Overcooked bacon
Can make a delicious meat-spoon when eating Pot Noodles.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 16:41, Reply)

Having too much fun and excitement? Need to be bored?
Watch mind numbing film The Social Network.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 21:40, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

First-time inmates. Avoid prison buggery
by pretending you're gay and really looking forward to it.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Save money on expensive phone sex lines
By calling The Samaritans and threatening to top yourself unless they talk dirty to you.
(Eukanuba, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:21, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Attract brooms to your garden...
...By impaling hedgehogs on discarded broom handles and placing them in the middle of the lawn.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Attract hedghogs to your garden
by cutting the heads off brooms and placing them 'bristles up' in the middle of the lawn.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Prevent socks.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 8:47, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Prevent socks getting lost in the wash
by just throwing them out as they get dirty and buying new ones.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 0:18, Reply)

Keep up to date with the latest in homosexual oppression....
By following 'benders and rug munchers' on Twitter.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 20:19, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Make your suicide attempts more successful
by not phoning the Samaritans or your boyfriend after taking the pills.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 20:02, Reply)

Don't ruin novels
By reading the last 5 pages first.
( p4c_m4n There, I said it!, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 16:28, Reply)

Make the day seem special
by cutting your sandwiches into triangles. Also tip a packet of crisps into a bowl.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)

Ladies! Liven up those dull Zumba sessions...
...by being drunk....and naked...
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 14:04, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Ladies! Liven up those dull Zumba sessions by using a space hopper instead of a Zumba ball.
The jolly smiley face will cheer up your instructor and the knobbly 'horns' will massage your... "thighs" as you bounce.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 8 Aug 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Ladies! Liven up those dull Zumba sessions by using a space hopper instead of a Zumba ball.
The jolly smiley face will cheer up your instructor and the knobbly 'horns' will massage your thighs as you bounce.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 8 Aug 2013, 13:25, Reply)

A Vokera 2905 motor can be replaced with an Ariston 997147, for a fraction of the price!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 8 Aug 2013, 7:43, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fool your hand into thinking you're having a wank.
By rubbing it on a dildo.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 19:00, Reply)

Fool your willy into thinking that you are having a wank...
...By rubbing it with a mannequin's hand
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 13:41, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Deal with PTSD by shooting pimps.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Avoid costly dentist's bills
by coating your teeth with bathroom sealant
( pemulis, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 11:12, Reply)

If you'd like to see pictures of the Krankies, simply run a Google image search for "Krankies".
Thanks to Happy Phantom for the suggestion.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 10:01, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Unemployed paedophiles.
Dress in a brightly-coloured character costume, and you'll be paid to romp with children in full view of either TV cameras or Disney resort staff.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 20:29, Reply)

Homeless people!
Get a job
( pemulis, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 18:18, Reply)

Make triangles taste 97% better by making them from bread, placing one on top of the other and filling (or 'sandwiching') a tasty filling of your choice in between.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 15:33, Reply)

Make sandwiches taste 20% better
by cutting them into triangles
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Sandwiches with their crusts cut off...
...make ideal "crustless" sandwiches for those who don't like crusts on their sandwiches.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)

Can't afford a real doll?
Simply become a home carer for people in comas.
( Muns, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 13:39, Reply)

Save money on expensive prostitutes
By breaking into a mortuary.
(Inflatable Giraffe Punctureless since 1985, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Buy an iPhone - save electricity
And then after that go to your sisters wedding. Lose your charger, buy a cheapie cable from asda and have to have your laptop plugged in all the time. So now you charge your phone and your laptop at the same time.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 5 Aug 2013, 11:31, Reply)