Won't lie to you...I'll tell you where I slept last night.
In the pines...in the pines! Where the sun don't ever shine.
I would shiver the whole night through.
(Rooner Spoad, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 21:39, Reply)

On a bowling green after the Irish beat Italy in the 1994 World Cup.
Far, far too many 'pound a pint' Guinnesses at a town pub. Ended up 10 miles away on a village bowling green in my office clothes somehow covered in straw. Still managed to get to work an hour later though. Ahh, the memories... :o)
( 10,000 Shitting Monkeys are breaking into your house right now!!!!!!!!!!!!, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 21:33, Reply)

I am a complete geek!
When I turned 21 I went to my first Star Trek convention (Warp 2 in Cardiff).
During this convention I had a great time, Staying up late every night getting a max of 4 hours per 24 hr period. Napping in the video rooms with lots of lovely fellas :-)
On one day a couple of us tried to get a nap in a lecture by the cardiff astronomical society which although dull just made us giggle till we were tutted out of the room.

On the final day they were showing a video that I really wanted to see, despite the massive sleep deprivation.

Knowing that sitting down in a darkened room would be a bad idea I decided to stand at the back.................

And that was the day that I found out you can fall asleep standing up.
(frankiemouse, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 21:26, Reply)

In a bed
Nothing strange about that....

It was during my hen weekend (yes, hen... appropriately enough)...

But I was sharing the bed with my two closest friends, both female...again, nothing strange about that....Except I'm the shortest at around 5'8"....they are both 6' and this was a very small bed...the only way we could sleep was if we all turned on our sides and kept very close.....

The fun and games of the night really took off when one friend had phone sex with the Best Man...we were all going to join in but he was the other friend's brother.....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 20:47, Reply)

Bloody Legless
One of the many nights of drunken shennanigans.

Very drunk and quite hot too, thought it would be a good idea to strip to my waist and sleep on the patio as it had a nice 'cooling' effect.

Woke up about 5am,(in the feotus position). The morning dew had started to dampen my jeans and I had a sharp piercing sensation on my back.

I reached round and pulled to bloody big slugs off my back.

Little fuckers. Rather than slime round me decided for route one.

Funny thing is they dont even look in the remotest bit sharp.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 20:31, Reply)

Die Deutschengutter
I went out for a night on the pop in the infamous Reeperbahn district of Hamburg a few years ago. After drinking myself stupid on various pilsners I somehow managed to get a taxi back to the Youth Hostel where i was staying. Then i realised that these places probably have curfew and discovered this to be true when i walked into the 'automatic' door. I decided to sleep in a deep gutter full of leaves because it was out of the driving wind and rain. Somehow, i woke up at about 6am just as two people were walking out the door. I dusted off a few leaves and earwigs and skipped inside before it closed again. Never been more grateful for the warmth.
( Fray Brentos *mega-belms*, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 20:07, Reply)

police-bench-kfc all at once
it was tragic, being 18 at the time i was young and stupid. still am, but anyway. i was walking home from Woking's famous shitty nightspot "chameleon" ABSOLUTLEY PISSED... and i mean pissed. one more i'd have fallen over and not got up. i decided a KFC would do the trick, and boy it did, that chicken makes you sleepy. i felt dizzy and thought perhaps that the bench i was sat on would do for a little nap.

it was just the job.

i was woken up by 4 sniggering police officers, who i thought were trying to arrest me. so i legged it. nearly pushing 2 of them over on my escape. they caught me just after i fell over and nearly broke my arm. and told me off. i ran away again and made it this time. HOOORAY!!!
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 19:59, Reply)

Two places
1. In my friends bathtub. I can't actually remember it but apparently his mother had to pick me up and put me into a proper bed. I may have been clothed... or maybe not.

2. Waking up with the world spinning, the pips of BBC News 24 striking 6am from an ajacent room. Realising I was in my friends mothers bed covered in BBQ sauce and vomit. Luckily his mother wasn't there.
( rjmrjm, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 19:57, Reply)

b ,kghvlj
oven.
(abignumber, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 19:28, Reply)

Cheeky
Whilst having a wank on a bus.

I noticed the old dear next to me had nodded off. Now that spoilt the moment somewhat.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 19:18, Reply)

Not to me (Thank God) but I was there to witness it.
Many years ago I went to a friend of a friends party in a first-floor flat in Whitechapel. When the party fizzled out in the small hours I was one of about ten people who crashed on various floors and when we got up next morning we found someone snoring loudly behind the locked loo door.
Now you dont need me to tell you that this is the last thing you need the morning after a skinfull and no amount of hammering on the door could wake whoever was inside. Eventually, in desperation, the bloke whose party it was borrowed a ladder from a neighbour and set about climbing into the loo through the open window. The rest of us stood outside the locked door, hopping anxiously from foot to foot or with knees clamped together (Depending on gender)and listened as the window creaked open wide enough for him to get through, the clonk and rattle of him moving aside all the usual things that live on bathroom windowsills, the grunt as he dragged himself in and . . .
"Oh God! You disgusting bastard!"
It turned out that the idiot inside had gone for a dump and been so pissed he'd fallen off the loo in mid crap. In the process he'd left a big smear of shit across the wall and for some reason had ripped up a carpet tile to try and wipe it off. Only he'd got shit on the carpet, too, so only succeeded in spreading even more of it over a wider and wider area.
He'd ended up getting it on all four walls, the back of the door the ceiling, even, and all over himself -even in his hair! He had then fallen asleep in the middle of it.
The neighbour who'd loaned the ladder generously let us borrow their loo and then we went off to the pub for well deserved hairs of the dog, having locked the still sleeping idiot back in the loo with a hot bucket of soapy water and a note telling him we werent going let him out until he'd cleaned up the mess he'd made.
(mikemm, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 18:45, Reply)

Scunthorpe...
i just got back from there have some random not so actual family up there....i fell asleep
on the big bridge there

Peace
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 18:15, Reply)

New Year.
New Years Eve. Dartmouth.

Dartmouth on New Years is a fun place to be - everyone dresses up in fancy dress, and the streets are packed. It's lots of fun.

There is also the frission of knowing, if you live on the other side of the river, that the last ferry is at approximately 10minutes past 12. On the last bong, you either leg it down to the slip, or you think 'sod it' and head back into the pub. Or, you're completely crammed into the pub so tightly you ain't going anywhere anyway.

Few years ago me and a mate found ourselves stranded in Dartmouth after 12. No way home, nearest bridge is Totnes, 12 miles away, nowhere to stay, and it's starting to look like snow. Shit.

So we went up to the marina to see if we could 'borrow' a tender (little rowing boat) to get across the river. None about we could get to, but we did find one of those huge luxury yachts, ginormous 50foot thing, with an awning on over the cockpit. Ah cool, we'll kip under there.

We climb under the awning and realise the cabin isn't locked. Result. Clamber in and find a nice cabin with a double bed. Oh yeah.

First light, and we're woken by footsteps overhead. Shit, the owner is back. Oh shit.
Panicked, we hide under the bed.

'What the fuck are we going to do? He'll cast off and we'll be stuck here until he gets to bloody france?!'

Shit shit shit.

An hour later and the footsteps are still audible, but the guy still hasn't come below. We've been under this bed for ages, and he hasn't come in. In fact, why haven't we heard him pull back the awning?

We sneak out and have a peek through the plastic of the fore hatch.

To see half a dozen seagulls wandering about, there big webbed feet making loud thuds on the fibreglass. No crew anywhere.

Bloody seagulls.

We left a tenner to apologise for borrowing the boat, and legged it.
(inflateable, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 18:13, Reply)

on a cold evening...
in a very respectiful golf course in norwich me nd sum chums decided to get in find shelter build a fire smoke sum strange stuff and have some drinks, however it was very weird waking up to the sound of "FOUR" as golf balls were being pelted all around us.
(davey c i hope you stepson doesnt eat the fish, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 18:00, Reply)

malawi
lardaholics -i playd that very game in malawi; decided enough was enough when i saw people chundering on themselves rather than lose - think i got to 95. damn fool idea!
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 17:52, Reply)

Scare of me life
When i was 17 i'd gone to Six Flags Magic Mountian ( for non yanks thats a giant roller coaster park) And had gotten on This giant coaster called ' Goliath' by myself, as my cuntsock friend didnt want to ride it. Piss on him, thought I. Well, I got in the seat, they strapped me in and lowered the chestbar, then when starting it up there was this " BZZZZZPSSSSSH!" noise, the cars jilted, then stood still. the operator, some ugly as hell cockrag with tapped glasses says in a very effeminate voice:" sorry folks, If you'd want to stay put we'll get the generator working in a few minutes." Many people wanted off naturally, but oh, not me. I stayed put, dolling my head against the chestbar and snuggling down into my seat. Soon, even through the Din, i was asleep. I didnt even feel it when the Cars jilted again and started to MOVE! imagine my suprise when i wake up screaming to a 50+ story tall DROP!
luckily i'd gone wee beforehand...
well, thats it from me.
(well that went better than expected, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 17:38, Reply)

Besides what I think was burning fibreglass, in a field, running away from bombs.
So I had been out on the town in Bristol one night this summer. Taking in the sights along with various substances of questionable legality. Well, the night was drawing in and myself and my friend decided that, rather than go clubbing (Having been unfortunately banned from there recently for answering "Yes" to a question asking if we had anything illegal on us), we would go to the lovely area of Lockleaze.

Stocked up on many, MANY packets of chewing gum for the inevitable effects of our revelries, we bought some callippo and went on the bus to Lockleaze. There, in a field in Lockleaze overlooking the M32, there was a beep.

My friend claimed not to hear it. We continued. Another beep, louder. We froze. Another beep.

We ran about 75 metres away from where we stood, shouting at each other, and then fell to ground, awaiting the terrible explosion. There wasn't one. Odd that.

At about 3 o'clock he went home. Seemed he lived in Lockleaze anyway, whereas I was a good £60 taxi journey away from home. For some reason unknown to me, there was a large pile of what I think was fibreglass in one of the fields, on fire.

It provided warmth and lovely fumes for the rest of the night. It mysteriously wasn't there in the morning.
( Tamashii the other beige meat., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:53, Reply)

I've just fallen asleep...
....during a customers call.

I do not need your life story or how inconvenient it was for your car to break down over the festive period. Moreover, I don't give a toss.

STFU, tell me how much it's going to cost, appeal to my better nature and we might just pay for it
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:51, Reply)

Block
On a concrete block, in highly malarial area of Malawi, semi clothed, after drinking 117 shots of beer, in 117 minutes (thats almost 10.5 pints). I was one of the participants of that game with the rubbishest story.
(lardaholics anonymous, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:45, Reply)

Humpty and Micky2shoes
How Strange

I Thorped in Sleepcunt once...


(Actually, I have slept in Scunthorpe many a time - my Mum is from there.)
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:37, Reply)

On top of a privet hedge
During my wild and reckless youth, my route home to my parent's house took me past a series of semi-detached houses the gardens of which were bordered with immaculately trimmed hedges. During one of those drunken conversations one has, my mate and I thought we'd see if it was possible to lay on top of one of the hedges. Turns out it was....

One of the best night's sleep I've ever had.
(Digital_Violence Scared to death beats bored to death, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:28, Reply)

a final bedtime story
At a party during my mid teens, got hammered and ended up on the floor amongst all the other bodies. Waking up next to a couple half undressed and groping each other made me feel horny, but unfortunately they weren’t up for a threesome. Things improved sometime later when I awoke to see some lads lifting a comatose teen into a wardrobe on the floor and slowly turn it over. Sometime passed and they waited drinking juice and keeping quiet…. Eventually the contents of the wooden box stirred at which point someone began reciting “ashes, to ashes, dust to dust we commend his soul to all eternity, etc, etc” and chucked some coins, pasta, rice and other crap onto the box. The contents murmered, stirred, paused and then began screaming, kicking and sobbing loudly that he was still alive as the books and piles of clothes (sods of earth) were thrown onto his coffin. I’ll never forget the pure white tear streaked face of that dead teenager when he was dug up out of his tomb.
(Readmarx, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:28, Reply)

One off
inside a nearly complete traction engine boiler tank at my uncles forge. Hes a smithy, and back then a jobbing welder too.

the tank that was to be repaired was still on the engine, and was about 8ft long by about 3ft in diameter. Perfect. No drafts. no rain.

i woke up to the smell of my own sweet alco-breath as i had eaten nearly all the oxygen and the condensation above me was mostly alcohol.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:19, Reply)

As a youngin'
I fell asleep inside an esky. Air tight as it was, probably glad Mother found me when she did.

Clicking I like this doesn't stop you from losing the game
(NosferatuFeuertote, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 16:13, Reply)

After a bit of a piss up
one spring evening decided to drive across the field to my tent ... woke up 4 hours laters sat bolt upright in the car engine running, lights on - in the middle of the car park.

At least it was warm ...
(Biff..., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:50, Reply)

Confession Box
A confession box at a catholic church in southern Poland.

When I was 16 we clubbed together for a few bottles of vodka and got hammered, knowing I was in big trouble if I went home drunk I decided to break into my local church and sleep there.

The confession box looked like a good hiding place so in I got put my legs up and passed out.

I was awoken by the priest climbing in the other side steaming mad at me for breaking in, he promptly made me switch seats (I was in his) and confess what I’d got up to the previous night.

I did, he forgave me (just) and off I went home my last night’s sins forgiven.
(Czestochowa, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:47, Reply)

I think it was empty at the time
Not me but my best friend slept in a grit bin. She was a biker chick at the time so that says it all really.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:46, Reply)

humpty
's funny -
i cunted in sleepthorpe once.
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:38, Reply)

Never again.
I slept in Scunthorpe once...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:33, Reply)

flame job.
personally - i have kipped on a pile of coal in a shunting yard... woke up looking like a v dodgy 70's blackface act, most unfortunate as i was to meet some of my more right-on friends (it being the early 80s, when bad hair and earnestness ruled the southern lefty music scene)
on a roundabout, to be woken to the sound of rush hour traffic - luckily enough it was opposite a cafe, which sold a rather good full english..

an ex GF of mine from NZ went out one saturday night and woke up on a different island to the one she had left from, as it's possible to get a boat from picton..


But first prize goes to a friend of mine - it's not so much where he went, but illustrates the perils of sleeping in the wrong circumstance and/or place.
So - big party, big house, lotsa tomfoolery - neil fell asleep quite early.. i'm sure the B3tards here will understand the folly of this. So as he gently snored, lighter fuel was lightly poured on the crotch of his jeans, lit, and neil shaken awake, not too rouhgly. as he came to, he realised that his groin was ablaze, and reacted as any man might - by slapping the area really hard. for the observers, let joy be unconfined etc.... We did, of course, face some abuse for this, which was perfectly ok, as neil fell asleep again, and the process repeated. same again, punching himself in the spuds as he awoke to Hot Nob Syndrome.

funny indeed. even after the FOURTH TIME!!!
yes, he really believed it would stop at 2. or 3. bless.

after 4, he decided to go home (not all that far a walk) so staggered off. when he got home, he popped his head round the lounge door to say g'night to ma. it's a shame the household was bereft of a hallway mirror, or he'd have seen the word "CUNT" in red lipstick on his forehead before his mum did...
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:32, Reply)