Women are from Venus…

I always used to think that the fairer sex were like some alien species that needed to be ‘conquered’ by deceit and trickery.

I’m ashamed to say I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve tried to impress them with lies, phoney treatment, and fake claims regarding my wealth, status, connections and sexual prowess. All to no avail.

If only I knew then what I know now.

I’ve learned that women are ‘people’ too…that they have needs, desires, and more importantly the same frailties and imperfections as us men.

I know it’s corny…but I decided to 'change my ways' around women and just started being…’myself’

Unfortunately…they STILL weren’t fucking interested.

I tell you...if it wasn’t for Rohypnol and my job at the mortuary, I never would have got my balls wet.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:06, 20 replies)

Hmm
Fair enough.
You have needs I understand that.

Although perhaps you might want to look at some social gatherings? Like speed dating? generally that works better then a job at the mortuary and while rohypnol is effective from what I hear - I doubt the woman has much respect for you when she figures out what happens.

But hey - whatever floats your boat :-]
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:16, closed)

I've found that dressing up as
a handbag is the best solution if you want women to like you, mind you she'll still probably want you to buy her matching shoes.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:17, closed)

Hahaha!
Have you taken a "Kaol pill" today?
That's the second necrophilia joke you've made today...
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:18, closed)

Wait
you're so repugnant that even a corpse wouldn't have sex with you unless you gave it rohypnol?
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:26, closed)

I Am
.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:30, closed)

I'm afraid so...

I can't say I'm a 'looker'...in fact I look as if I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down...then went up for another go...before someone set my face on fire and beat out the flames with the ugly stick.

ah well...back to work...

*warms hands*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:30, closed)

I think that under most corpse-shagging circumstances
you'd have a happier result if you kept the rohypnol for yourself.
(richardm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:37, closed)

Theory
Successfully meeting women is like learning to fly, you've got to forget to hit the ground when you fall.
I found shouting "PLEASE! PLEASE, HAVE DINNER WITH ME! OR DRINK! I LIKE DRINK! DO YOU LIKE DRINK??!! PLEASE! PLEASE!", just doesn't work. Never really worked out why, some said it was the volume, others the manic grin and staring eyes, but I suspect it was stick. They don't like sticks for some reason.
Perhaps I digress.
Never tried drugs myself, and dead girls just seem so disinterested (may explain the first of three fiancees (I wonder what the plural is of fiancee??))
Turn your back on women, my friend, and you'll probably meet one coming the other way.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:42, closed)

....the mists clear....
Sir Jimmy! It's you!

LOVE your marathon running and Stoke Mandeville work!


*have I replied to the right post this time?*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:04, closed)

Perhaps...
Right post? Wrong post? Who's to say? Who's to judge? Not I, says me.
Is there a wrong post on b3ta? (Judging from some of the filth on this place, perhaps so! How can something so wrong be so right though?)

But please don't call me Jim, call me Jim instead. Ta.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:13, closed)

Think so mate...

( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:01, closed)

YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*punches air*

*misses*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:08, closed)

I drink myself both blind and stupid
Yeah, that's about it.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:45, closed)

Some women can be shallow
But humour and personality does count for a lot of us. And honesty. Carry on being yourself. It's the only way. I mean that and i'm not even ugly...just fat!
( Itsallsugar is made up of bits of names, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:33, closed)

Your poor, poor wife
;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:35, closed)

She's a lucky lady...

There's not a lot of women who could put up with this much sheer man-tastic-ness!!

now excuse me, I have to give a foot massage, do the ironing, and dust the bookshelves (just right) otherwise my life isn't worth living...

*puts 'manly' apron on*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:41, closed)

Glad to hear that
she's trained you well you're a considerate 'new man'.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 18:24, closed)

AHA!
Arise Clickimus Prime...
(Orin delurked to post this gibberish on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 23:54, closed)

Bloody hell!
Pooflake. How could you "being yourself" have ever landed YOU a babe like Mrs Poo? For God's sake man, if that theory worked I'd be married to that blonde nymphomaniac brewery heiress that everyone's after!!

She knows about the - ahem - "inheritance" doesn't she!

Doesn't she?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 13:52, closed)

Shhhhhh about that....

nah - I just keep her in a locked basement like Josef Fritzel, making sure she never discovers what real men look like ;)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 1 Oct 2008, 15:45, closed)