Chatting to attractive girls
I'm sure allot of people have this phobia. Don't get me wrong of course, I really want to chat to attractive girls, I just can't do it for toffee unless i'm drunk, then I just come across as a drunk twat, rather than just a twat.

I kind of automatically picture myself making a twat of myself and then getting that look of "rejection", like the "get to fuck you strange person" look, you know the one?? Please say yes! (even if just to humour me).

I generally do end up with that look as I loose myself and never really know what to say, very sad indeed and something that I should hurry the fuck up and grow out of!!
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:16, 65 replies)

Yes!
The girl gives me the fear.
The fear means I need the alcohol.
The alcohol makes me behave like a twat.
The knowledge that I'll behave like a twat gives me the fear.
The fear means I need the alcohol.
...
I go home alone.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:21, closed)

Yes indeed!
The fear means I need more alcohol
The alcohol makes me behave like a slut
The knowledge that I'll behave like a slut gives me the fear
The fear means I have more alcohol

I go home with someone and spend all night throwing up.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:32, closed)

Mindpiss
lol I just transferred from my PS3 to my PC for the precise reason of posting a similar answer, and in between times this one appeared :P I am absolute crap at talking to ladies.....
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:32, closed)

We're not a different species you know
and at least some of the girls in any bar/club are just as nervous as you! Maybe even more so - what with all the "date rape" scares.

I hate to sound like your mum (no really I do) but just relax and talk to them like they're people! Oh, and don't stare at the cleavage!

In my (long ago now) experience, guys who thought they had all the chat up lines down pat were the real twats.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

The whole club scene is difficult anyway
There's alot of pressure and disappointment involved for most people.
I found it was best to get to know someone for a long time beforehand (meeting people through friends, or at work), make sure that they like me, then go for it.

I call this 'grooming'.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:38, closed)

The initial contact
for me isn't a problem. It's just thinking of what to say next. I'm not a particularly talkative chap, and can spend a long car journey with other people without saying a word.

Unless it's something I'm genuinely interested in, I can't make conversation at will. I am useless at smalltalk. This applies in all social and business situations. Unless I can think of something relevant to say, I don't say anything. I can't even give the impression of appearing interested in someone else's conversation if I'm not.

This does not apply on the internet of course, where I spout reams of meaningless shite every day...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:39, closed)

Yeah...
Not just attractive girls though.

1) Being in a social situation requires alcohol.
2) Having alcohol requires more alcohol.
3) Repeat step 2.
4) Realise it's closing time.
5) Go home alone.
( Cawl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:40, closed)

But WeeWitch...
Isn't it typical that us men typically desire to dip our dinkles in all the wrong ladies, the ones who will reject all the nice-but-clumsy shy fellas and go home with the confident smarmy twat who will doubtlessly fuck her rigid, then either never call again or fuck around behind her back?
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:41, closed)

Greencloud
in defense of my sex, we can't all be held responsible for the shite taste some women have when it comes to men. I know what you mean though. I have single friends who could pick out the single bastard in a room full of decent, honest chaps. Then get treated like crap, cry on their friends' shoulders, rinse and repeat.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:45, closed)

I think that the quiet and shy guys...
Have a harder time pulling the ladies but the ones they do pull will be of a better quality.


Just my opinion.

So just keep on slogging away and the right girl will eventually bite, as it were.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:47, closed)

Girls
I can chat to women no problem and be witty, charming, and interesting; until I am trying to make a move. Then I become all tongue-tied and clumsy and the medicinal use of alcohol is required. These days I go out with no intention of trying to pull and if they show any interest in me it's a bonus. Hasn't worked on an amorous level but I've made some lovely friends, which is always nice.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:54, closed)

@BGB
the whole point of pulling is pretty stupid anyway, the only way you're ever going to pull in a pub or club is if both parties are drunk enough to have lowered their inhibitions.

It's much better to get to know somebody first, outside of a pressurised 'I'm wearing my best clothes and aftershave, I will pull tonight' environment.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:54, closed)

"i carried a watermelon"
v v cute!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 15:56, closed)

haha
far more people with the same fear than I originally thought then!

I think it must be something that you eventually get over though right? I mean if it's something you do enough eventually the fear will go, I once opened with the line "I'm gonna bore you shitless", which went down quite well (she walked off instantly). But to be fair I was 18, now I can last for at least an introduction before crumbling away into oblivion :)
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:00, closed)

@Bert
I agree totally. I've never pulled like that. All my past partners were friends first. I did have one night stands but I was often too pissed to perform.

But a lot of young people aren't aware that that is the best way to go about it and they are often too much in a hurry to befriend a girl first. Hormones rushing like Niagra falls and all that business.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:00, closed)

Bwah
I fear (when sober) when going in for the kill the unlucky lady will suddenly become repulsed and shoot me down / stagger back shocked and appalled. This hasnt happened yet but is a major block to my malevolant plans.

Happened on saturday night. They say if you don't pull the girl immediately she knows your a soft touch and won't go near you again. Why is god so crueL?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:01, closed)

@Bert
this is very true, as you said, the best way is to befriend someone on the internet with tales of infinite monkeys and a mutual fascination with goat sex before arranging to meet, preferably in a quiet park, just after sun down, where you reveal that you are neither a man nor a northerner, but, in fact, a womble who was only after some anonymous bumming all along.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:02, closed)

Thank christ I've avoided all that.
I was lucky enough for Mrs Greencloud to be my 'first' (in most respects of the word)
*looks sickeningly contented and smug*

After a brief and frankly, unsuccessful foray into the 'meat market' I happily settled with a fine specimen of femalehood.

I probably missed out on some great experiences, but hearing from everyone elses, I think I escaped the whole mess with a headstart toward middle-age.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:02, closed)

@BGB
You end up with the "but we're better as friends" then...
( Cawl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)

@Greencloud...
God forbid you ever break up with the current Mrs Greencloud.


Your doomed!!!!!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)

Silly young 'uns
I'm only 26 :D

But, when I was properly young, I found the best thing to do was get wasted and pull whoever I could get my hands on. This, combined with youth, gave me the cockiness to become a smarmy, and more successful with the ladies, git.
Now though, I'm just normal.

@al I love the wombles! Come and smooch me, you mad, northern fool.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:06, closed)

@Kaol
Just once I did. And they were right!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:07, closed)

@Bert
Quality is better than quantity. It just takes lads a while to realise this.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:08, closed)

Exactly BGB
But it takes some of the quantity to give you the confidence to go anywhere near the quality.

I feel like I'm talking about british beefs now! Womens are not the beefs!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:10, closed)

@Bert
I would on occasion take this approach, sadly it would all fall down as I awoke the next morning as the same, shy, sensitive, non-talkative person I am normally. Then things would be uncomfortable and I would go home alone again.

I too am smug and self satisfied since it was mrsthegeordie that decided "right, I'm having that one" before carting me off home and having her wicked way with me. Now I can feel sorry for my remaining single friends (while not being so cruel as to actually tell them this, but they know, deep down they know)
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:11, closed)

@ BGB
I know. Being the pessimist I am, I'm all too aware that if things go to shit, I'll hardly be a suave lothario. More likely a sad middle aged twat.

Having spent most of my life so far being the caring loving type, I'd probably relish a few years of 'me time' before 'shady pines' inevitably calls.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:12, closed)

@al Heehee
I too am on the relationship bandwagon, Mrs Monkeysex is ace, but I know it can't last, nothing ever does, and I will be back on the market devoid of my youthful cockiness.

I really will settle for goats and monkeys then.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:13, closed)

Well lads!
If it all goes pear shaped......I'll have ya!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:17, closed)

shaved goats and monkeys I trust?

( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:19, closed)

Woohoo!
*internally debates best way to end things with girlfriend*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:19, closed)

@BGB
If you hadn't been so mean about my twin and I earlier, we'd be inviting you to bed with al, the goats, and the monkeys for the time of your life by now.

@Frikinfedup What kind of sick freak shaves a goat?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:20, closed)

Hmmm...
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot...
( Cawl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:22, closed)

we're doing well this week
there's been a lot of supportive talk going on

we've already established the b3ta home for the terminally vague/old/etc.

now we have councilling for those incapable of communing with the opposite sex.

rest assured though, if (god forbid) me and mrs vipros were to split, I'd be a gibbering night club wreck too!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:22, closed)

*puts wooly jumper onto goat*
not me obviously, I was just wondering... Apparently it's quite popular...
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

Oh sweet mercy!
All these replies happened while I was writing my own tale of woe.... having had a look at them now I don't feel like the complete mong my mates make me out to be :D

Yay it isn't just me!

*skips off happily*
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:31, closed)

*sigh*
I suspect that I'm even worse at this than you are- I have never once brought home someone from a bar, or gone back with someone from a bar. And chatting up a gorgeous woman I've never seen before is something that I'm completely incapable of, especially if she's with a pack of her friends.

Fuck the bar scene, it's not for me. Not at all.

I do well enough when introduced, but starting off cold? Nope.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:31, closed)

Well I say i'm supportive of my fellow B3tans
But, as long as I'm with the mrs, if I see you making a fool of yourself with the laydeez (or gents if your that way inclined) rest assured I will be on hand with mocking laughter and a camera to capture the humiliation on your face.

I like to show I care.

@firkinedup. A shaved goat?

*shakes head in disbelief over such wanton perversion*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:32, closed)

Ah yes
The 'pack' of friends. I can see them judging me/my looks/my level of drunkness.. Terrifies me!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:33, closed)

@The Resident Loon
Damn, when they are in a pack, that's some scarey shit going down there, then once they snub you they can sit their and slag you off with the other little cackling witches.

Then every time you see them they will tell anyone in the near vicinity what a pleb you are and destroy your chances before they have even had the chance to be formed within your testicles :( :( :(

*fears*
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

So what Ffu?
Sure it's embarrassing, but you don't know them, and will probably never see them again, just move on to the next one.

Yousickdirtygoatshavingfreak.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:38, closed)

They do that on purpose.
Generally speaking you'll find that there will be a couple of hotties out with a large munter, and if you approach them the munter will be the one who talks to you. She is what is known as a cockblocker. She knows her job and does it so that they hotties can select the guy who looks like he has the most money.

I say again: fuck the bar scene.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:40, closed)

I am quite genuinely
glowing with happiness now :)

I must just have the most confident friends in the world, I was beginning to feel like a proper loser! Not that I'd like to do what they do, mind, filthy little bleeders.....

*edit* yep, the nightclub scene is rotten, I far prefer just having a chat somewhere, much easier. This also removes the need for dancing.... which is something I am genuinely terrified of. There are people in full body casts that can move more gracefully than me.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:40, closed)

A mate of mine
really does just seem to be able to go and talk to some girl and moments later they are going home with him. Never understood how he does it. Personally I can't do it because if I'm in a bar or club where the music is even slightly loud I am completely incapable of hearing normal conversation unless it's right in my ear, and shouting in a prospective dates ear does not give a good impression.

Neither does showing her your monkeys.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:46, closed)

^^
I've managed to go an speak to a girl on behalf of my brother as he's painfully shy. It worked as well, but if it's for my benefit, I 'm useless.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:50, closed)

Removing the "Cockblocker"
is known as "jumping on the grenade".

Always remember NEVER to refer to the lady as "the grenade" in earshot of her friends.

Or "chewbacca".
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:54, closed)

I agree
wholeheartedly with all of the above (apart from the shaved goats, that's just wrong. What are you supposed to wipe yourself off with?)

Anyway, back to the pub/club thing, I too suffer from the lovely ladies phobia, however i took a different tact to resolving it. I now work a few nights a week behind a bar. This gives me plenty of opportunity to A) look at lovely women; B) chat to them whilst sober, which leads to; C) increased confidence...

Admittedly most of the chatting i do is "what can i get you" etc, but it's an opening, and every now and then they'll hang around the bar to chat.

Not had any success yet, but i did get a phone number left on a napkin the other night, and i no longer clam up like a mong chewing toffee when a beautiful girl looks my way...
(Nuclear Ninja like a radioactive Chuck Norris..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 16:56, closed)

@Nuclear Ninja
This ^^^

I've worked in many bars, it's good for the confidence, plus you're the only one who's sober.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:03, closed)

my problem is
I fall for the shy, quiet guys because they remind me that that's what I used to be like. I then self-medicate with alcohol and go home with someone louder who I don't want to get intimate with, thus perpetuating the cycle of my fear of intimacy and loveless sex.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:22, closed)

Awwww...!!!
Hugs all round, I think.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:27, closed)

@chcb
Sounds like you need a shy, quiet guy that turns into some kind of out-going and center-of-attention-type after a good few drinks?

Hmmm...
( Cawl, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:37, closed)

In my experience
folk like me always go home alone having made a lot of new female friends.... who have usually gone home with my mates :P

I spent ages getting to know this girl and a few weeks back we went out for her birthday. Everything was going OK and things were looking good, until I found my mate (who has a girlfriend, who he is already cheating on with another girl) snogging her face off in the smoking area.

It's a long story what happened next, but that part of it is a good example of the norm for me :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 17:45, closed)

you think you got it tough?
See what the Victoria's Riflebird has to do to pull:

video.nationalgeographic.com/video/player/kids/animals-pets-kids/birds-kids/riflebird-kids.html
or here
news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/02/070221-riflebird-video.html

I watched this last weekend with the missus and even she was impressed.
(sunbomb, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:05, closed)

hahaha sunbomb!
did your missus start playing with her hair whist watching that?
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:11, closed)

Hehehe
it's obviously wearing the new lynx 3 spray....

which is why the lady bird keeps flying off and trying to get past him.....
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 18:25, closed)

@CHCB
You used to be a quiet, shy guy?

'kin 'ell! I learn something new every day.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 19:08, closed)

^^^
MFOTFABL!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:38, closed)

^^^
QWERTYUIOP!!!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 20:47, closed)

Its easy to say the pub/club scene is rubbish
butt i find its hard to meet people at all. Especially when you get to your late 20's and everyone has seemed to have paired off.

Also groups of lads are equally as scary as groups of girls. Its horrible meeting a new fells friends cos you know all they will be thinking is "Minger!'.
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 22:38, closed)

I don't think many people go to clubs expecting to find 'the one'
Whenever I've gone clubbing (not such a common occurrence these days, but I did go last year once or twice) it's more about going out for a laugh and a dance with my girlfriends. It does happen that we'll get approached by men and my response is always to be friendly - if asked to dance I will every time - that's good manners. If offered a drink I will generally turn it down - to my mind that implies more than I'm prepared to give when I'm out with the girls.

I think it's more likely that people will meet potential partners doing some sort of activity or shared interest - a sport or something similar. Away from the whole pub/club atmosphere everyone has the opportunity to behave normally.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 23:55, closed)

Exactly!
This is what I keep telling people. Going out for a drink and a laugh is all good fun (it must be, I'm bloody skint from doing it) it just seems that I'm the only one in my particular group of friends who is either not married (any more) or not out looking to go home with someone.

Reading all this though, I feel a lot less abnormal now :)
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 2:36, closed)

Dear God..
What a bunch of wimps...

I too, like a lot of you here, was terrified of trying to chat up the ladies. Didn't have a clue. The thing I dreadeded most of all was rejection and, even worse, rejection in front of my mates.

Then one day I just thought "Fuck it" and went on the pull without a care in the world. Since then I've been turned down, slapped, laughed at and, one occasion, had a mouthful of beer spat at me.

On the other hand I also pulled a ridiculous amount of women.

Rejection is nothing to be scared of. All I do is think to myself "They don't know what they're missing" and go on to another target.

Ratio? Probably about 10 knock-backs to each success.

Of course those days are long behind me now (why have a McDonalds when you've got steak at home?) but trust me lads, once you get over been bothered by rejection you'll find the whole business childishly easy.

*smug*

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 4:12, closed)

@Legless
With an attitude like that, I can guarantee that you will have a reputation about town as a complete and utter twat. I know many people like you and all of them suck, they think that getting a girls number is pulling. I am extremely proud that I am not like that. Chatting to women is one thing, but pissing them off is another.
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 8:41, closed)

Actually
I have more female friends than male friends. There's something about my attitude they like.

The point I was trying to make is that once you get over your fear of rejection then chatting to strange women, attractive or otherwise, becomes rather easy. Sometimes it results in a one-night stand, other times a relationship and sometimes you just have a laugh with each other.

Women are nothing to be scared of. They're just people the same as we are. There are good ones and bad ones, mad ones and sad ones and lots in the middle.

But the bit that amuses me about your outrage is the way you look down on me for my "attitude" yet you seem to regard "attractive" women as bits of meat. Something you want to pork solely based on their looks. As you get a bit older you'll probably find that the most interesting women, the ones that are worth spending time with, are the ones who you would probably not even notice as they're not "attractive", not the immaculately made-up barbie dolls your post implies you go for.

You shallow twat....

:)

Cheers

Legless edit: I've just noticed that in my original post I'd missed out a critical "been" that completely altered the entire tone of my post and, indeed, made me look like a callous twat....

Original:
Since then I've turned down, slapped, laughed at and, one occasion, had a mouthful of beer spat at me.

What I meant to say:

Since then I've been turned down, slapped, laughed at and, one occasion, had a mouthful of beer spat at me.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 10:45, closed)

You haven't met my ex :P
She is a creature to be feared and the source of my fear, I suspect. My mates are in the "no fear" camp, I'm just not....

I've had a look a back and I AM a wimp :P, but I'm not totally useless, only in the context of nightclubs, which would be fine if my mates would stop trying to "help" me. Nightcubs feel like job interviews, Ihave more luck when I can be myself.

Looking 10 years younger than I am is a drawback too.... though it has had unexpected benefits in the last year.....
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 14:56, closed)

Legless...
If anyone is a shallow twat it is you for a number of reasons. Mainly I said "attractive", look that one up in the dictionary, I didn't imply that anyone attractive is "bits of meat. Something you want to pork solely based on their looks.". That was your shallow mind jumping to conclusions.

As I said before, I know many people with that attitude that you have, "it's all a numbers game, and if I piss off enough girls, eventually one will fuck me" attitude.

Now who is a shallow twat?? Kiss my arse.
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 13:23, closed)