Inflated Self-ImportanceAmorous Badger asks: Tell us tales of people who have a high opinion of themselves. Jumped-up officials, the mad old bloke who runs the Neighbourhood Watch like it's a military operation, Colonel Blimps, pompous bastards and people stuck up their own arse.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:22)
This question is now closed.
I was trying tosmuggle some rare ants into the country to sell to a wealthy entomologist...... etc. etc
.....ship beginning to sink, grabbed the electric pump to pump up the life rafts, etc. etc.
..... nasty fall, and believe it or not, totally accidentally, I landed on the pump at an awkward angle, etc. etc.
Inflated self import ants! LOLZ.
You can fill in the gaps, I can't be arsed.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 16:39, 7 replies)
Other than the self-appointed curator of the 'Fail Archive'?I'm sure I'll think of one, give me a minute
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emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 15:55,
32 replies)
lovely cobraslive in my radiators.
They keep me calm after I have to deal with the parking nazis who patrol outside my office.
If you stop for 2 minutes to pick someone up to give them a lift home, you get the "You can't park there" speech.
To which the reply is invariable "I'm picking up the person stood behind not parking" reply.
Seriously I wish there could be an outbreak of ebola in their little shed thing.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 15:05, 1 reply)
Airport Security Mouthbreathing Drone.Slightly bizzare incident recently;
The Oath family was returning home from a fantastic Xmas holiday a few weeks ago, hire car returned, luggage checked in and we were heading to the departure "lounge" to board our flight home.
My young daughter was proudly clutching a huge teddy bear that her grandma had given her for Xmas. Small Oathette doesn't see this particular Grandma very often, it was a very special, and a very big bear.
It had been a faithful companion to her for the past two weeks, used as a pillow at night, good for lolling on while watching tv, apparently waving vigorously at people out the car window. Now it was time to take it on the plane, and introduce it to the other stuffed animals back at home
We slowly shuffled along the queue, waiting our turn to walk through the metal detector, and have our bags x-rayed. The security drone shoving stuff into the x-ray machine was one of those deadshit looking blokes that you instantly know just loves their job, and the petty level of authority that goes with it. Older, plump, bikie goatee, faded crappy tats on forearm, long greasy lank hair in a pony tail. Loves having the faintest whiff of authority.
Anyway, Small Oathette reaches up to push the bear through the x-ray machine, it is so large that the security guy needs to shift himself from leaning on the machine, and give it an extra push to make it go through. As he does so, he dramatically rolls his eyes and loudly utters "Fucken Hell! Why didn't ya check it in as baggage!?"....directed fairly at Small Oathette.
Time. Stood. Still.
Small Oathette is shocked. She has that little kid respect for policemen, and anyone who looks vaguely policeman-ish, so it was very confronting a) to be sworn at, and b) to be sworn at by a security person. I am stunned. "What did you just fucking say?" I thought to myself.
A thousand thoughts raced through my head; this turd had the power to kick us out of the airport or get me arrested if I swore back at him, kicked up a fuss, or threatened him. Whatever. As I leaned forward, fixed my gaze upon his, and prepared to be kicked out of the airport for what was going to happen next, an elderly woman barged past, stood an inch away from this pig and in a rather plummy voice shouted "Foul Language! In Front Of Children! Such Foul Language! Get Your Superior Here, NOW!" A few seconds silence. A few muttered "Yeah" what she said" from the queue.
Mexican stand off.
By now the rest of the people in the queue were all staring at him in that "Yeah righto cunt, wotcha gonna do now?" sort of stance.
He stared for a few seconds at everyone, angry, piggy eyes glistening with hate. Finally he summed up the overall feeling of malice towards him, mumbled some more bogan expletives ("Farkin cunts the lotta youse") & wandered away to some back room, presumably to fetch the main security drone.
We didn't bother waiting for his return, just haughtily scanned our stuff in silence, assisted by the remaining very helpful, incredibly polite and somewhat apologetic security drones. We smiled nicely at the old biddy who was clearly relishing the opportunity to meet the security boss, she nodded firmly at us, as if to say "I'll take care of this, you go along" and then we ambled to the departure lounge to seek out a restorative tepid watery airport coffee and a stale pastry.
The large bear survived the x-ray and the flight home. He now has lots of new friends. My daughter now has a healthy disrespect for bogans masquerading as figures of authority, and secretly, one day I want to grow up to become some kind of feisty old moral guardian railing against surly airport security drones, or any self important quasi-authoritative drone who think's it's ok to belittle kids.
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Ken Oath, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:18,
31 replies)
Internet Administrators............of messageboards who are so full of their own self importance that they take down any comments that offends their idea of taste! And, no, not this site. FB "open" pages are awash with them and their sanctimonious opinions. Bah! They open the p[ages so that people can do the "Oooh what a wonderful dude/dudette you are" comments. Double bah!
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The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:18,
1 reply)
What about this place?... And no, I’m not going to start banging on about the trolls, the cliques, the bullshitters, the /talkers, the OTers or what have you. Nah, they all have their rightful place. I mean this site and the people who run it.
For mongling fuck’s sake – How many times have they asked for QotW suggestions and then ignored them all?
BTW - Thanks twats for keeping us all in the know with what happened with search, and indeed when (or if) it will be fixed. Oh no that’s right – since it borked we’ve heard the precise sum of cock all. 'It's back!'...It bastard isn't, you know.
In fact, what’s the point of having a ‘bugs and feature requests’ page at all when it obviously gets visited about as often as the cunting moon?
Then there's the complaints about ignore 2.0. Agree with them or not, they’re there. Yet has there been any response? Has there my shiny bollocks. Just crack on with it.
No. they ignore us all…and they don’t seem to care. Fair play I suppose, they don’t really have to. But why not? ‘Because we're B3ta, you don't deserve an answer - so there’ cannot just be the excuse - It’s too feeble. Is there another problem? If so B3ta, let us know!
I wouldn’t mind even if they told us: ‘We can’t frankly be arsed with your gripes, search is so fucked we’re taking the link away – you’re stuck with ignore 2.0 etc etc so suck it, bitches'…at least we'd know where we stand
It’s the lack of acknowledgment that boils my piss. I bet if Prince’s lawyers called to fix search it’d be done like a fucking shot.
/rant
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:16, 21 replies)
Anonymousalways seem rather stuck up their own arses to me.
They seem to threaten a lot, but other than the occasional website hack, their armory seems to consist of DDosing whoever pissed them off.
I get the feeling most of them do it so they can drop thinly disguised hints to their Mums that they're l33t h4x0rz.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 14:06, 1 reply)
Moody'sWhat gave these cunts such a high opinion of themselves that they got the idea they can credit rate countries?
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:52, 4 replies)
Any magician fits this categoryespecially that blane knob
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Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:51,
1 reply)
The only reason I care that search is broken.Is that I can no longer look at my most popular posts and laugh at how funny I am.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:50, Reply)
What?If there’s one thing I can’t stand, well there’s a few things. Top of the list is a policeman tapping on the car window when I’m about to hit the vinegars. What a man does in the privacy of his own E-Type should be sacrosanct. Self-importance! If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s self-importance. I was saying just that to Olga, my Russian fiancée. My friend, Basilia, found her for me on the Interstate, apparently you get it on your wireless. I spent a good hour with Olga ejaculating my hatred of self-importance. Her response was ‘What are you on about you daft sod, I’m here to fix your Sky box.’
Strange people the Russians.
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:41, 1 reply)
Julian AssangeI've never had much time for Assange even before he was famous. He always struck me as a narcissistic drama-queen. The final straw was when ended a press conference with:
"I have two wars to stop!"
Floppy-haired cunt.
Cheers
But, as much as I despise the guy, even I think the rape charges are a load of bollocks.
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Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:37,
15 replies)
Will Self.Aside from the volume of evidence from his numerous TV appearances, I remember one time hearing him going on at great length, about a consignment of plastic Formicidae that he was having shipped into the country.
Apparently the shipping container in which they were being transported suffered a knock, resulting in the compressed gas units built into each of these simulacra discharging and rendering the previously flaccid entities into fully-engorged, giant sized replicas of the real thing.
Inflated Self-import Ants? You tell me.
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barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:20,
5 replies)
GrrrrThe Usual non Self-Important users Ruining Yet Another QOTW :( Sorry Rob, this site gone downhill!!!
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:15, 3 replies)
GET OFF MY WEBSITE!fucking peasants!
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:09,
Reply)
Do you know who I am?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 13:02,
6 replies)
Oh god,inflated self-importance on QOTW. This is kind of like coals to Newcastle isn't it?
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:50, 2 replies)
Stay about from my LOVELY bins.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:45,
4 replies)
Long tedious preamble.Star Wars.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:37,
3 replies)
Took on a job with the instruction "Use different font".So swapped out Verdana for Myriad, returned it, client comes back
"What's this?"
"A different font?"
"YES BUT IT'S NOT THE RIGHT FONT, IS IT?!"
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:30,
8 replies)
Long tedious story about pubs and whipsInn flayed shelf impotance
(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:28, 2 replies)
This question is now closed.