Only thing I can think of.....
During a drunken discussion one night about racism and PC and such, my drunk friend turned to the rest of us, extended a finger for effect and uttered the immortal phrase "There's 2 kinds of racism. Laughing at people because they're black....... and NOT laughing at people because they're black." We thought about this staggering insight for a few seconds then the entire room collapsed into hysterics.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:52, Reply)

My grandmother...
while I was driving her to the hospital one day, we passed a Sikh temple. She looked at it, sighed and said to me "Bloody Muslims, coming over here and building their Synagogues".
Slightly off topic I know but isn't it always.
(Danny_Rosh, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:32, 1 reply)

Tasty pastries
Why is it that bakeries now have to call gingerbread men gingerbread people? Who could possibly have been offended by that? I mean, was it someone ginger that complained, a feminist, or a pastry of some sort?
(Robbish is twitching & salivating like with myxomatosis, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:30, 11 replies)

'nuther quickie
on the subject of ethnic origins on application forms.
I've never seen a box marked "PINK" which surely is a more appropriate descriptive colour, (unless your David Dickinson then "ORANGE" would be more suitable.)
(bugboybeast, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:27, 3 replies)

Ninjas
I was at school and about year 10.

I put a scarf around my head except my eyes pretending to be a ninja, making the hiiiii-yar! sound effects too.
Anyway our teacher didnt fully grasp the concept of racism and said: "how dare you, someone might find that offensive, go to the heads office" and looked at the muslim girl in our class with her headscarf on.

I found this more offensive to her than what I done, so I asked the girl "are you a ninja?" and the girl starting laughing to show she didn't mind, and my teacher just shut up.

*Edit: finally lost my virginity!
(Kierz, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:25, 2 replies)

The Japanese
In all honesty, some of the utter bollocks that makes it onto this site makes me want to laugh, then cry, then wonder if it's a joke, then cry again.
(guernican, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 16:22, Reply)

Non-PC Teacher
My old primary school teacher used to utter the following catchphrase around once a day.

"Ze jews, ze jews vill play hopscotch on ze minefield."

We were too young, he was too burly and corporal punishment was still allowed so no one thought to challenge him on that.
(conuil, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:56, Reply)

Holiday Season
I live in the South, close to a town called Havant... last Christmas the local Evening News reported that Havant Town Council had announced that the Town would call Christmas the "Holiday Season"...

Number of Mosques in Havant - zero,
number Synagogues - zero,
number of Hindu/Buddist/Sikh Temples - zero.

4 Churches and about 16 pubs though. Surely this reports back a fairly low demographic of multinational cultures that should take offence to the time of year being refered to as Christmas?
(mrpaulo shaving the world, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:44, 2 replies)

QUICKY
My laptop broke last week so I went down to PC World over the weekend.
FFS you've got to be careful what you say down there.

(sorry if someone has already down this 3 year old joke)
(bugboybeast, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:44, 1 reply)

but that was then ...
My old man had a black African colleague in the RAF who was affectionately known as Corporal 'Chalky' White. Nobody seemed to mind.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:26, 3 replies)

Jesus teddy
Once upon a time, I named a teddy Jesus. No one kicked up a fuss. Times have changed.
(achmeingott, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:22, Reply)

How could I have forgotton this?
I have a mate who's surname is Sampson (who used to be a b3taphile, and may or may not be reading. *waves* just in case). He was introduced to me as "Sambo", and not being one for using racial epithets it had never occured to me the potential and obvious disaster waiting to happen.

Said disaster happened not less than a month later on a lunchtime maccyd's and doobage run, when, after going on ahead while he parked up we spotted him trying to locate us from the middle of a large gaggle of black students loitering just inside the door.

"Oi! Sambo! Over 'ere!" I bellowed, waving my arms in the air. I didn't stay long, and fortunately there was not only another door, but a very long and quiet period of shock from said coloured ladies and gentlemen.

I still go a nice shade of beetroot whenever I hear the word sambo as an epithet.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 15:03, 2 replies)

I have just been sent the following e-mail
which I've copied and pasted below. Probably an urban legend but it's still funny because of its un-PC-ness.

Standard length-based disclaimer applies. Here goes:



A Sarcastic Email Sent To Police To Complain About Young Yobs Has Become A Massive Hit On The Internet. But Now Its Author Fears That Its Success Could Put Him And His Family At Risk

THE EMAIL was never meant to be seen in public.

But its outpouring of frustration to police has struck a chord with thousands after it fell into the hands of someone who posted it on the internet.

The letter, which refers to local youths in Leith, Edinburgh, as "walking abortions" and "failed medical experiments", has proved a sensation.

But the partner of the note's author now says they fear they may be identified and the targets of his sarcasm may take revenge.

The email is understood to have been sent to Lothian and Borders Police HQ by the man after he tried unsuccessfully to report the youths in his street over the phone.

Police responded within 24 hours with an email from the local community beat officer offering to meet the resident.

However this brought another sarcastic note criticising the 16-hour delay.

The second note again refers to local youths in derogatory terms and accuses police of being concerned with "far more serious crimes such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention".

Yesterday the partner of the author said he was shocked to discover the correspondence had become public entertainment.

The woman said: "We never sent it to anyone but the station so the leak has come from the police.

"These are local kids and we are worried they will identify us."

Lothian and Borders Police refused to comment on the source of the leak, saying the author had not complained to them about it.

A spokesman said: "A complaint regarding youths playing football in a street in north Leith was received.

"The community beat officer has met with the resident and outlined the police response to this issue."

1.. THE COMPLAINT

Dear Sir/madam/ automated telephone answering service

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try emailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouija board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins.

One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas between the two bins.

If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this. After replying to this email with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three-point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four-month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant, Mr X

2.. THE REPLY

Dear Mr X,

I have read your email and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address/telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards, PC Y Community Beat Officer

3.. THE REACTION

Dear PC Y

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original email. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own communitybeat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself?

Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with achin like a wash hand basin?

It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5. Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these t***s that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.

The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.

Should you wish to discuss these you should feel free to contact me. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.

Regards Mr X

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 14:59, 7 replies)

try this one for size
Voltaire's famous dictum was "I disapprove of your views, but would fight to the death for your right to express them."
The Political Correctness dictum is : "If I disapprove your views I will write a really strongly worded letter to the Guardian then pass laws to prevent your right to express them, whilst you fight to the death to allow me to do so"**
** That is as long as you don't belong to any minority group in which case your views no matter how extreme MUST be tolerated because otherwise that would be oppression.
(The kneeling rifleman Is slowly getting there.., Tue 27 Nov 2007, 14:41, 2 replies)

Political correctness gone mad - another poor story from your's truly
Some time ago I was living just outside inverness when the local MSP visited my village. He did the usual visit the pub, look-like-an-everyman-while-being-followed-by-a-dozen-cameras-thing that political types seem to enjoy. The pub quiz was on and I found him standing over my shoulder as he spied my answer to question 12 - What is the biggest loch in Scotland? I put down Loch Lomond thinking it was right. At which point he said that I was wrong and that Loch Ness was the correct answer. A row ensued where things got gradually more heated untill he pulled down his trousers, did a shit on the floor and proceeded to eat it.
Well to say I was shocked would be an understatement, it's just another case of "Political correct-Ness gone mad!"

_{"I thank you!"}
(kintore_homeboy tenuous links since 1986!, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 14:13, 5 replies)

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

It has been decided that the name for the ‘English’ days of the week have been based on outdated Anglo-Saxon deities for too long. As a result of this, they no longer properly express the cultural, religious and lifestyle choices of it’s country persons. In order to remedy this, the following government proposal has been put forward:

Monday will be a day to celebrate the achievements of the 'intellectually impaired' and their contribution to society, whilst serving as a reminder for us all to treat them as equals. From now on, Monday will be known as ‘Mong’-day

Tuesday will be changed to accommodate all religions, ancient and modern, in a day of holy union. To highlight freedom of choice, the name of the day itself can differ between cultures. For example, Semites can change Tuesday to ‘Jews’-day, Indians can change Tuesday to ‘Hindu’s-day’. Young ladies who worship at the ‘Church of retail therapy’ can change Tuesday to ‘Buying-New-Shoes-day’.

Wednesday will be a day to embrace homosexual preferences of all kinds and will henceforth be known as ‘Benders’-day…we are currently in discussion regarding changing the ‘day’ part of the new name to ‘gay’, making Benders-gay, to fully accentuate the statement. All men will make a special effort on this day to dress well, listen to show-tunes and be better with colours.

Thursday is a day to raise awareness to sexual equality and express it’s relevance in employment and social integration. Dedicating a day to women is the least our previously sexism-rife, male-dominated society can do considering the centuries of downtrodden abuse the ladies have so bravely endured. The day will be devoted to things like scented candles, shopping, and comfortable pants – From now on, Thursday is ‘Hers’-day

Friday will celebrate the cultural diversity that ranges through our collective culinary experiences. From now on, Friday will be know as ‘Fried-rice’-day

Saturday will be a time of a nationwide reflection on race and colour – we remember how our society has been enriched by cultural influences. On this day we will put on our finest ‘bling’, get ‘jiggy’, and ‘bust some moves’ – Indeed, Saturday will now be ‘Blacker-day’

Finally, for Sunday we can all get together, shake hands, go out for a beer and decide PC is quite literally a load of bollocks.

Oh yes, that will be a ‘Fun’-day.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 27 Nov 2007, 14:00, 5 replies)

K2k6 reminds me...
There used to be - maybe still is - a pub in Stoke called the "Labour in Vain"; the sign depicted two white people scrubbing the fuck out of a black person in a bathtub.

Stoke being Stoke, it took a while for the potential dodginess to sink in...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:58, Reply)

Black
Up in these parts, the word 'black' can also mean 'dirty'. So if for example a (white) mate appears at the pub in an unwashed state, he would take a ribbing for being a 'black bastard'.

I don't think that would go down too well in other parts of the country with a higher black (skinned) population though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:54, 4 replies)

secret cabal etc etc.
Many people don't know that the genre of music called "the blues" was originally called "the jews." A bunch of over-sensitive twats got riled about it and had it all changed. Of course, lines like "can't lose these lowdown dirty jews" were a bit offensive, but "you left me alone with these jews" isn't so bad and "woke up this morning, jews all around my bed" could be seen as quite positive. But as you know, with jews controlling the entertainment industry (via the jewniversities and jewnited nations, etc.) they were able to completely change this important musical form. Find an old bluesman, take him aside and say "hows it going, jewsman" and the whole sordid story will pour out. Really tragic.
(Ennui Kissinger, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:45, Reply)

Schools
When my little cousin was at school a few years ago, a few small changes had to be made in order to be PC.
1. The BLACKboard is now a Chalkboard
2. The WHITEboard is now a Penboard
3. The song is now "Baa baa MY sheep"

God I hate middle class Scottish arses

Oh and being the granddaughter of travellers I delight in telling people about my grandparent, the normal pair and the pikey pair. Why is it people think I'm going to be offended by pikey?
I AM THE CHILD OF A THIEVING BAND OF MURDEROUS PIKEY CONMEN
and damn proud.
(kitnel it's probaby infectious, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:33, Reply)

for you poor monolingualists
I did some work for the Equal Opportunities Commission (now part of the Equality and Human Rights Commission) earlier this year, in the Cardiff office. Despite only being a lowly part-time temp, I was invited to take part in an afternoon's race awareness training. Now, I'm really not one of these "it's political correctness gone mad" people, and the training was really interesting, but I'm going to ask you to hazard a guess at how many ethnic minority members of staff this office of about 20 people had...

Got it in one. So the elephant in the room that day was that the only non-white person present was, erm, the trainer; mildly galling, especially in such a diverse city as ours.

Mind you, I'm not complaining about their hypocritical employment practices, it got me a job - I only got work there because my mum knows the boss.

*shuffles feet*

Sweet Dreams,
(The Deeper Well watches your kids sleeping, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:25, 7 replies)

rhyswynne
Rwy'n cytuno, mae siarad Cymraeg yn yr unfed ganrif ar hugain fel trwydded argraffu arian. Mae gen i swydd rhan-amser gyda'r Comisiwn Cydraddoldeb a Hawliau Dynol i lwytho cyfieithiad o'r wefan i'r rhyngrwyd - does ddim hyd yn oed angen i fi 'neud unrhyw cyfieithiad, dim ond sicrhau fod y testun yn cyfateb i'r fersiwn Saesneg. Cymru am byth!

PS Rwy'n flin am y dodgy treiglo, wedi bod allan o'r ysgol am sawl flynyddoedd, felly dim digon o ymarfer. O ddiddordeb, ble wyt ti'n fyw?
(The Deeper Well watches your kids sleeping, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:17, 14 replies)

In response to Pooflake's story about his goldfish Jesus
my dad's phone earned its name in a similar way.

Having been dragged to visit my grandparents in the depths of chavvy South Wales, we decided to take my grandma to the beach for the day. While we were pretending to be interested in rockpools and looking for crabs, there was a *splash*. I looked round to see my dad fishing his now-drowned phone from one of the rockpools, and running off to rinse it with fresh water.

Two weeks later, having dried it in the airing cupboard, with a hairdrier, and tried to lovingly nurse it back to health, my dad goes to switch the phone on to take it to someone on the market.

Miraculously, it turns on and has all his saved data. Since then, his phone has been known as Jesus or Jebus, whether my dad likes it or not because he doesn't know how to change what the welcome screen says.
( Maladicta, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:17, Reply)

A Former employer of mine
Like most FE colleges has a quota to employ ethnic minority staff. The only problem with this is that in order to fill the quota they end up employing staff who are well below par in terms of their skills and ability to do the job. Consequently, they now have a disproportionate of number ethnic minority teachers failing their probation. This has been noted by the union and there are a number of racial discrimination tribunals pending.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:01, 1 reply)

i used to live with a bloke called boyo
guess where he was from. go on. guess.














in other news, we went to see brentford play cardiff at home. we sat in the brentford familly seats and he didnt say a word either for the whole match or walking upto/ leaving the bees stadium/ground/hole.

he thought he was going to get a non pc shoeing from the locals. and he should have done, he's a f*cking welsh tw*t.
(magictorch, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 12:37, 1 reply)

College..
I've heard this second hand, so don't really know if it's true.

Before I carry on, I should say that Lewisham College (for those that haven't been there) can be quite rough. At one point, they actively encouraged the local police to patrol the corridors.

My story concerns a couple of members of staff. Walking down the corridor, talking. Suddenly they come across two African gentleman, wielding sharpened broom handles at each other. One goes to stop them, and call the police. The other said "Leave them alone, it might be some sort of Tribal thing.". Suffice it to say, they police came and took them away
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 12:27, 1 reply)

Political Correctness hasn't gone completely mad
Especially not in the South Wales valleys.

My dear old nan was hugely disappointed to hear of a an old school friend of mine.
'They say he's...'gay'.'
Well, judging plucked and pierced eyebrows, tight neon wifebeaters and the boyfriend, I'd say yes.

'But he's such a lovely boy.'
Hm. Cannot be lovely and gay in Nanna's World.

'Maybe he'll grow out of it.'
No, he's went on the live with a hairdresser (male of course) and is the most stereotypically gossipy gay bloke I know. Air kisses, the works.

Valleys story II
About 4 years ago, when I was training as a teacher, I worked in a school the next village over from the hamlet I'm from. There class teacher I was to work with was a great beardy man who kept the pension payouts in his register (I think to remind him to stick it out a bit longer) and pointed out the kids to keep an eye on by saying things like, 'He'll be detained at her Majesty's pleasure one day'. In front of them.

As a history specialist, I was required to take samples of work from children's books. The topic was the Victorian Age. Fairly straightforward you'd think.

My eyes nearly fell out when I saw the pages on the British Empire.

"1. Why are Indians so good at cricket?
Because the British went over to India and taught them how to play.

2. Why are there so many Indian doctors?
Indians are good at medicine because the British taught them.

Etc"

I have the photocopies somewhere...

So political correctness hasn't penetrated (fnar!) as far as the Daily Mail might think. There's still a pocket of resistance led by one misguided man.
(Medibot, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 12:26, 4 replies)

its all a bit stupid
i hate political correctness.

i will apologise for not having read the whole qotw and am probably saying something that someone else has already said but....

the one that makes me piss is those schools no longer having sports days because the kids who arent as athletic will lose and feel bad. i take it you will all also be entirely against exams or in fact any kind of marking of work in any way, after all the dumbass kisd might not do as well and will therefore feel bad.
and no more interveiwing candidates for jobs, you will now have to randomly pick a name out of a hat, after all just because someone pissed aropund at school and got shit grades or is just downright stupid does not mean they shouldnt get the job, after all it may hurt their feelings!

my little boy will not be sheltered from losing or doing badly, he will be shown how bad it is and to do better next time!

arrrrrgghhhh im off to read the rest now and chew on my desk for a bit. its made of wood, i hope i havent insulted any trees
(pogo_it, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 12:08, 4 replies)

Good god there even attacking sesame street now
blogs.guardian.co.uk/tv/2007/11/sesame_street_not_suitable_for.html
( Mrs.Sp@m, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 11:35, Reply)

Mad Frogs on the line.
A few years ago, I had a near miss with a woman who ran in front of my train. I must of missed her by mere inches, because I actually shut my eyes and waited for the 'thud'.
Turns out she wasn't suicidal - just French and didn't understand the concept of a footcrossing.

Now the next day, I get called into the office - presumably for a 'just checking you're o.k' sort of chat. Not so! It turns out one of the passengers on the train had phomed our service centre and complained because I'd referred to the woman a 'stupid French b*tch' when the guard had come up to the front to check what was going on.

Oh, and the emergency brake application caused her to spill her coffee.

So now I can't have a justified go at anyone, even the french, incase someone overhears.

Length - about 160metres and about 250tons in weight.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 11:28, Reply)