An Eye-Witness Account
We had gone for a walk in the meadow and came upon a little glade where we could sit and eat our picnic. I, having recently kept goats, had a bowl of yoghurt for me and a bowl of cream cheese for her.
They were delicious.

We were deep in conversation about the argument between Maurice Merleau-Ponty and Jean Paul Sartre - she made me laugh by suggesting that phenomenology was a pointless waste of time.

We continued to laugh and muse about French existentialism when a local arachnid settled next to her. With terror in her every nerve and fibre she ran away.

I gave chase - to her, not the eight-legged fiend.

When I happened upon her she was stretched out on a park bench next to a gentleman of the road - he kindly was providing her with sustenance in the form of a spirit based tonic and some comfort by holding her hand fast to his throbbing genitalia.

Ah, the joys of England in the Springtime.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 10:19, 5 replies)

I'm scared of reaching 4pm on a Wednesday...
And then finding I can't "perform".
( Cawl, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 10:08, 10 replies)

I'm afraid of
Escalators, especially when they're turned off. Just getting on makes me feel like fainting.

The building I work in forces me to use them as the stairs aren't easily accessable and the lifts have a habit of shutting down with people in them. I'd like to go up the one at the Trocadero, that would be like my Everest.

Oh and I'm pooping bricks about going to work today. I made an epic fail on Saturday and now I'm going in to face the consequences. Eep.
(It_Fit_When_I_Was_A_Kid, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Mandolins
not the musical instrument but the cooking kind for slicing vegetables. I don't use mine very often but everytime I get it out I can almost feel the end of my finger tips being sliced off *shudders*.
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:54, Reply)

We was drinkin'
He said im wanted two cidahz,
Shanie sayz she wanted tree WKD's,
but me was cooler... me wanted Fo' Beerz.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:45, 1 reply)

Arachnophobia, how you have damaged me.
I've been scared of spiders for as long as I can remember, not as bad these days as it was halfway through my teenages but they still get to me quite badly.
I remember this one time in my childhood, I might have been 8 or 9 years old.
Me and some friends from school were heading home to one of us.
Outside the house stood a fairly small tree, maybe two meters tall, from which a spider was hanging in the best horror movie-pose, rotating slightly with all eight legs spread out.
I realize now that it must not have been much bigger than my hand is now, but back then it was humongous! The contrast to the tiny tree probably didn't help much to convey its actual size either.
I might add that I live in Sweden, not exactly a country well known for its abundance of large spiders, turns out the spider we saw was indeed of the largest species indigenous to Sweden, called "kärrspindel" (do a google image search if you wish, I'd link you a picture but I fear undertaking this would lead to me having to immediately shut off my monitor and do a hard reboot to banish the evil)

I insisted on standing twice as far away from it as we took turns throwing rocks at it, I told them it was because it would be too easy to hit it from where they were standing.
(NekomimiNinja now with a couple percent more posting, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Bananas
My friend has a massive phobia of bananas. As in cannot be in the same room as one, and if you chase her with one, she'll run away screaming. It's great fun!

But running from a banana? They're not exactly the most dangerous thing on this earth surely?
(doublefruit is wasting away the day that is, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:00, 12 replies)

This has been mentioned a few times..
Deep water.

Now... the depth is not an issue at all when it is clear... Swimming pools, exotic beaches, clear Mediteranian waters... No problem. (If i ever see an exptic beach of med-water I'll let you know)

The problem comes when I can't SEE the bottom. I used to race small sailing boats... and some races were held in ports. anchor chains from large vessels disappearing into the depths scared the hell out of me.. just knowing that there's a chain tethering a buoy to the sea-floor sends shivers up my spine...

I really don't know why: I can swim... I know there are no scary beasties down there... I'm not scared of sharks (and we don't have them here anyway).. It's just the eerie way in which these things descend into the dark deeps and disappear....

*shudders*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 16 Apr 2008, 9:00, 5 replies)

Irrational Fears.
A bout of depression since my teenage years have given rise to the following phobias.

1. Deep Water
Not because I was afraid of drowning, but because I was convinced that long lost amphibians way behind the evolutionary scale would lurk in its murky depths. This particular phobia was cured when I dated such a creature for 3 months. It was embarrasing to be seen out with her, but my testicles were rarely full for that period.

2. Wooden legged men
I would cross the road to avoid any male who walked with a limp, and anyone with an obviously prosthetic leg would have me quivering like Fern Brittan's chest in the marathon. This fear was traced back to an unfortunate micturation accident as a child whilst watching the life story of Douglas Bader.

3. Shabba Ranks
Because he looked as though he was made out of shiny leather. Plus I was convinced that he never took his sunglasses off because underneath were 2 pools of infinity through which one could view the fiery pit of hell.

4. The letter 'c'
For many years it was impossible for me to use the letter c, which made speaking to my boss very difficult

5. Morrisons Pork and Apple Sausages.
Those thick, juicy parcels of porcine meat are a joy to me now, but for a 5 year period following a visit to a very thick-set proctologist, I could not even be in the same room as one of them. Nor, for that matter could I sit on any of my kitchen chairs without a cushion, or a large smearing of 'Anusol'.

6. Block Paving.
This delight of the suburban semi, and nouveau-riche Essex set, was for me a desert of baked clay cubes which could have my trousers wetter than the Java rain forests. Pair these up with a BMW SUV with the private plate W14YNE or J10NNO or other pointless statement of wealth and lack of taste and I was facing a short holiday under sedation.

But I'm all better now.
(Vic Flange, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 8:43, 1 reply)

clowns again
This may be a wee bit long. Sorry.
Let me take you back to a few days before my story. I'd been reading an online article about clowns. For example, did you know there's a group called Clowns Without Borders who go around conflict areas to lighten the mood and do gigs at refugee camps and stuff. Total opposite to www.ihateclowns.com and it prolly makes things worse for the refugees with coulrophobia.
There's also a fetish for clowns which has led to Clown Porn. (sorry if anyone puked on the monitor)
I know this 'cause a new group who ran www.StopClownPornNow.org were the subject of the magazine article I was so interested in.
Now,
I have a massive moth phobia - can't stand the sound they make when they batter off the walls but worse is the thought of accidentally squashing one onto my clothes and being covered in the blood and gore. *full foetal cringe* So when it got to my boyfriend's sister's birthday and we discovered that hallmark had made wind up butterflies that fly like dervishes from ordinary birthday cards, I was fucking unnerved throughout the meal.
I become the subject of fascination. How could I be so scared of anything so harmless? And no-one else has a phobia.
"Now that's not true," pipes up boyfriend's mum, "you've got a thing for clowns," she says, indicating boyfriend.
"No Mum, having A THING for clowns is something entirely different," says the other half.
"Oh yes," I say, "cause there's that website..."
You could have heard a fucking pin drop. Then I got so embarrassed I couldn't speak. Who knew people will actually freeze with their forks in front of their mouths.
To this day, they still believe that I look at clown porn - and there's no way I'm bringing up the subject again. Maybe they'll just forget...

length? Three years later it still gives the bloke a chuckle when he thinks on it. the bastard.
(DippyFi, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 6:38, Reply)

Squeeze
The older I get the worse I get with heights. I know its not that funny or abnormal; but what my brain does to my body is.

It makes my sphincter tighten. Curious.
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 6:07, 1 reply)

Crumbs
Crumbs, especially soggy crumbs on a wet surface, are retch-worthy. I can't bear the sound of toast crumbs on a plate, but the absolute worst is food crumbs down the backs of chairs. I cannot put my hand down the back of a chair in case there are crumbs, and public transpost is a nightmare. If I've been sitting on the Tube, I have to take my trousers off & put them in the wash as soon as I get home. Because there might be crumbs stuck to me.

And yet, strangely, food that comes in breadcrumbs (chicken nuggets, scampi) does not bother me at all.

(Until the crumbs fall onto the plate. Then they're evil again)
(newname, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 4:25, 1 reply)

more spiders
also....very very scared of spiders...


im scared at the very prospect that there might be a spider.
the other day my friend locked the door to my other friend's shed while i was puttin cripsy pancakes in the freezer
nt only did it trigger a "shit i cant get out" panic instinct but also a "fuck fuck fuck there might be spiders" panic...


at which point my breathing got quicker, i felt sick n just ran to the door, hammering on it for him to let me out....
horrible....


he gave me lots of hugs when he saw how bad i was but holy fuck was i scared!!
( Kaydie hasn't been on here in ages, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 3:14, Reply)

When I was a kid
I walked in on my 5 year old neighbour crouched on the kitchen table shovelling handfuls of margerine into his gob like he was a pirate plundering a tub of something delicious.

He turned and looked at me his eyes wild and frenzied, although a spark of guilt emanated from him, as though it were 10 years into the future and he'd been caught spacking to a bendon catalogue.

I stood frozen in horror as he continued to bring up massive handfuls of the golden lard to his mouth slurping it down and licking his fingers, whilst staring at me, daring him to stop him. My mother walked in a few seconds after me and immediately chased him out of the kitchen with a broom, whereupon he ran out of the kitchen smearing margerine handprints throughout the house on the way through skipping delightedly like only an evil child can.

I have not been able to eat margerine or butter on anything since then, indeed the very thought of the texture and taste of it makes me want to ralph. It's probably the only reason I 'm not a huge fatty with type 2 diabeetus, and why cafe staff treat me with contempt when I ask about their sandwich's spread content, as though I were some kind of health nut hatin' on marg.

I questioned my mother about it some 12 years after it happened. .....

Apparently it never did.. I dreamed the whole damn thing.
(Sammyj, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 3:08, 1 reply)

my friend just told me
that he's scared of "hands scraping along a rough surface".. and not just his own hands - whenever he sees someone walk to close to a wall he gets scared that they'll accidentally scrape along it.

The same fellow is also afraid of cheese - all cheese that is except cheddar [and I thought I was weird!]
(snow15white wants some lithium, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 3:04, Reply)

flannel
yea i agree with the flannel thing
well, any material really...
it makes my teeth feel all funny thinkin about it...
i dont understand how some school kids can chew theire jumpers....it makes no sense!!
its horrible!!
( Kaydie hasn't been on here in ages, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 2:55, 1 reply)

Boohbah.
Boohbah will yet be responsible for a generation of satan-children.

Mark my words.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 2:53, Reply)

Spiders (again, but oz spiders)
Now i lived here for just over 2 years now and still cant get used to these fuckers running around my house.

I'll list the fucks i dont like.

Huntsman - Now these wont kill you but they look evil. On my very first night in my new house i was getting into bed when something caught my eye. Yep, it was a huntsman and he was intent on hiding. And hide he did. I couldnt find it for weeks, until one night in bed, i put my arm between my pillows and felt something crawl on my arm. Ive never had fear like this before or since. I mashed it good with a shoe and chucked out all my bedding. They still roam my house but the most effective method ive found is a can of something and a lighter, they burn and im sure i hear them scream. My flatmate isnt keen on this method as ive nearly burnt the house down many times.

Redbacks
Now thankfully dont get many of these, but ive had a few in the garden which ive had to murder. They are small and evil, and after too many beers sitting in the sun you get confident and forget they are there. Thats when they strike, never been bitten but have had many close calls.

Funnel Web
The most evil fucker of all. Length is getting on so wont go into detail. But they get into my pool and lurk until i dive in and then swim at me which in turn makes me shit it.

And then there are the roaches which i cant get rid of, but these dont hurt so they dont bother me.

Im not looking forward to going home tonight as there was a huntsman giving me the evil eye in the bathroom this morning who i left alone. He will be in my bed tonight. Shudder
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 2:51, 9 replies)

Not really a phobia, but
I found the wierd brass music to the Open University ident really unsettling. *shudders*
(SE 27139 What the fuck is THAT?, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 0:31, Reply)

None
But my senses get a bit heightened, and I do go into special forces mode around wasps, air karate and stuff.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 0:04, Reply)

My only phobia is...
Huffing jenkem. For those of you who are unaware of what jenkem is, it is fermented shit and piss. Apparently you shit in a bottle, then piss in it, put a balloon over the top and after a week or so, take the balloon off and inhale the stench. Result: you get high and see dead people or some bollocks.

I would be afraid to even be around people who do that.
( mariosoup is the patron saint of quality footwear, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 23:51, 1 reply)

Its sort of a phobia
Basically, If I eat a meal and it has nothing crunchy in it I feel like I'm going to throw up for about half an hour, which is stupid I know, but now I fear not having crunchy things in food! Justified? probably not.
(Bennyroo, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 23:34, Reply)

Overcoming phobias is a marvellous thing
for ex-Mr Maladicta is just plain Mr Maladicta again.
( Maladicta, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 23:13, 4 replies)

Vegetables...
I'm scared of cooked vegetables. I hate them. It freaks me the fuck out. And gravy.
If something has a vegetable on it, cooked, I'll freak out and won't touch it. If vegetable or gravy juice gets on me, I'll get upset and squirm. I used to work in a restaurant. I hated it.

Hate it hate it hate it
( Bathory, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:58, Reply)

and
I hate the feeling of dry roasted peanuts, it actually makes me feel sick. all rough and oily. pleugh.
(Ryfelwr can't stop here... this is bat country, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:53, Reply)

oooh
i also know someone who is scared of cows.
like some people are scared of knives, or axe murderers, hers is cows.

cows for christs sake!
(scarydylan has lost his scare :(, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:28, 3 replies)

Relationships.
I hate relationships. Mine last normally 3 days.

Day one: The world is my oyster, birds sing, my heart flutters and I am walking on air. All is right in my life, I am in love.

Day two: I start to feel trapped. I am losing my freewill and having to think about shopping trips and lunch dates with people for whom I neither care nor wish to spend more than a nanosecond in the same room as.

Day three: I have to get out. Sorry, it's not you, it's me etc.
(Vic Flange, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:20, 1 reply)

I have a mate
who has always had a problem with facial hair. His stubble could never be designer, unless the designer was one armed and blind. His whiskers were odd lenths, odd colours, basically his face was a right mess.

His solution to this was scary. (well i found it so). His shaving routine was meticulous, but that wasn't enough. After electolysis for a few years he finally achieved his aim of a chin the condition of a babies bum - and a particularly hairless one at that.

He then found a particularly creative wig-maker, who could fashion him a chin-rug so that he could be one of the boys. Just the sight of him in one of these face-borne monstrosities, even the thought of the sight of them made me come out in a cold sweat.

In fact, you could say I had a faux-beard phobia...
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:09, 2 replies)

BBC2
I guess each generation has their own scary TV thing, like testcard girl and the puppet. As a 90's child, a lot of things on BBC Two used to scare me and infact some still do now.

Remember those old idents? The green ones, circa 1990 odd? Those used to scare the pants off me, especially if I was watching something on my own.
I used to hate the powder one where the 2 comes crashing down onto the floor, scattering a green powder everywhere.
The fire one was the worst of them all. Imagine me at 7 years old watching a VHS of the BBC Learning Zone for some of the kids activities (don't ask), and that comes on. It's like some terrorist has taken over one of Britain's most prized institutions and then burnt it.

Oh and then there's the Ceefax pages they bring up as a 'programme' but you have no control over which page they choose, and the weird elevator-style music keeps blaring out. Perhaps I am a control freak? That's probably true.

Anyway, I'm sure a my peers would agree with me on the idents.

Oh and *popped* my posting cherry! Hurrah!
(claudio lost the game on, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:04, 2 replies)

TV phobia
One day i'm scared I'll be flicking through sky and every single channel will have something on I want to watch. Even the Bible bashing channels.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 22:00, Reply)