stupid fucking nature!
just had a row with a hippy friend of mine, who says that i am subverting the natural order and the glory of womanhood by choosing not to become a mother.
well, xara, my house doesn't smell of shitty terry nappies, does it?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 17:57, 49 replies)

Good god.
Sounds like someone needs cunted right in the fuck.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 18:31, closed)

not her, you'd lose a shoe

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:12, closed)

Tell her she's adding to overpopulation and thus the rape of the natural world by having spawn
and that her best option to help save the planet is to subject her screaming progeny to a very late stage abortion and mulch the remains as fertiliser.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 18:31, closed)

tried that one
she believes that the perfect harmony of nature shall prevail and her "moon children" shall help to lead the world in a new era of cosmic enlightenment
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:14, closed)

Good god.
Sounds like the service I'd be doing to humanity would be worth the loss of a shoe.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:21, closed)

she really is an utter fucknugget
the only reason i talk to her is because we were mates in school before she went all earth mother
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 20:14, closed)

I get the same thing from a Catholic work colleague
Apparently it is my duty to breed or something. Since when should I follow the edicts of some epic bent pedo?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Nov 2010, 18:39, closed)

the worst is, she's not the only one.
i've never wanted kids, babies make me nervous. when i found out i couldn't have kids, i was very pleased.
unfortunately, i get stupid people giving me pitying looks and saying "well, i suppose you have to tell yourself that you don't want kids. if you could, i'm sure you would".
cunts.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:16, closed)

Dear God, I'm surprised you don't carry a frying pan round with you.
Mainly to hit the idiotic cunts who come out with tripe like that. Mind you, on a different note, most hippies I've met have been rather level sorts. I must attract normal people or something.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:55, closed)

if they say it to me
when they're pushing a pramful of screaming child, have massive bags under their eyes and cornflakes in their hair, i will have a quiet chuckle to myself
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 23:09, closed)

I'm guessing irony hasn't caught on in my home town then,

( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Nov 2010, 23:27, closed)

i guess not

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 23:33, closed)

Claim you're exempt on account of being a godless heathen.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:26, closed)

I tried that.
Apparently the fact I went to a Catholic school makes me one of them or some bollocks like that. Piss off, I choose my own identity thankyouverymuch!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:53, closed)

NEVER..
..trust a hippy
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:03, closed)

of course not
because common sense is no match for some bullshit you learnt from a smelly stoner in a yurt on glastonbury tor, is it?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 19:17, closed)

Not entirely
My mate Zav, who was pretty much exactly what you describe, gave me some fucking excellent tips for rolling up a doobie.

Common sense would dictate you just get a packet of king size rizlas and skin one up.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 13:23, closed)

that's some practical advice
it's when they start telling you to shag on leylines that they piss me off.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:59, closed)

Well, again
while not wishing to be overly quarelsome, I can't say in my younger days that I would have automatically turned down such an opportunity purely on the basis that my fair damsel was influenced by a ley line.

I would perhaps have kept my fingers crossed behind my back as I nodded eagerly in agreement. You have to try to be honest to yourself, at least.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 15:09, closed)

true, true
outdoor sex is often not all it's cracked up to be, though, especially when you factor in unexpected nettles, soggy grass and cows or sheep watching.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 17:17, closed)

doobies aside...
in my experience, they will betray any agreement or trust without a second thought, if it suits them. If they feel in any way bad about it then they will work it out with their own Karma, and fuck you. Same goes for weekend Buddhists too. Worse than Volvo drivers. I'm going for a lie down.
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 18:24, closed)

Glory of womanhood.... feck off.
What a load of crap. I'm also an anti-screaming-child-popping-from-my-nethers type of girl.

NO thank you. Not for some!
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 20:57, closed)

But squelching out another constantly-shitting bloodbag to join the umpteen squawling billion that already infest the planet
is surely the highest and most noble aspiration you can have. Especially if you're a woman because that's what women DO.

What do you mean it's the default result of existence and any cretin who doesn't know what a condom is can do it? It's the glory of womanhood, you fool.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 20:59, closed)

my mum's got 7 grandchildren already
my sisters have done the motherhood bit for me, i get to be the bad influence auntie
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:09, closed)

aw...
all still in the "closet" are we?
(haberman is singing in the changes, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 21:27, closed)

i haven't even got a closet

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:08, closed)

Wardrobe then?

(Chopsey, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 20:05, closed)

strike two

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 20:16, closed)

How dare you!
If shitting something the size of a melon out of your front-bottom into a pile of faeces and expunged blood-clots isn't beautiful and glorious, then what is?
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 21:43, closed)

beheading your enemies

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:08, closed)

That too!
As well as having to run around after your puking, shitting crotch-droplings until they are old enough to clean up after themselves! And then having to do it all over again when they become teenagers!
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:43, closed)

one thing i really don't understand
is mums who love to take pics of their sprogs mid-meal, when the kid has liberally coated its face with spaghetti or beans, then show the pic to their mates and claim it's cute.
it's not cute. it's nasty.
your kid is covered in half-eaten food, for fuck's sake. wipe its face, you dirty bitch.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:55, closed)

But kids are not like adult humans...
... because they ingest nutritional goodness not through their GI tract, but through the skin around their mouths and upper torso.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, closed)

i like this explanation

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:55, closed)

I gotta say, I'm not really
the poster child for what this thread is about, as I have two kids.

But . . . although I'm supposed to be all paternal etc, there's nothing I hate more than one of them trying to give me a hug with some sticky shit they've been trying to eat smeared all over their faces and hands. They can bugger off.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 13:27, closed)

it's horrible
my nephew had slobbered all over a cornetto laast week without actually eating very much of it. my mum was amazed when i refused to eat it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:56, closed)

You know why they do that?
Because it's the only moment of the day when they have their hands free to pick up a camera. And yes, it's yucky.

What I can't stand is the glowing monologues about *exactly* how much excrement junior woke up with all over it that time, and ohmygod how far up the wall it had spread - ha ha !

This invariably starts just around the time a plate of food has arrived. You know it, if there's something on the plate which is remotely brown and/or sticky, or godhelpus yellow and sticky, you just see the blissful look spread across their face and you *know* ... here it comes ...

"Omigod that reminds me of this time ..."
( Bootsthealchemist is barred from the Masterchef Facebook page, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:07, closed)

oh god, yes!
that's why i only go out to eat with childless friends
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:57, closed)

Her name...
...is Xara?

This alone is prima facie evidence that she should not breed. EVER.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, closed)

well be fair
she didn't choose her name. in fact, it is merely additional proof that it is her parents who should not have bred.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:00, closed)

Do we know that for sure? Could she perhaps have chosen her moniker?

If she was given it by her parents, I agree with you 100%. If she chose it, perhaps we're both correct. Her parents should not have bred, and now neither should she.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 2:36, closed)

oh yes she bloody did
her parents named her sarah, which she had changed to xara when she was 21
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:50, closed)

Whence springs ...
this bizarre idea that everyone in society is obliged to breed?

We've always had communities of people who have chosen not to spawn. They tended to be religious and/or scolastic communities.

Your ovaries are your own. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off.
(Que?, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 3:09, closed)

Biology dictates that we reproduce, doesn't it?
The difference with humans is that we have the ability to subvert the breeding instinct. Fundamentally our purpose for being is just that, being (as it is for all other living organisms). However, I wouldn't dream of knocking anyone that can't or won't have children: their prerogative and frankly children don't make your life better just differently focussed. I love mine to bits but would I feel a gaping hole in my life if I had chosen not to have them, I don't think so.

People who proselytize on any subject whether kids, capitalism, religion etc. need sitting down and talking too [cue cymbal crash]!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 16 Nov 2010, 12:34, closed)

exactly my point

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:58, closed)

Horses for courses, I say.
2ndmrsblaireau and I have a weeblaireau and love being parents. hopefully there will be a 2ndweeblaireau on the way at some point, however ultimately that is not my choice.
some folks don't want to be parents and generally end up not being so.
grand!
however spouting all that hippy shit about subversion etc?
Hippies should be banned.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 16 Nov 2010, 11:54, closed)

i have no problem weith people who choose to become parents
well, not usually. it's just the ones that think my only purpose for existing is to pop out sprogs. what about freedom of choice? what about taking your life in your own hands?
i've got nieces and nephews whom i adore, but motherhood just isn't for me.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:54, closed)

Let's start a protest against hippies...!
Organise a sit in in a yurt or something.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 16 Nov 2010, 16:17, closed)

Oh dear.
My eyes must be going. I read that as "shit in a yurt."

I think an eye test is in order.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 9:01, closed)