Make hedgehogs feel used and betrayed by leaving out milk in the evenings for them for a week
Then putting nuts and seeds on the bird table instead.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Save money on expensive burglar alarms
by strategically placing micro-machines around your premises
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 13:25, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fat People
avoid using the phrase '...makes me sick' in relation to your disgust with something or someone, as it is a waste of food...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 5 Jul 2011, 12:06, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Spot the difference between a sparrow and a power station easily by using this rhyme
One a-tweet and twitters does
And through the morning causes fuss
The other is a thing you see
The provides folk with electricity!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 11:15, Reply)

A dead baby
with its legs and arms tied to a coathanger makes an idieal marionet zombie friend for a lonely ghost.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

white plastic bags make excelent kukluxklan cotumes for fruit and vegetables

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 10:16, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

A white plastic bag
makes an ideal ghost costume for a small baby at Halloween, if worn on his or her head.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Make work meetings more fun for yourself
by taking notes on an etch-a-sketch
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 10:02, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Amuse yourself and frighten others
By sitting in the shopping centre slowly eating a banana while making eye contact with a random man.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 9:28, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

out of date or incorrectly chilled shell fish
s a great way of getting time of work to enjoy the summer sun .
coincidently it is also a fantastic way oy of loosing weight and destroying any dignity you may have had before you started to shit your ring into third space
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 8:42, Reply)

cocktail stick style swords make some thing usefull for some thing small
and also make ideal some things for taking some thing out of some thing else
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 8:25, Reply)

Avoid bathing in food-soiled water
by taking your washing up into the shower with you.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 8:10, Reply)

Tea towels
make ideal beach towels for fairies, pixies, goblins and elves...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 5 Jul 2011, 8:00, Reply)

Annoy people in busy shopping precincts
by slightly kicking their right foot over to the back of their left as the foot is being brought back to the ground during normal walking procedure, causing them to fall forwards. Works better if they have both hands in their pockets.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 0:38, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

A chopping board
makes an ideal iPad for the blind.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 0:33, Reply)

iPhones
make ideal iPads for fairies, pixies, goblins and elves..
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Mon 4 Jul 2011, 21:55, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

gingers are much more fun than regular clock work toys and once wound appropriatly will spin and
rotate on there own for several days before needing to be rewound
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:36, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Do your washing up
in your bath water.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 17:09, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Charm attractive women into having sex with you
By quoting the Monty Python films.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 16:36, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

A Vagabond
Prevent PC related woes by installing good anti-virus and not looking at so much prOn.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 14:04, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

i still know where the bodys are burried

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 11:13, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Shitty sticks from the TV series Sharpe
are ideal for poking at ginger-haters
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 4 Jul 2011, 11:11, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Got an IT problem at work?
Phone your IT department, explain the problem then while they are explaining a solution to the problem, feel free to chat to your colleagues in the office or someone who has just dropped in. The IT type won't mind at all having to explain the solution a second or even third time.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 4 Jul 2011, 11:08, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Need to tell the difference between a pint of Guinness, and Piccadilly Circus in London?
Simply remember this rhyme:

A pint of stout of Irish fame
Has the title Guinness as its name,
The other is a circus a-hum
In the middle of Londonium.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 10:55, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

sharpe shitty sticks are ideal things for poking at gingers

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

alternativly why not keep a pair lesbians to hand and when you are troubled by those pesky little mozzys
simple rub a lesbian against your self and hey presto no more mozzy problems
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Mosquitos
Don't waste money on the expensive products. Mosquitos don't like lemons. Put a slice of lemon at each side of your bed or even rub some lemon juice on you when you go to bed and they will not bite you.
This is generally effective if you're in a country where they have mosquitos...
(OnionTerror is a bag full of sick, Mon 4 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Fed up with that "Press Red" message in the corner of your TV screen?
press the green button instead.
( revolution now 👊, Sun 3 Jul 2011, 22:29, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Knives
It is never worth buying a cheap knife.
(Smale is stuffed, Sun 3 Jul 2011, 13:39, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

iPhone Owners
be sure to always refer to your 'phone' as an iPhone, just to ensure that people know that you are indeed the owner of an iPhone, rather than a standard 'mobile' or 'cell' 'phone'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sun 3 Jul 2011, 0:51, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)