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Sometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.
Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.
Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.
( , Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)
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Would you buy a raffle ticket for £100 if the prize was a house?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:48, 312 replies)
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So long as (like Halfy said) it's a nice house.
And on my south sea island, not in Grimsby.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:51, closed)
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I might buy a house if I stood a chance of winning a free ticket :)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)
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When I lived in Hull, there were houses on sale near me for £20. The catch was that you had to renovate and then live in 'em for 3 years (IIRC).
I wouldn't pay £100 to enter a raffle for a £20 house.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)
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and nice neighbours?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:55, closed)
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2 bedrooms and a easily converted to a library room, acre of land minimum, close to a butchers & bakers shops and have at least one decent local pub. Not that im fussy or anything.
edit: Oh, and an open fire, no fire, no ticket.
harrumph
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)
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If they're raffling it, there has to be something seriously wrong with it, surely?
*is old and cynical*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)
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for B3tamansions. That place sounds great.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)
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If it's that nice, it'll sell. Or be rent-able (is that even a word?) or something.
*is still old and cynical*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:03, closed)
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and desperate to move it.
Good afternoon by the way.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:05, closed)
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What's the house worth? (W)
How many tickets are they selling? (N)
If N x £100 > W, no. Otherwise, maybe.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)
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*accepts strawberry meringue*
Lovely here, isn't it. Much better view ...
@Kaol : What kind of satisfaction? I may be able to help ..
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)
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@ancrenne: thanks for linking the old thread. If I ever cure my b3tadiction, I'll know where to follow the trail of links.
EDIT: @clendrix: Was just buying my concert-ticket.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)
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cure your B3ta addiction? I hope you're not even trying to, young man! Tsh.
Edit: Bought mine! So excited!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)
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you're not going to be poorly all over the new b3tamansion are you?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)
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Oooh! It's nice in here!
*puts on white glove*
*runs finger over edges*
*finds dust*
And just what is this? Hmm?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:33, closed)
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I brought fun stuff too!
Look!
Water balloons!
*throws*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:33, closed)
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aw thanks.
*blushes*
*considers offering epic satisfaction*
*decides that lack of energy means satisfaction is likely to be brief rather than epic*
*leaves Kaol to someone else*
edit: *throws DiT a duster, with the words "if you want the job done properly, do it yourself"*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)
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is Eton mess?
I sometimes make a mess while I'm eatin' - is that the same thing?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:35, closed)
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Strawberries, meringue, cream.
Mash up.
Devour.
Die happy.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)
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Yup, although evidently Kelso is far enough south!
Strawberries are nice, although I do prefer rasps. A much under-rated soft fruit, IMO.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)
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I'll bring her back later.
In one piece...
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)
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soak the strawberrys in good quality balsamic vinegar with some sugar first.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)
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But I seem to be getting busier at work.
I still read all the crap you lot post though : )
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:40, closed)
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My pinny's gone all see through and clingy...
(Actually, that's a very specific audience I'm aiming at there, isn't it?)
EDIT: WAIT! I saw mention of bikinis? Who is in bikinis?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:41, closed)
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Apart from ancrenne's wet bikini, HLT and I are licking marmalade off each other in another thread.
Great, innit?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)
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@ancrenne: If you get covered in marmalade, it will be washed off in the waterbaloon-fight.
* gets hosepipe out *
* the one I use so I have a water-suply to fill the baloons with you filthy pervs *
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:51, closed)
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Would you sponsor a fellow b3tard that was about to ride across Iowa with Lance Armstrong to raise money in memory of his deceased sister?
If so clicky here:
www.livestrong.org/grassroots2008/ragbrai2008sbrown
Seriously, every bit helps. I will be eternally in your debt!
Cheers!
Citadel
PS(No house in the drawing but I WILL be giving away Outback Steakhouse gift certificates!)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:52, closed)
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Outback Steakhouse sounds good. And I'm going over to the US on holiday in a month or two.
Can't beat a tasty incentive!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)
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Thank you. That is all.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:00, closed)
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They got me there on false pretenses to use words like "Money back guarentee" and "£5000, reduced from £8,500" and "Would you like to speak to our finance department?"
Fucking cunts trying to sell me a fucking IT course worse a mere % of that.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)
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And didn't get interviewed for fucking job. Fuckers. *gets out his table leg*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)
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Oh no!
here. have some wine and eton mess. and some water balloons to pelt us with.
Seriously, that sucks.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:07, closed)
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post the address, and we'll make them sorry
*plots evil revenge*
*syphons petrol out of neighbour's car*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:07, closed)
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"Hi Frishta,
I am
Regards,
Rick"
My reply to her email, whad'ya think?
Edit @ TWW:
The Business Development Acadamy, 4 Frederick's Place, Old Jewry, BANK, City of London. EC2R 8AB.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:08, closed)
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* gasps *
Any idea how they managed to trick you into thinking you had an interview?
Have some marmelade-filled water-baloons to play with.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)
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it might need a touch more make-the-reader-feel-like-an-idiot though
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)
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"Hi, would you like to come in for an interview on Monday at 2:30 for an IT Consultants job?" "Well, I'm not at all qualified for that" "Oh, that's fine, we do on the job training" "oh, okay then, I guess I can come along"
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)
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* hugs *
While I've never been tricked into going to a first interview, I did once get tricked into going for a second interview at a company by the receptionist.
EDIT: @ancrenne: Also Ouch! That sucks. * careful not to hug *
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:16, closed)
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Oh wait, no, she's a receptionist, make that free. ;)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:17, closed)
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I heard through the grapevine that she was having trouble with the boss and wanted to cause as much chaos as she could as a form of revenge.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:19, closed)
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I know what your answer would be to that. ;)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:24, closed)
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you know the rules. That sunburn won't exist until pictures are properly displayed.
edit - by the way, the title of this reply isn't an instruction to Kaol. Unless he want it to be.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)
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and what state of repair it's in for me.
Citadel, I've bookmarked it and will donate when I get paid. Gaz me around the first of the month in case I forget
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)
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We don't need to see your face in the pictures. So you can retain your anonymity.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:30, closed)
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How obsurd!
*sticks around to see if it happens*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:32, closed)
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And there was me thinking Spunkchup was handy.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:33, closed)
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I may aswell pretend you are.
Oh, and congratulations!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:35, closed)
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I was merely trying to
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:40, closed)
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There's a perfectly drink-out-of-able container that it all comes in.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:40, closed)
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Woooooooo!
So does being employed and unemployed at the same time mean you can get work done while reading b3ta?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:41, closed)
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Your point being...?
I'm off home. May see some of the night crew later. Bye for now.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:45, closed)
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How are you all?
I would have been here a lot sooner, but I am speshual enough to have to ready everything before I can start posting. I am all caught up on happenings now.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:46, closed)
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due to foolishly going clubbing on Friday despite exhaustion and overcaffeination. I did manage to emerge from bed for long enough to buy a saw and eat some anchovies though, so it wasn't all bad.
Woo for paid employment, and boo for sneaky tricks relating to Gayer.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)
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a massive rant over the male gaze and how you're objectifying the wimmin folk on here, but really can't be arsed.
Edit: Hi Wookie
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:57, closed)
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but rest assured that things will be sawn tonight, and chiselled, and if they're really lucky sandpapered.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:00, closed)
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on your sawing activities.
It has the potential for great awe or amusing anecdotes.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:02, closed)
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"I'm going out to the garage to saw a lump of wood in half!"
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:03, closed)
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it's not bodies, despite the sandpapering comment.
EDIT: I'm off to class - later, my dears!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:07, closed)
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Unfortunately I have no idea what I'm doing and will probably fuck it up comprehensively, so I don't want to tell people what it is until it's done. That way people can't ask "Whatever happened to your plan of making ??????" and instead I can show them mangled bits of wood nailed haphazardly together, insist it's art and claim it was what I was intending all along.
EDIT - Bye Clendrix!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:08, closed)
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You're making a crucifix. Are you the son of Jebus?
*genuflects*
No, wait. That can't be right.
It's an ark, isn't it? You're building an ark. What do you know?
No. That can't be right either.
Is it going to be a dining table? Will it hold beef? And mustard?
*eats*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)
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Then by 6 it's almost silent bar one or two.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)
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as I was late this morning because I had to go and buy some electricity.
It was not helped by me ignoring my alarms and refusing to get up until 9am.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:13, closed)
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about 6.30ish and wonder where the hell everyone went.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:13, closed)
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My dad did have long hair and a beard when I was a youngster, and he is a bit of a cunt, but I don't think he's Jebus.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:14, closed)
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Noooooow.
To play bass in a tiny shed, in the middle of the countryside.
I'll be on tonight. As I have such an exciting social life...
Bye!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:15, closed)
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Here till 6. Then off to play with mr hlt. and I haven't had to work a late shift for ages, so missing the early evening crew too.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)
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I am all socialled out after last week, so I may be back on here with some beer later.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)
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And now, I'm going to make like a tree and get out of here.
Take care, you beautiful people!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:22, closed)
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Twenty minutes to go.
*Does a little impatient jig*
*Realises it's the needing a pee dance*
*Pees*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:24, closed)
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makes ya sound like an idiot when you cant get it right ,)
Gin is nasty vile stuff, but if it floats your boat then it's all good :)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:25, closed)
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so it would have to be a very light boat or it would risk sinking.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:28, closed)
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Anyone who hasn't seen Kung fu Panda really needs to by the way, it's hilariously stupid :)
Wookie, I think you're making a balsa wood boat arent you?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:30, closed)
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I'm not sure I can afford that. I would need rather a lot of wood to do myself justice.
Fnarr.
Can I just fund your drinking at bashes instead? Money spent on booze does not count as overspending.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:41, closed)
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Being unemployed, my b3taing is very eratic.
However, I've been looking at websites of potential future employers so I've been silently absent this past hour or so.
@WGW
Re funding drinking at bashes: I take it you still haven't read last night's thread.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:44, closed)
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I do not have to be at work any more, so I'm off. See you later!
*waves*
EDIT - not sure about Southampton, I think I have to go to a stag do in Blackpool. I will definitely be around for August though.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:45, closed)
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Bye WGW.
EDIT: @ancrenne: The bit where you left me all alone.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:47, closed)
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Need to find tasty foodstuffs and organise my notes for tomorrow.
Back later
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:56, closed)
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* realises I'm all alone *
* DOH! It's happened again! *
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 17:57, closed)
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Fear not, mistaspakkaman, for TheWeeWitch is here. The Witchlets are fed, the homework is done, the ironing and hoovering are done.
I have returned.
*realises no-one noticed she was gone*
*sighs*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 18:00, closed)
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Am trying to get things done so my posting is only sporadic.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 18:04, closed)
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looking for various items on t'interweb. Nothing awfully interesting, really. Still, it keeps me out of mischief ... mostly
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 18:11, closed)
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.
*dries wookie's tears*
I'm here - for about another 15 minutes. Have been in and out (pardon the phrase) but no-one was here.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:28, closed)
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Is there something good on the telly, or what?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:32, closed)
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There's nothing good on until Chuck at ten, and even that's ropey.
I have been doing facebook admin.
"Hi, I'm your friend's little brother, and you never liked me. Want to be friends?"
More trouble than it's worth.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:37, closed)
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is a bit crap. I got fed up with it quickly. I took ages to get into it, and lost interest more rapidly. I still use it from time to time for
I can't be arsed with the games and stuff.
b3ta is much more fun.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:42, closed)
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I prefer Livejournal and text messages for organising stuff, the games are all rubbish and too many people I was happy never seeing again can use it to stalk me.
I myself am far too good at stalking to require the internet for those purposes.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:44, closed)
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blocked on both our computers - some baaaad stuff was going on at my eldest daughter's school last year. I got tough. I also copy and pasted some rather nasty remarks left by wee lassies who do know better, and emailed them to their parents. I've also done the same with msn conversations before.
Evil? Moi? You say that like it's a bad thing.
edit: off for the night now, byeeeeeee.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:44, closed)
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Facebook allows you to make interweb contact with people you knew at school, as real people.
Whereas we spend all day writing crap to complete strangers on the net, then agree to meet up in the real world. I think that's a better way.
Especially when you need to guess what people look like. Although I'm steering clear of that after today!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:49, closed)
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My little brother's mate (born in '85) had broadband from the age of 10, and at 15 was so overexposed to porn that it had to have horses in to get him interested.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:49, closed)
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Prior to the bash I hadn't really talked to people much, so I'm impressed by claims of "You looked just like how I imagined!"
I default to assuming everyone on the internet is an internet fatty, so was pleasantly surprised.
EDIT - nn WW :)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:51, closed)
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a better class of nerd on here. Some of us could even be considered normal. Well, nearly.
But I didn't know you could get broadband in 1995 - unless it was ISDN or an expensive T3 line or something. That's going some.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:55, closed)
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when gigabytes were still spoken of with reverence.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 20:59, closed)
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for a 330MB hard drive. My mate was well impressed - "that's nearly a third of a Gig you've got!"
I recently got a 1GB flash drive for nothing. It's like a very small stick of chewing gum, and would cost under a fiver had I actually bought it. How times change.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:07, closed)
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how are we?
Ooh reminds me I need to sort out a facebook group to tell people I have a new phone number as my old one's been cut off.
Shall we make a b3ta qotw group?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:08, closed)
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Because I'm back.
*nods*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:09, closed)
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K2k6, my first PC had a 35meg hard drive - I had delete Windows to be able to play the Doom demo.
EDIT - And hello Kaol.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:10, closed)
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How are we all this fine evening?
I can't talk, so I'm glad this is text-based.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:12, closed)
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I can beat you there - my first machine had a 40GB drive! And MacOS 7.0, which required a massive 4MB to run properly.
I currently have about 1.8TB of disk space and 6GB of RAM on my computer. And a lot of it gets used!
Hello Kaol.
Hello Becky.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:13, closed)
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Anyone would have thought you'd have learned after the last time.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:13, closed)
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Nah, combination of bad hayfever and a three-hour band practice.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:14, closed)
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My first computer (all my own, not a borrowed off my brothers) had 10mb of memory as it was a piece of shit IBM one. So instead of being able to upgrade it easily I had to get expensive IBM chips as they put the pins in back to front. Fuckers
B3ta group is created
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:15, closed)
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is a nuisance. I'm sniffing a bit just now so I went to Superdrug today to buy some antihistamines.
Last time I bought them they were 99p a packet. Today however, they were £1.98 a packet. But on a buy one get one free deal.
Bargain, eh?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:16, closed)
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my first computer was a BBC Master Micro with no hard drive, 512kb RAM and a 5-and-a-quarter inch floppy drive. And I had a Battelstar Galactica game on it.
So there.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:18, closed)
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Happy now?
Stop this petty one-up-man-ship.
And entertain me, dammit, that's what you're here for!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:20, closed)
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but I learned 6800 assembly code on a Cromemco beast which was the size of a photocopier and used 8" floppies!
Edit: @Kaol - yeah, yeah, we'll get round to it.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:23, closed)
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Ok, you win.
Kaol - sit tight buddy, I'm sure I'll be rendered fun eventually.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:25, closed)
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You're boring, I'm gonna go put some stuff in boxes for when I move tomorrow.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:27, closed)
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Did you hear the one about the guy who was moving house and decided to put all his stuff in boxes for easy transport?
No, neither did I.
I'm not really in a funny mood tonight. Too much music production.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:36, closed)
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The interesting people to turn up.
Or I could get drunk and put my tongue in your mouth.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:39, closed)
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With the drunk that is, not the snogging k2k6.
Not that I wouldn't.
Oh dear.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:41, closed)
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with marmalade and HLT today, so I'm all funned out. But she's offline with Mr HLT tonight, in the Real World.
I mean, what's all that about?
Edit - your tongue is fine in your own mouth Kaol. Keep it there!
Edit again - and you wookiee!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:41, closed)
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*opens tramp cider*
Mr. Wookie, are things awkward now we've had our tongues in each others mouths?
I mean... I hope we can still be friends...
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:42, closed)
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*thinks of something amusing to do*
*Fails*
screw this place, I'm going to set up my own QOTW with black jack...and hookers...
ahh screw the black jack
ahh screw the whole thing.
*stomps off*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:43, closed)
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Duh.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:43, closed)
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Awkward?
Distressingly, I suspect I have kissed more men than I have women.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:43, closed)
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Screw the hookers?
*grabs power drill*
@ Wookiee
How did I rate?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:45, closed)
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due to non-consensuality.
Gayer - No it's because men are easy and women are complicated.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:47, closed)
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but women don't want bald kiddies?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:49, closed)
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They'll teach you this at school one day, but kissing doesn't make kiddies.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:50, closed)
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Aren't babies generally bald?
@ Wookiee
Don't pretent you didn't get a little thrill...
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:51, closed)
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but usually kissing leads to baby making...
If you're not bald.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 21:59, closed)
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@Gayer - not if you're careful they don't.
I am off for some telly, might see you chaps later.
*waves bye*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:02, closed)
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but care during the baby-making process means it need not lead to the making of actual babies. Unless you're unlucky, or else desire it to happen.
And it helps to have one person of each gender, if you're going for the sprog manufacturing process. Kaol licking men's faces just won't cut it!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:06, closed)
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Kaol's the face raper, I'm the face licker. Subtle but important difference.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:07, closed)
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but reading through what I missed, it doesn't really feel like it!
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:12, closed)
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With our powers we could make powerful Super-Villans.
I propose we hold France to ransom.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:12, closed)
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But you can lick my face* anytime.
If you've not been smoking, at least. I'm not a fan of nicotine.
*or any other part
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:13, closed)
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I only licked Bert and Al's faces Gayer and it didn't seem like such a good idea once I'd done it as they were intent on doing it back and it's not terribly pleasant.
Sure why not Kaol
Hi Clendrix ;)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:14, closed)
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something along the lines of me keeping all the pretty french guys - I know for a fact that there's one or two - until they do something like be less French
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:20, closed)
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who's going to pay the ransom for France?
I mean, couldn't we just do without it? The French might not agree, but they'll just surrender.
They do have nice wines though, so we could take over the vineyards.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:20, closed)
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Australian or Chilean is much nicer.
Well the French will have to pay or they wont get their pretties back
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:25, closed)
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Dear lord! Chilean yes, though. Bulgarian or Hungarian reds - mmm.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:27, closed)
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If you're cooking with it then I guess French is tolerable. Just
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:28, closed)
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is the business, as are some of the Burgundy and Bordeaux reds. But Australian is my favourite,
And on that note, night all. I'm off to bed.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:35, closed)
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I was wondering where you'd got to. nicely pissed I see :)
So what's your plan of action for tomorrow?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:47, closed)
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Cider amongst other things.
We'd had quite a lot of it though.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:53, closed)
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(cider with blackcurrent)
I took things one stage further, and had quite a few Red Diesels, which are cider&black with vodka.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 22:59, closed)
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what sort of jobs are you going for?
Ahh you'll be fine me dear :)
Feeling fine now thanks, back to work in the morning. Today's been nice though, bit like being unemployed again for just one day or holiday as the rest of you call it ,)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:02, closed)
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Curriculum Vitae
Richard
44 • • •
Phone • E-mail
Personal statement
I am an enthusiastic, well-organised and reliable person who, at 18 years old, is seeking the opportunity for more experience in a call centre, with a view to building a career.
I have an excellent telephone manner and sound communication skills. I pay particular attention to detail and am quick to learn. I am a competent and confident computer user and have relevant work experience in data entry; telephony and the general office duties listed in the advertisement. I am a self-taught typist with good speed and accuracy.
I am educated to GCSE standard.
Work / Vocational Training Experience
Office Administrator
I was most recently employed as an Office Administrator for a busy family removals company who specialise in commercial and library relocations. My role within the company consisted of a variety of administration duties.
I operated the switchboard, taking all the incoming calls and redirecting them to the appropriate member of staff or taking accurate messages when necessary. As the first point of contact I had to maintain a professional, polite manner in order to represent the company under it’s best light.
Another of my tasks was to write up any quotations given to me by an estimator, this required me to accurately transfer hand written details into a template on Microsoft Word and prepare a covering letter, I arranged for the quotation to be either posted or e-mailed to the potential clients. I was also responsible for preparing written confirmation details; this includes information such as dates, times and relevant addresses or locations relating to the contract.
The company has contracts with private companies and a Local Authority to store archived documents which are sometimes required by the client, I therefore operated and maintained an archiving database, which runs on Microsoft Access and Visual Basic, so as to keep track of archive box locations in order to retrieve and deliver them on request to the client.
I transferred the information provided to me by the operations manager to a job sheet for the foreman so that the details of the relocation are effectively passed to the operatives on site.
I prepared invoices for domestic removals ensuring all the relevant details were visible to the client for payment.
Throughout this role I developed various skills and feel confident in my abilities to deal with colleagues and clients alike, and to ensure accuracy in data transfer. I appreciate that a conscientious, professional and polite manner at all times is key to business success.
Data Entry Clerk
I was employed on a temporary contract to identify potential clients for a new service presented by chartered surveyors. Working to a director, I maintained a database of company customers in Microsoft Access, expanding it through research to include other companies who may benefit from the service. I identified appropriate contact points within those companies and used Microsoft Word to generate targeted mailshots. I undertook all general office duties, including filing, typing and photocopying. I completed all my tasks within deadline.
Trainee Blacksmith
I attended an intensive blacksmithing course during which I learnt the essential methods of blacksmithing.
Volunteer
Extended work experience in an educational Bronze Age camp.
References
References available on request.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:03, closed)
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I made sure that I took out all the personal details though.
Edit: Oh, and I'm not paranoid. ;)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:07, closed)
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@ancrenne re b3ta addiction:
I weep with you. Am I too late for my snog?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:07, closed)
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I seem to have spent more time pruning my CV than actually adding new content to it. Some people say a CV should not be longer than a page, but mine's 3 pages. Personally, I believe that I should post a scissors with my job applications so that anyone who doesn't want to read all of it should cut out the bits they don't want, but unfortunately, the professional world does not work like that.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:10, closed)
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but I'm gonna go to sleep now and speak to you all tomorrow. G'night!
Edit: Mr Spak - I would consider a c.v. more than a page long, as long as it was all concise with no waffle.
Mmm...waffles.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:11, closed)
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two pages long, very concise as I got a mate who writes cvs to look at it for me and fix stuff to make it look pretty.
Agrees, Gayer, that is a bit TMI
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:16, closed)
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I've made the decision to keep as few hints on my b3ta posting history to my real-world identity as possible. Office HR departments are ruthless with Google. That's why I replied to beckyjsbx by gaz instead of posting it here (btw. if you are curious about my line of work, feel free to ask by gaz). On the plus side, it means you lot can read my juicier secrets on QOTW.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:16, closed)
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My life outside of my work has very little if anything to do with my work.
If they don't like me for enjoying the odd bit of goat sex or they dislike my views on whatever then fine. I'm there to work and as long as I do that without brekaing any rules why should it matter?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:18, closed)
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Disagree with what I think by all means, but do not say that I'm "innocent" in a which implies "niave". I am capable of making my own opinions on something, if you wish to challenge them fine, but don't just disregard them because they're not yours.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:22, closed)
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I have watched TV, finished all my beer and am shower-fresh! Did I miss anything?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:25, closed)
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Serious, serious, serious help.
I just got locusts EVERYWHERE.
Fuck.
Be back in a few.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:25, closed)
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@ancrenne: I agree with your sentiments about being a human, but unfortunately, the professional world is a big mind-fuck. If you set up a revolutionary front to combat this, I'll be the first to sign up.
EDIT: lo wellgroomedwookiee
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:26, closed)
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I need help
Serious, serious, serious help.
Fuck.
Be back in a few.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:27, closed)
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I formed a resistance group in which every damn word of my CV is the literal truth and in which I never ever lie during interviews.
I am temping at the moment.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:29, closed)
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If that was directed at me then:
It's nothing to do with fucking the rules or anything, it's just to do with not giving a shit. No-one is who they say they are at work. Some people see the need to hide it, but the employers know everyone has something to hide. Me? Well, I don't see the point. Better to be open about it than to have them find out when you're hopes are set on that shiny new promotion.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:31, closed)
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The last two jobs I interviewed for I didn't get because of the internet. So I've had to make my profile private, change a bunch of usernames and ask other people to delete content about me.
It's very very easy to find out details about someone and judge them on it over the net.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:32, closed)
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If I thought this username (or indeed my LJ) could be linked to a job application, I'd say even less than I do now.
HR departments are cunts, and tracking people down on the internet has to be one of the more interesting parts of their job, so be sure they'll go all out.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:34, closed)
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I'm not gonna hide who I am for some up-his-own-arse gobshite who probably enjoys to sit around in spandex and play with young boys, but doesn't like it when someone he's gonna employ has a bit of a laugh on the web.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:35, closed)
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but sad to say in practice it's better to be safe than sorry.
There are an awful lot of humourless twats in the world.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:37, closed)
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Well, you just got a view sponsored by Gayer for free. ;)
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:37, closed)
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as I said, I'm me, fuck 'em otherwise. It's my business what I do outside my job. It's my business to make it as public as I like, it's also my business what I do and it's none of their business to judge it.
/is not at all soured by the cunts he worked for last week.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:40, closed)
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Fuck that, for a "free thinking" socialist type person, you're incredibly patronising and presumptuous.
I'm too fucked off to sit here and chat now. Cya all. Going to bed.
Edit: Oh, and contradictory and hipocritcal.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:42, closed)
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I for one think we should always be ourselves at all times, but at the same time, if we want the jobs we want, we have to be aware that some aspects of ourselves can put off some people. It's not ideal, but it's the way it is. As I said, I'd join any revolution going to comabt this.
These jobs are about getting work done and not a platform to express yourself. In my defense, I have chosen a line of work that I enjoy doing and has been an interest since I was a small child.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:43, closed)
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Is it such a great principle to have to be publicly on the net talking about goatse and stuff when it could hold your career back, not to mention souring future friends, girlfriends etc...?
Why not have an online persona that is exactly the same as your real life persona only untraceable to you?
Where's the harm in that?
Oh fuckit, if you can't discuss it then I'm not going to bother.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:43, closed)
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Bread, beetroot, saurkraut and locusts.
Tempted?
I finally got the jumping bastards back in their box.
*frowns*
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:43, closed)
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Gaz me and I'll happily discuss it with you tomorrow, however, right now Ancrenne's gotten my back up something rotten.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:45, closed)
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I've just eaten some toast and still had some in my mouth when I snogged you. Still hungry?
G'night Belle Gay.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:47, closed)
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Gayer - it sucks, but it's the way things are. I'm not much different online than I am in person (I hope), but I've been working where I am now for almost three years and I'm still not entirely myself at work - and things that are fine now would not have been appreciated when I first started. You've got to demonstrate that you can do the job first, and be yourself second, or unless you're very lucky binman is all you'll manage.
Moving swiftly on, I'm not as drunk as I suspect you are Ancrenne, but I feel some frivolity before bed is in order - what adventures have you had this evening?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:50, closed)
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with just a smidgen of cheese on it as I don't want to start puking again and I'm still starving
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:50, closed)
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I have some pasta, some potato salad, some bread and some smoked mackerel - would you like any?
@Kaol - I have a robot cricket, real escaped ones cannot be any more annoying. I have had to tie it up and seal it in a box locked inside another box shut in a drawer under a blanket.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:53, closed)
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I think someone slipped me a kipper at the bash, thus my vomiting.
EDIT: Why didn't you take the batteries out?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:55, closed)
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Get you with yer posh food. *flings fish fingers*
Why not just take the batteries out?
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:57, closed)
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and it's a funky little brass doodad that I will eventually treasure. Once the battery has run out.
I really wish there had been an off switch though.
( , Mon 23 Jun 2008, 23:58, closed)
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Is it one of those ones they sell in shops in Hong Kong, places like that.
In a box, and they go chirping of they get light on them?
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:00, closed)
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as it's in a box inside another box under a blanket in a drawer and it still goes off from time to time, but it's similar.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:02, closed)
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Like the "misc electronical beep" that I hear every day at 5:23 am.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:04, closed)
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is the electricity meter's "You will run out of electricity before your mains-powered alarm clock goes off, and there's fuck all you can do about it because it's 2am and all the shops are shut, ahahahahah!" beeping noise.
It went off last night. I was late for work.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:06, closed)
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I had a furby that I swear was posessed. I'd be sitting in the lounge a good 5 or 6 metres away from it with no one else in the room and it'd "wake up" and start talking to me.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:10, closed)
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only there was no bastard electricity so it switched itself off :(
EDIT - A furby with a dying battery is terrifying.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:11, closed)
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Ah yes, the old electricity meter running out and mains powered alarm-clock. Have been late for work too because of this. And this was the day after I'd promised my boss I'd make more of an effort to be in on time.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:17, closed)
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It has just the right combination of geekiness and sentimentality for me, and consitently makes me wish I'd thought of things first.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:27, closed)
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Suits my esoteric taste in humour pretty well.
b3ta however is a good all-rounder.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:29, closed)
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I'm afraid I must sleep, dudes and ladies. I shall return on the morrow.
Have a lovely evening.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:32, closed)
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I don't have enough hair for a perm, sadly. If electrocuted my hair would look more like an elderly run-over sea urchin.
nn chaps.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:36, closed)
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it's ok kids, I'm heading off to bed now. Gotta be at work for 10 and its late already.
Night, don't stay up too late you two
xx
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:51, closed)
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What people are they?
*shrugs*
I dunno where they've got those ideas from...
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 0:57, closed)
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too bad.
Ate my housemates sausages. He wasn't happy, but I blamed it on the other housemates brothers friends who were staying at the weekend.
Ah to sow discord and disharmony... bliss
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:36, closed)
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especially since he'd planned on cooking his horsefaced girlfriend a sausage casserole for dinner.
Mwhahahahah
I'm hearing wonderful rumours about the bash and a certain persons facerapage
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:39, closed)
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And quite excited...
And then I was sick. Very sick.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:40, closed)
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we've all been there... to varying degrees though.
I'm assuming it all went well though?
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:41, closed)
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theres an amazing photo to be taken here of the moon rising behind 4 chimneys of the house opposite... trying to take it but failing properly so far
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:51, closed)
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I hereby confirm, for the record that there is indeed "something going on with ancrenne and myself".
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:58, closed)
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I already heard via the bush telegraph that something was going on.
I heard other stuff too *mutters*
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 1:59, closed)
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that would be telling wouldn't it?
Alternatively I could have heard nothing and just be trying to wind you up... but you'll never know
mwahahahaha
In all honest, just about what happened at the bash.
I'd be a shit evil genius... too honest.
( , Tue 24 Jun 2008, 2:03, closed)
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