Not my nan, but my ex mother in law
Ready, Steady, Cook was on tv, there was a close up of Ainsley Harriots hands prepping a salad, her words "I wouldn't want him touching my food with those dirty hands"
(serge, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:23, 2 replies)

Bloody immigrants
My in laws are of the asian persuasion and left Bombay to study here in the 60s and stayed ever since. My father in law only reads the Daily Mail and is always ranting about how the bloody immigrants are ruining the country with no sense of irony at all.

He's got a great sense of humour though. At our wedding he wanted to start his speech with "Goodness gracious me" and then go into an impression of Peter Sellers' bombly bombly Indian character. Unfortunately Mrs D's sense of humour didn't allow it.

(edit: ok, so he's not a grandparent yet, but we'll get round to that soon, and well, he's old enough to be one)
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:23, 4 replies)

My maternal grandmother is a racist and a snob.
I have an adopted Sri Lankan sister and a mixed race afro-carribean nephew who she will have absolutely nothing to do with.

It's OK though because we don't have anything to do with her anymore, the fucking bitter old crone. To be honest they're better off not knowing her.

I'm going to wait till she's on her death bed and tell her I had sex with a black women. (Well it's half true, she was a woman).
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:16, 3 replies)

This one's courtesy of my "Uncle" Norman:
on seeing a very tall black man across the street, "ooh look at him, I bet he can get the coconuts down from the top of the trees!"
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:14, Reply)

The good old days
My grandma had lived in a British Army Camp in India for a few years and was used to having Indian staff around. Back in England, and many years later, when she was in her '80s, she took a taxi, with an Indian driver. She wanted him to come round and open the door for her to get out, he refused. She yelled at him, "I don't know what the problem is - was always very good to your lot when you were my servants!"
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:04, Reply)

an old lady on the bus
When it was her stop struggled to get her ubiquitous old lady shopping trolley down the step. A nice guy in a turban who was getting on kindly helped her with it she said to him "Thank's my dear, I hope your head gets better soon"

honestly these urban myth racial stereotypes make me sikh
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Not Grandparent, but my uncle.....
.....had proclaimed for many years that black people cannot swim. He insisted it was something to do with bone density and muscle mass and quoted the names of every white swimmer you could think of as his proof.

Anyhoo we were all on holliday in Mexico, sitting by the pool, and he'd just finished another bout of "they just can't swim" when totally randomly this black American girl climbed up the diving board and dived into the water, throwing in a summersault to boot. She then proceeded to do what must have been 100 lengths....at top speed...

My uncle dived in next to her and tried to beat her in a race. She whooped him. It was hilarious. Since then he's changed his mind, apparently "some black people can swim".
( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:59, 8 replies)

Detours
One of my Nans was not so much rascist as shit scared of anyone "of colour". So much so that as shops on the highstreet were taken over by anyone who wasn't white she would not pass their shops and detour via another street. This wouldn't have been too bad but she lived in Peckham and eventually the detour added about 30 minutes onto a journey with her home from the train station, weaving down back streets. I never asked or mentioned the fact that the houses we walked past must have black or Asian families living in them. The poor old dear would never have left her house.
(Designated Slagger, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Just An Observation
"It Came From Planet Aylia" formerly known as Janet Aylia (or whatever the fuck she was called). So you chose a a troll as the best suggestion.

Aylia is an amoeba-brain that has never posted anything even vaguely interesting on QOTW and spends her time writing derogatory replies to, well, pretty much everyone.

Please - check out her profile and read her spiteful crap that is her sole contribution to QOTW...

And you wonder why the quality of the posts on QOTW has gone down....?


Most forums have a "Do Not Feed The Trolls" policy. B3ta QOTW seems to have policy of "Fuck it - trolls rule...."

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:57, 350 replies)

Goodwill gesture of HATE! ------------------------^ Go Legless!
I walked my Gran back to her house after a funeral a couple of years ago, with my mixed-race cousin. She was feeling nostalgic, talking about the area and how much things had changed in 85 years and how bad the traffic was as it flew past.

- "There's loads of them these days" She said, almost defeated.
- "Cars, Gran?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes, nodded in the direction of a black guy walking towards us and said "No! NIGGERS! They're everywhere!"

My mouth fell open and I looked at my cousin who just smiled and shook his head. My Gran saw the look of shock on my face, chuckled and said "Richard isn't a nigger! He's half-caste."

My brain had just been kicked in the fuck by those words. Embarrassed beyond belief, I bashfully tried to diffuse the situation, making things just that little bit more awkward with the words that make me die a little each time I recall them:

"No... But his mum is."
(tinpixel, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:57, 3 replies)

My Nan is ace.
But she don't like the French. I guess it's ok though, it was all because of the War, so she probably has reason to and all that. But she doesn't really like anything remotely french.

She's always been a fan of wrestling, from the old school Big daddy etc right up to the WCW and WWF and into WWE, she got me into watching it and she still stays up late to catch the action, it's all we really talk about when I see her. She's great me nan. But when 'The Mounties' came on the scene, she didn't like that. "French Canadian is still french"

She's sorta got a point.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:56, 4 replies)

Nan...
Sitting round the dinner table one Boxing Day – my Nan, not a massive racist – but possibly the funniest woman on the planet.

Sitting back and rubbing her belly , she declared…

“Right I’m I’m nipping the loo for a Shirly Bassett”

My aunty corrected her by saying:

“don’t you mean an Eartha Kitt?”

“Bah – oh well – its one of them black ones anyway”


Haven’t laughed so hard for years…
(Pat mustard, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:55, 7 replies)

Nan meets new BF
Me: Nan, this is Gareth.
Nan: Oh Christ - you're not Welsh, are you?
( thealternativefact, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:41, Reply)

My ex brother-in-law was in the Army...
One day his troop were parading in front of Prince Phillip. My ex BIL was at the very end of the line and 4 or 5 soldiers up from him was a black solider.

Prince Phillip gets to the end of the line and leans in to the Sergeant and within earshot of my ex BIL says:

"Very good, very good. I'm just not sure on the fuzzy-wuzzy though".
( addickted has attained freedom, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:38, 1 reply)

My Nan
is lovely and sweet and wonderful in every way, apart for her sneaky racist streak. She'd given me a lift to the dole office and waited outside while I sorted out an emergecy loan. Two hours later I jumped into the car apologising profuseley for keeping her waiting for so long.

'Don't worry about it' she said sweetly, 'These things happen. At least you've got some money now. Mind you, if you were brown, they'd have had you sorted in no time'. It took a second for me to get what she was saying and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing.

I found it hilarious. My dad was mortified when I told him.
(Beacon, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Not directly from a grandparent's mouth
but I do remember my maternal grandma's collection of Boys' Own-a-like magazines and annuals that she'd hoarded from when she was growing up and kept around for my brother and I to read when we came over, all of which would be considered outrageously racist by modern standards. One scene I remember set in a luxury colonial hotel somewhere had a black waiter uttering the line "I'm just a poor, flustered darkie!", which even as a ten-year-old I found a bit strange.

Tempering all this though was my mum's copy of Black Like Me, by John Howard Griffin, about a white bloke who uses melanin tablets and tanning beds to turn himself black and experience first-hand the racism of the Deep South, and which I enjoyed reading immensely.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Not my grandparent, but my friend's
My good friend's now departed grandmother was famously racist. My favourite story occured while she was watching the BBC's much celebrated hospital drama, Casualty. Back then, there was a black character called Ash, upon seeing him she proclamed:

"That poor poor man, how does he know when he's dirty?"
(stewiegriffin, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:35, 1 reply)

Tenerife...
First of many…in no particular order.


I guess you don’t need me to go into detail about how racist our grandparents our. Needless to say, my granddad was in a league of his own…

Background: My granddad sounded a lot like Roly Birkin from the fast show – a long babble of noises with the odd recognisable word.

First example:

Grandad comes back his holiday in Tenerife. Making small talk I ask him how his trip was…

“Had a great time, couple of beers each day, nice food. Etc…”

“nice one – anything else?”

“I’ll tell you what I did though.”

“go on..”

“Had a pint with a Darkie”

(me now stone faced)

“I tell you what – you can say what you like about them but they’re alright – he came over and joined me and we had a chat and he was no trouble – I even bought him a drink…”

He was telling me this story in the same way anyone would if they had tried a food that they never liked before but it turned out to be quite nice…

He then crossed his legs, put his hands behind his head and leaned back into his chair muttering…. ‘aye – not bad people them Darkies’….
(Pat mustard, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:35, 2 replies)

But they do though, don't they?
I remember when my old gran was still alive and we were watching the olypmics together during the holidays. It must have been Seoul or possibly the one before because Ben Johnson was running.



And my dear old gran who had never met a black man in her entire life said: "well I don't know about you but they all look like gorillas to me".

I nearly fell off the sofa and looked at her in a wide mouthed - you can't fucking say that! - sort of way. Her only answer to that was "but they do though, don't they?" and looking at Ben Johnson again on the telly I could but not agree.

Actually it later turned out that if you do shit loads of anabolic steroids you are going to end up looking like a fucking monkey man no matter what colour your skin tone is
.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:34, Reply)

my dad used to work with a pom
he was this big ugly motherfucker, with awful pasty skin, and really bad breath. Also he STUNK of really crap aftershave.

One day my dad came home and said, "i know why he uses all that aftershave now." Apparently he didn't wear it one day and he smelt like rotten pickles left in a gym bag.
(softporn 70's sink fixer, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:25, 1 reply)

My grandad had a Sikh friend who he constantly referred to as "Gunga Din" or other amusing racial epithets
but back then, his was the only family in the street who had the Sikhs round for dinner or even acknowledged them at all. I guess when the choice is between light-hearted racist banter over a beer and a meal or ostracisation, the former is the most attractive option.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:12, 1 reply)

Racist Great Aunt
My great aunt was born and brought up in Darjeeling, and I doubt if she ever did a day's work in her life (Ninja edit: I am advised by my sister, that, yes, she was a nurse at one stage. I stand corrected). In later years, she cut a bit of a sad figure, living alone in a big house in Seaford, surrounded by mostly broken souvenirs of her life collecting cheap ceramic figurines. We would invite her to stay, often, for long miserable weeks at a time.

The final time she stayed, she was increasingly erratic, more and more demanding and enormously racist. She would sit in front of the television (BBC1 or 2 only, "I'd never watch The Third Channel, it's for common oiks" she said) and pass judgement over anyone who appeared on screen. Her greatest shock and disgust was reserved for some bloke who had their shirt tails visibly hanging out. I thought she was going to burst a blood vessel.

Then, one night, she snapped the television off in a rage and shouted: "That's it! I forbid you to watch this again. There's far too many darkies on the BBC."

Words were spoken, then shouted, my mum cried, and Mad Great Aunt left the next morning and never came back.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:10, Reply)

There's a fair bit of competition
Grandad on Mum's side once objected to our local Working Men's Club on the basis that 'we wouldn't have let Pakis join if it was my club up North.'

My Grandma on the other side of the family, however, thought the nice Polish lad who was sent round by the Council to help her round the house when she'd had her operation was probably a Nazi, which shows a fairly vague grip of history.

She's dead now, so unfortunately we can't settle it with some sort of head-to-head Racist-off showdown. Grandad's mellowed with age and now has Asian friends down the local, though, so my money would have been on Grandma.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:09, Reply)

My mother (who is now a grandparent) was decrying the fuss over the writer of Midsomer Murders being hounded for racism.
She concluded with "But you Londoners wouldn't understand - it's all queers and blacks up there anyway."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Black is the colour of the devil's waistcoat.
My gramps used to say this.
Also, A darkies walloper was what he called a blackpudding supper.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:01, 2 replies)

I've decided not to contribute to this QOTW
thanks for ignoring my QOTW suggestion www.b3ta.com/board/10584404 anyway though.
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 12:00, 7 replies)

oh god yes...

i may be some time
(Pat mustard, Thu 27 Oct 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Super!
I've some corkers for this week's question.
(Hulk Hogan Champion of belt title match "King of QOTW", Thu 27 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)