Stop dogs shitting on your lawn
by hanging a UV light over your door, smearing your face with semen, and leaping out from the bushes naked, with an erection every time a dog walks near.

That's how I stopped them*.





*up to 100% true
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 13:42, 8 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Does it
have to be my own semen? Because that's kinda gross
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Depends...
I only have easy access to my own, but if you want to pay a middle aged gigolo with a spray tan to shoot his goo in your face then I'm not here to judge.
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Does it have to be because there
is a dog shitting on my lawn, or can I just go and do it anyway?
(username failed moderation, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Again, it's up to you.
If there are no dogs, I like to add a little something by leaping out playing the saxophone, with my willy painted a matching silver.

You may want to adapt this for your own needs.
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 16:00, Reply)

can i also do this to those bastards that keep dropping rubber bands on path?

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Ask him nicely, and the postie might help you out with a semen donation.
More fool him...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 20:16, Reply)

can i get special delivery with that ?
or would i need to buy an other service to make it up to the value he asks for?.
Also would there be option for early delivery ?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 22:11, Reply)

Oh, certainly
and there is the added bonus that placing a rubber band around the base of your wanger makes it look terrifically big and meaty.
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 10:07, Reply)