World Cup 1998
Mrs SLVA stuck her name in a draw at work to win a trip to Marseilles to see England play the Tunisian Acrobatic Display Team. She did it just on the off-chance and doesn't even like football.

Her name was pulled out, though I think it was a fix because everybody knew she didn't like football and probably wanted to see her reaction. She went anyway and came back with some rather pronounced tan lines that were still visible after 3 years.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I won a book!
In 1986, when Fighting Fantasy and its imitators were in their heyday, Trial of Champions, the long-anticipated sequel to Deathtrap Dungeon, was published. Puffin Books ran a competition to win signed copies of all (at the time) 21 books.

I didn't win the grand prize, but I did get one of the consolation prizes: a signed copy of Trial of Champions. 25 years later I'm a grown man, and that book is still in my library. I wonder what it'd be worth on eBay...
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:10, 5 replies)

Came second at a trivia quiz
and won a bottle of port!
It was a fund raiser for a 'special needs' school. Always struck me as a bit odd, that.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:09, 5 replies)

This morning
I won a McChicken Sandwich.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:06, 1 reply)

Way WAY back in primary school
so when I was about 7 or 8...

My school had a fete/open/fun day type thingy, complete with guess how many marbles are in the jar and wack a rat (stuffed rat gets dropped down a drain pipe and you have to do you best to smash it's head in, proper familiy entertainment)...but that wasn't my forte, I'd eaten tons of cake drunk loads of panda pops and was buzzing about like only junk food from the 80s can make you. Then the deputy head calls everyone to gather around the shoddy table laden with all sorts of goodies for the decerning patron to choose from. Oh yes it was time for the raffle.

Now for some reason, when I was young, I always won at raffles, perhaps it was just luck but even at 8 I knew it was pure skill...just like deal or no deal. Anyhoo it was time to draw, I had my line of tickets in my hand eagerly awaiting the first number and mentally choosing what I was going to have, roses chocs, Selection of cakes or the massive jar of sweets...oh the choices...then it was called, I'd only gone and matched the first ticket. With a big smile on my face I proudly walked up to the table to claim my prize...However, I wasn't alone. Unknown to me my mother had followed me up and was standing right behind me, as I was umming and arring over which e number laden package of lovliness was going home with me the cheeky woman pushed me out of the way and picked up the big bottle of Wiskey sat on the corner of the table...

I'd won, but my prize was snatched away from me just as I got to witin arms reach of it, just so my parents could drink themselves to a place where they could forget they had kids (it was a fix from the start I say)...Didn't even get a pick an mix on the way home....Gutted...
(Bushcricket, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Lego, Zoids and a cheaty Christmas card compo
I won a bunch of Lego for building a lego windmill with a sack winch and motorised sails, I won Zoidzilla in a colouring competition, but the coup de grace was winning a design-a-Christmas-card competition by copying a Christmas card and entering that. Bingo, suckas.
(King Keepo has absolutely no idea what he's doing, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:02, 1 reply)

I saw that a cappella "Africa" performed live
Last year The Scala, in London, was giving away a few pairs of tickets to see Perpetuum Jazzile perform. I tossed a desultory e-mail in the venue's direction, figuring I probably wouldn't win. But I did. And so I got to spend an entrancing two hours listening to a ridiculously talented and accomplished choir do its thing, and I got a free copy of the current album.

It was fabulous. If they come back to the UK I'll go and see them again. And this time I'll buy a ticket (unless there's a competition...).
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 15:00, 4 replies)

Rough Science
Remember Rough Science on TV? They had a competition to think up challenges and I won it! They gave me about 200 quids worth of book tokens but even better was that the team would present the prize - so I would meet the gorgeous Kate Humble and that other one who always wore low cut tops, Kathy Sykes, that's her. Didn't care about the rest.

I exchanged lots of e mails with someone at the Beeb, but alas and alack they cancelled the presentation ceremony so I never did get to meet the fragrant Kate and the pneumatic Kathy. It's making me well up just thinking about it.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:59, 2 replies)

My two boys
always make me feel like a winner.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:57, 11 replies)

1

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I once won
A batman t-shirt from the wirral Globe newspaper... when i was 8. Im talking about Circa 1989 Batman.

Im still waiting for the t-shirt.

Broke my heart they never sent me the prize.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I won a competition
to have a cocaine-addled lunatic take a dump on my chest.

You can read about it in the book, 'Charlie Sheen and the Chocolate Factory'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Window displays
Working in a bookshop was fairly dull most of the time, but I did have one job I really enjoyed: I got to do the window displays (slightly to the annoyance of the person who had done them previously). I got pretty good at it, and one of my proudest moments was winning a prize from Penguin for the best display in London of their new Penguin 60s range of mini-books. I got the complete set - which was the perfect Loo Library. Dead chuffed, I was.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:49, 1 reply)

Cast your mind back a few months...
I am friends with a fastfood place on Facebook. There, I’ve said it, judge away…

One day, they suggested that, in return for a free burrito, all you had to do was come and have your photo taken with one. I thought that sounded like a great idea, and so hopped on my bike to claim my winnings.

Turns out, that it was not just a cheerful photo with my burrito, it was a full on photo shoot. I hadn’t prepared for that, and was wearing my cycling gear, and hadn’t done my hair, so I was a touch shocked. Shock turned to amazement, when I was informed that if they used my photo in their marketing material, I would receive free burritos, for a month.

A month of free food! That’s a dream come true!

As only seven people turned up, I felt my chances of getting in there were quite good, even though I did not look my greatest on the day. I chomped down on my free burrito, holding it the way that the photographer suggested, looking longingly into the camera, or ponderous into the background. After a few shots, I was moved on, and someone else had their turn.

I was told that they would let us know in a few weeks if we had been selected, but after a few weeks, there was still silence. After a few months, I realised I had not won, so wrote to them asking for them to put me out of my misery.

A few hours later, I got a reply…

“Thanks for your message, but don’t assume anything, I will email you details shortly…”

I had won! I had become the pin up boy of my favourite local eatery! The deal was 2 free burritos a day, for an entire month!

In that month, which ended last Friday, I managed 22 burritos (they are ample enough for you to have one at lunch, and not really need dinner… that’s not to say I didn’t eat dinner, just that I didn’t need to) in a month. I had every combination of burritos. It was one of the best months, ever. Every afternoon, walking up for my lunch, chatting to the Burritodors (burrito+matador=burritodor - I made that up), wandering off with my prize in hand.

What a great month…
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:47, 5 replies)

I'm not sure if I won this or not
Many years ago, the postie delivered a box of 100 albums on CD, with nothing to identify the sender or even the reason why they had been sent to me. The only thing they had in common was that they all were distributed by Sony Music.

To this day I've no idea why I was sent them. I can only assume I must have entered a competition and then promptly forgot about it.

It's an interesting mix of quality, from the completely shit (From the Bottom Up, by Brownstone) to the sublime (Tapestry, by Carole King) and all shades in between.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Pogs, and meeting a celebrity's non-famous sibling
Apologies for pearoast, from the "How nerdy are you?" QOTW:


I am a nerd, and this is the clincher: I went to the Edinburgh premier of the re-jigged, re-released, digitalised and generally messed with Star Wars: A New Hope back in '97. There was a fancy-dress competition for this screening, with prizes presented by none other than Sean Connery's brother. Really.

So, I love Star Wars, and felt the need to show this, and after much deliberation decided on a costume which would demonstrate to the world just exactly how much love a man could have for a film. I was going to go as the Death Star. I got the official Star Wars (TM) Death Star companion technical manual, one of those big round paper lampshades, some Airfix model paint, a coat-hanger and a miniature 2 inch scale model of the Millenium Falcon.

I painted the lampshade grey, then added detail, lights and shadow with black and silver paint. I even managed to make the big planet buster laser bit look like a dip by judicious use of shading.

I cut a small horizontal hole near the base to see out of, and the lampshade sat quite happily on my shoulders (i.e. my head inside the lampshade). For the piece-de-resistance I used the coat hanger to suspend the mini Millenium Falcon from the side of my lampshade/Death Star so it looked like it was flying in. Class.

So we went to the film. On arrival, it was very busy (sold out I think, but of course we'd had our tickets for ages). My companions had also partaken in the fancy dress competition, so I was accompanied by Luke Skywalker (in his pyjamas) and the lovely Princess Leia. Of course, I could see sweet FA out of the helmet despite the gap I'd cut in it, so I was led into the auditorium by my friends, taking a couple of people out with the dangly Falcon on the way.

The fancy dress competition was before the film, and we were invited one by one to parade before the audience and judging panel (the aforementioned Sean Connery's brother and the cinema manager). When it was my turn I staggered to the front and apparently (for I could not see) received a standing ovation from my fellow Star Wars nerds making up the audience.

I won (admittedly partly due to the weak field of 2 Lukes, 2 Leias and me) and was invited to make a speech. Sean Connery's brother (I'm sure he has a first name but lets face it, he is probably only ever known as Sean's Connery brother) shoved a microphone into my vision slot, and I said the now legendary (at least to my mates who were there), "That's no moon, it's a space station". The crowd went wild ("like a million voices cried out ..."), I got two free cinema tickets, a complete set of Star Wars pogs (really), and the respect of my geeky peers. Oh, and to meet Sean Connery's brother.
( paulieg La, la, la, not listening, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:41, 6 replies)

I won your mum in a raffle.
I say "won".

I mean "had her hoisted upon me".

"Using an industrial crane".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:40, 1 reply)

I once won set of batman figures from the 90s series in a tube of fruit pastiles
Only problem: You had to return the pastiles wrapper that which stated you were a winner to them complete.

Unfortunately, as I was one of three brothers, my mum split the packet (roughly) equally amongst us. As well as the wrapping.

Rowntree didn't pay out.

Bastards.

Apologies for spelling/grammar.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)

"Even if you win the rat race...
you are still a rat..."
(Rumbling Bear rumbled on, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:29, 4 replies)

I've spoken to four women in four different departments today, and all of them have been called Amy.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)

CHARLIE SHEEN IS MY WIFE

( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:26, 2 replies)

It is often stipulated that I
have won the human race.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Tickets for a gig, and a year's supply of chocolate.
The gig was Five, Cleopatra and a few other kiddie bands. I sold them to a friend, she chaperoned her nieces, and had a good time - free bar! For the adults, a free backstage bar was provided. Bollocks, missed out there. The kids got to meet the bands, photos, goodie bag etc.
The chocolate was a blag, 6 x 48 choc bars, equalling 288 bars. With the munchies, would last a lot less. I sold them to the corner shop anyway.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:21, 3 replies)

I got to open the V99 festival by winning tickets through the local paper
The question was: Who is the former lead singer of the Stone Roses?

I had to go on stage before any of the bands played and shout "Hello V99!", then I saw Suede and the Levellers before sneaking off backstage to try and meet Mel C (I've always wanted a crack at one of the Spice Girls) but unfortunately I was waylaid by a group of men wearing pants on their heads and they fed me superhuman amounts of booze. I had to be carried home by my mum, where I fell into a deep alcohol-induced coma and pissed the bed.

Not my finest hour, admittedly.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:19, 2 replies)

Scary ass monster
Pontins, Wales, 8 years old and I enter a comedy compo for funniest joke and I won (joke was about cauliflower). The end result was a furry blond round "dancing" monster. This remained in my room until I was twelve.

Anyway a friend ended up smuggling a copy of chucky to a sleep over and the following night I found Fluffy all too sinister to bear, his beady black eyes staring at me from the shelf. Not getting much sleep that night I took Fluffy out the next day and bet the living bejesus out of him with a tennis racket. Wanting to discard the evidence the mangled wreck was hidden in the attic. I had constant reoccurring nightmares about fluffy coming from the attic to wreak his revenge.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:17, 2 replies)

Wheel of Fortune
I was a competitor on the Australia "Wheel of Fortune" in 2000, won the main prize of the evening - a Barrier Reef cruise for two. Used it as a honeymoon trip about nine months later.
(Maclir, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:17, 6 replies)

Legoland Denmark
I made a caterpillar and won loads of Lego which turned up a few weeks after our holiday, really lifted the post-holiday blues. Also a DAB radio from the Metro paper and the Battle of the Bands 2010 at the Tunbridge Wells Forum: Studio time and 300 copies of the demo, woot!
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Me? Win anything?
If I fell in a bucket of tits, I'd come out sucking a dummy.
(frightfullybored, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I've won about £5,000 on the lottery
That's because I don't do it.

If I'd spent just a fiver a week on it, for the last 17 years, I'd have spent over four grand. Add lost interest etc. and that would have been five grand down the toilet.

I win.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Furst
I suppose there'd better be a story:

On how I won my ex-wife in a raffle

Easter 1987. I had been talked by workmates (the kind that blackmail you with "Come on it's for CHARITY") into taking part in a treasure hunt followed by a barbecue, all for charidee.

Grudgingly, I went along, and drove people around the Berkshire countryside, following clues, and trrying desperately to come in last.

We came in last.

And then: The Charidee Raffle.

"And the first prize - two West End theatre tickets - goes to... the young Mr Scary Duck!"

Woo Hoo.

I was single and a complete Billy No-Mates. But that was no problem for my boss.

"Hey! Scary - you can take V!"

V was the young lady in our office at the Ministry of Cow Counting who had stolen my desk by the window while I had been away for a week. We had a particularly healthy hate-hate relationship. She'd do.

I asked her to the theatre.

She said "Yes"

We got married.

Twenty-something years on, we are getting divorced.

And that is how I won my ex-wife in a raffle.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 14:11, 12 replies)