what's the best wank you've ever had?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 15:49, Reply)

Can you polish a turd?
Re-tell someone else's turgid QotW answer, making it more succinct, interesting and readable.

Bonus points for achieving this by translating a ringomiserypuppet answer to Polish and back.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Do you have a fellow committee member called Reginald, who once sidled up to you?
If so, would you say that Reg isn't a mate per-se but that you both serve on a couple of committees together (PCYC and SoftBall), you've known each other since both your kids started school and you always have a long natter/argument at the PCYC Grounds Committee meetings (Fri. arvo shout at the pub after work)?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 16:27, Reply)

Tell us about what happened at your
SoftBall club's season launch and coaches/managers meeting, which you were attending as both a committee member and coach of your daughter's team.
( Muns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Ferris Buellers Day Off
Ever wagged a day off work only for it to go horribly wrong and leave you wishing you had gone in.

Ever been caught?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 7:24, Reply)

Science Fiction and Fantasy
What's your favourite science fiction / fantasy book, TV programme or film?

Tell us all about it!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 21:29, Reply)

Seriously - why are you here?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 16:25, Reply)

What do you think of Haribo?
Haribo are


(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:52, Reply)

How often do your change your pants?
I try to do it twice a week but I sometimes forget haha
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:13, Reply)

Who upsets YOU the most, online?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 22 Sep 2013, 12:08, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Tell everyone about your favourite book, film, band etc
You won't be mocked. No way, that would be childish and rude.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 19:09, Reply)

What are you most ashamed of?
Your behaviour, your clothes, your secret love of Justin Beibet, or maybe the fact that you can only get it up to really weird porn. Whatever, spill it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 18:50, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Pure fury
After a sneezing fit, a colleague once told me that he was susceptible to sneezing, anything could set him off. His mum's perfume in the morning usually made him sneeze, and his dad was the same.

My response of "What, your dad wears your mum's perfume?" was met with a puffing up of the chest, narrowing of the eyes, gruffening of the voice and "Don't take the piss out of my family ever again, ok?"

When has someone gone from 0-60 at something wholly unreasonable?
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:54, Reply)

Australians
In The Great Railway Bazaar Paul Theroux writes

"At my lowest point, when things were at their most desperate and uncomfortable, I always found myself in the company of Australians, who were like a reminder that I’d touched rock bottom."

Tell us your stories of encountering Antipodeans, whether they are pricks, wankers, or grudgingly ok.
( Zuowan, Thu 19 Sep 2013, 2:09, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Smoking - addict, abstainer or quitter?
Are you a self-righteous prick from either side of the fence made out of death sticks? Explain why you're correct and everyone else is wrong.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 19:37, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

That one mate
You know the one, the mate who is guaranteed to ruin every social situation by being a fucking embarrassment/sexist/racist/pikey etc.
Tell us about your cuntiest mate.
Protip: If you haven't got one, it's you.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:21, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

dual carriageway this morning...
traffic is crawling, despite merge in turn signs from 1200 yards - some TOSSER decides to chaperone everyone and block one lane with his bloody van. I was RAGING. what makes your blood boil?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:05, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Cyclists
Cyclists are vermin. They don't pay road tax, don't have insurance, ride on the pavements, go through red lights, are arrogant, selfish, entitled holier-than-thou self-righteous 'ooh I'm saving the world' tossers.

Such is the popular view, anyway.

Tell us your stories that either reinforce or refute this view.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 22:09, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Pricks.
I went to Antelope Canyon t'other day. Look it up - it's beautiful, but our introduction to it was to have the monument and plaque dedicated to the 11 tourists that died there in 1997 in a flash flood pointed out to us, and the details of their demise explained in detail.

It had rained in the last five days when we went, the sand was still damp in much of it, and there were thunderstorms in the surrounding area.

The tour is about 1.5 hours, and there are several places where it's only wide enough for one person to get through - once you're in there, you're in there.

Laughing boy at the back kept saying "Holy crap is that rain?!"/"Did someone say flash flood?" etc. He was the sort that jokes about the 'plane going down during turbulence.

Tell us about pricks you've encountered, or what a prick you've been to others for the lols.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 15:43, Reply)

What's the most depressingly middle class thing you can think of?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 11:15, 4 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

what was THE best kidz TV show and why?
Age irrespective. let the debate begin.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 16 Sep 2013, 0:42, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Have you heard the news?
I was in Norway at the time of the bombing and mass shooting in 2011. The day afterwards I was in a bar and got talking to this camp, brazilian ballet dancer with a Mr T mohawk. On finding out I was british he said 'oh my god, did you hear the news?'

'What? The stuff in Oslo?' I replied.

'No! Amy Winehouse has died!'
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 23:38, Reply)

What's the funniest thing you've ever seen?

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 19:10, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Driving Tests
I haven't got round to learning to drive yet, but my drunken Australian dad's ('nuff said) story goes like this. "In my mind, I did everything perfectly. Mirror signal manoeuvre, obeyed the speed limit, didn't kill anyone. I was half expecting the inspector to offer me a job afterwards.

In actuality, I failed with 2 major and 14 minor violations. I might have flirted a bit with the instructor afterwards to give me a pass. Didn't work."

How many times did you take your driving test, and if you failed, why?
(DarkMalfunction put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional' on, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 18:05, Reply)

Typos
Have you ever seen - or made - a spelling mistake that was truly memorable? Share your, or someone's unique ideas on spelling.
(Smudge the Demon, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 4:33, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Why don't we just do it in the road?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:12, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

What's the best dream or worst nightmare you've ever had?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:12, Reply)

What light through yonder window breaks?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:11, Reply)