Fucking billionaire flouncing....
www.theregister.co.uk/2006/10/30/b3ta_sees_off_virgin/

I really can't be fucked digging the challenge out.

Additionally, I can't believe it was seven fucking years ago that this all happened. Fuck me!
( Muns, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:41, 7 replies)

Gallifrey Base
To make up for my earlier self-referentialititity, this place

gallifreybase.com/forum/

has regular meltdowns. Almost daily. Any time any news about Dr Who breaks, the inhabitants of GB throw their toys so far out of the pram they bounce back off the rubber walls and hit them in the face upon which they scream even louder, and then shit themselves, and then start flinging their shit at each other, until the mods come in and clean up the mess.

I am happy to say I no longer post there...

Dr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:04, 35 replies)

There's A Video On Facebook
that was just put up today, depicting a girl (that looks very much like a fucking man), surrounded by her chavvy ass friends, swaggering up to an old guy whose sat down on a bench, just minding his own business and eating a McDonalds, and punching him in the face. It's fucking disgraceful. Her cunt friends are jeering her on too, laughing all the while as she bravely assaults an OAP. Cunt.

The backlash this video has received in the past 4 hours has been phenomenal! I'm pretty sure the bitch regrets hitting the guy, likewise with the swag cunt that uploaded the video in the first place. Death threats have been issued in the comments section, and the words 'cunt', 'bitch' and 'kill yourself' have cropped up many times, albeit from what would appear to be the usual crowd of people that I would assume to congregate around a person and harass them...but hey, don't judge a book by its cover and all that good shit. Here's some of the highlights (facebook names wont be shown, likewise with the link to the video; although I'm sure you'll easily find it.):

"what a fucking skank she is"
"I hope all the seagulls and pigeons in (name of city removed) shit on her everyday for the rest of her life."
"this is fucking disgusting!! ugly lesbian emo cunt!!"
"wat a scum lil bitch, all involvwd even the fka takin the fka should be taken in 4 questonin, if that was a member of my family sitting there and some youth did that i would beat fk out of them u carnt go around hitting people 4 no reason if its self defence i agree but if not dont get egged on by so called friends, this video should also be taken off if she is now getting done as its evidence!!"
"I'd rip their fuxking heads off no matter how old they r"

The information and video have been sent to the police. The smug cunt that uploaded the video set up a fake police Facebook account too, saying that there wasn't enough evidence to bring them in. That was a bad idea. The girl who assaulted the old man had to delete her Facebook too, after people swarmed to it like moths to a light and smeared her wall with death threats and insults. Obviously, one or two of her friends tried to defend her, but were mowed down by logic and comments. I would put the link up here, which I believe is the main objective of this QOTW, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.
(Sick Boy likes to swear a lot, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:42, 12 replies)

I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!
Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness! Ohhh! Look out! Look out! I'm going! Ohhhh – Ohhhhhhhhhh!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 13:53, 2 replies)

your all gay

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 13:44, 6 replies)

As much as Misery McUglywife is doing his best to get the title this week...
Through online attention seeking, there can be only one winner of this coveted award:
b3ta.com/links/896088
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 13:00, 27 replies)

Get out and smell the roses Brian.
Apologies for lack of links - the site isn't really going anymore and bearing in mind one of my money makers is to build PCs it's about a dozen boxes ago. If I can dig anything up I will.

A few years ago I was playing a mmorpg called Evolution. It was a space civ based game with a fairly active community and some interesting forums.
Being the 'sperger shut-in that I am I played regularly and partook in many of the threads that the forum had to offer.
So there we were in our little corner of the net - posting funny pics, writing jokes and generally having fun whilst playing a game trying to build up our amounts monkeys (and other stuff) in order to make spaceships so we could head off to intergalactic spacewars.

Then Brian joined the fray.
Brian was a Born Again Christian from Chicago. Brian strongly believed that the 2nd Coming was upon us and that once Jeebus had returned to Earth we were all going to be subject to the Apocalypse.
In between playing the game (which he managed moderately well) Brian would post constant reminders across numerous threads that the "End was coming soon" and if we wished to repent we'd best to convert to his God's religion in order to save our immortal souls.

At 1st me and many of the other denizens of that web-corner were accommodating in that we didn't want to shut him out and be complete nay-sayers. We simply wanted to point out to him that most of us didn't share his views. So we weren't rude but we did make it clear that our forums weren't really the place to have "in-depth-right-wing-politics-&-fundamentalist-religious-discussions".

Brian didn't get the message and continued to tell us all that since we were all going to be judged by a higher power, imminently - then we should all run out into the streets repenting.

Eventually my limit of "tolerance is good, mmkkay" was reached and one day Brian was there telling me (& everyone else who didn't share his beliefs) that since Judgment Day was upon us we should all either repent now or prepare to be sent to Hell.
It was then that I sent him this IM - (I'm paraphrasing)
"A few years ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had a mastectomy, a few years later she fell pregnant. When we had the ultrasound at 19 wks. we found out it was a girl. My missus broke down crying because she was worried that our daughter might 1 day get breast cancer.
I told her that she was just as likely to get run over by a bus as she was to get breast cancer."

My point to Brian was that he could wait for the Armageddon, or he he could get on with living his life.
The fact that he then went on to suggest that my wife's breast cancer was deserved due her non-belief in his god led to an online shitstorm the like you or I would rarely see.
End of Days.... didn't seem to happen when Brian thought they would.
Any of you internet sleuths want to try and find Brian here's the link for evo - www.playevo.com/
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 24 Jun 2013, 11:14, 8 replies)

Bloke's a cunt
But the Fail Archive is a goldmine of internet shittery.

www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=10973
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 3:18, 11 replies)

Runner up should be Rory Lyon just so, when he picks up his award at the ceremony, I can kick his cowardly "key-board warrior" arse around the room.. Fucking muppet.....
Cheers.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 17:52, 2 replies)

Guy I used to work with
Some guy I used to work with posted a lot of fairly annoying, offencive comments on Facebook. Now I'm fine with people being able to speak freely, free speech after all if how good ideas spread and bad ones die out.
The problem was his posts were poorly reasoned. He had a rant about how people who who donated to comic relife were stupid as if "little Tuktuk" couldn't be taught not to shit in the water source then no money would fix that. This came from a video about to dirty water thousands of peoole drink. I pointed out not only humans shit and better education in hygene as well as water treatment would all save lives. He wouldn't hear it.
Later, he was at a speed awareness course after he got caught speeding. He wasn't happy about this and posted "I'm not sexist but of the 20 people in this room only 5 are men, shows you who the better drivers are." I decided this would be a good time to wind him up I considered pointing out statistical unreliability of such a small group but instead I went with. "So what you're saying is you drive like a girl?".
He took the bait, "How many girls do you know? And your mum dosen't count!" He raged as my coment quickly gathered likes. His female friends quickly started joining in, calling him a woman driver and even the odd "haha, well said mong!". This clearly annoyed him more. "I'm a good driver!" He protested "Then why were you at that course?" Asked one of his friends. "I was speeding, I'm still a good driver!" "But you said that women were bad drivers as there were more of them at the course!"
This continued for a while, I stopped reading it soon after but it was great seeing him so easily wound up.
(Mong goose, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 14:25, 1 reply)

The ARYANS are coming!
I was in a LinkedIn group which was otherwise worthy and businesslike except for one contributor in Singapore. Most of her posts were normal and to the point, but every once in a while she'd forget to take her medication and start huge long capslock rants about THE ARYANS! ARYANS! were monitoring our actions, ARYANS! had superior technology, ARYANS! were posing as human beings. This was a bit much considering most of us in the group were white middle-class Europeans.

It took us a while to realise that she was ranting rather phonetically about ALIENS.

Amazingly she was never kicked out of the group, and would return to normal discussion a few days later as though nothing had happened.
( Bootsthealchemist is barred from the Masterchef Facebook page, Sun 23 Jun 2013, 8:29, 5 replies)

Since the last cryptic graph got deleted in a fit of pique, have another one.


See if you can work out what it represents! (I won't throw a tantrum if you make facetious answers, by the way.)
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 23:15, 80 replies)

I post unfunny stories on QOTW
Then get upset when people take the piss out of me.

If I get really upset I delete the thread.
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Sat 22 Jun 2013, 21:56, 4 replies)

Your Typical Internet Showdown
So a few years back I got into it with some jerk on Facebook. Puffed up little hard-man type, thought he was a player because he owned a BMW. Fuck knows why I even had him on my feed but there you go. He only ever did two things anyway: post pictures of himself posing next to that fucking car, or creep over women. Like, the second some girl changes her profile pic, he's there with some skeevy comment. He managed to do this without pissing off absolutely everyone beacause he knew how to toe the line between clumsy and enthusiastic and genuinely unpleasant.

Anyway, he'd been trying my patience for a while, when all of a sudden he started up on my wife. I didn't even know they were Facebook friends, but suddenly he's replying to her status updates with shit like "girl u so hot" and "babe u need a real man in ur life xoxoxo". I snapped and unloaded on him. Told him what I really thought, that he was a jumped up twat, a foolish little child-man and that having that fucking stupid car was no substitute for having a dick the size of a mouse turd. And get this, dickbrain gets all shitty with me, says he knows where I live and maybe he'll come round and teach me lesson, crap like that. He starts talking shit about my family and that's where I lost my sense of humour. No-one fucking threatens my family.

So I goaded him a bit further, got his blood running hot, and tricked him into giving me his address, on the basis that I would be round later that day for a good beating. I admit I said a few embarrasing things, I guess you could call it a meltdown, in deference to the topic, but that was all part of my plan. Obviously I didn't go. I'm not some fucking animal. I had a plan. I waited a little over a month, until I figured his tiny brain had forgotten the whole arrangement, then I packed some rope and my trusty hunting knife into my backpack and walked the 4 miles or so to his house, under cover of darkness.

When I got there, his car was in the driveway. I am man enough to admit it looked pretty impressive in real life. It looked strong, sleek and powerful. I eyed up the tyres as I opened my bag and brushed my fingers gently over the handle of my knife. My heart was pounding. I set my resolve in steel. It was now or never. I let out a ragged breath.

"Showtime," I thought to myself as I pulled my trousers down and thrust my engorged penis deep into the car's exhaust pipe. The metal and soot felt really good against my throbbing bellend as I shuddered and moaned, thrusting my triumphant manhood in and out of this beautiful machine. All of a sudden the door burst open and the jerkwad himself appeared at the door, a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing to my Beamer!?" he roared as I made sweet, sweet love to the car. "Your Beamer's name is Uncle Daddy and I'm fucking him up the back passage!!!" I screamed as I climaxed convulsively, overwhelmed by the sexual ecstasy of the greatest orgasm of my entire life. As he looked on in mute horror, I collapsed onto his driveway, utterly spent and satisfied.

And then I shat myself.
(Frank Snow, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 18:43, 10 replies)

At no point was I sending pictures of my bumhole.
I was just paying his mortgage
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 18:32, 5 replies)

The arse-froth that comes from this cunt
(McChinaman banned, Sat 22 Jun 2013, 12:07, 1 reply)

I think it says a lot about the people here and their attitudes
that almost half of the links posted here so far have been "meltdowns" posted by b3tans posted by other b3tans.
Despite the fact that there is the WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET out there - it's even suggested in the brief: We last did this five years ago before Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook really took off, so now's the time for an update), the best we can do is remind each other of the dumb things we've said and done recently.

Having said that, kudos to Dr. Ska for making it truly self-referential & reminding me about the pickled onions. Cheers.
Maybe it's like Brigadier was saying and I'm just not part of the hip internet crowd anymore.... it seems these days that the ritalin kids have taken over the asylum.
Either way, FFS! Lift your fucking game.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 23:37, 22 replies)

Pickled Onions
Some individuals are of the opinion that this is where it all went wrong for me:

www.b3ta.com/questions/allwentwrong/post1882876

They are incorrect.

THIS is where it really all went wrong for me:

www.b3ta.com/questions/allwentwrong/post1880321

Or maybe this:

www.b3ta.com/questions/mademelaugh/post1804846

Or maybe - no, certainly - this:

www.b3ta.com/questions/shopsandsupermarkets/post1614891

But it's OK because everything is all right now. Everything... all right. Now... Yes, it is. Or it will be, as soon as the other Dr S follows my instructions re. the pickled onions.

As we're on the subject, here is a poem about pickled onions, writteny-witteny by mee-wee. You lucky people!


Pickled onions!
I love their vinegary taste
I love to shove them in my face
I love them! They are fucking ace!
Pickled bastardin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
My Mum makes them every year
When Christmas time is drawing near
They taste GREAT with bottled beer!
Pickled shittin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Once when sitting in a bar
Drinking beer with Andrew Marr
I wolfed down an entire jar!
Pickled bleedin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
They can cure a nasty cough
See how many you can scoff
Pickled eggs can fuck right off!
Pickled friggin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Oh no! The lid is firmly stuck!
I can’t undo it! Bloody fuck!
I need my pickled tasty tuck!
Pickled bollockin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
I once dropped one on the floor
It rolled away under the door
My sister found it, BLOODY WHORE!
Pickled fuckin’ onions!

Pickled onions!
Oh, they’re Lush, ain’t they, eh?
They send my blues right away!
I’m gonna eat TWO jars today!
PICKLED CUNTIN’ ONIONS!

----------------
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings, eat your heart out!

Dr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 23:10, 15 replies)

Welcome to rape island...
I used to be involved in The Venus Project. For those who don't know it's a project in Florida founded by architect and inventor Jacque Fresco advocating the automation of production to it's fullest extent this including management of the worlds resources. Obviously within all this is a change in the ethos and values of society allowing us to follow our dreams and not have to worry about were our items come from as people will be more socially conscious and so forth.

I was essentially a moderator on their facebook page answering queries and deleting inappropriate or irrelevant comments. Enter the crazy lady. I was asked about the end were people could have anything they wished for. I said that if people were raised in a caring, loving and safe society that thought values that would serve society and ultimately humanity and processes were streamlined then, essentially, a lot more would be possible.

"How about an Island for rapists?". Not, in any sense, the average question I would be asked to which I replied "Ya what now?". "An island for rapists were people who wanted to get raped could go an visit, like a resort"... Right.

"Well, ideally the environs that create rapists would be eliminated in such a society. If the problem was genetic or biological then a medically advanced society would probably research means in which to treat the people effected". Job done.

"You can't treat rapists so the Island would be a safe place were they could rape people who wanted to be raped!". Sigh. "Yes you can, as I said rapists or other sexual deviants are usually a product of society or suffer from a psychiatric illness".

Somewhat incensed crazy lady CAPS LOCKED "AND HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW!!!!". I replied with "I treat sexual deviants...".

Ninj edit: made it a bit clearer. Certainly not going back through the weres/where's.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 19:31, 37 replies)

um, no
the internet is good for a laugh, but for fuck's sake, people, don't take it so seriously, it's words on a screen!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 16:26, 26 replies)

I submitted a shockingly bad answer to a QOTW
It was profanity laden (like all my other posts), crass, angry and half baked. I made an arse of myself, as I was in a pretty shitty mood and just lashed out on here really. When the backlash started, I promptly deleted/aborted the abomination of a post in shame(not quite as dramatic as running to the computer desperately before tripping on a loose wire, screaming 'FUCK!', before crumpling into a heap after hitting my head on the side of the desk, only to be found weeks later, sprawled out on the floor and dead)...see what I mean when I say 'half baked'? Anyway, I'm a lot more careful about what shit I put on here from now on. I don't want to come across as a close minded, red faced cunt, angrily smashing the keys.

Seeing as the Question is 'SOCIAL MEDIA meltdowns', I may as well try and say something about FaceFuck or Twatter experiences. I once got into a heated debate with two people on FaceBook where, sandwiched between cries of 'BANTAAAA' from retarded chav cunts wearing snapbacks in their pictures, I apparently made a 'racist comment' to one of the people I was arguing with. I don't really regret saying what I said, cause it wasn't intended as racism, but for the sake of this post, lets just say I do (don't). The cunt in question retorted to a comeback made by me with 'say thar again and I'll drop u lik a sack of shit'; you can see where this is going. I replied with 'Like how your Mom dropped you like a sack of shit when you born?', clearly implying that that's the reason he's such a spastic. But of course, cunt claims that's 'racist' cause he's black. Chav friends back him up. FaceBook account reported and subsequently deleted. I said nothing else in the argument overly antagonizing or offensive, so I'm lead to believe it was because of that comment. In the grand scheme of things, this amounts to fuck all. I have a feeling I'm going to regret posting this for some reason...as its not really relevant, as its not a meltdown...
(Sick Boy likes to swear a lot, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 15:38, 12 replies)

leave britney alone lol

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 15:23, Reply)

Not so much for the OP but...
b3ta.com/questions/habits/post776625
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 14:30, 4 replies)

Randomly just came across something relevant:
www.funpic.hu/en/categories/computer-internet/44188_iphone-user-trolling?mode=latest&position=7&large=1

No horses, ricks, nsfw or other scammage.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 13:36, 3 replies)

Two weeks ago
I found out that a now ex-friend just got banged up for five years for being a massive paedo. I'd seen him a few weeks before and had never had the slightest suspicion, naturally, else I'd never have been mates anyhow.

Apparently he was getting his jollies on webcam on some teenager chat website, grooming young girls, and got caught in a To Catch A Predator style sting.
His excuse?
Much like the Tory classic "some of my friends are black/gay/poor", he stuck with "I only downloaded this child porn for research purposes!"

His meltdown involved a giant Facebook rant and creating several mental rambling dummy accounts over his supposed girlfriend (with his five year old daughter) cheating on him, when apparently they'd been apart for over a year, because he had an insatiable habit for illegal flesh.
This was mere weeks before being thrown in the clink.

What a cunt. Pretty epic faux pas there. Just glad I don't have kids yet, had I not found out I'd have genuinely trusted him with them. Fucking scary stuff.

Apologies for lack of funnies..
(Irregular Joe last touched ham on, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 13:02, 9 replies)

www.b3ta.com/questions/sheds
( Muns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 13:00, 3 replies)

I'm sure that links back to other /qotw replies are going to be the theme, this week,
so I'd like to submit this for consideration.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 12:47, 13 replies)

Awooga. What a rush. Right. Yeah, I got my notes here just in case I completely forget what I'm fucking saying. So, how are we all? Are we all good? Excellent, excellent.

Right, like, I was sort of rehearsing earlier. It is an absolute fucking pleasure to be here in despite the fact that my heart is currently going nineteen to a dozen and I feel like I'm about to take my driving test. Which I failed three times in a row. However, I- the last time I maintain it wasn't my fault.

I like to maintain- thanks there- I like to maintain- God, that's fucking distracting.

I like to maintain that it wasn't actually my fault. It was actually the fact that the OAP stepped out in front of me. And the fact that the driving examiner was actually y-

Are you fucking filming? You bastard. Oh for God's sakes. Anyway, urm.

I like to maintain that it wasn't my fault. It was in fact the fault of the driving examiner in that she didn't get there with the dual controls quick enough. That, and she was a frustrated Daily Mail reading bitch queen man-hating whore from hell. But, so it goes so.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:07, 30 replies)