Come the revolution...
...who would be the first against the wall, in your opinion, and why?

Converseley, what anonymous hero's hand would you like to shake, if you could?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Suitors
A flatmate of mine once brought a guy home. He had brought a dildo with him. What absurd behaviour have you seen from the people your friends do the nasty with?
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:29, Reply)

The First Time
You never forget your first time... could be sex, could be parachuting, could be discovering a grey hair. What first time triumphs and traumas have we all had?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Birthdays
This Friday, marks an end of an era for my twenties.

So, while I cry like a girl, perchance you lot could share your stories of birthday-related joy or trauma.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:42, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Sport.
I am as bad at sport as what the Indians are at building stadiums. I used to walk the running races, cheat at cross-country and could only manage to jump under the high jump, yet my brother is some sorta karate champion. Sport - good at it or bad?
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 6:32, Reply)

Euphemisms ...
Completing some necessary paperwork, hanging a brown bat in the white cave, dropping the kids off at the pool ...

What are your faves?
(Que?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 6:23, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

WOOP WOOP WOOP...it's the tales of da police
We have all had to deal with the police sometime in our lives, whether reporting a crime or being arrested! Tel us your stories involving the police!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:17, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Tumbleweed....
I once told that ancient insomniac dyslexic agnostic joke to my mate's dyslexic girlfriend. When have you experienced the embarrassment of Tumbleweed?
(Thebigfella, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Fucksticks
Fucksticks (noun): 1. A expletive which is used when some pony-faced idiot has done something wrong.

Given this definition which I did not in any way just make up, tell us your stories of times when things went bad and you had occasion to utter, shout, yell or bellow this word!
(General_Manchego, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 8:20, Reply)

What the fuck was I thinking?
I stopped dating a girl AFTER she got breast implants. For what reason I do not know. I still kick myself for this. What the fuck was I thinking????

Also I got married, again wtfwit?
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Wed 22 Sep 2010, 22:21, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

What old me would like to say to young me
My god the pain and heartache I could have saved myself and others if I hadn't been *quite* such a twat sometimes; the things I could have seen and done, the dead ends I wouldn't have fallen into.


Old me would very much like to take young me outside and give young me a serious fucking kicking for turning so much potential into so much beige. What would old you like to tell young you?
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 15:22, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Dear B3ta,
I have a problem, can you solve it?

Why not let b3ta play agony aunt for a week? People ask questions and we respond with advice. Good, bad, funny or just plain wrong.

It could be a fun change from the usual setup as the replies would be as a big a part of it as the questions themselves.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 8:49, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Hobbies
You lot are weird. Weird people have weird hobbies. So tell us about the huge flapping mass of badger skin you've been collecting.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Things that sounded so much better in your head
and / or "Shit, did I say that out loud?" moments
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 12:09, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

MASSIVE DRUGS
Come on then, get it out of your system (ha ha) - tell us your pharmaceutically-influenced anecdotes.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Wed 15 Sep 2010, 10:08, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Proper Job Satisfaction
Following this week's suggestion by Daz, how about those jobs that you've had and loved because they give real job satisfaction. Not the piss-easy sit-on-your-arse-reading-b3ta-and-being-paid jobs, but the ones where you feel you're doing something worthwhile.
My missus is a nurse. She bitches and whinges no end about the NHS management and the incompetence of doctors, but she loves the job and wouldn't want to do anything else.
Does anyone else have a similar vocation? Are you in the job you always dreamed of?
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 14 Sep 2010, 8:15, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Gettin their comeuppance!
It didn't always have to be your arch nemesis but theres alway been idiots who you look at and wish misfortune at.

Personal favourites include class clown covering himself in deodorant much to the guffaws of "the lads" when one bright spark lit his lighter beside said clown setting him briefly alight.

Local scum robbing a boat and rowing it to center of bay when suddenly floor of boat collapses and said boat sinks.

And finally obnoxious ass in work runs out of office in rush for bus and carpet slides plonking him on his arse.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 18:00, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Embarassing situations
My fat friend Frank got stuck in the shower in a hotel room and had to be rescued by the hotel staff. He only had a shampoo bottle to hide his embarassment.

What embarassing situations have you found yourself in?
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 14:27, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Famous last words
Mine are usually "This will work perfectly first time".
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 11:36, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Changing the law.
If you could change one law, or write one new law, what would you do?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 12:11, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Youth of today
The current ‘youth of today’ has never had it so easy. What advice would you give the smug little fuckers.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 9:17, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

this has probably been done but:
A long time ago my brother had some mates round for an afternoon. One of them was in crutches and had a brace on his leg.

My mum who, back then, didn't like us having mates around in case we would dent the carpet would routinely come in to make our mates feel unwelcome.

This day she walks in, looks at him with slight distrust and says:

"hmph, what happened to you then?"

He looks up at my mum and quite calmly states:

"spina bifida"


What have you done or seen people do to really put their/your foot in it?
( Bamboo Steamer, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 12:51, Reply)

¤Research to be completed (turns out it's thirty seven!)¤ number of people have been injured in tea cosie related incidents.
What everyday item is trying to make you look like a bad entrant for the Darwin Awards?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 19:42, Reply)

A few months back
I heard a commotion out the front of my house and saw some blue flashing lights. "ooh, excitement" I thought.
I looked out of the kitchen window and there, on the grass verge not 10 yards from my house was the fire-brigade putting out a small fire. After five mins they were satisfied they'd done their job and cleared off again.
I ventured outside to take a look-see and found to my astonishment that someone had stolen a pedal-car and burnt it out.

What's your neighbourhood like? Is it a idyllic nirvana or particularly vibrant?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Shopping
I once went to a large foodstore and through the crowds of shoppers spied an overly large woman on the store electric trolley....with a flat tyre and hazard lights on. What bizarre sights or events have you bared witness to while shopping?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 15:25, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Easiest Job Ever
Skimmed through the questions and was surprised no-one has yet asked what is the best/easiest job you've ever had?

Mine easily had to be working in an airport where I spent the day racing down multi story carparks in wheelchairs and then using the lift to go back to the top. For five years...
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 0:11, Reply)

Who is the most annoying person you have ever met?
Terrible enforced nicknames, general hanger-arounders, lighter abusers, misogynists, racists, really stupid and attention seekers. Not limited to these properties; who is the most annoying person you have ever met?
(WiggZ, Sun 5 Sep 2010, 19:00, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Concerning labels
As I eat this "pork" sausage roll at my desk I've noticed the label reads "minimum 18% meat". I'm concerned about what the other 82% (the vast majority surely?) might now be and how this can be called a pork sausage roll when 80% of it isn't.

Tell me what bizarre or concerning things you've seen on product labels.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 12:46, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Disturbing Adverts
I've just seen an advert for cat food which has disturbed me somewhat. The cat was slinking around, rubbing itself on legs and eyeing up the viewer quite demurely to the soundtrack of Fever. Why are the ad makers trying to make cats sexy?*

Which ads disturb you and why?


*According to Mr Bruxelles, they're sexy enough.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 12:16, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

The mystery solved...
I just got back from a week away camping with my family. When feeling cheeky, my little girl (recently turned 4yrs old) kept saying "You smell of one two!"
Eh?
"You smell of one two! hahah!"

I kept asking her what she meant but all I got was "duh Dad, they say that in Madagascar"

I couldn't figure it out, until a week later, out of the blue (in the bath) I heard the old kiddy song in my head:

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
You look like a monkey,
...and you smell like one too!

Mystery solved.

Has anybody else had any interesting mysteries that have required a little Scooby Doo detective work to solve? (Or need solving)
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)