terror couple kill colonel

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 19:52, 1 reply)

snape kills dumbledore

( Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 19:44, 2 replies)

(^(^;;^)^) WE THOUGHT YOU SAID SPIDERS.
:(
GO TEAM SPIDERS!
(^(^;;^)^)
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 6 Jun 2013, 19:38, 4 replies)

Every Saturday I go in the library, pick a fiction book at random, and quietly tear the last three pages out.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 19:27, Reply)

Moll Flanders is Dr Who's wife.

(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:55, Reply)

I was doing rude things
with my ex, and she started screaming 'fuck me, daddy' over and over again as I banged her.

It very nearly put me off.

NB I am not this woman's father
(cs1ca, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:45, 6 replies)

Usual Suspects, spoiled by me, for me.
I popped round my mates as he had it on in the background, he'd seen it before. I proceeded to read his paper, natter, make a cup of tea and generally prick about until they reveal who Kaiser Soze is.

I really am a bellend.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:33, 9 replies)

Hugh Jackman.
Isn't a big guy called Ackman.
Turns out Ray Liotta isn't an otter either.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:26, 3 replies)

French Kiss
This lightweight but enjoyable - there, I said it - Ryan/Kline vehicle came out in the mid nineties and I saw a trailer for it in which the voiceover was largely as in the link but it ended: "there's just one thing he didn't tell her... he isn't French."

Somehow, years later, I ended up watching it at somebody's house and, since it had been chosen in advance by somebody's girlfriend and nobody knew anything about the plot that wasn't on the box, I thought myself very smart for being in the know about such a major plot point. Not being a total penis, I didn't blurt out anything during the film but I did spend a lot of it making mental notes of things I would comment on later. "Yeah," I planned to observe in an urbane fashion. "A real Frenchman wouldn't have stolen a Citroen. It's unpatriotic. Big giveaway." Anyway, the movie wore on, Meg met Kevin, they pratted about through a series of mildly racist escapades, he stole a Citroen and they fell in love, and I began to think, hang on pineapplecharm my old chum, we're an hour into a 90 minute film and the big reveal from the trailer hasn't happened yet. What did they do, give away the big surprise ending in the trailer?! And what a crap ending - surely if he isn't French the audience, at least, should know early on so we can have lots of dramatic tension surrounding Kline's increasing difficulty with keeping his deception quiet! When are we going to see him wincing at the taste of stinky cheese, or refusing a cigarette? When is Ryan's character going to notice that he quite likes her shaved underarms and doesn't chew raw garlic while swilling red wine on long car journeys?

It was probably at the moment when he was showing around the vineyard he inherited that I realised I must have seen an early trailer, one of those mythical things that comes out before a critical test screening where people fill out cards with damning opinions that send a film back into the editing suite for drastic reshaping. I was lied to by a false spoiler! How in God's name was I supposed to look all sophisticated in front of my friends now? I'd sat through a stupid rom com for nothing!

I have never quite forgiven Kevin Kline for not not being French.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:18, Reply)

Oh ... and anybody who didn't realise that the transvestite in the Crying Game was a transvestite is a fucking idiot too.
Jesus. You people must slouch through life like you're a-fucking-sleep.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:18, Reply)

I've never been surprised by a single 'twist' in an M Night Shyamalan film.
Either the man is a fucking charlatan or you lot are thicker than fuck.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:17, 5 replies)

The next prime minister will be Ed Balls.
He's a Bilderberg attendee this weekend, get your cash on him now. 25/1, Paddy Powers.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:13, 3 replies)

Omar kills Stringer Bell.
Omar gets shot by a little kid.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:11, 2 replies)

I was gutted when Jon Snow started to blossom into his role of Lord Commander only to be stabbed repeatedly at the end of A Dance With Dragons.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 18:10, 4 replies)

The Matrix is pseudophilosophical bullshit.
The plot is so convoluted and the Wachowski brothers painted themselves into such a corner with their fictional universe that the second and third films are utter shite.
Oh, and people can't produce energy without food and most food on earth is created using energy from the sun. Had the Wachowski's realised this before they wrote the first film they may have been able to save the franchise.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:47, 10 replies)

Captain Harris gets sunburned in police academy 5
(El_diablo_blanco, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:40, 1 reply)

American Wrestling is not entirely spontaneous.

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:26, 1 reply)

A Vagabond doesn't really have a dog.

(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:25, Reply)

Not actually a spoiler, but related.
As I walked back past the queue of people waiting for their midnight copy of The Deathly Hallows, I had my copy in hand, turned to the rear chapter.

"Oh My God! Dumbledore dies!"

I loved the slowly increasing grumble and gnashing of teeth that suddenly tailed off when they realised that was the end of the -previous- book.
( moogthedog, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:22, 5 replies)

I ruined it
When we were told to all close our eyes at a party in my friends house... I said "Oh the birthday cake !" I got a crack in the knee. I was 5.
( g0atchild Is back and has been away since, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)

The next installment of The Fast and the Furious
- Milton Keynes Skids or some such subtitle,

will feature CARS.

you heard it here first.
(magictorch, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 16:50, 4 replies)

Piss-poor adaptations do nothing to diminish their source material,
so Zak Snyder's efforts to spoil Watchmen for me have failed. I don't doubt that he's ruined the Superman film series, though.
Talentless prick.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 16:48, 7 replies)

Spoiler alert: some delicate little flowers will get upset at some jokes on here this week.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 16:27, 1 reply)

Game of Thrones & other book related TV shows
The silly twunts who get uptight when something horrific happens on a TV show that happens to be cannon and was written bloody ages ago.

Bunch of inbred mouth breathers.

'Red wedding' was so much meh as far as I'm concerned.Not so much spoilers I guess, but I am forbidden from mentioning any plot twists to my illiterate friends.
(Shamelesspendant Better dead then smeg., Thu 6 Jun 2013, 16:18, 12 replies)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/spoilers/
In the end it turns out to be even shitter than www.b3ta.com/questions/askb3ta/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 16:02, Reply)