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This is a question Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Freddie Woo writes: I've still got weird feelings for a well-known female TV presenter from the 1980s. I'm now in my forties, work in the same building as her and she follows me on a number of social networking sites. And now, she knows about it.

Tell us about the teenage crushes that still make you go wobbly.

(, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:04)
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For that was her name, and unless she's changed it via deed poll in the last half hour, it still is.

I've known her for five odd years. I've only just trotted off to uni (at the other end of the country, although I'm delighted I have and love it here) and she will be doing the same next year.

We've always been good friends, there would be periods of where we'd drift apart in the sense that we wouldn't see each other as much, but we were close none the less. She was and is perfect. Stunning, funny, clever, great taste in music and she doesn't take the piss like everyone else does about the fact I lurve Deal or No Deal.

I've always fancied the pants off her, always. You know when you deny it to yourself, and tell yourself you don't, but deep down, despite not even admitting it inside, you can't stop thinking about someone? That was me. I didn't want to admit it because I didn't think she'd ever feel the same way about me. I wouldn't say I'm unattractive, to be honest I haven't a clue, but it's one of those "why would she go for me" situations. Plus with our friendship having gone on for so long, why would she want to change that now?

Six months ago, give or take, I finally managed to confront my feelings. I was head over heels and thought about her all day every day. She dropped me a text one afternoon that simply said "I'm coming over, I want to see you x". Gulp. What the hell did that mean. The door went. She came in. The usual stuff happened. Watched tele, listened to music, talked for hours as we were cuddled up on the sofa. Then she revealed that she fancied a lad a couple months back and he knocked her back. She showed me a picture of him on the laptop. Nothing special by any means. I told her that as I went to get a couple of drinks.

"Lacey. You're perfect, any man would be the luckiest person alive if he had the chance to go out with you".

She stared at me for a moment, like never before. I could see she was looking at me like I'd always looked at her. "Well then, who do you think I should go out with?". There it was. My moment. And you know what?

I bottled it.

I couldn't even tell you what I said because I can't remember. All I know was it that was some inane drivel, and I haven't forgiven myself or had the courage to tell her how I feel since then. She looked dejected and left soon after.

She's going out with an idiot now. The one moment where I knew she felt how I had all this time and I messed it up. I'm only young, but I still kick myself every day and I'm still torn up inside. If you think there's ever a chance with someone, fucking take it is the lesson I've learned. Getting shot down can't feel half as bad as it did for me in the hour or so after she left that sunny day.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 18:25, 34 replies)
Call her.
Seriously, just do it.
In the daytime and without alcohol.
Say 'hi', ask how she's doing and reminisce for a bit.Tell her there's something you never got round to saying and that one day, you'd like to let her know exactly what it was.
Then wish her well and say goodbye.
Ball's then in her court and you get to move on.
If she calls, go for it. If not, at least you know for sure.
The two saddest words in this life are 'What if...?'
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 18:38, closed)
^ This.
If you don't try, don't at least attempt to tell her how you feel, you'll never know and spend the rest of your life wondering.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 18:45, closed)
good advice from both people here
listen to it. If she's that much of a friend and she's hot then you could be missing out on something amazing.

I was good friends with the current Mrs V for 4 years at uni before anything happened and now I couldn't be happier. It would've sucked if neither of us had made a move.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 18:53, closed)
I felt gutted just reading that
Do as the other replies say. Grasp the thorn, get the rose.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 19:02, closed)
it could have been me writing this story..
and a million others i bet...take the advice above.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 19:16, closed)
call her at lunch-time tomorrow, tell her you'd like to go and see 2012 with her.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 19:56, closed)
I only hit reply so I could tell you that your probably a repressed homosexical, but after reading everyone elses replies I feel like a slug now.

Yes, tell her how you feel even if she doesnt feel the same. You wont regret it.

u big poof
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 19:59, closed)
You don't need to tell me
I am a poof, and a twat. I've never been shy with the opposite sex either. I'm not the Fonz, but I've always been comfortable and done alright with females.

I suppose I just froze at that moment and I can't forgive myself.

And thanks for the messages, the instant she breaks up with that knobhead of a bloke she's going out with I am going to reveal all. The saddest thing is I know I could end up marrying her. I'd say yes in a second if I ever had the chance.

Hopefully it's not too late.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 20:42, closed)
personally I wouldnt wait
The current Missus Evilmeister was with someone else when I told her that I loved her.

We've been together 15 years now.

Fuck me I wish she'd go >.<
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 21:05, closed)
oh my god - you numpty
Don't wait for her to break up with an idiot, as idiot's pregnate and screw up the pretty and trusting.
Just give her a call, and get it over and done with.

If she says no then my god, your at Uni get stuck into the women there, much better to find out now than to wait for a year or two and miss out on the avaialble alternatives.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 21:06, closed)
^^ All this
Is too true!
Fingers crossed here, wish I'd had the courage...
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 21:14, closed)
Don't worry about it - do it!
Every single girl I've dated was in a relationship when I first told them how I felt. Despite knowing that it might make the friendship harder, It's always been worth the risk. It's best to be truly honest with your feelings with a good friend - after all, you're honest with them about everything else, right?

Tell her how you feel. Chances are, she'll reply with 'I know'. Then just talk to her in the same way you always have.

Turning a friendship into a relationship can take time, especially when there's someone else already around, but it's worth it. Believe me and everyone else here, we all speak from experience. If even SpankyHanky says you should go for it without cracking a joke - you know we mean it.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 14:02, closed)
Tell her when you get the opportunity for fucks sakes. Get a spine. Don't live with the what ifs. I'm only 26 and I have one, possibly two of those to my count. Don't be me.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 21:44, closed)
We are going to hunt her down
and tell her.

You do know that, don't you. There can't be that many Laceys in Britain... and at least one person she knows is sure to read the newsletter.
(, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 23:47, closed)
its pretty obvious she showed you the photo of this random guy on her laptop to attempt to induce a backbone outta ya! THIS GIRL WAS PROABABLY GAGGING FOR YOU! G-A-G-G-I-N-G !!! And the great thing is she probably still is. Get off your arse, stop pissing about, ring her (or text or email if you're a bit too gay to speak to her directly), and SORT IT OUT YOU FUCKING MUPPET!!!

I imagine everyone alive has got 'their one that got away', don't fuck up like we all did. Pounce! GO ON! POUNCE!!! All she can say is "no", mate. OK, she could kick you in the nuts too, but this is unlikely... So just fucking do it. Go on. TODAY! NOW! DO IT!!!
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 0:07, closed)
You love Deal or No Deal
I'm not surprised by your situation

(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 1:17, closed)
Thanks for making me laugh. I've been a bit down since posting this. And I appreciate the replies. I just can't bring myself to risk what I have with her whilst she's with the other chap. I'd happily give up everything in a second and tell her how I feel if I thought I stood a chance, it's just whilst she's otherwise unavailable I don't feel I do.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 1:35, closed)
You don't 'have' anything with her. But you could.
I don't want to play the older and wiser card here; let's just say I've been where you are now. Good mates with a girl I really clicked with. Unfortunately, she was going out with an idiot too so I couldn't bring myself to tell her how I really felt. "I'll do it when they break up", I told myself. "The second they split, I'll be there for her. The shoulder to cry on, the reliable friend." Great plan, eh?
Except they didn't split up.
She got pregnant by the idiot, married the idiot and moved away with the idiot.
That was twenty years ago and I still think about her.
Me and Mrs. Fish are happy. Very happy. But you never forget your first love, mate.
Face it, as things stand now, you've lost her. You have nothing to,lose by calling her up and reminding her you're still alive and thinking of her. Put 'Barry' back in her memory again.
If you get no reaction, fine - she's gone anyway and at least you have closure.
But she might - just might - feel the same.
Grow a pair. Pick the phone up.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 5:01, closed)
Listen to this fella.
He's right.

Imagine how good it will feel if she says yes.

Then you can jizz on her tits.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 10:16, closed)
Listen to this man.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 10:31, closed)
Listen to this man.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 16:21, closed)
Like Spanky said,
we're all been here before. Hence the bitter voices of experience and strong, thrusting urges to get you to do something.

Nothing like living through someone else!

Anyway, click for pained shared memories. Collectivism rules.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 9:35, closed)
Everyone has said it better than I could,
but loads of people have had experiences like this, and from what you've written (... she looked dejected, etc) it would at least bring it out into the open if you went for it.
I get the feeling from what you've written that you both know there may be 'something' there, you're just both fearful of naming it and risking losing a friendship.

Just be subtle at first fella, especially as she's with someone else, and don't expect miracles at first as it might take her a while to sink in what you tell her.

as the wise people have said above, give her a phone and perhaps organise to meet up. Do it face to face

Life should be full of 'I dids', and not 'what ifs'

and the VERY best of luck to you :)
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 9:38, closed)
What happened?
You have rung her - tell us you did ring her?

And post the update in a new thread because there's a lot of B3tans waiting for the sequel.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 10:39, closed)
Despite not posting previously,
I have been following this. Good luck Barry, please let us know what happens!!
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 12:23, closed)
Of all the posts in this QOTW...
...this certainly is the most exciting as it has the prospect of real-time continuity. Here's hoping.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 13:37, closed)
I'm back
home in just over a month. I was going to see how things panned out with the idiot but you unruly ruffians have persuaded me to do otherwise.

I will most definitely be seeing her within the first couple days of my return. I think it'd be better if I told her in person. Which is what I'm going to do.

Thanks everyone. Sincerely.
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 13:48, closed)
good luck to you fella, hope it works out for you
make sure you keep in contact with her regularly before you come back to speak with her. You've got a little while to think about what you'll say etc, and if you see her 'out of the blue' after just returning, you'll either forget what you'd plan to say, or rush it to get everything out. If you make little and often efforts now to just let her know you're thinking of her, (text, email, phone etc) when you see her next month it will hopefully mean you'll speak to her more naturally, and hopefully more comfortably for the pair of you.

Good luck fella
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 15:31, closed)
Good luck!

(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 15:38, closed)
You know it makes sense!
Good luck, fella!
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 18:16, closed)
You're procrastinating
It's great that you've decided to confront her about this, but you're stalling by invoking this whole 'once I get back' chestnut. I've missed enough boats in my life to know a procrastinator when I see one.

I think your decision to do this face to face is spot on. So if you're serious, and if this could lead to something very long term (and it sounds that way), get yourself a ticket and get to her. It's true I have zero idea what sort of distances are involved, but frankly, it's only money, and I don't say that because I've got a lot of the stuff (far from it).

If you really can't reach her earlier, fair enough. But don't allow 'when I get back' to become a mask for 'when I get back after some unforeseen circumstance will have excused me from confronting her'.

Best of luck to you.
(, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:56, closed)
I am smiling now I've read all the comments and your reply - that you're going to get in contact with her.

About three and a half years ago I was going out with this bloke - I thought the guy was about all I deserved, and although he wasn't a wife beater or a drug addict or some other traditionally terrible thing, he wasn't good enough for me. I however couldn't see it at the time. He could've been the idiot boyfriend in your story.
I met my another guy, had the deepest feelings for him, yet did nothing as I didn't want to be a cheater and I didn't think he felt the same. But in the end, he told me how he felt about me (without knowing I felt the same !) as he believes, that as Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses said, "He who dares, wins."

After a painful time or doubt and whatever and not wanting to hurt the guy I was with, I ditched the not good enough guy and took up with my now-fella . He proposed two months later - whilst watching "Only Fools and Horses". lol. That was two and a half years ago. We have never looked back. He is my soul mate.

He who dares, wins. Better to regret something you've done than something you haven't. Etc. "What if ?" just cannot be the end of your story - when there could be so much more.

Good luck mate. Let us know how it turns out. x
(, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 19:52, closed)
click for sympathetic agony.
(, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:46, closed)
Oi Barry!

If so, and thusly you are NOT ON THE PHONE CALLING THIS GIRL RIGHT NOW, then I will personally track you down and kick your ass!

Everyone above is correct and YOU MUST ACT NOW (ooh, sounding like a spam mail now!).

Log off. Call her. NOW.

(then come back and tell us all what she said because the entire interweb is hanging on every word and needs a resolution before we can sleep. Really. All of us.)

You're still reading this, aren't you? Right then... I'm going to go and get in my car....(Honda Accord, thats how much of an ass kicking you are going to get!)
(, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:43, closed)

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