What
..do you call a lesbian with large fingers?



Well hung.
(panicking_apathy_love_mutilation_for_a_few_weeks_the_fish_were_plentiful, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:54, Reply)

what do u tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing youve told her twice already
( Cashy, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:53, Reply)

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wiped his arse.
(Borderline Schizo, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:53, Reply)

Right. You asked for it.
Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A: A rape victim

Q: What's thirteen inches long and makes a woman scream all night?
A: A cot death
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:53, Reply)

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
( rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:53, Reply)

This hobo looked at me funny.
So I STABBED him.
( rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:52, Reply)

A bloke rings in sick to his workplace
His boss asks "How sick are you", To which he replies " well i`m in bed with my sister right now".
( Ibstock, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:50, Reply)

Why have babies got holes in the top of their heads?


So you can pick five up at once.
( newg rum n coke, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:48, Reply)

For the Yanks: What's Helen Keller's favourite colour?
Corduroy
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:48, Reply)

Picture the scene:
It's boxing day, and little jimmy and johnny are comparing their christmas presents.

Jimmy: "so what did you get?"

Johnny: "I got a football, and a rugby ball, and a tennis set, and some dvds, and a Playstation 2, and loads of games, and a game boy, and some books, and a remote control car, and a remote control plane, and a little motorbike, that really goes! And I got LOADS of sweets and chocolate, and i got to go to lapland to meet Santa!"

Jimmy:"wow!"

Johnny:"yeah, I know!, so what did you get?"

Jimmy: "I got a football and a selection box"

Johnny:"That's a bit crap, isnt it?"

Jimmy: "Yeah I suppose, but then I'm not the one who's got terminal luekaemia."
( newg rum n coke, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:47, Reply)

More dead babies...
Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies? The live one at the bottom trying to eat it's way out!
(Achka, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:47, Reply)

Harold Shipman hung himself in prison because he didn't get a nan with his curry

(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:46, Reply)

what do you do after raping a blind, deaf and dumb girl?
break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
(Borderline Schizo, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:46, Reply)

What's black and has 27 tits??
The rubbish bag outside the cancer clinic.
( bennyhillslovechild, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:45, Reply)

The
Aristocrats!
( Stickman_ben, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:45, Reply)

What's worse than Harold Shipman treating your granny?
Ian Huntley giving your daughters a bath.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:44, Reply)

What do retards take for head colds?
A Joey Deacongestant
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:43, Reply)

What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for christmas?
Cancer
( bennyhillslovechild, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:43, Reply)

What's John Denver's favourite song?
I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:42, Reply)

What's the best thing about screwing a 7 yr old boy?
Watching him break down on the witness stand.
( bennyhillslovechild, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:40, Reply)

One more!
What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epiletic.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:40, Reply)

Whats brown, hairy and slides down a tree?
a monkey's misscarrage
(ClockworkDespot, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

Why did the baby fall off the swing?
It had no arms
(clothtoucher, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

Have another.
Young lady goes to Doctor with abdominal twinges. He runs the usual gamut of tests, and sit her down.
"Well Miss Green," he says, "I hope you are looking forward to many long sleepless nights, filled with crying and changing dirty nappies."
"Why?" she replies, "Am I pregnant?"
"No - You have bowel cancer"
( bennyhillslovechild, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

And another!
What's red and knocks on the door?

A baby in a microwave.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

A group of down-syndrome children are given a test by their teacher
"Now class whomever can clap their hands together wins this Cornetto."
The class all attempt to clap their hands to no avail and lots of arm waving this way and that. Until from the back of the class comes the sound "Clap... mmmmmghghhhhgg!"

"Ahah, Jonhny well done here is your cornetto."
to which Johnny promptly stick it in his eye.
( maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

Little girl walks in on daddy in the shower...
"what's that between your legs daddy?"

Dad says: "that's my penis"

"Oh! When will I get one of those between my legs?"


"Just wait half an hour until your mum goes to bingo."
( newg rum n coke, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:38, Reply)

And another
What's red and crawls along the chipshop floor?

An abortion of chips
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:37, Reply)

What's the best thing about shagging twenty six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
(clothtoucher, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:37, Reply)