I once told a girl
I'd sleep on the wet patch. The joke was on her though, I was totally incapable of keeping my erection for any longer than 15 seconds.

Length? it was up and down like a yoyo.
(Fatima Whitbread's hardon drugs and the causes of drugs, Sun 15 Apr 2007, 3:25, Reply)

Well
I found a supplier of rohypnol.
(DRAGONSLAYER, Sun 15 Apr 2007, 3:10, Reply)

writing this on my wii... and very drunk
was best mates with a lovely young lady, we watched lots of films... uncomfortably on my bed... after we slept together the piles were more of a consequence i guess x
(5ifty0, Sun 15 Apr 2007, 2:43, Reply)

Got married
Oh yes............

and ate Marmite
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Sun 15 Apr 2007, 0:14, Reply)

Anti Semetic Sex
My friend Dan recently slept with a girl after an anti-semetic rant.

He'd been out and got hammered and in the early hours of Good friday, he was chatting with a young Christian girl after she had been arguing with some Jewish guy over the whole thing with Jesus and how it was all the Jews fault for his death.

Anyway - Dan was drunk and ended up going on a pissed anti-semetic rant. This endeared him to the girl and he ended up sleeping with her.

He felt really bad the next day - mainly because he's not actually anti-semetic. he had a humourous relationship with a jewish guy at uni where they would constantly bicker over religious issues. he's not really a bad guy.
(swerve_psycho, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 23:57, Reply)

put on my nice shiny pvc nurses outfit
didn't work, he decided he'd rather have an asthma attack.

(he was a virgin, and aparantly i was intimidating)
generally speaking, as a woman, asking is enough tho, and i cant think of anything mad anyone else has done to get me to sleep with them, apart from snogging a male friend
(skankgirl, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 23:26, Reply)

WHARGH.
My ex girlfriend (no, she's not an ex as a result of the sex), (hey, that rhymed) was a closed book when it came to sex. I only managed to persuade her by convincing her it was the right thing to do, by offering her a few stories of bullshit about how if we didn;t, the relationship would go tits up, and she didnt want it. So it happened. Then it went tits up anyway, cos she cheated on me. Happy days.
(creem all over your face, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 23:19, Reply)

Hypnosis
'nuff said
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 22:50, Reply)

231.6 miles round trip.
unsuccessful.
(coobeastie Used to Be in Evil Gazebo, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 22:44, Reply)

Twisting the topic slightly...
...but after 10 months of no sex. Of listening and being a nice guy. Of going on holiday and sitting in a hotel room saying how "I was happy to wait till she was ready". Of lying in bed and dry humping until I got friction burns on my little fellow. Of averting my eyes from other girls so as not to hurt her feelings.

I ended up cheating on her and meeting the girl I love today. Who is very happy to indulge the vast quantity of sex I require.

She's now happy to sleep with her female flatmate, so I guess that's life.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 20:31, Reply)

Utter Madness.
Listened to her poetry.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 19:26, Reply)

Drank Carlsberg
In the words of Queen "I like to ride my bicycle, I like to ride my bike", well so did I as once I took the easy option, the local slapper.

Having fought off her drunken lascivious advances several times previously, I gave in when hammered. I think I was only so keenly hunted due to the fact I was one of the few on her hitlist who'd held out so long. So off we went to her place. Evidence I wasn't thinking straight is given in that as I imbibed a bottle of Carlsberg she gave me (as if I wasn't drunk enough). Anyway, she woke me up and dragged me off the sofa to do the dirty deed.

Again, I'm not proud of my actions, I was a younger (and more wayward) man but my advice to chaps who might be tempted to do the same is, if you can live with your own conscience, get stuck in. You won't get the mocked by your mates too much because the chances are, they've been there too.

But don't forget to rubber up kids!
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 18:51, Reply)

breaking the ice on blind date
told the lass in a very serious manner i had 4 niples. we ended up going to my place to check if it was for real :)
(spiderboy, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 18:51, Reply)

Rich men are the best
I went to my office Christmas party at an obscenely posh hotel bar/ restaurant last year all dolled up in an expensive dress, with absolutely no intention of shagging any of my low-grade male colleagues, being in a long-term relationship.

Within the hour I was being chatted up by a couple of execs from some energy company who'd been negoiating a business deal. They bought me hundreds of pounds' worth of champagne before casually asking if I would like to accompany them to their hotel room. I declined. They sloped off happy in the knowledge that they'd given it their best shot, and probably drafted in an escort to do the job.

I guess they were right when they said money can't buy you love. Nice tits, however, will get you a ton of free stuff.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 18:09, Reply)

I've been myself
What a silly idea that was!
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:50, Reply)

I behaved like an absolute gent.

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:50, Reply)

Should have stuck with toilet duck
Started off with discussion about ass to mouth, then i said i wouldn't object to doing a little rim around the poo hole action... for the right reward of course.

Wasn't worth it though, got a bit a grit stuck in my teeth.
( two_hats_shakir is going break dancing after his tea, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:36, Reply)

Not a funny reply, I'm afraid...
...but an honest one.

I had a girlfriend back when I was quite young and inexperienced who was far more travelled than I was. She gave me a thorough education in matters of the flesh- and being 18 at the time, she had my head pretty well spun to the point where I would agree to a lot of things that I shouldn't have.

I allowed her to push my limits a lot, and she had a thing for certain hardcore acts that you only see in fetish flicks. I was okay with being tied, and even okay with her wanting to insert her finger into me. But when she began to leave welts on me and started inserting things other than her finger in me and got a bit rough I got extremely freaked out. It fucked up my views toward a lot of sexual things for a long while. Believe it or not, ladies, some of us guys know what it's like to be raped- and have a lot more sympathy than you know.

I got rid of her eventually, of course, but the damage she did to my mind stayed with me for a lot of years. I've gotten past it now, thank god, but in retrospect it was truly insane of me to have put up with that.

Sorry for being rather grim. I'll try to be funny in another post later.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:22, Reply)

This QOTW...
... really isn't fair to us girls of b3ta. We just don't have to try that hard. In fact, we usually have to try harder to avoid sleeping with someone who's intent on it.

I have no stories. Bah humbug. Can we do 'Mad stuff someone's done to get you to sleep with them' instead?

Mod Edit: well, yes if you want to... it's better than complaining you are too attractive :)
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:04, Reply)

cats, motorbikes and cartwheels
wow well....
Mr Serbitar once tryed to get close to me by trying kill himself.
It all started when i announced i was moving away. As a going away present mr serbitar offered to go and get my cat a replacement toy she had lost and was currently sulking about. mr serbitar knowing full well i love my cats more than any human alive.

So he dutifully saddled up his bike and i mine, and we proceeded to speed over to a nearby garden center. Picked up the toy.

On the way out he tries to impress me by racing me down the road.... only to be hit by a car. i ride over the hill to see mr serbitar, motorbike and all cartwheeling down the road. After that mr serbitar was so broken how could i have possibly left him?

All in all he got what he wanted, me in bed and now me forever... and all he had to do was almost kill himself, i feel very special :D

appologies for length? it was worth sticking around for!!
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Sat 14 Apr 2007, 15:44, Reply)

I don't tend to put that much effort in...
cause if it's that hard then its not worth it, there's soeone else :)

Although this one time I quit smoking and drinking and got mugged for someone... That was pretty crap

And atm my girlfriend is in New Zealand because her parents moved there and they made her move too, but she's coming back in about tow months when we have the cash. So does saving up £400 and waiting for months count?
(danecobain I have a new sig!, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 15:34, Reply)

A degree! yes that's correct folks 3years of university!
I was trying to decide what to study so I attended a few talks that the different faculties were offering about their degrees. Head of Multimedia design faculty turns out to be a total spunk. I didn't realize at the time that I wanted to sleep with him, I just thought that I must be really into I.T. So off I go and do a degree.
(rattus, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 15:23, Reply)

I did something really mad for sex...
...I gave a prostitue £200 for a night! Yet there was a male prostitue down the next street who only charged 50!
(abignumber, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 15:18, Reply)

I pretended to be gay

in order to get with a guy I knew who was gay.

Then I realised it was kind of pointless.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 14:47, Reply)

Wasted my time
I've pretended to be interested in cricket, Chuck Norris, gangsta rap, pedantic views of insignificant aspects of military affairs circa World War II, and heavy metal.

I put up with weeks, sometimes months, worth of boring-as-hell chatter to get into bed with those guys, and they were all lousy lays.

Which made me mad. Does that count?
(Celerydemon, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 14:07, Reply)

Mr M@ has just reminded me
of a friend of mine who also has a cheetah related story from Chester Zoo - he cried once because "the cheetah looked cold" and he thought "it must be sad in the Zoo". Not sure if he got sex out of it, but girl/target seemed impressed with his "sensitivity".
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 13:34, Reply)

Desperate
to lose our virginities, Apeloverage, Frank Spencer and I made a pact that we would get laid by prom night. All manner of hilarious whacky adventures ensued, that included one of us being embarrassed on the internet.

Fortunately, it all worked out for the best - while it didn't work out as we'd planned, we all learned valuable life lessons and emerged as better, more mature, more fully-rounded people.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 13:17, Reply)

I once
stopped smoking because a female friend mentionned in passing that she didn't like men who smoked. Never got to sleep with her, but I did get a drunken handjob a few months later. Not sure if I would still have done if I still smoked though.

That's about as mad a thing as I've done I'm afraid.

Length and girth? Enough to work with, but not so much that it seems like hard work.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 13:00, Reply)

Flunitrazepam
wooplaw
(fwack bang on it, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 12:50, Reply)