Yet more pedantry
Absolute zero is -460 in fahrenheit, so liquid nitrogen doesn't come close to -470 on either scale.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 23:22, Reply)

i put
a rat in the school canteen. unfortunately, it got out of hand and environmental health got called in to investigate said canteen.

hilarious at the time, not so hilarious when i got suspended and my mum cried.
(Master Woo is a dick, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 22:25, Reply)

Re StuMoo's Pedantry below...
Tootired, liquid nitrogen would be approximately -200 degrees Celsius. -470 degrees is way below the physical minimum temperature, absolute zero, which is about -273 degrees Celsius. So now you know.

...Unless of course he meant Fahrenheit, where absolute zero is knocking on the door of Minus 470 degrees...

.. So now you know ;o)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 24 Jul 2007, 21:55, Reply)

I was (and still am) more pedantic than rebellious.
Tootired, liquid nitrogen would be approximately -200 degrees Celsius. -470 degrees is way below the physical minimum temperature, absolute zero, which is about -273 degrees Celsius.

So now you know.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 21:32, Reply)

Reading other people's school stories
has made me remember a couple of incidents of my own from my "special" primary school.

The worst of these is one that still pisses me off now when I think about it: we had a very strict lunch policy. Oh yes, they would actually patrol the dining hall to make sure every single kid ate their sandwiches first: not the crisps, not the nuts, not the apple, not the chocolate biscuit, the sandwiches.*

And if you didn't, everyone else would hear about it.

One day, I was (as usual) craving a sweet fix and had a weeny little pot of jelly that I'd just picked up. It was bright red and wobbly and looked delicious. No sooner had I dug my spoon into it than a girl opposite me on the table piped up "ummm... telling on you..."

"Miiiiiiiiiss! Maladicta's eating her jelly before her sandwiches!"
"Now you know that's naughty, Maladicta, and you can come and sit over here and you're not moving until you've eaten your sandwiches."

After a while of this (and not being able to be arsed to eat the damn things, they took up valuable arsing-about-on-the-playground time. So I decided to Stick It To The Man and not have any sandwiches to eat first., thereby voiding their fascist dining system.

This reduced my lunch to a Penguin biscuit and a small bag of crisps, and this regime lasted till I stupidly opened my lunchbox in front of the other kids, who again, told on me. Bastards.

* As far as I'm concerned, as long as you eat the damn food, who the hell cares what order it's in? It's a school dining room FFS, not the Ritz. And it's better than anorexic kids.
( Maladicta, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 19:52, Reply)

Liquid nitrogen and the Leidenfrost effect...
Reminds me of my sister, when she was teaching high school biology. She had gotten a flask of liquid nitrogen from our dad (who's a dermatologist and keeps the stuff on hand for freezing warts) and was demonstrating what happens when you put something like a stalk of grass or a flower in it, how it will shatter at a touch.

One of the Beavis types standing in the back said, "Wonder what would happen if I stuck my dick in there. I bet it would get stiff. Huh huh huh."

My sister didn't say a word. She took a carrot and put it in the flask for a few seconds, then smashed it violently on the desk sending fragments spraying everywhere.

Beavis flinched and shuddered and visibly held his crotch...

I bet he had little to no length after that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 24 Jul 2007, 19:16, Reply)

when It failed
message below brings back a silly about a fancy dress party, I was still 6th form and no dosh so I used an aunty sweaterthing still in stasis in a drawer, handkerchief boots and went as Gumby from python
Mate who had left at 16 and was earning turned up also in an ss uniform. He`d hired it to wind up his dad who was Polish and hated Germans. Disappontment all his dad had said was "at least you look fucking tidy for a change"
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 19:03, Reply)

When I was fifteen
I had quite a bit of spare cash due to doing a paper round morning and night 6 days a week. Anyway, there was due to be a fancy dress day at school, and there were a couple of teachers there who hated me. One of them was an older chap who had served with distinction in Europe in WWII.

One visit to an excellent fancy dress emporium later, and I turned up at school in full SS regalia. Spanking black uniform, death's head peaked cap, jackboots, and, best of all, a rather fetching red, white and black swastika armband.

I thought he was going to kill me when he saw it. Seriously.

Laugh? I nearly shat.
(Darkpoet Last had a misanthropic thought on, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 18:46, Reply)

Are you still a teenager @18?
well one things for sure i wasn`t an adult ( stlll not at 2.5X)
At uni lunch time pissup, afternoon practical, noise in circuits.

Heres the fun bit one part of the practical involved dipping stuff in liquid nitrogen, to demonstrate that, Gosh things get quieter electrically as they get colder all a bit lets be careful here, this is -470 C or thereabouts. beer in caution out.

I remembered something I saw someone do at a wonders of science lecture the school carted us to when I was about 12, ( funnily enough at the same college) bursting ballons with a laser and then trying to explain the science, that sort of thing.

Gallon sized dewar flask full and i just plunged my hand in and out quickly. Impressive, boiling bubbling noises , fog billowed out and looks of horror , I can`t believe you just did that.

thank god the gas when it boils keeps the liquid away, shock all round , apart from those that sussed, and the implacable labtech " every year there is always one wanker does that"
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 18:28, Reply)

Arrgh
In third year we had a bitch of a history teacher. Not only was she a terrible teacher but im pretty sure she was functionally illiterate.
She used to use her finger to read reeeeeaaalllllyyy slowly through the book we had finished in 1st year.

Anyway she found out that i hadn't been doing homework for a few weeks because i was studying for my junior cert (sort of Irish middle of secondary school tests) so she told me to do 4 sets of rules. (each one took about half an hour)

As this was the friday before the first test i responded with 'No'.

She then told me to do 8 sets. I said no again.

I think you know where this is going.

At 64 sets i burst out laughing and walked away.

Didn't get in any trouble for it either.

Another time a cousin and I (aged about 15) went out to go to a party on halloween and we were hungry on the way there. we decided, hey its halloween and promptly knocked on the first door we saw. The woman, expecting us to go away, said, 'well id have to hear a song if i was to give you sweets' .

We launched into the 'build me up buttercup' and sang the whole thing, only stopping when we recieved an ovation from the entire household.
(BobbyDarin Was somewhere Beyond the Sea on, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 17:58, Reply)

Bridge Shit
The village where I grew up had an old railway bridge crossing the main road. The track was turned into a cycle path and was a great place to muck around as a kid.
Things started innocently enough, until the teenage urge to up the ante and shock each other and society kicked in. Over the weeks we progressed from standing on the bridge looking at the traffic. To spitting on the cars/busses as they went under. Then praying for and targeting open sunroofs etc. This culminated in us holding onto my mate Steve while he launched a firm turd onto the unsuspecting motorists...
We couldn't beat that. I think we took an interest in girls soon after. Thankfully.
(brycemonkey No fatal accidents since:, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 17:48, Reply)

I just remembered this...
In my old form class at school the tutor used to sit at a desk underneath a big whiteboard.
One day my friend turned to me and said "wouldn't it be funny if someone wrote 'stupid' above him?" and I agreed, yes, it would.

So we told our plan to a friend across the room. After about five minutes she piped up with "Sir, can you help me with something?" he went over and answered her question about something obscure that she'd thought up on the spur of the moment and my friend went over and wrote 'stupid' with an arrow facing downwards.

The tutur then went and sat back down at his desk. GOD KNOWS how he didn't see it. The class just sat there giggling for the rest of the lesson. Apparently when he found out he was 'very upset'.

Oh, and here's the evidence:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/LooSee/Sir.jpg

Once we found out how to change our backgrounds on the school computers, we soon changed it to the picture above. That was untill my I.T teacher told us it "wasn't very nice".
( Lollylegs lite, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:58, Reply)

It gets stranger as you get bigger...
Don;t you think it's odd when the balanc etips in your favour (usually during high school) and you become physically bigger and stronger than your teachers?

The only one I had a real problem with was my french teacher. He had the most annoying habit of snapping his fingers like and inch infront of your face to make you pay attention. He stopped doing that to me when I snatched him by the wrist and told him that if he snapped his fingers infront of my face again I'd bite the fuckers off. (I wasn't really a violent type, but the threat worked rather well, even if it did induce detention for a week).

The same evil little shit once yelled at me "If you're not going to listen to me, get out and don't come back." I and a friend took him up on his word and avoided his class for about 3 weeks. The slimy bastard had us put on report for truancy! We were only doing as he'd said!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:56, Reply)

Oh yeah and...
One that could be considered a little more rebellious, or just common sense depending on your point of view, was my little backlash against my home economics teacher in Year 9. When reprimanded for not paying attention, I retaliated with a mouthful of insolence arguing that if she tried teaching me to cook actual food instead of f**king peanut, rice and banana salads and other such shite, I might actually be interested enough to listen.

Ooh the memories are coming back now. In middle school, we were baking christmas shortbread or something (seemed like dog biscuits to me). My mixture wasn't binding together like it was supposed to so I asked for some more milk to make it work. I was promptly told that I had the correct measure of all the ingredients and that everyone else was managing quite well. I needed something to moisten the mixture and didn't have a tap handy, so I produced an almighty phlegm-wad and sneakily dropped it in the mix. It actually worked rather well and I didn't give a shit, since I certainly wouldn't be eating that muck. My 'coup-de-grace' came when another teacher was passing through the room and complimented my freshly baked biscuits, to which I insisted they took one to enjoy with their coffee during break. The only person knowing about my 'secret ingredient' was a (still) close friend who couldn't decide whether to be more amused or apalled.

There was the dogshit-on-teaspoon event too but I think I've shared that here before.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:44, Reply)

Not meths but hey
when i was younger i was part of the odd crowd, not the naughty crowd you understand
but the odd crowd we were always doing things that while not bad as such always used to get get us in grief

anyways its a school geography trip to some castle
and for some reason we all met up and decided to walk to the train station instead of catching the coach from the school gates
theres about 7 of us and armed with more money then usual we club together and purchase stoopid amounts of super kestrel (never doing things by halfs)
anyway me and my mate dennis have been going to the venue (night club in new cross) for about 3 months now and had been getting smashed on snakebite black and southern comforts so a little bit of super kestrel aint gunna faze us

anyway 2 cans each later with train station in sight we are all giggly and not sure how we are gunna pull this off

everybody (kids wise) spots we are all pissed instantly so why the hell the teachers let us get on the train is still a mystery but hey they did

anyway cue being half way there and jamie who has been lookin a tad green lets go with monster alcohol stinking puke that runs down under all the seats next to the heaters
teacher walks up "are you better now?"
jamie "mummph"
teacher "anybody else gunna do something like this?"
dennis from down behind a chair outta site "No sir some of us can handle it better then that tart"
cue laughter

anyway later that day we have now finished remaining cans
we have lunch out in a field with park benches
and theres all these deer about trying to cop a feed
me in my drunken state convinces danny that if you grab a deer by the horns and stare it in the eyes you can sorta communicate with it and it will become your friend

to my surprise he trys just that
most people would let go when an enraged deer starts bucking
but no not danny he holds on for dear life
it still creases me up at the memory of this now
dannys all feet being flung round in the air and he is still holding on..
until nature has her way and he is slung a clear 8ft into the air
he lands heavily and is promptly sick
(Bleak Outlook No Daddy.. I Dont Wanna Wear The Special Shoes, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:38, Reply)

Nice one, dominocat
I did something similar in my GCSE Film Studies, only I didn't walk out. I decided to fail it in a spectacular way. Thus, I answered all the questions wrongly on purpose. There was one where we had to give an example of a genre film and explain why it fufilled its formula.

I wrote about a musical starring John Wayne as a singing circus performer with a stutter. He was bisexual and the film was in black and white with music and songs written by Weird Al Yankovich.

I got a G rather than a U, so someboy must have had a sense of humour.
(Fothermucker, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:36, Reply)

During my exams at school
I don't know if they still do this, but back in the day, if you didn't turn up for your O Levels, you were fined. I remember going into the French exam on a hot day, feeling that it was the most pointless thing ever, and that I was crap at French anyway.

I sat down, the papers were handed out, and when we were given the "you may start" signal, I turned mine over, put my name at the top, then simply wrote "fuck this shit" across the paper, and walked out.

Needless to say, I got a fail.
(dominocat opinions only valid until, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:28, Reply)

I ran away
Life was boring on the farm and dad never let me do anything. Then one day we bought these droids and I found a strange holographic message. After that, I disobeyed my dad and went off to find this old guy who lived in the mountains. Before I knew it, I was paying a smuggler to take me off to look for some chick. To cut a long story short, I joined the Rebel Alliance to piss my folks off.
(Fothermucker, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:27, Reply)

your on drugs.
teenage, check. must have been 13-14,
pointless, check,
i'm not to sure if my aim was to shock or not, i really dont think i thought about it that much.

but holding a small piece of canabis resin under my classmate's legs and shouting 'your on drugs' is certainly classy nonsence.
(kola, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:18, Reply)

Don't know how I forgot this till now...
When I was in my late teens, I was trying to go out with this girl who was A) Bisexual and B) had a pair of boobies you could beat a whale to death with.
I thought saying that you're bisexual sounded cool (not realising that it would mean that people would try to bum me). I also thought I'd be in with more of a chance if she thought I was bisexual, so I told her I was.
It worked! To cut a long story short, I ended up in bed with her. She was into all sorts of things that I thought were kinky back then, so I let her tie me up and got ready to be ridden like I'd never been ridden before. Then she left the room, came back moments later dressed as a highwayman and carrying a large pink vibrator.

Thankfully, I was blessed with the 'strength of a madman' and manage to escape my bounds (she'd tied me up with neckties, not the strongest things in the world).

Turns out the vibrator was for her anyway and she just laughed at my panic.

Still got a shag though, but I stopped pretending to be bisexual after that...
(EvilMeister, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 16:09, Reply)

I tested God
When my mother dragged me to church on Sundays, I used to sit there and say "I don't believe in God", and then look at the ceiling like I was daring him to strike me with lightning.

I have never been struck by lightning, so there's some proof even more concrete than that offered by Richard Dawkins.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 15:46, Reply)

Rebel? moi? - Just having a laugh - sir.
Not particularly in the cause of rebellion, but some of my childhood japery:

I once kicked a hole in a 'mobile classroom' (read: Portakabin) wall. In truth, my foot was itchy and I was kicking my heel to make my show scratch it. being the type of school I attended, the small semi-circular indentation/hole I left was kindly expanded by about 1000% when the other kids realised the walls were plasterboard.

The same year, I took in an aerosol can of 'fart spray' for some stinky fun. I sprayed it all over one girl who took great offence. Called in to the head-of-year I was given an ear-bashing and narrowly avoided suspension. He had a box of index cards on his desk with reports of all the 'bad' kids' antics and i still remember the exact words on my card. Apparently in his opinion I had "Attacked a girl with an obnoxious gas". Those words still raise a small chuckle every time I think of them.

In high school my mother gave up trying to make me stop smoking. In the end, she would stop on the way to school so i could buy cigarettes (I would then sell half to return my lunch-money and therefore smoke for free). On one occasion I was caught and sent to the head of year again (I had taken an unscheduled smoke break due to some timetable confusion). This guy sits me down and came on with the threat of phoning my parents. It went something like;
"Does your mother know you smoke?"
"Yes"
"I bet she doesn't condone it?"
*Shrug*
"Where did you get the cigarettes?"
"My mum bought them for me on the way to school".
"Get back to class boy. If I see you in here again you'll be on report... blah blah blah"

I was never much of a computery type at school, but while I was there they were fitted out with their first ever network with internet etc etc and all the gubbins. As in a previous tale, we found that it was easy to 'hack' into other students log-ins and have some silly fun. Finding the network messenger program we spent a while calling eachother various obscenities and speculating on eachothers mothers sexual activities involving dogs, pigs etc. Rather amusing until the door burst open and it was kindly explained that one knob in our group had been hitting 'send to all' or whatever and sending his filthy contributions to the 200-300 PC's on the school network.

That didn't even compare to the day I took a few spliffs in and got toked up on my own at lunchtime, proceeding to spend the least productive afternoon in my school career.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 15:46, Reply)

Overhead projection
I once dismantled the overhead projector in the technical drawing room at college and carefully attached a small piece of doodled acetate (that clear stuff you put on OHP's) inside.
Oh how we chuckled when the tutor returned to the room and flicked on the machine and projected a giant cock on the wall!
(Rob99, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 15:40, Reply)

God
Our form teacher was a rabid Christian who used to read the Bible to us and told us all to be Christians. Once a term, each class was allowed to write its own assembly presentation, with songs and illustrations etc. Other classes did things like "The Weather" or "Where Sausages Come From" - but our class had to do "Why I Love Jesus" every fucking term.

So I wrote an essay proving that God didn't exist. My reasoning wasn't very good (Heaven must be in space, but there's no oxygen in space so nobody would be able to survive - and, anyway, NASA had a catalogue of everything in space and God wasn't in it). I read it out in front of the whole school. I think I was 9 or 10.

The Gideons also handed out Bibles that year and I burned mine in the playground.
(frankspencer, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 15:05, Reply)

The school science pond...
While I was at high school, the science block had their own little pond, I use the term pond loosely as it was a fetid, disgusting slime hole outside the biology block. The biology department used the water from this pond to do all sorts of experiments using microscopes.

One day while walking past the pool house I saw that the cleaning cupboard was open and noone was around. This gave me a great idea - the filthy mud hole could do with some cleaning.

I proceeded to take and empty a 5kg bucket of chlorine tablets into the pond, before placing the empty bucket back in the cupboard and heading back to lessons.

I spent the rest of the year giggling every time we had an assembly and the 'ruined' pond was mentioned. It was usually along the lines of - "The sixth formers have no bacteria to study as the pond is still contaminated" followed by a joker shouting "Give them a sample of food from the refectory"

Sadly there is now a large fence around the pond.

Lenth - about 8ft long and 4ft deep
(IcantLive Needs sleep, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 15:03, Reply)

team points
Our school divided the class into teams. Each member of the team would get points for such things as doing homework, cleaning the floor, doing well in a test etc - and at the end of the term, the winning team would win a prize.

I recall having some points deducted from my team for something bad I'd done. And I recall laughing about it and telling the teacher she could deduct all the points she wanted because the whole team thing was a transparent scam to encourage peer pressure to make us conform, and that I couldn't care less if my team lost every term. I was 7.

I've since been fired from numerous jobs for not being a team player. And they still think that kindergarten shit works as a means of control.
(frankspencer, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 14:58, Reply)

What's that smell?
13 years old at a typical victorian grammar school.
Our form room was at the top of the building and had an oh so inviting hatch into the roof space.
Cue a bunch of us climbing up into the roof space during lunch hour.
Happily we discovered that the roof space extended past our form room and over the sixth formers common room.
And there staring at us was a ventilation grill in the ceiling.
We decided to be real rebels and stay up there all through lunch hour and double history (The teacher was a bit on the senile side and didn't notice a fifth of his class was absent.)
By this time one of us had decided that his bladder was full, and had the bright idea of poking his penis through the grill and urinating all over the now empty sixth formers common room.
Which the rest of us quickly copied.
When the break bell rang we quickly scrambled down and stood outside the common room laughing ourselves silly at the sixth formers saying 'what's that smell? and why is this all wet (and sticking their fingers into the couch and smelling them)
(THJahar smell my fingers, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 14:53, Reply)

In my last teenage year
me and 2 friends broke in to a moderatly posh school during the summer. The college was housing some spanish students that flood dublin every year. So we broke in through the gym's changing rooms at night and shuffled our way through the corridors, entered a few rooms and flicked on the lights to see startled young spanish students gibbering away. We found another room but the students were not in. Cue pissing on all of the beds, all mobile phones stolen, very expensive camera's taken and some very subtle arse wiping on the sheets. So after that we went to the games room, stole the white and green ball from the snooker table and made 2 quite good gearknobs but the icing on the cake was when we on our way out of the gym i took a dump right in the middle of painted circle of the gym floor and took a few snaps of my brown mound. Length? About 8 inches crouching down.
(TheNumpty last touched you at, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 14:44, Reply)

When I was about three
I was in playschool and complained to one of the adults, a scary old battle-axe, that I was feeling poorly.

"You're not going to be sick, are you?" she said, glaring down at me as I hung my head and shuffled my feet.

"No, miss" I said.

Except that I was sick. Violently. All over her shoes.

"Well," she said, after a decent pause, "that was rather naughty, wasn't it?"

EDIT: OK, I wasn't a teenager at the time, but it did shock people. Besides, I have no good stories, ok? GOD.
( Kroney, Tue 24 Jul 2007, 13:36, Reply)