Scary Dreams
Normally my dreams are like taking 100 movie scripts and shuffling them. The plot just skips from random scene to random scene every few minutes. Also if it turns bad it never starts that way.. This one however was just one plot.. and started very subtle.

I was in a large house with other people, nice warm and bright a bit like a stately home. There were lots of mirrors everywhere and for quite a while nothing seemed wrong, people talked,ate and laughed.

Every now and again though I'd notice something odd in the mirrors.. a face looking through the doorway behind me but when I turned round no one was there. Often in the large mirrors people's reflections would seem to struggle to keep up with what they actually did. Like they were lagging or pretending.

It carried on getting weirder with other people noticing pictures in the reflections became twisted and furniture had subtle differences but when you looked round and looked back it was fine again.

The shock came when an old gentleman getting annoyed by this went to stare into a floor to ceiling mirror. He stared into the mirror at himself, then his reflection with lighting speed lunged out of the mirror and pulled him in before running out of the reflection of the door.

Looking round to the door it was empty and when I looked back in the mirror was a horribly mutilated body of this old chap arms reaching out to try to get back through the mirror, face screaming for help but no sound and no body on our side. Just Frozen.

Everyone huddled in the center of the room away from all mirrors. I looked at my reflection, it looked like me, it looked SCARED! I relaxed a little bit...until my reflection grinned and winked at me with a twisted smile.

I woke up then....

Forget monsters the subtle stuff always seems to be the worst!
(Fullrecovery, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 3:21, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Worst week at work
Have you ever had one of those weeks at work that are just unbelievably bad? One thing after another keeps going wrong?

I had one of those weeks in my first job out of university, organising events for an international genetics organisation. On paper, dream job. I got to work in Mexico, living in top hotels with private beaches. In reality, not so great. The following things happened in the same week (which can be verified by independent sources!):

1. The day before we left for Mexico, the SARS outbreak occurred. As about 40 speakers were coming from China and Canada (and were now banned from travelling), we had less than 24 hours to find 40 replacement speakers. Not the easiest thing in the world, being as there aren't that many experts on the human genome. Ended up having to get some poor Mexican undergraduates to present at an international conference in their second language.

2. A hurricane. To note how truly annoying this was, it was APRIL. As in, the dry season. Hadn't rained for 180 days and we had arranged for the opening conference dinner to be held on the beach at the hotel's private lagoon. We had just set up tables etc for 650 people when the hurricane changed direction and the edge hit Cancun. Really fun trying to move in 650 chairs and tables when the winds of hell are blowing sand and branches into your face.

We had to open the bar for the delegates whilst we reorganised the dinner inside - cost us over $10,000 in drinks! It was worth it to see the scientists dancing on tables to a mariachi band, though...

3. If that wasn't bad enough, my boss ran to me in an absolute panic the next afternoon. One of our main speakers, the head of the Ethics committee, had gone scuba diving despite being asthmatic. Needless to say, she had an attack underwater and drowned. We had a jolly afternoon identifying her body, and trying to get her shipped back to the US before bodysnatchers took her organs - apparently a very real problem in that area! Breaking the news to the conference was a real corker.

4. Finally, the icing on the cake: my bank cards were stolen and £3,500 was stolen from my account whilst I was out there - £3,500 of the deposit for my house, which I was buying the following week.

Despite all this, I still love Mexico and would go back! Even the thieves were kinda nice - they used my money to buy a load of clothes from Mothercare and some school books for their kids!

So, what other work weeks from hell have you had?
(missloki, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 20:47, Reply)

being dumped and getting revenge
Lets face it, being dumped sucks. it sucks even more so when you find youve been cheated on and left broken hearted with egg on your face for saying those three little words.

I wernt the only one with egg on their face tho durring our 4 year relationship and i have many photos and videos to remind me of this. So now for my revenge on the two timing biatch.

Cost of train ticket £3. Cost of large glossy photo from snappy snaps £5 Look upon her and her familys face…priceless.

Have you been dumped or prehapes you were the one doing the dumping and had sweet revenge put upon you? and most importantly did it make you feel any better!
(fresh-meat, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Shit "Better" Halves.
My boyfriend (of many, many years) has just returned (after dissappearing six days ago) from an inpromptu, cross-country drink and druugs spree.

What's the shittest thing your significant other's done?
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 12:38, Reply)

Inventive Parenting...
What's the most creative thing your parents ever did in an attempt to normalise their spawn?

My friend discovered spitting when he was about five. Daddy being the army type was away on a 6 month tour leaving my delightful chum to perfect his art in both aim and quantity. His Mum is the ineffectual "There's nothing wrong with my little boy" type so failed miserably in trying to curtail this new talent.

Cue Sergeant Dad arriving home from being pounded by ragheads or some such heathen somewhere far away. On his first evening back home, in full dress uniform, he sees his first born spitting on the kitchen floor and expresses his disapproval. To which my dear friend replied with a display of his own disapproval by spitting on Sergeant Dad's shiney shoes.

Cue Sergeant Dad picking up his cherub to face-to-face height, calling up all phlegm reserves and spitting full force into his son's face.

I heart Sergeant Dad.
(WhitieMcPaleface, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 23:30, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

And Here's one I made earlier
When has an attempt to be creative or innovative gone totally down the pan? Be it cookery, woodwork or novel sexual positions, what did you do and what happened when it went wrong?
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 17 Jan 2009, 21:29, Reply)

Arguments on messageboards.
Seriously, there's gotta be some good flamewars out there!
I'm currently in one with a guy on my fishing messageboard about medical advice. What random crap have you gotten into?

can't believe I said gotten.....guess I'm really turning 'merkin

The flaming starts on the 2nd or 3rd page
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 17 Jan 2009, 8:42, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Honesty is the best policy?
I called my internet company today and it turns out I'd fallen through the system - I was set up but there was no way for me to be billed for it, so I was getting completely free interwebs. Now they know about it, of course, and I'm back to paying for it like everyone else.

Have you been too honest for your own good? Said something when staying quiet would have been a far more senible option? Of course you have.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 15:35, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

*Ouch*
Stuff that really hurt.

Simple...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Childhood games
Dunno if its been done before, but i used to play fucking great games when i was a kid. you know, like manhunt, find and tag, all that kinda stuff. you get really creative ones too.
(Jacques Lally Honk has been beating wood since, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 20:39, Reply)

"Why am I doing this?"
Was what I thought when I ran out of money at 1am this morning in a shitty nightclub in Edinburgh. Half cut, bored stiff, back killing me, feet aching and really pissed off. I told the people who persuaded me it would be fun to fuck off, and went home.

Still, by dint of walking into a chip shop about 20 seconds before closing time I was able to buy two battered cheeseburgers for £1 each, so not all was lost.







When has it dawned on you that you'd really rather have minor surgery than carry on doing/being where you are?
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 3:02, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mend and make do
In these hard up times, or in extremis, what have you used to get off?

I once attached a small aubergine to an electric screwdriver, using a wood drill bit which had a wide body to increase the torque(speared slightly off centre for that random gyration too). Bloody marvellous it was. :)
(Countryslicker, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 21:43, Reply)

Bumping into people from school years later
Someone you couldn't stand who is all pally.
Someone doing really well and wants you to know it.
Someone doing really shit and you pity them.
Someone with a retarded skinhead mate who'll say something to you along the lines of "did your mate just call my mate a cunt?" and the question what would have happened if I'd said "yes" will never leave your my head.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 19:23, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Local twats
Who gives a bad name to your hometown/ immediate locale? York has this guy's blog www.rustneversleeps.org

He is a twat. He does not realise this. York, from this viewpoint, is nothing but a seething pit of spittle flecked, ill considered right wing tabloid lunacy. With delusions of journalistic competency.

Who paints a piss poor picture of your hometown?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 18:41, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

New world
what if we lived in bizzario world
(Argo could not think of a better name, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 4:58, Reply)

School
The worst thing you did at school?
I used to piss in the P.E lost porperty box (metal container on wheels)that was home for the old rugby shirts and the odd socks. It became a regular thing for about four of us to do it every tuesday and thursday.
We would literally piss ourselves laughing.
Good times.
(BobbyLove, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 18:55, Reply)

other peoples computers and laptops
How about the weirdest thing you have ever seen on someone else's computer.
Ethier found by mistake or on purpose.
Must be some good stuff found apart from porn.
I once found a really shit song my mate wrote for a girl he met in a bakers, she worked the till.
Bender.
(BobbyLove, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 18:44, Reply)

Rude people

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 0:05, Reply)

Unbelievable wealth
How tasteless would you get, and how awfully would you behave, if you won this suggested $260 million lottery?
Gold-plated yacht? Diamond-studded Gulfstream? Scatter gold objects in front of chavs and laugh while they scrabble?
(I think I'd give up on good manners - instead of asking for something I'd just point at it and scream.)
(mudskipper, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 0:34, Reply)

dumb things
dumb things u have said at even dummer times

eg)walks in to see friend crying,asks(in a assholic way) what happned,mom died?
reply:yes....

Oh crap...

(this is only an example)
(Argo could not think of a better name, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 13:02, Reply)

City of Culture
Liverpool has just finished being European Capital of Culture inspite of the Beatles and Brookside, what does your city have to deserve such a wonderful award ?
(bluetuba has a special friend in Blue Label Smirnoff, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 6:27, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the worst job you've ever had?
We've all had shitty jobs but what jobs have you had that were so bad you refused to turn up for the second week. Or day. Or half of a day.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 1:11, Reply)

Break it gently and face the wrath
Now my wife just like pretty much every other woman is sensitive about her weight, some how I need to break it gently to her that she needs to shed an ounce or two, that's not going to go down well however I phrase it.

What needs to be said to others and if said how bad can the reaction be?
(bluehamster, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 12:19, Reply)

"...I said PULL IT HARDER AND IT'LL COME OFF IN YOUR HAND!"
...just as the room went silent. Hundreds of eyes, staring at me, wondering what kind of foul perversion I was yelling about.

When have you wanted the Earth to swallow you whole?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:50, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That last drink which resulted in a monster hangover.

That time you and your other half thought a bit of outside love would be kinky, before you realised it was -3 outside and there was actually an old man having a wank in a bush while watching you.

What seemed like a good idea at the time, but in retrospect really wasn't?
( wanderlust, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 21:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Surreal moment
'Oh. This is happening now, is it?'

Ever had an almost out-of-body moment, when you realise that what's happening to you is utterly, utterly surreal?

I once found myself following my police escort to Luxor, atop a Harley Davidson, as a guest of the Egyptian government. Hotel California was playing on the stereo as the sirens blared.


I can't quite explain how my life led up to that point...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 16:56, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Childish beliefs
When I was little, I had no idea that there was such a thing as a blank cartridge, so I was convinced that the actors being shot in cowboy films were just people who'd volunteered because they wanted to die.

Did you have any strange ideas about the world when you were younger?

Maybe you thought MC Hammer was Scottish, or something equally daft.

Share it with the world.
( finnbar has officially retired, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 9:55, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Work Bordom
Suggestions of things done at work to entertain yourself / others when bored.
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 20:35, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

My new bike shop needs a name.
I'd really like to call it "The Pedal Files".

However, as that's likely to attract too many bricks through my windows, please suggest another.

Thanks!
( sanityclause is waiting until, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 0:36, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Aftermath
A friend of mine once woke up after a heavy night drinking in the back garden of some ones house, upon escaping to the street and asking the way to the center of the city he lived he was told he was a 2 hour walk away. He still has no idea how he got there.

Tell us about the aftermath to parties, nights out, etc.
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Mon 5 Jan 2009, 21:58, Reply)