THE GREAT PISS QUESTION
Being absolutely desperate for a piss. I mean needing one so much you can almost feel your insides about to explode.

Getting into the toilets in a pub, club, place of work.

Standing infront of the urinals, unzipping the love of your life, and then -

- nothing -

And why?

Because for some unknown reason you're suddenly painfully aware that there's another man or men in the toilets at the same time. Its almost as if your cock has eyes or a built in man radar.

But the worst thing, the very worst thing is when after standing there dry as the fucking Sahara for a good minute or so, you shake the little chap as if he's delivered the golden stream of relief, and put him away. This is ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS accompanied with a little sigh as if to say: Jesus that was a nice piss.

And then you fuck off with your bladder still about to explode.

Please.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this...

EDIT: It would appear, according to this incredibly scientific B3ta pol, that every public toilet everywhere is full of blokes pretending to piss, whilst terrified that everyone else has noticed their lack of wee wee action... and apparently the ladies go into the cubicles holding fucking hands, happily pissing away infront of each other whilst chatting about the price of fish...

CONCULSION: Women are far superior to men when it comes to pissing in public places.

I'll forward these findings to the National Statistics Office immediately.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:01, 24 replies)

'Stage fright' (c)Cheech Marin
Similarly, for the cocaine user:

1. Go to lavatory cubicle in bar/club etc
2. Snort cocaine
3. Feign zipping up, flushing etc
4. Return to seat
5. Realise you're desperate for a piss
6. Raise fist to sky and curse God
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:12, closed)

no
you're not alone
*weeps*
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:23, closed)

Nope, not alone.

( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:33, closed)

Not alone there...
And then you think to yourself - did the guy next to me notice I haven't pissed a drop? He must think I'm some kind of poofy peadophillic piss pervert...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:42, closed)

I normally tough it out, but it's almost worse, standing there while 10+ people arrive after and leave after you...
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:50, closed)

There's a fine line
between taking a piss and just standing around in public with your cock out.
( Moey, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:54, closed)

hahahahah

( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:25, closed)

My good man, it affects us all...
This happened to me 2 consecutive times in Poole Dolhpin Centre.

Only 3 or 4 urinals quite close together, next to cubicles.

It was empty when I went in, all good. Walk up to the furthest away, leaving space for one man to go to the other end one, leaving the middle one empty, you never go in the middle one if you're surrounded, right?

Well, just about to go when some fat twunt comes in, snorting at making a lot of noise which puts me off. I get ready again then notice that I can hear some bloke having a crap in the cubicles which completely ruins it for me. By now I've been stood there for about 45 seconds and feel it best to leave.

10 minutes later I'm back after fobbing off the missus (I don't tell her the story; it makes me less of a man).

I walk in, noone there, not even in the cubicles, great!

I go back to the furthest one, all good. Ready for some serious pissing, but wait!

A man walks in and stands right next to me, his arm touching mine! I freeze good and proper, shake off imaginary whizz and go.

I then returned after 30 minutes, kidneys exploding and finished the job. It was like a golden pressure washer of joy.

So yes, it happens and its shite.

Anyone ever hold it in a bit on purpose, like clamp it off? Feels good eh?
(chalky_bumface Looks to me like it's Rape O'Clock!, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:57, closed)

This may be a silly question, but if the cubicles were empty, why not go into one of those and piss?

( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:27, closed)

Cubicles are for shitting
Urinals are for pissing.

That is the law.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:46, closed)

I do this at school
The year 7s think I'm a nutter
(SoneMe, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:35, closed)

oh yeah,
me too. exactly like that. not even kidding. it's horrible.
(sapincher, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 17:14, closed)

Women are superior?
Nah, they generally piss in cubicles, not in a public place.
(MartinB9999, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 18:40, closed)

it's even worse
when you've taken lots of ecstasy tablets.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 19:33, closed)

Hmmm
Yes, completely identified with this post. However, there is hope. At the grand old age of 41 the urinals are no longer a source of fear for me - I've somehow managed to psyche myself out of public-piss-phobia. I wish I could tell you all how this happened, but it did, a great relief too I can tell you after years of doing anything to avoid having to use them.

And no, it's not worse on ecstasy - it's worse on speed (which for the uninitiated, makes your knob go smaller than you think possible. Like, close to sex-change small. Wish I'd have been told that first time I took it (remembers blind drug-induced panic re: some form of castration that I hadn't noticed happening at the time).
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 19:50, closed)

I watched
that Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe where he got Konnie Huq to train a load of blokes to be able to piss together in public. Oh, the sight of her standing on a hill bawling at these blokes and ordering them to piss on command was pure TV Heaven.
It moved her up to No 1 in my "Female TV Presenters I Adore (In A Completely Non-Jill Dando Sorta Way)" List.

So now I just close my eyes, think of that, and piss away merrily in the middle urinal.

If only I could stop getting a hard-on then.
(Rsoles, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 19:51, closed)

being a lady
I often don't like people HEARING me weeing in the cubicle next to mine. (I still laugh at my bloke when he's fidgeting about in the pub but says he can't go because 2 other blokes had just gone in and there's only 3 urinals...aww. There's a whole world we don't know about)
(popiellajones, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 18:15, closed)

Erugh.
*raises hand for the count*
Bloody annoying.
(buzzmong procrastinating since 1987, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 0:09, closed)

That used to happen to me
but I can't remember the last time I've had that problem. :D
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 13:50, closed)

I'm the same
only nowadays I use the cubicle instead. Don't care if people think I'm squeezing out a giant Richard, I get to drain the lizard and that's all I care aboot quite frankly.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 16:30, closed)

Pee Shy!
Oh I hate it so! I have it bad unless I'm completely 100% TRASHED. However, once I've "broken the seal", I'm good to go. Odd.
(ohnonotagain It's worse than you thought. I'm Canadian., Tue 17 Mar 2009, 7:22, closed)

Recognized condition
Shy Bladder Syndrome; me? I just go in the crappers now. So much easier.
(kitescreech still here, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 10:28, closed)

Definitely!
I now just avoid using public toilets completely (I'm actually very good at this! I can go on a 7pm - 7am drinking adventure and not have to piss once!)
However, on the very rare occasion I am forced to use a public bathroom I just go in a cubicle or I can't wee :(
(ILikeBoobs, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 19:17, closed)

Public service announcement
If you suffer from bladder shyness:

1) Boldly whip out your quim-tickler at a crowded urinal

2) Concentrate entirely on the sound (and if you dare, the sight) of the piss of the person standing next to you

3) Gush piss out like a racehorse.

I used to have a very shy bladder but this method works flawlessly for me*. Your urinalage may vary.

*Except when I also need a poo, then I can't unlock the front door without the back one swinging wide open too
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 8:20, closed)