Language
A friend of mine convinced his Belgian girlfriend that the english for nose was "vag" and that her handbag was known as a "pussy".

Cue her happily chatting about having an itchy vag, or some cigarettes in her pussy. Heh.
( wangmaster2000, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 16:02, Reply)

men lactating
The phenomenon of non-puerperal lactaction (lactating outside of breast feeding, regardless of gender) is called galactorrhoea. It's a recognised medical condition.
It is a fairly frequent side-effect with atypical antipsychotic medication (such as risperidone) and is caused by an increase in prolactin, a hormone which stimulates milk production and is, unsurprisingly, usually produced and secreted during pregnancy.

It's far from an urban myth and can be quite disturbing - if you're schizophrenic (or even if you're not), the last thing you want as a bloke is to suddenly start lactating.

I once fell for the 'dog being put down because of anal sex' urban myth
( atomboy, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:59, Reply)

John Peel playing mandolin
For *years* I have been telling people that the Mandolin solo on Maggie May was played by John Peel.

I trotted out this 'fact' on many an occasion, including telling it to someone who had played on at least two Peel sessions and had even played the piano on his Christmas show from Peel Acres one year.

Only now did I think of actually looking it up after reading about Bob Holness and Baker Street.

Oops. Someone called Ray Jackman played the mandolin solo, John Peel mimed it as a stand in on Top of the Pops.

No more will I be able to say "That's John Peel" when I hear the song on a pub jukebox.

Now I'll say "Guess what, that *isn't* John Peel!"

This story seemed like it would be way more interesting when I started it.

Edit: Bunnygirl, why you...hang on that would be a good thing surely. Would marginally prefer Noel Edmonds to buy it though, preferably in some ironic dangerous stunt on telly for small amounts of money.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:55, Reply)

wanking gorillas
So, Mr Legless, you've never written anything about wanking gorillas. Well, allow me...
www.break.com/movies/kingkong.html
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:53, Reply)

Apologies Weasel!
But it's great fun! Sad about Chris Tarrant isn't it?
(Bunnygirl, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:49, Reply)

Curse you Bunnygirl!
Every time a celebrity dies I say "I thought he/she was already dead?"

Now I know why.

I always thought that Rolf Harris should have doubled up Animal Hospital with a cookery show....

(Rolf tends to poor injured lamb)

"It doesn't look like the poor little blighter's going to make it. Poor little fella.... Right, slap him on the barbie"

PS Isn't Rolfing traditionally getting beaten up for kicks? Did Rolf have anything to do with the origin of that, I think we should be told?
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Not me but my best mate
A good ten years ago we went surfing to the North bay in Scarbourgh, we were sat in the car after partaking in cheese sandwichs, cuppa soups and a joint (its the law after surfing)... my mate looks out of the window and says
"look at the size of those snails , they are chuffing massive",
i looked over and said to him dead matter of fact
"They arent snails, they are land limpets"

His first reply was along the lines of what utter bollocks, but i was persistant, i gave him some bullshit about being a specialist animal onlu foun ina narrow band of vegetation just beyond the sea and that the readons they were so big was to do with the saline content of the air and osmotics, the largersize meant the surface area to volume ratio was smaller which meant it could keep itselg hydrated easier... eventually he conceded and took the bait.. at the time i was a biology under grad, a combination of technical bollox deadpan face and cannabis induced confusion won him over.

I didnt say anything for years until one day the subject of "land limpets" was brought up in conversation.. i fessed up to the fabrication...he laughed his ass off

Trouble is he will not believe ANYTHING i tell him now truth or not....
(Ickypimp, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:37, Reply)

Rolfing
The urban legend that Rolf Harris drink his own wee meant he was frequently a topic of conversation chez bunnygirl. I managed to convince my housemate that Rolf had died and that the episode of Animal Hospital being shown was part of a tribute. After some time it was realised that I was lying but the act of convincing a person that a celebrity had died (and sometimes just general lying) has become known as 'Rolfing'. The rules are:

a)if you believe wholeheartedly and find out you are wrong and
b) if you check the paper, news, net, etc just in case,
you have been rolfed. (There is also the reverse rolf where in the event of a death of a celebrity, you tell others in an unconvincing fashion. They rejoice in their ability to spot a rolf only yo look foolish later!)

We rolfed an entire pub that Rolf had carked it and even got the band to do a tribute. We've rolfed on trains, buses and in shops. A friend of mine came up with a particularly convincing one about Trevor McDonald and a helicopter crash. However there is a serious side to rolfing (apart fromt he fact that we are probably going to hell).

A friend of my housemate goes to a pub where they run a dead pool (choose a celebrity and bet they will die next). Sickos. My Zsa Zsa Gabor rolf had gone down particularly well, but had repercussions as my housemate told her workmate who told the people in the pub and those with Zsa Zsa Gabor staked their claim!

Alas I had rolfed! And the grand laid down is now subject to legal proceedings!

Moral: Be careful who you rolf. I'm going to be called up as witness anytime now...
(Bunnygirl, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:32, Reply)

lactating men
It is possible for a man to lactate. Post op transsexuals are able to lactate as are (I believe but may have to check) alcoholics who have developed gynaecomastia. (By the way - it means if you keep drinking too much you may get breasts, guys)
( blindmelon, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:27, Reply)

I've been telling people this for years
but am still waiting for it to be repeated back to me. I even typed it out and gave it to the editor of a book on urban legends but she forgot to include it as a favour!

A friend got into Manchester Uni through clearing in the late 80s. Because he was accepted so late, there were no places left in halls and he ended up living in a somewhat grotty flat in Moss Side with a bunch of other last minute students. They decided to make the best of living in such a dodgy area and thought that the most sensible thing to do would be to make friends with the neighbours. They were out on the green one Sunday morning playing football with the local kids, and asked if they would be safe there or if they were likely to be targeted for break-ins. The kids reassured them that they would be fine, but the students weren't convinced and asked how the kids could be so sure. The answer came back: "We've already been in and had a look, and you've got nothing worth nicking!"

I'd be very gratified if you've heard this story passed on before...
(Hermioninny, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:23, Reply)

Milky Milky
Both my boyfriend and his mother are convinced it is possible for a man to lactate.
(Sameranda, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:22, Reply)

Pumper
A mate of mine at Uni was convinced that one of your Bolox produced sperm and that the other was a pump....his older brother had told him and of course big brothers never lie...

not really an urban legend but still a good piece of gullibility
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Camel Lover
I was once convinced that Camel Cigerettes contained genuine camel hairs in the filters.


I'm not proud of this. Please don't tell anyone...
(Spoil Me please, oh, please, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:18, Reply)

Mount Everest
Back when I was at school we had a gang of hippies come in to tell the whole school about some trip thing to Indinesia, walking up mountains and stuff. My maths teacher wasn't best impressed that we had got dragged out of his class to hear this crap. He spent the next 25 minutes explaining to us that since Everest had been conquered many years ago it was easy for anyone to do it now. 'There are stairs up most parts of it and there's a Tesco's near the top', he said complete with illustrations on the blackboard.
I was the smart-ass in a class of dumbfucks who all believed it straight away but eventually even I believed. Once he was done he just says 'did you lot believe that?' 'Yes' the answer replied, 'even you Ross? (me)', 'yes for a bit.' He laughed solidly for the next 10 minutes, tears streaming down his face.

cnut but still quite a sound teacher.
(rosstheboss, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:18, Reply)

Britain was under great threat
From Saddam Hussein, who possessed weapons of mass distruction with which he could attack Britain in as little as 45 minutes!

Luckily Presidents Bush and Blair attacked, and destroyed the WMDs so totally that no trace can be found.

All of Mr Hussein's oil is now in safe hands. Thank God for Bush and Blair!
(Mr_Jums, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:12, Reply)

Arnolfini
Fucksocks, my earlier post was due to an argument in the office about craneflys having fatal venom, i googled it and got the information about the spiders. I just googled it again, and it seems the first time I googled it I got the only page on the interweb that was talking complete google.

CURSE YOU INTERWEB
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:11, Reply)

Devil Doshers
In the small Welsh valleys village I am from there was talk of 'Devil Doshers' lurking in the mountains and doing all sorts of evil and satanic things (sheep slaughter, etc).They were rumoured to wear white robes with red crosses and the mere mention of them sent shivers up the spine of every child.

The sight of a faded red fence post on one of the mountains (which looked eerily like blood to 10 year old eyes) was enough to send us hurtling back to civilisation as fast as our legs could carry us.

It was probably for the best that we didn't go up the mountain too often anyway, what with Chris Egan's (one of the bigger boys) penchant for feeding vodka to children to the point of coma.
(Bunnygirl, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:08, Reply)

Did you know...
...that Walt Disney’s head is in a deep freeze somewhere, frozen at the point of death, waiting for a cure (and presumably another body) in the future just to be resuscitated to give us more animated joyfullness.

And more topless lady pictures in films like the rescuers.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:04, Reply)

one more, a teacher one, except totally true, and you heard it here first
my teacher friend rang me from the school where she worked the day this happened. She's since heard it told back to herself by someone she didn't know.

One day, she was teaching her class as usual, when one of the children asked to use the loo. Being a practical type not wanting to clean up pee, she said yes. A bit later on, he asked again. Ok, she said. Then he asked again. She said ok, but made a mental note to ask him if he was feeling ok before letting him out to lunch. The kid says he's fine, and went off into the playground after getting his coat. On playground duty, she noticed a huge group of children huddled in one section of the playground. This is odd, she thought, and went over. In typical child fashion, they all scarpered, leaving just the incontinent-seeming kid on his own, clutching a plastic bag.
"What's in the bag?" she asked.
"Nothing Miss" said the kid.
Then the bag started moving. My friend had dealt with stuff like this before.
"Now, you know you can't take the class hamster out of the cage. Give it back."
She took the bag off the kid and looked inside. She went into the classroom and used the phone to call the RSPCA and the child's mother.
Turned out this idiot child had apparently climbed a tree in his garden and stolen two baby birds, which actually turned out to be some kind of bird of prey, and my teacher friend learnt from the RSPB via the RSCPA it was quite a rare one. He'd been running out inot the cloakroom to check on them every time he'd been asking to pee...
Worse still, these two birds had been in his bag for THREE DAYS, and one had corked it. He'd been stuffing his pockets full of worms for these days, but of course the chicks couldn't eat them, so were starving.

I have heard this story since too, told to me by an aquaintance who claimed it as her own. Problem was, I've met the kid, and the teacher, so if you ever hear it it, it happened in South West London, and it's TRUE.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 15:01, Reply)

James Blunt
Thanks Anarchy Duck! It's good to know that "James Blunt" as rhyming slang is not solely confined to me and my friends.

Long may it continue!

Sorry for being completely off topic.
(breakfastwithjam, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:58, Reply)

The art of the lie..
So I get bored fairly quickly and like to make things up:

A very long time ago an envoy from the island of Jersey in the English channel was sailing to the island of Guernsey, as part of the diplomatic tribute the ship had a number of barrels of milk form the famous Jersey cows which were kept fresh using lumps of ice floating in the barrels themselves.

Unfortunately a massive storm appeared out of nowhere and the captain decided that to save his ship from the violent rocking they should anchor at the island of Churnsey. When the diplomats checked the precious milk cargo they found that the lumps of ice and fierce storm had turned the milk into creamy butter. The captain thought that the milk had spoiled and so they left the butter on the island of Churnsey and continued on their diplomatic mission.

The resourceful Churnseyans used the butter for spreading on bread and when the original supply ran out invented the butter churn in order to recreate the first ever butter.

Also

The term ‘monkey wrench’ must be replaced with the words ‘adjustable spanner’ because apes in Mozambique are putting sticks into termite mounds and then twisting them using another forked branch.

Unfortunatly I always start laughing after looking at peples faces for a minute or so as they ponder the truth of these.
(mr ruffles, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:53, Reply)

*ahem*
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3906607.stm
(buggerlugs fold staple mutilate, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:53, Reply)

A good few years ago I started an urban myth that Johnny Marr was named after the french phrase
j'en ai marre or "I've had enough (of it)".

I've since heard it several times, including on b3ta and local radio.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:51, Reply)

For Fucks Sake!
I'm not and have never been Stusuts79. I'm older and better looking.

I'm not an urban legend and everything I write about has actually happened to me (or one of my friends but that's made clear in the story). Apart, of course, for the obvious jokes. (Two that I can recall and one completely fictional story where I had AIDS)

I've never written about wanking gorillas. At least I'm pretty sure I haven't. If I did I was very,very pissed.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:47, Reply)

Saturday night's alright for something
My aunt once told me that when she was working as a supply teacher she'd given a sex education class. She showed the students condoms, caps and pills. At the end of the lesson she noticed that some dozy student had stolen one of the "Saturday" pills from the packet but left all the others intact.

I thought this was hilarious. I told lots of people. Then I kept hearing it from other people but this time it was their aunt not mine. Then my aunt told me it was a joke not a story.

I may have invented an urban legend.
(breakfastwithjam, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:45, Reply)

Manhood Hoopla
A intelluctually challenged girl at my old job once loudly asked "why do bagels have holes in the middle of them?" feeling a bit naughty I gave the reply that Bagels are so called because at Barmitzvahs the Jewish boy who is celebrating becoming a man has to lie down naked on the floor with an erect penis and the family crowd round him and then take turns to toss specially baked dough called "bagels" over the boys manhood, not unlike a "manhood hoopla". Any Bagels that land round the..ahem..."prize pole" are then eaten to celebrate the boys passing into manhood.

Despite the fact four people were laughing during the telling of this made-up tale, it didn't stop the girl coming back three days later, loudly calling me whats now known as a "James Blunt" and explaining that the previous night she had entertained her pub quiz mates with her new knowledge and was promptly laughed out of the pub and harrassed by a outraged Jewish couple.

She was and possibly still is one of the few gullable twats of the world.
(Anarchy Duck, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:40, Reply)

POSH
noticed down there that thing about Posh meaning Port out Starboard Home. Er, not as I've always been told - it's an old word for 'dandy' and also means 'rich', and evidence can be found for these two sources way before any for the p.o.s.h. one, for which there is, er, NONE. Nada. It's just made up.
Bit it does make a better story, I'll give you that.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:29, Reply)

edenmonster
According to this the daddy longlegs thing sounds like bull whether you're talking about spiders or not...

spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.html
(Arnolfini wasn't feeling very funny on, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:25, Reply)

The student story, again
Olembe: I also have a friend-of-a-friend story where a student sacrifces everything to experience the college high-life.

In this case, however, he bought three things: a tent, a sack of potatoes and a crate of vodka.

Of course, knowing that his booze would go walkies if he left it in a tent in the middle of a college campus, he entrusted it all into the care of his friend who was living in Halls, like normal people. Who drunk the lot.

Naturally, I believed this one for years until I worked out that if everybody had a FoaF living in a tent on campus, our universities must resemble a cardboard city.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:24, Reply)

Other urban legends...
Does anyone remember Spring-heeled Jack? Surely one of the first urban legends ever...

/history geek

PS I'm starting to think Legless is an urban legend in himself.

Also in reference to the hamster story, I really thought that one was true, especially considering the fact that a friend of mine had it mentioned to her in an A level law class.

But... this about covers it I think: www.snopes.com/risque/homosex/gerbil.asp
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 6 Jan 2006, 14:23, Reply)