T in the park 2005
got caught with ecstasy. very naughty I know. ended up going back and forth to court for a year trying to prove I wasn't a drug dealer. i kinda was i must admit but not the bad kind. i had been the one to bring them solely for use by my friends and I.

the whole mess started with me in my tent rolling a spliff. when it came to the point to burning the gear I realised i had no lighter in my tent. I stood up outside and asked my friends who were littered around outside my tent if they had a light. they stared back at me, some agog. I asked again punctuating my speech "does. anyone. have. a lighter?" I then realised they were not staring at me agog they were staring over my shoulder. I turned to see what had caught their attention and there he was. Officer McKay standing looking at me with a half assembled joint and a bit of dope in my hand.
"is this your tent you've came from?" he asked
"yes" I replied, too drunk and high to try and lie.
"well we'll be searching it then."
in my camera bag they found more hash and 7 ecstasy pills. and, here's the rub, £680 in twenty quid notes.
now, here is where i should clarify where it came from: I was dealing drugs. to my friends. I was the only one with contacts to get us supplies to take to the festival and there was 20 of us all wanting drugs in some form and I was the one who brought them. In glorious hindsight i should have distributed said wares and collected the dough beforehand but I had friends from all over i wouldnt see until the festival and I am, or was, basically a complete fool.
so yeah I was charged with supply and had to traipse up to perth once a month to be accused of drug dealing. but heres the thing, I got away with it. "how?" you ask?
well, and heres the lols, my friends x and y were good enough to come and testify that the money I had (the £680) was a kitty to buy booze and that I had been trusted with it. I had by some celestial intervention completely mad with it moment of clarity type moment told the police upon them finding the cash that thats what it was for, within earshot of my friends, who immediately backed me up. so I stuck to that story all the way to court.
upon being in the stand I was a nervous wreck but managed to stick to the story and X was much the same but Y, god bless you Y, was in his element. the procurator fiscal (the prosecution for yall on the other side of the pond) was grilling ross and trying to catch him out. Y was completely unfazed. the procurator put it to Y how exactly we were planning on getting 680 quids worth of booze from the booze tent to our tent, with out hesitation or any inkling of lies Y looked the wig and gown wearing man straight in the eye with a look of disdain on his on face and said "we had a wheelbarrow."
Y said it with such inflection as to accuse the procurator of being an imbecile for not asuming we had a wheelbarrow. this question must have been a major keystone in his offence because after that he crumbled.
"i think you're lying" he said.
"no im not" said Y as quickly as he had been asked.

I walked away with 180 hours community service. the procurator pushed for the maximum sentence for possession as he knew I had been dealing but couldn't prove it. he was furious. i could have ended up with 6 months in jail if found guilty. I swear I made no money from supplying my friends that weekend. I passed it on for what I had got it for. I've never been the one responsible for coming with the goods again and it suits me fine.

while on my first day of community service a boy who was also on his first day had slashed another boys face permanently disfiguring him. he received 80 hours community service. 100 less than me. something is rotten in the state of scotland.

EDIT: and ive just realised i missed a chance to use the term 'massive drugs' in there somewhere. ah well. next time.
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:03, 6 replies)

So:
dealing and contempt of court in one post. Well done you.

/fickle moral compass of QotW blog
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:11, closed)

well
A lot of people get done for dealing when they were only sorting their mates out. For most people drugs are a joint enterprise, but the law does not distinguish.
( rofl harris, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:38, closed)

"Joint enterprise" ha ha
Unintentional lols
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:43, closed)

OK - that's a fair point.
But the lying in court bit stands.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:46, closed)

Contempt of court
Contempt is exactly the appropriate reaction to a system which rates buying a few pills for mates as more than twice as bad as permanent disfigurement.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:51, closed)

It's a little more serious than that
It's perjury actually - max sentence 7 years.

(HINT: it's generally a good idea to get a solicitor and get them to do the talking)
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:56, closed)

You seem unable to distinguish
courts (or law in abstracto) from laws (or law in concreto).
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:41, closed)

eh?
the finest hand crafted gibberish
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 9 May 2011, 22:19, closed)

Because most "straights"
get their image of drug dealers from the Daily Mail* : an image of slavering, depraved, disease-ridden wrecks who loiter around school gates like dementors' embarassing relatives, forcing sweet little kiddies to inject heroin through dirty needles while wheezing and cackling through the broken, yellowed remnants of their few remaining teeth.

...which explains the shock they feel when they discover that drug dealers are, in fact, their own clean-limbed, glossy-haired sons and daugthers, pony-club membership, swimming trophies and Duke Of Edinburgh's award certificates and all.

* Or local equivalent rabidly-reactionary, vein-throbbingly self-righteous hack rag newspaper.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:48, closed)

to borrow from bill hicks
"Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day."

just took some drugs to a festival for me and my friends. where is the victim in my crime?
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:10, closed)

Fuck Bill Hicks
read some Bertrand Russell if you really want an answer to that question
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:17, closed)

ok
any recommendations where to start?
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:26, closed)

Page 1

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Mon 9 May 2011, 16:11, closed)

Yay!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 9 May 2011, 16:41, closed)

im sure
the procurator fiscal scours the b3ta qotw just waiting for me to slip up and admit I lied. how will I sleep tonight?
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:07, closed)

Perhaps not
let's hope no-one sticks a link to this on 4Chan - there's folks on there who would think nothing of doing you up like a kipper, just for fun.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:12, closed)

really?
that's just mean.
you think i should edit it?
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:28, closed)

If it's true
You need to remove it. Today. Now, in fact. Good story, but it's not worth jail time. You have admitted, in public, to lying in court and it would be far from the first time the police have used forum posts in evidence.
( Scrumper, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:38, closed)

Wheelbarrow?
We usually got plastic crates of beer with one emptied out and filled with bottles, belt around one handle and drag it along. But, fast 700 quid? What booze were you going to buy?
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:38, closed)

the only shit you can buy on the on-site off license.
tennants and strongbow.

I would have had to have bought something in the region of 30 slabs of them to cover that amount of money.
(Raol Duke, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:05, closed)

Could have got 6 months?
I thought possession with intent was more than that?
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 9 May 2011, 17:33, closed)

You murdering brute!
At least you weren't selling socks to your friends -- I hear they're very, very dangerous.
I really fucking hate living in a world where some power-crazed cunt gets to decide what I can or cannot do to my own body.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 9 May 2011, 18:12, closed)

Oh,
he's the good drug dealer.
( krang, Mon 9 May 2011, 22:09, closed)

there are two kinds...
like aids. the good and the bad.
(Raol Duke, Wed 11 May 2011, 15:39, closed)