Shit Jobs you have walked out of or been fired from
We've all hasd a shit job at some point..I've had several over the last 20 years. The shortest was two hours when I told the guy his company was a clusterfuck and walked out.
(frightfullybored, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 11:35, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Out of touch
My teenage kids tell me off for saying channel changer instead of remote control, picture house instead of cinema and that I still tape stuff on the Sky Plus.

How square are you and does it embarrass your family/friends?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Old git
My eyebrows make me look like an owl, I have white hair sprouting from my ears and the skin on the back of my hands looks like parchment. I'm only 37 FFS.

When did you realise that you're actually much older than you feel?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 9:36, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The In- Laws
Not sure if bindun...

Good and bad tales of in-laws, from family holidays and get togethers to their influence on your relationship with your partner. Not limited to "offical" in-laws i.e. married b3tans.
( awayfromthenumbers, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)

wasted opportunities
A friend of mine got married last year. Her last name was Walker and her hubby's last name is Webb. No matter how much I pleaded with her, she would not take the name webb-walker, nor would she have a spiderman themed wedding.

What a wasted opportunity.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Creeping right-wingness
When I was a callow youth, I used to be a member of the Anti-Nazi League and sell issues of Socialist Worker with my mate's dad. These days, I want to set fire to tramps and think that striking should be punishable by death.

How have you got more right-wing as you've got older?
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 9:16, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Government
I don't know about anybody else but in my short life I have come across loads of government fuck ups. For example, when I applied for my provisional driving licence, they added the picture of a 17 year old boy to it (I am a girl!!) and then sent me his passport!!!! Occurrences such as that could potentially be a threat to national security! Would love to hear others' stories of incompetence.
(52486 office lolled on, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Euphemisms
I love accidentally creating euphemisms. Only the other day I nearly asked someone if they could remember what their ex girlfriend's picnic hamper looked like. How I laughed!

Inadvertent euphemisms? Tell us all about it.

Another, from the pub. My mate used the phrase 'licking playground equipment.'

Paedo.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:11, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Half Term / Summer Holiday Shenanigans
As a child, the Summer Holidays were immense; going out with mates from 9 o'clock in the morning until 10 at night and getting up to all sorts of mischief.

We once built an amazing 'base' in the woods complete with corrugated iron roof and a trip wire. Upon returning the next day, we found a tramp had moved in.

There was always one person who would forget to come out on their bike, and so would have to run everywhere, thus looking always sweaty and completely knackered.

I'd like to hear stories about what everyone got up to in the Summer Holidays in their youth.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 11:11, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Nice road stories
This afternoon, while driving, I budged up to the left to let a guy on a motorbike overtake me.

As he passed, he waved me a cheery 'thank you', and I was reminded that not everybody on the road is a total cunt.

Tell us your heartwarming stories of Britain's fine highways and byways.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 18:40, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Trust Exercises
My Dad is awesome but can sometimes be a right shit. He used to tell fibs like the time he said that nettles didnt sting when in flower and proved it (by brushing his hand WITH the spines) right in front of my eyes. Only for me to jump at the chance to get back at the big green bastards but being unpleasantly surprised.

When has someone you once trusted abused that trust for their own amusement?
( Barry the Time Sprout one of your 5-a-day, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 15:13, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Bikers
I'm a bit of a hippie, and spent last weekend tripping my tits off af Cosmofest only to find that on my return my pride and joy of a motorbike had been hotwired, and I'm now dealing with the consequnces. What experiences have you had with bikers, good or bad?
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 1:34, Reply)

Damn cheek
My in-laws are part of a classic cars appreciation society. Last time they had a rally they told us of a recent incident when some of their friends where invited to stay at the house of the society leaders for a weekend.

All well and good until they left to go home only to be presented with a bill for B&B and other services rendered that weekend. They politely declined another invite.

So my question is: Have any of you had someone try and sneak money/goods/services from you?
(Cockroach-Sombrero Cook Pass Babtridge, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 22:57, Reply)

Zombie plan
We all know it's a matter of time until the rotting mother in law tries to eat us

So what would you do if zombies suddenly arose, and do you think you'd go quickly/make it forever?

(BONUS POINTS for annotated diagrams)
( Trogdos The Raging Cuntmuffin, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 21:18, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Favours
It's just dawned on me that I have gone out of my way for a lot of people over the years, most recently lending my car to someone who consequently pranged it, leaving me with a major bill.

In what way have you either been taken advantage of by others, or taken advantage?

Bonus points for hilarious consequences.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 5 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

The other night in pub
someone stumbled into me and trod on my foot and it was me that said sorry. He then had the audicity to say "that's ok". I could've kicked off but I'm not like that.

I'd been in Weatherspoons and had gotten used to the cheap beer, I then went to another pub and ordered two bottles of Tuborg. I handed over a tenner and only after checking my change after leaving the bar did I realise I'd paid £3.30 per bottle. (For those south of Watford Gap that is startlingly expensive for beer).
Did I complain about the price? Did I hell, I went and grumbled quietly to my mate about it.

How have you avoided confrontation/making a scene?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:29, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Smells
While working in the USA I drove past a dead skunk on the way to work. It stunk like the devil's arse. By the time I came home someone had had the bright idea of setting it on fire. Now it smelt like burnt devil's arse. What's the worst smell which has ever assaulted your nostrils?
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:29, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

accents
Any man with an English, Irish, Scottish, or Welsh accent who comes to America is guaranteed to get laid so long as he can utter a few syllables. Your mission? Tell us where you live, and what accents just go straight to your testicles/ovaries.
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 1:15, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Similar to the one below
Lots of people are claiming to have unfinished novels in their back pocket, well let's see the first paragraph. And if you don't have a first paragraph, make one up.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:40, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Entertain me
Even though I've contributed absolutely zilch to QOTW I do like reading the ramblings of others but as it mainly consists of half truths, exaggerations and blatant lies why not cut to the chase and just ask for people's short stories - 200 words or less in any of the following genres :

*Horror
*Porn
*Horror Porn
*Kitten Related
*Other

I promise not to spend the week fwapping away
(Unless they are all Kitten related)
(lopezthecatkiller has not killed a cat since....., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Daddy or Chips?
Have you had to make a tough decision? What did you choose and why?
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 22:24, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Absolute Power
They say that power corrupts you, and after three years of occasional teaching, I'm fairly sure that the authority and responsibility it's given me have encouraged the bullshitter and the lecherous old git within me, so:

Regale us with entertaining anecdotes of the time you were put in a position of power and/or responsibility and promptly arsed it up, resulting in public humiliation. Or perhaps you've been a teacher, prison warden or army officer and found that in order to succeed in your position you've had to become an insufferable arsehole? Or perhaps your first babysitting job transformed from an evening in front of someone else's telly and into a night spent chasing the little shits round the garden to get them into bed before their parents staggered in pissed?

Or just tell us about the time you abused your authority to cop a feel of some breasts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Anal
Mrs SLVA used to hang out the washing making sure that both pegs were the same colour until I pointed it out, now she makes sure they don't match.
I go barmy if someone has mixed up the order of the CDs and DVDs on the shelf.

Do you have any peculiar rituals / habits that prompt accusations of OCD from people?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Jun 2010, 10:43, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Visitors
It seems that tomorrow (Wednesday) my college has for some reason got David Miliband visiting for this press conference whatchmacallit, and we've been banned from where this probably 1 hour conference is for the whole day (this is also where every one of every students lessons take place). I would love some humiliation/revenge against this twonk, but alas, I'm not gonna get an effin chance...

So my question is when have you lot had the chance for revenge, and either missed it/ was too lazy/ or it was near impossible to do said revenge?

Have a good think about that

(summary: revenge that never was?)
( Trogdos The Raging Cuntmuffin, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Guess what I found!
Having not been to a cash machine I borrowed 40 quid off a mate to join him on a big night out. Walking home at the end of the night I found 40 quid outside our hotel!
Tell us about your lucky finds.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Holidays from Heaven and Hell
A friend has just told that he has a kid in Australia from a 1 night stand many moons ago (the bright ginger hair is a give away). What holiday disasters and delights have you had?
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Fluffy luck
Events of the last few weeks have left me aghast with suspicion of my own good fortune. Wonderful new girlfriend who ticks every box, successful home business, small lottery wins... Tell me all about your fluffy tales of happy luck!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 15:04, Reply)

self sabotage - i pissed it all away!
In January this year I started my own little part time business idea to prop up my main salary. It's actually become so successful I cannot cope with the workload so have stopped taking orders and am gradually destroying the good reputation I've quickly built up. It's not the first time I've done this.
Tell us how you've deliberately scuppered your own success!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 29 Jun 2010, 14:54, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Last day on earth?
We sometimes hear the phrase "live your life like its your last day on earth".....So if it was your last your last day on earth what would you do?
(andycrass loves two hats on, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 2:48, Reply)