screw anecdotes, lets write a B3ta text-adventure game
You are in a maze of hospital corridors, all alike
# Look South

Jimmy Saville is approaching, cigar clamped firmly in his sausage-like fingers.
#
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:14, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

why does my willy go all hard when I think about naked men?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Mar 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Brief yet amusing anecdotes.
Do you have any brief yet amusing anecdotes? Tell us.
( Muns, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:15, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Cress.
We once grew cress at primary school then ate it on white bread with too much margarine. Have you ever had cress? Shit innit.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:47, Reply)

Puberty
can be traumatic. Tell us tales of growing hair where it never used to be.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:17, Reply)

Cheese!
All your very best anecdotes concerning cheese.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 23 Mar 2014, 20:49, Reply)

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Tell us about the bitterness and tears over the breakup of your relationships.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 23 Mar 2014, 20:44, Reply)

What's the biggest wang you've shown to your class?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 22 Mar 2014, 14:10, Reply)

What's the biggest thing you've trapped in your class?

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sat 22 Mar 2014, 13:48, Reply)

What's the biggest thing you've ever put up your class?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 21 Mar 2014, 20:06, Reply)

Who else off here has turned out to be a massive nonce?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 13:04, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Things, people or events that you have seen in places.
What or who have you seen in places you've been?
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Tue 18 Mar 2014, 20:31, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post2228665
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:44, Reply)

Where have you got stuck, trapped or tangled?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 14 Mar 2014, 8:13, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

If everything had a big fight, what would win?
I think it might be my dad's underpants.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 17:13, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

IRL last week I caused a shit storm in a teacup. "Gays are all pedos, fact" I said to a queer boy.
Apparently, him and his straight mates don't do Putin based irony.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 12:48, 5 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

stupid names
i think it's been done before, doesn't matter. anyway, a mate was telling me he went to school with a rhia lydiate and i was like "tell me about it, everyone in my school was a real idiot" and he was like "no, her name is rhia lydiate" and i was like "no way".
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 12 Mar 2014, 10:05, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Disabled sexy tiem
This might be one more for the TV programme called The Last Leg but is it OK if you fancy a disabled person to tip them out of their chair and do your business?
( sock more tea vicar?, Tue 11 Mar 2014, 19:55, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

Which greenhouse should I buy?
I want to put it straight on soil without worrying about paving slabs or concrete etc. Thought a light polycarbonate one might be best but the internet seems to think they're shit and will blow away in which case I suppose I should get a glass one. If I want to get a glass one I suppose I should go for toughened glass but it's way more expensive.
So if I but a 6 x 10 foot halls popular with the steel base and toughened glass and just erect it straight onto soil is it going to collapse?
Also will it be tall enough for me 'cos I'm 6 foot one.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 11 Mar 2014, 13:45, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Have you ever been unable to carry out your responsibilities for four days
because your index finger is lodged in a canines rectum?
( Muns, Mon 10 Mar 2014, 14:35, Reply)

What the hell is that? Jesus Christ, is it alive?
What the fuck happened? How the fuck is it still alive? What could have possibly done this? Which one of you fuckers is responsible? How could you just leave it like this? You do know Dave is gonna find this don't you? What the fuck are you gonna tell him? Have you any idea how fucked off he's gonna be? What the fuck were you thinking?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 19:46, Reply)

When will I, will I be famous?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 18:48, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

What's the most ridiculous bullshit story you can come up with?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 15:16, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

The creepiest of the creepiest of the creepiest
Give us the creepiest ever QOTW answers. The most repulsive, unpleasant and downright skin-crawling ones that made it worth coming back to see how upset the OP gets over being called out on it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 14:36, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

The best of the best of the best
Give us the best ever QOTW answers. The most original, humerous and memorable ones that made it worth coming back for more.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 14:23, Reply)

how do you increase the water pressure on an ideal i-mini 30kw combi boiler?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 14:12, Reply)

Any story who's punchline is a song title, a line from a song or
a famous quotation, straight, altered or punned, you choose.

Eg. Long story short.
"You're in my Heart you're in my soul,
Urine my mouth but I'm too old."
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 7 Mar 2014, 13:38, Reply)

Star Wars.
Star Wars.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 12:35, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

What did you get up to at home when no-one else was in?
During a period in the 1990s everyone would be out of the house between when I got back from college and 5:30pm. I would revel in the fact that I could run the stereo at full blast for an hour without fear of discovery or censure and would hook up a 2x15" speaker cab to the stereo and play Iron Maiden very loudly.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 6 Mar 2014, 0:20, Reply)