Your first day of school.
It'll be interesting to see who can remember their first day of school, and if not, if they've been told what happened.
I know my first day was good, but on the second day I kicked my teacher in the face.
( ClanSoul, Sat 22 Mar 2008, 12:15, Reply)

"Ridiculous Things Keep Happening To Me!"
And, it's not just me!

www.b3ta.com/questions/smoking/post133413
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 21 Mar 2008, 19:54, Reply)

do you have to keep your parents away from technology?
for years my mum has 'tidied away' my expensive possesions(MP3 player, laptop camcorder) without realising these things might require a bit of care when handling anything with cables or important electonicy bits. Do your parents jump at your PC without realising the damage they could do?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 21 Mar 2008, 1:00, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

How did someone brighten up your day?
You know those little things that people do sometimes. Make you a cup of tea on a raining monday morning or get you your favourite sweet without asking when your feeling down?

Insignificant to them, touching for you.

How did someone brighten up your day?
(Grove is the collector of WOO and hoarder of YAY, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Employee Reviews
These always suck and are probably a great source of interesting stories - especially peer reviews and the dreader review meeting.
(dunk010, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 14:43, Reply)

What is the most nauseating thing about some people?
Eg- Smugness, extreme niceness etc
(libless, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Need a poo
On the eve of the new millenium i was in Gisbourne, New Zealand. On the beach, just before sunrise. Just where all those TV cameras were that sent the first pictures of sunrise around the world. Could I enjoy the spectacular moment? hell no! I was so desperate for a poo i had to drive off quick smart to find the nearest toilet! Right place, right time, too scared of pooing myself to enjoy the first sunrise of the millenium. When have you been inconvenienced by your bowels?
(fearofusa has boner at work on, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 1:14, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

If I could go back in time...
If I could go back in time, I would have never have chosen to go to an all boys school. Not only was it awfully boring, but it took a few years for my lady-wooing skills to reach the dizzy heights they are not at.

What would you do?
(Stevie Ruggling, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 23:15, Reply)

Things you've caught people doing when they think they're alone
At work the other day I caught a lad playing mime cricket with himself, serving as both bowler and batter. After I caught him in the act he informed me that he had a match next week. Im sure there are some funnier incidents than that.
( Lomticks Be yourself; everyone else is taken., Wed 19 Mar 2008, 18:56, Reply)

in the hope that the b3ta uberlords actually read this QOTW suggestion page, how about....
School stories. Everyone has school stories, some good, some bad, some funny, some sad.

Surely its got to be better than the last two/three QOTW's

Click 'i like this' if you agree!
(drain_bamaged, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 16:42, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Worst Film
What's the worst film you've ever seen?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 14:27, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Heather mills
QOTW suggestion: What you would do to Heather Mills if you were alone with her in a room, with only a chainsaw and acid for company.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 12:42, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

jury duty.
I just went through a two week jury duty. Not sure if many people on here have, but it would be interesting to hear stories about different experiences.
( postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 11:59, 5 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Things you do at work...
when you should be working. Games you play, things you make etc. (must be done at work to qualify)

I think this may have bindun.
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 14:45, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Birthdays...
are a lovely occasion for everyone... in fact mine is on wednesday (the 19th) so in my honour why dont we all share the momories of our worst ever birthdays.
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Mon 17 Mar 2008, 14:39, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Am I normal?
When I drink strong coffee, it makes my pee smell funny (and, I have to admit, quite nice). The few people I've actually asked about this are unable to confirm if this is normal or there's something wrong with my kidneys. And I'm not sure asking my doctor would be a good use of his - or my - time.

So, what about you makes you wonder if you're normal? And can anyone help me with my coffee pee dilema?
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Sun 16 Mar 2008, 14:33, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Things that get on your tits
I really hate slow moving people in public. They always seem to group together and block everyone from getting past.

When I become Emperor I'll execute anyone traveling at less than 3mph in public.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sun 16 Mar 2008, 3:48, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Petty Irritations
I get seriously wound up by the Council deciding that the best way to advertise double yellow lines on the road is to paint stripes on the pavement as well.

I know its petty, I know no one is getting hurt, but it makes me want to scream with rage every time I see it.

So, I'd like you to ask, 'What inconsequential things irritate B3tans'?
(grandmaswhiskers, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Incriminating Photos.
Whether it be a drunken weekend gone wrong, pictures of an ex or something just plain daft...

what incriminating photos do you have on your camera phone or digital?
(trippeh, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 11:08, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I keep myself occupied by...
Despite spending at least 80% of my working day on a computer, my access to the interweb is generally limited to any sites deemed "work related".
I therefore have to resort to other methods of entertaining myself on long, boring shifts.
As a result of this one of my work stations holds a vast catalogue of portraits that I've drawn of all my colleagues with the aid of 'Paint', and my gay workmate and I have developed a system whereby I call him on his cordless phone whenever a man walks past my desk in the direction of his department so that we can grade his looks on a scale of 1-10.

What daft things do you do to while away the hours at work?
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 22:18, Reply)

Switching sex codes
If you swapped sexual orientation what celeb would you boink?? i reckon i'd go for dave grohl if i swapped to teh gay - oof! greedy bi-sexers need not reply....
( sir loafalot ended an eon of lurking on, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Over-reactions
Cause and effect are not always equally balanced.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've flown off the handle, where the smallest thing has pushed you over the edge, Buckeroo style, or have you been on the recieving end of a mighty tirade for the smallest of reasons?
( Cawl, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Chivalry gone wrong
Everyone has a story about how the most well intentioned chivalrous act went horribly wrong.

I myself once kindly volunteered to buy a young lady's pile ointment, much hilarity ensued.

C'mon Chthonic, pick this one...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 13 Mar 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Disillusioned
I used to have quite a positive outlook on life - I used to believe there was some good in everyone.

Then I went to work in Customer Service. And after arguing with someone for 1 hour about a 20p charge on their bill, having to patiently explain to someone how to turn a mobile phone on, and being called a cunt more times than I care to count, I have come to the conclusion that the human race are a shower of bastards.

When were you last disillusioned? Perhaps you've just found out Santa Clause doesn't exist, or your wife's having an affair with your mother. Whatever - share your pain...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 23:32, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

short story showcase
since most posts seem to be considered pure fiction on /reply why not just go ahead and show off our creative writing skills. for the sake of argument the must be at least one CDC/kitten reference per post.


blah blah blah length blah blah
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 19:30, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

In pursuit of love...
The course of love follows a rocky path, which gives us plenty of opportunity to fuck up. I write because I received a love letter today from one of my students (I teach English to adults). Whilst I'd give her English 7 out of 10, she gets 11 out of 10 for crazy.

'I fell in love with a guy on TV 5 years ago, nobody really likes him, but you look like him a bit. I had my photo taken with him and it was like a dream. He's gay. Maybe you are too? I think I am totally in love with you. If you are gay we can be best friends because gay guys are the best friends for a girl. If you are bisexual I wouldn't mind. I always fall in love with bi guys. I'm not very popular, everyone says I'm strange. I don't know why. But I think we'd be perfect together. I know you like music. I'm in a band with my Dad and my brother. Maybe we could play together?'

And so on and so on....

The worst thing is, it actually reminds me of some of the letters I sent to the unfortunate objects of my misguided youthful desires. No wonder none of my Exs speak to me anymore!

Anyway, thought an interesting compo would be 'whats the most misguided/embarrassing/stupid thing you've ever done in an (unsuccessful) attempt to woo someone?'
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 19:14, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Complaining as an Art-Form
Just last week I sent a long, snotty e-mail to a jobsworth who had decided to cancel a group booking for his comedy club. Here's a little sample:

"...I also find your comments regarding the performers being 'embarrassed' by having a large party in the room to be unfounded and frankly ridiculous. It is a nonsense to suggest this as a reason for rejecting a booking - I know of no performer who would be 'embarrassed' to have a full house at one of their shows. I can only assume, therefore, that the acts you have booked are so devastatingly, relentlessly average that they can't stand the sound of tumbleweed echoing through the bar when one of their ill-thought out skits falls flat on its face for the hundredth time. Assuming I have overstated the case (which I suspect), it's also a nonsense to suggest that we would be embarrassed to take up the majority of your seats. Do you assume that because we come from an office that we are unable to laugh at jokes? Is there some kind of universal law that I don't know about which states people on a works do are unable to laugh?

I do not believe that your reasons for rejecting our booking hold water. Furthermore, to inform me of your decision 6 days (or rather, four working days before the event) is so far away from incompetence that you can't even see incompetence from where you're stood. Your organisation has now effectively destroyed a night out that has been meticulously planned out and now leaves my colleagues and I with very little time to organise a suitable replacement. The blame for this is laid squarely at your feet, and I would suggest that it would be your responsibility to suggest an alternate venue for us, were it not for the fact that I suspect you'd be reticent to give business to your competitors while recklessly turning it away yourselves. Talking of which, we would have put £1,000 behind your bar to keep our staff lubricated for the evening, it appears that this sum of money is paltry in comparison the millions you no doubt rake in on these world famous comedy nights..."

So come on. Complaining is fun - tell us your best complaints and what you got in return!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 17:01, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Guilty Pleasures
Not sure if this has appeared before but Guilty Pleasures are always good. Could be innocent or disgusting but we are all human and I bet you people woudl react with 'wow you do that too, i thought I was the only one'.

For instance I like to fart under the duvet, creep under the duvet and see how long I can last only on the fart air contained within the cave created inside my duvet. Even funnier when the missus is in bed with me too.
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 15:49, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Things you wouldn't normally tell people...
For instance I am probably a paranoid delusional that believes that a faked alien invasion is coming, it being the precursor to a shift in the global power struggles, a stepping stone for the new world order if you will... Whilst anybody who opposes the global regime will be incarcerated in secret prisons and d.u.m.b.s (google it).

It will all be done with holograms and satellites and secret technology and stuff.

Surely you have your own opinions about the fate of mankind?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 14:41, Reply)