Exemplify your 'cutting-edge' humour
by offering others a 'waffer'-thin mint at the end of every meal...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 28 Feb 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Get your Wiccan/Pagan name by making up some pretentious bollocks.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Get your Olly Murs name
by taking your first and last names and placing them between the words "Oh fucking hell, not that tedious slack-jawed cunt ___ ___ again"
(costas, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 20:31, Reply)

Get your Bruno Mars name
by taking the surname of your favourite boxer and adding the name of your favourite planet to it...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 27 Feb 2013, 17:01, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Tired of paying for expensive shaving cream?
Why not use a cup of real cream, mixed with a tablespoon of mint sauce for that fresh feeling. Then, when women comment on how smooth your chin looks, you can wink and say "That's the real cream and mint sauce difference, and I save over 5p per shave. Well I would if the cream didn't curdle in the shower, pretty much wiping out any financial advantage I might otherwise have obtained. But smell the minty sauce freshness!"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 26 Feb 2013, 19:22, Reply)

Confuse and amuse nightclub bouncers
by cutting everyones' coke with laxatives.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 18:13, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Carnivores.
Make people think you're a vegetarian by refusing to eat meat.
(username failed moderation, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Vegetarian, and invited to someones house for dinner?
rather than be tedious about it, don't say anything until they're carving the meat.
(username failed moderation, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Vegetarian?
Make sure you tell everyone at every opportunity.
(username failed moderation, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Went for a run last night?
Don't forget to tell everyone about it, including how far you ran..
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 21 Feb 2013, 11:56, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Website owners: Need money to fund your extravagant lifestyle full of hookers and cocaine?
Disable the search function on your website and then ask people to donate money to 'fix' it.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 22:07, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Kids! Scared of paedophiles?
Grow up.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 11:01, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have you been pissed on?...
...Counteract the effects of the piss by rubbing yourself with a jellyfish.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Avoid badger-rotation
by quashing any desires you might have to look at either it's face or arse.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

Unsuccessfully pleading with your significant other for bum sex?
Just slip it in when opportunity presents itself. It's easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.
( Muns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 10:53, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Show everyone at work what a vacuous arsehole you are
by using the phrase "It's our gift to be able to handle this challenge" without any hint of sarcasm.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)

Make YouTube videos more fun.
Switch on the automatic captioning which bears no resemblance to anything anyone is saying.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 21:50, Reply)

Guys
stand out from the crowd by not wearing anything with fucking 'SuperDry' written on it...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 7 Feb 2013, 18:41, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

If you happen to get ejaculate on your carpet, for whatever reason
Dont confuse the cleaning instructions with that of candle wax. Ironing a piece of kitchen roll over the stain does not remove it, it just makes it worse and your front room smells of warm jitler...
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 9:51, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Never try to have a drunken floppy posh wank with a "Performa" johnny.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 1 Feb 2013, 13:13, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Want to look at a badger's arse but are looking at it's face?
Either walk around to the other side, or turn it around - hey presto! You're now looking at it's arse!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 17:50, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Lager drinkers
demonstrate your intellect by spelling the name of your drink with an extra 'r' between the 'a' and the 'g'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 30 Jan 2013, 14:24, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Woman and/or homosexuals
drink a crate of Guinness and then defecate into your hand before masturbating a penis so you can say you've beaten someone off with a sticky shit.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Pretend you are in The Jam
by playing an acoustic guitar in front of a film made up of a load of old clips of Hollywood musicals...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 29 Jan 2013, 17:59, Reply)

Old people.
Been listening to 2 can chunders advice?

Top tip: go and have a bath.
(username failed moderation, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Fool your neighbours into thinking you are a german scat pervert
By standing on their lawn beating yourself off with a shitty stick.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 1:08, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Fool your neighbours into thinking you are a paedophile
by getting a job at Games Workshop.
(bunglist, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 0:41, Reply)

Fool your neighbours into thinking you are dead
by filling 20 empty milk bottles with white liquid (milk is ideal), replace the foil caps and put them outside your front door. Then nail an out of date chicken fillet to the inside your front door, underneath the letterbox.

and then kill yourself.
(bunglist, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 0:37, Reply)

Fool your neighbours into thinking you are gay
by having sex with someone of the same gender on your front lawn.
(bunglist, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 0:32, Reply)

Fool your neighbours into thinking you have a giant cat
by hopping the fence at night and shitting in their garden.
(bunglist, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 0:28, Reply)