Has this been brought up?
I don't know all of the past QofW entires, so here is a random idea I got in the shower this morning:
There have been a few humor skits done on TV (I clearly remember at least one) on fake an advertisement for a 'clean-up' service on your room after your death. The idea is simple: when you die, these people came in and cleaned all smutty things from your room, leaving your parents happy thinking you were a good lad.

So, that in mind, I thought, 'what would b3tans want to be left undiscovered (or discovered for purpose of shock) to their close ones when die?'

yes? no?

Just a thought, really.
(conspiracyx, Sun 14 Aug 2005, 6:50, Reply)

Not me .....

....... but a friend used to work with a right fucking genius. Apparently, he used to pick his nose, then leave the bogies lined up on the steering wheel in order to discourage working colleages from borrowing his company car. Nice.


What little tricks do you have to scupper other peoples thoughtless actions?
(alfasimes, Sat 13 Aug 2005, 16:00, Reply)

The worst/best reason you have ever been fired
bindun? i dunno


Mine was when I argued with my boss that he should give me the holidays I wanted as compensation for having to put up with his bad breath every day. I got a permanent vacation and a P45 to prove it
( Bamboo Steamer, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 12:17, Reply)

Couldn't make this shit up!
What weird, funny or creepy things have happened to you that are just so unbelievable?
(GSM, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 10:08, Reply)

How about
Tits or Bum? (Stolen from Jimmy Carr)
(Elmsters, Fri 12 Aug 2005, 9:00, Reply)

Course of action in the following difficult situation...
You're locked in a large bathroom with a bath, shower cubicle, toilet, sink and bidet (all in an attractive cream porcelain finish) and a large mirror on the wall. You're 35 feet up on the second storey of a large town house in, say, South Shields. There's a fire raging outside the bathroom, possibly started by Keith Flint, and to open the door and walk onto the landing would spell certain doom. In the bathroom with you there is:
a feather duster;
a warm can of Special Brew;
a copy of Woman's Weekly from October 1987;
an aloe vera plant with one of them little plastic gnomes in the soil;
two geckos;
a randy gibbon eyeing you up knowingly.

It's two minutes til last orders at the pub. What do you do?
(stusut79, Thu 11 Aug 2005, 15:13, Reply)

Disturbing b3tans
How about which b3tans posts to the QOTW or messageboard disturb you the most?
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 11 Aug 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Swotty gits
I note that many people on this board appear to have been brainiacs in their youth, and possibly not life-smart (as opposed to book-smart) enough to hide/disguise/fudge this fact. What were the terrible consequences visited upon you for this genetic crime?
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 11 Aug 2005, 14:33, Reply)

Festival experiences/romances/general head fook's
..could be a question as it is Festival season again?
Or the merits or Cheese.
Maybe the merits of knob cheese after 4days without washing at a festival.....?
( -:Coop:-, Thu 11 Aug 2005, 11:50, Reply)

Breaking Wind
Probably been asked before, and not particularly original...

but what's the worst situation in which you've let forth a silent but violent, or a loud and raucus rectal eructation in public?

I'm always caught by air conditioning, particularly on planes where they reduce the air pressure slightly. On a scheduled, nearly empty flight from Greece I let one of the quiet variety go just as an air stewardess walked past. I could see her wince as she offered me a mug of tea.
(zeppelin boy, Wed 10 Aug 2005, 22:26, Reply)

Exit
What was your best ever exit?
(alfasimes, Wed 10 Aug 2005, 17:20, Reply)

Maybe it's time for another 'nice' QOTW
What is the nicest thing someone ever did for you? Or maybe the nicest thing you ever did?
( Pachey, Wed 10 Aug 2005, 14:31, Reply)

"I didn't Feel any guilt"
At primary/playschool, a kid had a toy crop-dusting helicopter. I desticntly remember the 3-bladed rotor-head had white plastic rotor-blades that appeared to be a removeable item.

I suggested this and went to demonstrate... tug, tug SNAP. I destroyed the helicopter, shrugged and walked off.

I know i should have been feeling guilty at the time, but I was only 3 years old...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 10 Aug 2005, 12:32, Reply)

Sacking
I recently won a P45 for excessive b3ta-watchng during 'work hours',

For what reasons have you been fired?
(asda_smart_price, Wed 10 Aug 2005, 10:57, Reply)

Losing Control
Physical harm of a close family member or friend, being abusive to a slow-witted customer... you get the picture. Have any of you b3tards ever totally lost self control?
(The Machinist, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 20:39, Reply)

Last weekend I went to a 'Party on the Pond'
It promised to be a fabulous afternoon out, but turned out to be a couple of tents promoting healthy eating on the edge of an industrial estate.

What disappointments have you experienced recently?
( Pachey, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 15:12, Reply)

rubbish
What is the best/scariest thing you ever found in a dumpster?

I believe the term is skip in the UK. This is probably not widely known to non-UK readers.
( scartoonist, Sun 7 Aug 2005, 16:23, Reply)

Driving Disasters
Driving School can be erratic. My own mother was inches away from crashing the family car into Grandmother's tree because our father was a SHIT driving instructor.

Your driving disasters, ladies and gentlemen?
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 22:40, Reply)

Cats!
Everyone loves hearing about cats. Tell us about your cats (or if you don't own one then cats you've encountered)

Pleease
(therocker, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 20:10, Reply)

Things that taste like smells? or vice versa.
I've always thought that the first bite of a cadburys choclate eclair chew/sweet tastes a bit like the smell of dog plop.
Does this mean I've got a tumour or something?or does anyone else have a taste/smell issue?
+ School dinners smelt great at breaktime but when you got to your table at lunch it always tasted like a fat boys cleft jam. I reckon the dinner ladies were having an extra helping of proper tuck at the expense of us pale and ricketty kids. Speaking of school dinners, I used to lick the rough side of the matchbox (there's a euphamism waiting to happen) that my dinner money went to school in. It didn't taste like a smell but I'm pretty sure It's why I have no lips now.
( Woolworth Smells of festive spices, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 14:56, Reply)

nicknames
one lad at my school was giventhe nickname Penny by the class 'genius' since his surname was Gray.

Because crayons are grey.



















what...still need me to elaborate?

Crayon. As in the cartoon Penny Crayon. Penny. Jeez...

What nicknames, crap or otherwise, have you and your friends been blessed with?
(widdy, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 17:49, Reply)

Have you ever STARTED a fight....
...and lost?

don't want any tales of victory, just the losses - as many details as possible. Heres Mine -

i suppose i asked for my ass to be kicked, gf and i were out shopping, she was up the duff, i was in a pissed off mood over something or other.

outside the supermarket sat four lads, younger than me, but no smaller - someone made a funny comment about my missus (i think it was the way she was waddling ) anyways, i got the hump over it and told the gobshite, if he says anything else i'll pull his [censored] head off. the threat did the trick and they just looked sheepish, did my shopping and came out...and they were all there and now they were pissed at me, as i walked away i was grabbed by the shirt from behind and punched in the back of my head a few times, didn't hurt, another lad came round the front and tried to lay into me.
i grabbed this bastard by his neck and twatted him some hard and fast punches, he was out of it - however the weedy puches to the back of my head where still coming and my sight and hearing were getting screwed up.

it was looking grim and with another two guys coming to have a go at me too i needed help asap, i made a break to the main road with this guy still attached to my collar, hoping a car would stop and someone would break it up...very, very luckily the car that stopped short of squashing us both was being driven by two brothers, both old school mates one guys a pro boxer (and his brother is bigger and badder than him) they got out of the car and ever-so calmly asked if i needed a hand, i smiling and politly said "yes please" - it went manic, these guys tore the kids to sheds, heads, arms and legs stomped on, headbutts to nose action - teenage bollocks being kicked, hard.

i took a few steps back and was just frozen, felt no pain, infact i felt sorry for these people. when it was all over, they grabbed the guy that mouthed off at the start and threatened to drive him off somewhere and finish him off, he was crying and everything...i had to tell them to let him go, he limped away mumbling some crap.

GO ME!!!
(The_Mighty_Spleen, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 10:44, Reply)

Just in the nick of time
Must be plenty of stories where something happened at the 11th hour and saved someone from dire consequences.
(Sonic promises not to spray it in her eyes next time!, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 6:10, Reply)

Knights of the road
A few years ago, I was involved in a traffic jam on the M1 when football fans and persons travelling to a Rave venue all converged in many numbers. The humorous young blades in the car behind me decided it would be an entertainment to (albeit gently) ram my car from time to time - that'd be me, a female travelling alone. They didn't like it so much when the Norbert Dentressangle artic. beside them took it upon himself to come to my rescue and forced them onto the central reservation, where thanks to a bridge they rapidly ran out of room. *chuckle*

Yay! for Norberts .. I love 'em, I do!

So .. who has come to your aid when in transit, or alternatively, have you ever been able to come to some other poor traveller's rescue?
(Felidae, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:11, Reply)

Peter Kay once plopped in my toilet
Once upon a time i lived in sunny Bolton. I had a party and Peter Kay came round. I think at some point in the evening he may have used the toilet. Not long after, I went in the room and it reeked of plops, of all things.

Now Your 'Peter Kay once plopped in my toilet' stories
(JinDod, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 14:00, Reply)

What advice would you give to the opposite sex?
Like watch your fucking teeth when giving a blowjob bitch

And for fucks sake, wash your minge. I might like seafood but not during sex. Oysters are an aphrodisiac, rotting kippers aren't.

Could be a good question to spark up a battle of the sexes
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 9:39, Reply)

It was my fault really
What stuff have you done and blamed on someone else, or what stuff have you done which has got someone else into trouble, and now you're too scared to fess up?
(Northern Lovely, Wed 3 Aug 2005, 16:43, Reply)

Favourite film quotes
I've got so many.

My current favourite is one that recently re-popped into my head:

"Am I lucky, or am I just good?" (The bounty hunter character Marvin Dorfler in Midnight Run)

Also virtually anything uttered in a film by Dennis Farina is great but only really when he delivers it:

"Stanley, sit down, eat a sandwich, do some fucking thing" (Midnight Run again)

"They say the fucking smog's the fucking reason you have such great fucking sunsets" (Get Shorty)

"I'm going to find what you love the most then kill it" (Crime Story TV series)

See? It *is* better when he does it.

Edit: Good question about breaking things DrGonzo, I recently destroyed an iriver ihp20 (that was in perfect working order before I got my mitts on it) and now have no idea of how to extract the data from it's burnt out little heart. 1 years worth of data gone! No, I didn't think of backing it up. Shite.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Wed 3 Aug 2005, 14:45, Reply)