Mental Illness
Not "hilarious" nutty mates but proper diagnosed head wrongness. I think it'd be helpful to share.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 23:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Factoids
Now i know this will most probably be filled with bullshit but tell us a few truthful facts about yourself.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Wrong end of the stick
Have you ever screamed at someone for what seemed like an insult to you and then realizing they weretalking about a dead relative? Well I have.

Tell us your stories of you completely getting the worng end of the stick and made yourself look a twat
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:49, Reply)

How about foreigners?
Not in a xenophobic, BNP-style way (I'm half-Spanish myself), but rather tales of foreign fellows you've encountered over the years.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 29 Oct 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Halloween stories
staying in the topical vein, ever been to a really good or really shit Halloween party?
Ever dressed up and scared the kiddies trick or treating (I have, the kids Mum looked daggers at me, as little wayne ran screaming down my driveway dropping his bag of swag much to the merriment of his brothers and sisters)
Ever been doorknocked by the same 3 teenagers at 10 min intervals?
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 10:08, Reply)

it's quite clear to me we should get rid of politicians
and simply appoint Stephen Fry run the country as he see's fit. maybe with Joanna Lumley as home secretary.

who would you put in charge and why
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 19:37, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Questions I've always wanted to know the answer to but could never be bothered to find out.
We on b3ta seem to be a smart lot, but I assume that we all have a question we don't know the answer to. For instance, I have always wondered when it became de rigeur for women to remove their body hair. Since between us we have scientists, teachers, IT experts, lawyers and other very clever people to answer us, this could be a chance to find out things you've always wanted to know but could never be bothered to find out!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 28 Oct 2009, 9:35, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Difficult teenage years...
Did you write bloody awful poetry? Did you join a cult? Did you and your mates all get the same haircut and form a band? Did you run away with someone inappropriate?

Tell us all about what you put your parents/teachers/society in general through, in those oh-so-tricky years.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 21:50, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Shit Towns
I once went to Newport...

Please tell us your tales, quips, complaints and experiences of the places that make this nation the scaby, rancid, armpit of the world ... (Extra points for chavs, teenage mums, random acts of drunken violence and flowerpots filled with vom).
( SpankyHanky, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 15:47, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Crush
From those first ‘confused’ feelings when watching Sally James or Maggie Philbin, through to the girl at school who you took great delight in being horrible to, before moving on to your teenage years and wanking your tool into a bloody stump at the thought of Jet from Gladiators.

Crushes. We’ve all had them. Tell us about yours. Maybe it was someone from school, or maybe it was someone off the telly. Have you met them? Did you pull them or, on reflection are you thinking ‘wtf?’

My top two, in no particular order were both from my teenage years. Either the bird who played Ace in Dr Who (don’t know her name) or Emma Forbes from Alive and Kicking

Proper.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:02, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

failure to knock
a lady friend and i were walked in on recently by her mother, who didn't stop to think that the bedroom door may be closed for a reason. i found it all hillarious - it's a teenage right of passage, surely (ok, so i'm 32.. but that's not the point). alas, my partner in crime is mortified and it appears that the mother doesn't quite know what to do.

i was hoping that i'd find that this topic had been done so i could direct them to pages and pages of evidence indicating that, actually, it's a) incredibly commonplace and b) incredibly funny. alas... it doesn't seem to have been done yet!!

so, any chance of finding out who's been caught doing what, with whom.. by people who really should have knocked and waited.
( deshnoodle agonising over sig files since 1995, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 11:10, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

What turns you off?
Regarding the current QOTW about sexual fetishes.
What doesnt float your boat, makes you run screaming away as fast as you can?
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 23:47, Reply)

What ridiculous lengths have you gone to
to save face, especially when it really wasn't worth the effort?
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 12:39, Reply)

My first car....
Tell us about that old banger which you bought for 50p from a suspicious looking man and the delightful adventures you and all who rode in her had.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 12:57, Reply)

What are the Little Things
That make your life worth living? Radiator Pants anyone?
(NDayave , Hooray For, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:45, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

I once got so angry with my teenage son that a picture shot off the wall and nearly hit him.
That shut him up.

What's the angriest you've ever been?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 0:22, Reply)

Pregnancy and Birth
My girlfriend turned into an absolute nightmare when she was pregnant, and the birth itself has mentally scarred me forever (although was interspersed with some comedy elements)

How was it for you?
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 14:45, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

mmmm....
Funniest / sickest moment you've ever accidentally (or on purpose) walked in on?
(SarcasticBunny pfft, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 13:00, Reply)

They didn't see it coming
Practical jokes. Pleeeeeeeease.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 2:07, Reply)

You are old!
I have just caught myself slapping my knee and guffaw-ing whilst watching cartoons.......on a saturday night. When did you realise you were older than your mental vision of yourself?
(Cousin Walter., Sat 17 Oct 2009, 23:20, Reply)

Shit Stories II
I read every one of the first ones twice, theres been enough time to eat some fibre find yourself in a pickle so once again, with feeling...
(rhyddman, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 13:19, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It Made My Day
Sometimes its the small things in life: Finding a tenner in a pocket of an old pair of trousers, getting a “thank you” from a stranger when you hold a door open for them, discovering your ex’s new boyfriend has turned gay and left her, seeing a couple of squirrels fucking - the possibilities are endless.

Tell us how something has made your day...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 10:23, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Embarrassing Parents
One time when I was a teenager my dad picked me and a few mates up after footie practice. In an effort to ‘get down with the kids’ he put a tape on the car stero, something he’d picked up in the bargain bin in Asda.

For an excrutiating half an hour car journey my mates and I were treated to To the Extreme, the seminal work by white badboy rapper, Vanilla Ice, with my dad tapping his hands on the steering wheel and singing along to Ice Ice Baby because he knew some of the words to that one.

Was the only time in my life I actually called my dad a cunt to his face.

Tell us about your embarrassing parents and how you plan to put them in a nursing home as soon as humanly possible.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 10:09, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Weddings
Surely everyone's had something funny/weird/shocking happen at a wedding?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 9:27, Reply)

let down by poor memory
Given that alot of QTOWs have been done twice why not have one devoted to forgetfulness on yours or someone else s part. Come on we are all getting old so should have plenty of material.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 18:13, Reply)

Jammy Bastard
Earlier this year I went to see Metallica. Unfortunately it eventually transpired I'd idiotically gone on the wrong day; however due to an odd turn of events I not only got in but actually ended up with a better seat than the one I'd booked.

When you have you been ridiculously, undeservedly lucky?
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 13 Oct 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Awkward situations
I was once nearly killed (or at least beaten to a pulp) by two 6'4" skinheads who thought - as a result of an unlikely series of events - that I was a dealer who had attemped to give away free drugs to their thirteen year old daughters.

What have you had to talk yourself out of?
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 3:18, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Pivotal moments in history
I once had a minor role in a new play. As it was the first performance, were you to buy the script my name would be inside as part of the (first) cast; Woodsman - Schrodingers Cat.

It what ways have you left tiny skid marks on the fabric of history?
(schrodingers cat now you see me, or not, Sat 10 Oct 2009, 20:38, Reply)

A woman scorned....

Men - What have you done to incurr the wrath of women? What acts of retribution have you seen previously timid ladies dish out by the bucketload when the line has been crossed?

Girls - What have you done to wreak revenge on someone who has wronged you? What stirred you up so much that you could not keep your inner-evil bottled up any longer?

We want to know...
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 8 Oct 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Competition Time!
I accidentally entered a 'prize draw' in a local chemist and won...a years supply of tampons.

I'm male.

From drinking games, pub challenges or actual real competitions - tell us your stories about what you've won or lost. Or more importantly, how you won or lost it.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 8 Oct 2009, 12:29, 1 reply, 15 years ago)