Question of the Week Idea
Tell us about a time you've been thrown out of a place. It should be as embarrasing as possible. Here's mine:

When I was much younger, I was at a restaurant with a date. It was the wee hours, we were having breakfast and were extremely drunk! We got into an argument about whatever it is drunken lovers fight about. I proceeded to throw my steaming hot coffee all over the poor bastard. He in turn hurled his plate of eggs in my direction. It missed me. But not the people behind me. So drunk and long ago, I remember the plate hitting one of them and they got up and did some shouting and posturing, but not much else. The management bodily threw us out of the place. We didnt even have to pay. Oh how we laughed the next day....Sorry if this question has already bindun!
(Drunkendragon, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 13:39, Reply)

Death is not an option...
We used to have hours of fun thinking these up, my favourite ever was: would you rather eat a small portion of your own faeces every day for the rest of your life, or suck Richard Whitely's cock - death is not an option. Let's all pick a quandry and see what really makes us tick.
(Dermot O'Logical, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 9:16, Reply)

what came first
the catheter or the colostomy
( Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Thu 7 Oct 2004, 23:34, Reply)

How about worst track or album you've ever heard?
Mine is 'the songs of Leonard Cohen', and all tracks contained therein. I was made to listen to it as an initiation rite in my first job. The screaming on the last track as it fades out is hysterical! What's your worst track?
(--merciless-- is delightfully fragrant, Thu 7 Oct 2004, 13:32, Reply)

Ex's worst/weird habits
My last bf recently became 3rd 2 years in a row in the spoon playing championship
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Wed 6 Oct 2004, 15:27, Reply)

It's just a suggestion...
How about most embarrassing anal sex related stories - i know i've got a couple and i'm sure lots of other people will have!
(Shashkia, Wed 6 Oct 2004, 11:47, Reply)

to be or not to be?

(That guy with a hat., Wed 6 Oct 2004, 6:15, Reply)

Being as it's coming up to Halloween
How about bestist trueist ghost stories?
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Tue 5 Oct 2004, 15:07, Reply)

or..
Schoolteachers,

I had a history teacher called Mr Duncan who used to kick furniture about in anger if we didnt do homework and was famous for dropping his pens an looking up lasses skirts.
He was suspended and then sacked a year after i left.

surey theres plenty of stories like this, theres enough fucking strange teachers and most PPL went to school at some point...

TTFN
(tokin_whiteguy, Mon 4 Oct 2004, 20:09, Reply)

pot
I second pot stories as Qotw
(tokin_whiteguy, Mon 4 Oct 2004, 19:42, Reply)

Worst/weird nick names/names for your toys
I was a bullied child with a name that had many shorter alternatives which rhymed with many things.
And noot really toys but I found a story I wrote when I was in primary school which was about a rabbit called Spendersby...never herad of that name before but i like it!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 4 Oct 2004, 19:29, Reply)

Holiday nightmares...
...I for one, have been on holiday with 100% gibbon and Kitten - anyone beat that?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 1 Oct 2004, 16:41, Reply)

whats the most innapropriate moment you've ever used a swear word?
Mine was at a job interview
(coding_monkey, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 22:16, Reply)

Really crap school duties/projects/plays/parts in plays
I was a prefect, and it was my duty to make sure no students entered the carrers library which was locked and closed on the days i was there.

Or stupid reasons you got into trouble.

My french teacher hated me even though I was one of those good kids in the class. She gave me detentions for missing one out of 15 questions in my homework, just for being there, reading with my elbow proped on the table (she promptly taked to me like a baby saying i was having a nap making the class of chavs and bullies laugh at me) and when everyone else left she gave me a detention. Oh and also backing my book with christmas paper cause she hated christmas.

Fuck it, lets talk about worst Teachers and bosses!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 21:38, Reply)

Word mix ups and misunderstandings
I once told my mum I wanted to be circumsised when I died instead of cremated and when my sister asked me if i was a virgin when I was 7, thinking madonna was a whore calling herself a virgin, i yelled NO OF COURSE NOT!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 21:32, Reply)

Tight Bastards
Stories about the people you know and the lengths they'll go to - just to save a couple of cents...
(flash, Thu 30 Sep 2004, 2:59, Reply)

Chavs!
Worst chav stories, how to kill them, what to do with them, undercover chav watching( done it, give it a try!)
Anything to make the scum of the earth look stupid, or like Boris Johnson!
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 16:27, Reply)

Out of the mouths of boffins
Whilst waiting for a meeting to start, having one of our usual stupid conversations, the subject of dog poo came up.

One chap says "Whatever you do don't get one of those dog poo disposal bins: The ones you bury in the garden with only the lid showing, they don't work".

Dr chap looking slightly puzzled replies, "Can't you train them to use it then?".

Doctor of Chemistry from Durham University and the common sense of damp cardboard. Oh, nearly forgot, he's adopted a reindeer as well.
(Yellow Car is now red, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 16:08, Reply)

awesome
whats blue and makes women cry in the morning???

Cot death!
(bhbilly, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 15:47, Reply)

Nearly caught on the job
Peoples experiences of the closest they have come to being discovered doing "The wild Thing" with someone they shouldn't have been with.
A few years ago, after moving away from our native town, one of my wifes best friends came to visit.There had been some "previous" encounters before we moved away between me and her mate.
Anyway,when my wife left the house to go to the childrens school for a meeting,leaving aforementioned friend in my company, we retired upstairs, leaving the small children downstairs, for a "good to see you again " Blowjob.Things had just got to the interesting stage when my wife returned unexpectedly.
In an instant she was back in the house, and coming up the stairs.At this point I came out of the bathroom, doing up jeans as fast as I could, asking her what she had come back early for, and politely pushing her back down the stairs, leaving her friend still in the bathroom cleaning up her face of copious amounts of my love yoghurt.
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 14:52, Reply)

Weirdest job/task you've ever done
I was the live tailor's dummy for Pierce Brosnan's shirts for the Bond Films.
( Ulic hissing slightly, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 14:03, Reply)

what about best chrank call you've made/recieved

(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 20:45, Reply)

Shopping experience
How about asking people about their mad shopping experiences?

I have had a few shopping experiences....
Once went to get some small groceries at a local supermarket and as I picked a can of fizzy juice off the shelf which accident slipped out of my hand and hit the metal basket. The can managed to get a puncture from the impact and it started spraying all over the place. Two elder women were next to me when it happened and one of them grabbed the can and dumped it in the freezer where all the meat were! I was livid also embarassed - I just put my soaked shopping basket back and left quietly yet quickly, dripping wet from the event. Luckily I was not out of place as most of the customers were soaked wet from the heavy raining outside. Jeez!! Beware of the mad old biddies! haha
(Janny, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 20:00, Reply)

Hows about...
Most treasured childhood posession which was tragically destroyed by accident or on purpose?
( wigstar, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 12:52, Reply)

How about
most embarrasing animal related incident - there was a monkey at cleethorpes zoo that would masturbate vigorously every time mrs badger walked past the cage, never saw it do it to anybody else though! Jokes about her looking like a baboons ar$e were not very well received.

Just remembered - she also sat up in bed one morning asking if i could hear the owl outside the window - curtains open to reveal a pigeon!
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 11:45, Reply)

how bout
Best/Worst April Fool's?
(hayno, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 6:41, Reply)

Pot stories!
Stories about using bud, dope, hash, weed, whatever. Would make a good story though!
(Roland Deschain, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 3:01, Reply)

How about bus journey related events?
I recently was on a bus from Manchester city centre to my house with my close friends to be serenaded by a 15 year old chav attempting to become the next slim shady and freestyle.
Lyrics included :
"Even though I am 15 i'll sell you bone from a stolen fone"
"I'll stab ya"
for 45 mins

What topped it off was the fact that his repertoire didn't progress much [read at all] despite his mate whispering new phrases to him.
Many more
(monkeyseemonkeydo, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 22:35, Reply)

How about crap reverse psychology techniques?
A woman I work with was woried that her 14 year old daughter might steal the car and have an accident.

So she taught her to drive(?!?!).
( Spencer Elden, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 16:13, Reply)

toilet tunundrums.
have you ever fallen in to the shitter?while being flushed by the year eights did you notice a shite floating around your ear?tell us your stories to do with the mighty bog!
(That guy with a hat., Mon 27 Sep 2004, 1:00, Reply)