Football teams
The only British football club whose name you can't colour in any of the letters of is.....

Hull City
(2headedturtle, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 15:31, Reply)

He's right
A Banana is a herb (the plant not the fruit).

It is also interesting to note that Bananas we eat are all from the same plant. Wild bananas are packed with rock-hard seeds in the fruit, and not very edible because of it. The one we eat (the Cavendish Banana) is a freak where it has all pulp and no seeds, those black dots you get at the end are what should be seeds.

So, no seeds no new plants. The new plants are created by taking cuttings from the other plants. So genetically they are all the same plant.

Even more interesting is the fact that we used to eat the Jackson Banana which was smaller and tasted nicer, but a black mould killed all the plants all over the world.

Apparently this mould has begun to attack the Cavendish, so eat all the bananas you can now, because they might be all gone in a few years.

oh and Spatula is the funniest word in the english language.

Edit: and there are more useless facts in last weeks QOW than this one.
( umbongo I vote for Evil Lu as Mayor of /talk, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 15:25, Reply)

Mad McMad wrote ...
after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow.
INCORRECT ...
what happens is, is that the skin contracts, giving the appearance that hair / stubble has grown.

Also, the only football team NOT to be named after a region / place is Port Vale (surely)

Oh, and MFI stands for Made for Fucking Idiots
(bear trappers hat, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 15:18, Reply)

Hitler
Was Jewish.
(therocker, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 15:17, Reply)

Calgacus
Slight correction - "Jesus wept" is the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), as well as the shortest sentence.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 15:01, Reply)

Can you tell I work there?
""iv) The English name for the capital of China is 'Peking'. Beijing is an attempt at making our pronunciation sound more like Mandarin, whereas Peking is from the Cantonese name for it. Posh important people spoke Mandarin though, and plebs spoke Cantonese. Tells you what you need to know about the old Chinese view of Westerners, eh..."

In Mandarin:

Bei - North
Nan - South
Jing - Capital
(I can't be arsed with pinyin accents before anyone tries babelfish)

Beijing - Northern Capital.
Nanjing - Southern Capital.

(I currently live in Nanjing)
(BrotherWolf, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:57, Reply)

Asian women
"...without access to Asian porn"

Or in fact Asian women. Chinese women, at least, seem to have perfectly normal cunts from what I've found.
(BrotherWolf, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:51, Reply)

Oriental Women
I've seen a few posts now about oriental women having sideways vaginas...



...which were all obviously written by fucktards without access to asian porn.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:24, Reply)

Covent Garden police station
is the only one in the country without a blue light outside it. Instead it is white. This is because the original blue light used to scare Queen Victoria when she left the Royal Opera House, so she gave them permission to use a different colour.
(arawn, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:23, Reply)

Yak's
Yaks milk is Pink! Not strawberry flavoured though, however very nourishing
(DiamonKn My Nan Smells of Twigs, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:20, Reply)

Faith No More are dirty birds
Did you know that 'Epic' is a song about gang raping a virgin? Well that's what I think anyway god damn it. No-one believes me but just read this bit and tell me it isn't.

"You want it all but you can't have it

It's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it

You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it

It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame"

...there 10000%* FACT (*100%).
Oh and 'Turning Japanese' is about his girlfriend who left him and he's been wanking too much over her picture since.
(Vectrex, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 14:19, Reply)

Rolf Harris is Dead
100% true!

Normal Coke is heavier than the diet stuff cos of the tasty sugar.

And bees fly because although they are heavy they are supported by pockets of air created by their wings.

*Cough geek cough*
(Bunnygirl, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Sorry if this has been mentioned...
but apparently a banana isn't a fruit, it's a herb.
(WOGAN'S WIG FIXER, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:51, Reply)

Father Ted, you are correct!
...and I have told SO MANY PEOPLE with a knowing smirk my Michelle Dotrice "fact"....

*hangs head in burning shame*
(Mad McMad, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:45, Reply)

Useless awesomeness
i) Maggie Thatcher was part of the team of Oxford chemists that invented Mr. Whippy ice cream.

ii) The "Hitler only had one ball" song is a British wartime ditty. When the Russians opened up bits of their Presidential Archive decades later, people were stunned by the fact that according to the autopsy, it was actually true. However, the autopsy report on Hitler has a series of addenda in biro (the rest were typed) which it is suspected were done by a mischievious caretaker.

iii) Arsenal's team were drawn from the Woolwich Arsenal - hence their name. If that doesn't count as being named after an area, then Crystal Palace do very well. There's an area called 'Crystal Palace', but the team isn't from there and never has been - it is named after the Palace, being a team made of workers from it - Palace also shoot down the oft-cited 'Surrey is one of the only three (?)counties without a league club' thing.

iv) The English name for the capital of China is 'Peking'. Beijing is an attempt at making our pronunciation sound more like Mandarin, whereas Peking is from the Cantonese name for it. Posh important people spoke Mandarin though, and plebs spoke Cantonese. Tells you what you need to know about the old Chinese view of Westerners, eh...

v) The Nike Corporation promoted and funded basketball as a sport to allow them to sell their basketball shoes. They did in the USA, now in China. They are very successful, despite the fact that basketball is as much fun as an enema.

vi) Lemmings aren't as suicidal as people think. Their reputation is based on a Disney film which purported to show a mass exodus to a cliff to throw themselves off. In fact it was camera TRICKERY.

vii) County border changes mean that the county town of Surrey (Kingston-upon-Thames) is now no longer in Surrey.

viii) Acronyms - some debatable...
OK = zero killed
SNAFU = 'situation normal' all fucked up*
FUBAR = fucked up beyond all recognition

ix) In Java, there is no concept of race. To be Javanese means to conform to their cultural forms. Consequently, 'you're not very Javanese' is how they'd say you were being weird or rude...

/relurk

* 'situation normal' was the 'we're all okay and nothing odd is going on' call sign in 'Nam.
( Chrysogenated - the Uber-lurker, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:35, Reply)

To: Kris Fucking Kristofferson
Who said that Marilyn Manson was Paul from The Wonder Years.

No he isn't, that is a story made up by some kid. In the back of his autobiography are two lists of all the rumours that circled around him, one list for the false, one for the true. I'm afraid your 'fact' falls into the "false" category.
(bunny_333, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:32, Reply)

Inappropriate
In 1967, Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt went missing whilst scuba diving.
sunday.ninemsn.com.au/sunday/investigative/case5.asp

Harold Holt is commemorated by an "award winning swimming facility".
www.stonnington.vic.gov.au/lifestyle/sport/aquatics/haroldholt

Sorry to Aussies who already know this, I figured furriners would get a kick out of it.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:27, Reply)

Mad McMad slightly wrong
It isn't Michele Dotrice, it's Karen Dotrice, her sister.
( Father_Ted Drink!, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:22, Reply)

Visible from space...
The only man-made object visible from space is the queue for the Thelwall viaduct on a Friday night.

100% FACT
(Toooldforallthis, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:06, Reply)

More...
Your hair and nails continue to grow for up to 3 days after death. Undertakers sometimes have to save a 5 o'clock shadow from male corpses.

The little girl in Mary Poppins is Michelle Dotrice - none other than Betty from Some Mothers Do Ave Em.

Bananas are the most commonly sold product in UK supermarkets.

T.S. Eliot is an anagram of "toilets".
(Mad McMad, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:04, Reply)

Christmas Trees
if you took all the christmas trees in England and placed them in Wembly stadium, it would be pretty hard to play football.
( slippery doctore, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Mal-Functional...
...is not even close to being a real word. Malfunctioning is.

Also, SiX, www.wordorigins.org/wordorp.htm doesn't prove that Port Out Starboard Home is true, it says: "Unfortunately for this excellent story, no tickets with Posh stamped on them have been found and company records reveal no sign of the phrase."

*goes to take off Pedant Hat and discovers it is stuck*.
(SusK, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:03, Reply)

useless
Nuneaton is the only town in the country, that the dipshit council have a ringroad that goes through its town center.
And it crap.
(funkie, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:01, Reply)

Monkey white paste
Mike Nesmith (from the Monkees) mother invented tippex.

He sold the rights in 1989 for a typo-inducing 28 million dollars.

That is all.
(Moonfrog1, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:57, Reply)

If you see a post beginning
with the words "too many posts to read through, apologies if these have been done already", then you can expect to enjoy yet more facts about:

Pigs and sex
The longest word
Things that don't rhyme
Barnacle's bits


And more not remotely true guff about:

POSH
F UCK
Horse statues
Dog's looking up
Licking elbows

Two more that haven't been done:

The shortest sentence in the Bible is: "Jesus wept".

AS Douglas invented the first computer game. In 1952.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:56, Reply)

sgnf
MFI stands for Mal-Functional Items

Even if MOET were French, you would still pronounce the ‘T’ to avoid the hiatus, as it’s followed immediately by a vowel. You get umlauts in French as well (Noël, Eloïse)

Lome in Togo is the only Capital city situated on the border with another country.
(MBH, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:50, Reply)

Cinema
The certificate given to a film (15,18 etc) is a guide. A cinema need only enforce it if it wants to. There's no law involved. If they want to show 18's to 3 year olds, they can.

If you see a 'boom shot' in a film at the cinema, (ie the overheard mic dropping into shot briefly) its usually the cinema's fault, not the filmmakers. The distributed versions of most films are taller than the viewed portion. The top will often include the microphone and the edge of the sets etc. The cinema crops the image during playback.

And just to piss on a few chips:

Dogs CAN look up - try it with yours (hold some meat up dumbass)

Ducks quacks DO echo. (harder to find out I'll admit)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:41, Reply)

MG cars
'MG' stands for Morris Garages
(skinner75, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Italian Football related Uselessness
Rome's other professional Team are Lodigiani
They play in Serie C2C, at the Stadio Flamino
Their average crowd was 400 in 2003/04
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:21, Reply)

Don't bother counting em.
In this sentence, the word and occurs twice, the word eight occurs twice, the word four occurs twice, the word fourteen occurs four times, the word in occurs twice, the word seven occurs twice, the word the occurs fourteen times, the word this occurs twice, the word times occurs seven times, the word twice occurs eight times and the word word occurs fourteen times.
( miamistu snagglery, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:18, Reply)