no, and I've got no-balls

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
You should see my silly mid on.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:49, Reply)
*Runs*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
*Catches*
*drops*
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
Howzat?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
*fields*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:52, Reply)
*Drives*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:53, Reply)
*claps politely*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
*Slips*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
They've heard about your awesome
timid, geek bloke devirginating skillz. And are fighting tooth and nail for them.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
woah!
not that young!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
Woo!
Jeffjeffjeffjeffjeffjeffjeffjeff!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
Blousie! Blousie! Blousie!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
Jeffjeffjeffjeffjeffjeffjeff!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
Blousie! Blousie! Blousie!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
It's Ok I've come now.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
*Sparks up a couple of tabs*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)

*goes for a pee*
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)

*tucks soldier away, walks away from the window*
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:49, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
My problem is not going out with Uni girl now. She is ill.
I take small comfort in the fact she wasnt in today either and she might not be bumping me out. Currently smoking my thc hash I made and it's very strong.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)
Pfft! people get ill.
Nah worries!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
She has the JeffAIDS Blousie.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
OMG! SHE MIGHT DIE!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
DIE OF AWESOME.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
I'm not worried I just really wanted to watch Harry potter
And get in some knee rubbing which would lead to heavy petting, the likes of which would have lifeguards soaking their suits for all the wrong reasons.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
You just want to play with her wizards sleeve.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:19, Reply)
But Uni girl still likes you
So that's something.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
Yup she is proper stupid

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
Dang...

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
to be fair
people do get ill. Take her some chicken soup and instantly appear awesome
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
Nah still too soon for that.
Hows you awesomeness?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
ahm doin' OK
been talking to a fella on a dating site who sounds interesting, work's going well. I think I must be missing what is going wrong :)
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:43, Reply)
Nice touch make sure he isn't related to Albert fish.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)
One of Monty's heroes
A killer and cannibal of children
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
I assume everyone you meet on the internet does that

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:49, Reply)
I haven't met anyone from here yet.
Will soon though.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
I'm skyving the bristol bash now
due to offers of parties much further away :/
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
Have you never seen one of these people in the (ample) flesh yet?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:52, Reply)
nope
One person I already know occasionally posts on links and I knew one of the old 4thurians. That is it for my knowledge of real life B3Tans
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
Oi! less of the ample.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
Google him he is the most evil man ever

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Nah! he was just misunderstood.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
You seem nonplussed by the activities of the National Socialist German Workers' Party

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
I meant on an individual scale. Being part of a group allows for more
Monstrous behaviour. How are you fella?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:53, Reply)
I'm tickety boo
Fish can only be confirmed for tagging 5, the likes of Amon Göth did far better.

Oh yeah what's happening with Arsenal?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
I don't want to talk about it, it upsets me.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:00, Reply)
Oh : (
On a side note has Wenger really been playing away from home?
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:04, Reply)
Looks like it who would have thought he had it in him

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 21:04, Reply)
Spankyhanky is the most evil man ever.
FACT.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:10, Reply)
Phonecall from my landlord.
I hope everything ok. Would he be calling if everything is ok? What could we have done wrong? Eep.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:05, Reply)
Don't fret unless there is need to.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:06, Reply)
I fret the whole fucking time!
He's not allowed to come round whenever, is he? The only thing wrong that I could imagine is the mess (we're all quite messy) and I think you have to give 48 hours notice or something before coming round. I hope it's nothing, I hate getting in trouble.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:09, Reply)
He can visit whenever but he can't just come in without your permission.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:11, Reply)
But I can't just leave him outside, it's fucking cold!
Argh will he just CALL ME BACK PLEASE
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:14, Reply)
I might be getting landlords confused with vampires.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Phew- it's fine
He just needs to show someone round for reevaluation or something, so other than a major tidy-up shit should be cash.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:29, Reply)
Told ya!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:38, Reply)
No you didn't.
You were banging on about vampires.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:40, Reply)
You......are.......not.......the.......boss.......of................................ME!

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:45, Reply)
Don't you oppress me.
Ni! Ni! Ni!
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:50, Reply)
*blows raspberry*

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:56, Reply)
hehehe
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nyE1DFNmfY
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 21:04, Reply)
Hahaha!
I remember this.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 21:14, Reply)
He might be offering to lag your pipes?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:07, Reply)
I beg your pardon?

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:09, Reply)
:)

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:11, Reply)
Oh boy!
Some people have all the luck.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:10, Reply)
I said pipes. Not tubes.

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:12, Reply)
: D

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:12, Reply)
I like this because it's innuendo

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:19, Reply)
alt: Nigella, phwoar

(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Fucking right.
Me, Nigella and a giant pot of Nutella.

Bring that that fucker on.
(, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 20:47, Reply)

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