
Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."
( , Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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with a hatchet or chainsaw.
( , Tue 15 May 2012, 22:05, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

why not shit through the eye of a needle just so you can say you have done it
( , Tue 15 May 2012, 20:41, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

simply sit still on the couch for 24 hours and then get a more accurate description of the past day's weather
( , Tue 15 May 2012, 17:28, Reply)

by 'liking' lots of things on facebook....
( , Thu 10 May 2012, 9:57, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

and placed back in the box make convincing 'free range local organic eggs' which you can sell at a roadside stand for twice the normal price.
( , Tue 8 May 2012, 23:38, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

By putting jam on your willy and seeing if he licks it off.
Simple.
( , Tue 8 May 2012, 11:07, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Makes an ideal barcode scanner for zebras.
( , Mon 7 May 2012, 14:44, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Make ideal 'weebles' in an emergency. However they dont wobble and they do fall down, and often break when using the Weeble fun house.
I'm sure hard boiled they may work, but I have ran out of eggs so cant test this.
( , Mon 7 May 2012, 14:42, Reply)

...that you are a spy.
Sent from my locked red North Face bag
( , Sat 5 May 2012, 18:00, Reply)

...by wearing a t shirt that says "I am very convincing".
( , Sat 5 May 2012, 17:53, Reply)

by wearing a T-shirt with "I'm not wearing a T-shirt" printed on it.
posted via iPhone
( , Sat 5 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)

...by wearing a t-shirt that has "I've got a big cock" printed on it.
( , Sat 5 May 2012, 2:57, Reply)

by wearing womens clothes*
*If you're a woman, this isn't so much a top tip, as common sense. Although if you want to wear mens clothes, who am I to interfere?
( , Thu 3 May 2012, 12:41, Reply)

by fitting it into every conversation. "The sunset was so pretty I had to take a picture on my iPhone", "I'll google this pub quiz answer on my iPhone" etc..
Posted from my netbook because typing on glass using the second-rate browser on my iPad was pissing me off.
( , Tue 1 May 2012, 1:05, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

makes an ideal hand-cranked centrifuge for prawn sandwiches.
( , Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:16, Reply)

by ingesting almost a full bag of American hard gums.
( , Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)

Just watch William Hartnell as Doctor Who anyway as it's fucking ace. It's on Netflix. Once you get used to the fact that your Netflix subscription costs more than each episode cost to make, they're surprisingly addictive.
( , Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

your belief that special effects do not a good sci-fi story make by watching William Hartnell as Dr Who.
( , Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:10, Reply)

Before getting the Brasso out give it a rub down with lots of Cillit Bang or if possible soak it in the stuff. This will blast most of the shite off and leave you with little to do but wipe it down and give it a quick polish to bring it up to a shine.
( , Sat 28 Apr 2012, 11:25, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

By ending all your emails with "Not sent from my iPhone because I am not a ponce".
Sent from my iPad
( , Sat 28 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Need more time to play minesweeper/read b3ta newsletter/buy crap on eBay? Leave it right till the end of the day. Send them an email just before you log off, saying "Please find attached as requested". Then don't attach anything, and leg it. Then sneak into work early the next morning, finish it in the morning, then when your boss says nothing was attached, feign innocence, and send it across to them. I have never done this.*
*I have done this several times
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 21:34, Reply)

By mentioning that you have an iPhone rather than just calling it a phone
E.g. "I was calling someone on my iPhone the other day." As opposed to just saying, "I was calling someone on my phone the other day."
No one else mentions what phone they have. "I was calling someone on my Samsung Galaxy S II the other day."
*this message was sent via iPhone*
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 21:33, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Then sign up and start posting on B3ta, you'll fit right in
Yes, I realise the irony of what I just said
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 21:29, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

By ending all of your emails with the line:
Sent from my iPhone.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:00, Reply)

by harvesting all the water and waiting for the inevitable hosepipe ban
( , Thu 26 Apr 2012, 23:14, Reply)

By being just like me.
( , Thu 26 Apr 2012, 17:39, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

By sneaking into their house, shitting and puking on the carpet and shredding their furniture with a Stanley Knife.
( , Thu 26 Apr 2012, 17:38, Reply)
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