I don't feel very well. What don't you feel?
I went to a wedding at the weekend. I was not the best man. What weren't you the best of?
I'm waiting for some stuff to get delivered at work. What are you waiting for?
I'm going for a shit in a minute. What are you going for?
I just had a coffee. What did you just have?
This place doesn't appeal to me very much today. What doesn't appeal to you?
Please don't answer these questions as I don't care. Talk about me instead.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:01, archived)

I love your hair
have you had it cut?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:02, archived)

Yes.
I shaved it all off on Friday night.
As such, your comment has freaked me out a bit.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:04, archived)

I am watching your every move
*hides in bushes*
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

*ready to throw aubergines at cyclists*
/David Bowie
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:09, archived)

aubergines Poo

/Todd
( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

Pfft.

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

which one?

(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:04, archived)

thank you for your educational insight
into the various names of the "Vagina".
I shall never be short of a conversational topic at parties from now on x
( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

Labia

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, archived)

beef curtains

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:08, archived)

Keith Burtons

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:09, archived)

pfft
front bottom.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

Woman's Willy

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

kebab.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

big taco

( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

i see your cameltoe

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:15, archived)

mumbler

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

haha
i like this one
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

thanks btw
that will now be in my head all day until about 6 when i get arrested for staring and singing on the train
( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

merci, madame,
voila la bearded clam
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:17, archived)

Beetle bonnet

( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

this is a new one for me

( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

Aren't you innocent...

;)
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:24, archived)

actually,
why is it that some wimmins have big flaps that dangle down, and other wimmins have almost no flaps that remain tucked up inside and are really small ?
( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:08, archived)

All the better for blowing raspberries.

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

Some wimmin are more dirty than others.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

I'm glad I have tucked-inside flaps.
I saw a photo of some big dangly flaps and they looked nasty. I imagine it must be terribly uncomfy having your inner flaps touching knicker fabric too.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

maybe they fold them in while dressing

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

!

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

that is what it would like if they did, yes.
sometimes i sicken myself.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

I tuck mine in if they poke out

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

Staple gun them in place.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:17, archived)

They don't poke out very often
only if I've been spread-eagled for some reason.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:18, archived)

argh.
I saw an article in a magazine about minge surgery - there were loads of photos of slack mimsies. It was like a convention of butcher's dustbins and dropped pies :(
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

Pfffffft.

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

eeewwwww
"touching knicker fabric"
are your knickers made of hessian sacking then?
( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

No, but still.
It's a sensitive and moist area, and so it can be slightly painful if something dry like cloth touches it.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

"moist"
I like this word
( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:15, archived)

i guess its the same as the big clit/small clit question

( turb0t, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

Is it normal for it to be retracted most of the time?
In diagrams they're always protracted -- is that just for diagrammatic purposes or are they like that normally?
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:18, archived)

yes that's normal
clits can vary in size.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:19, archived)

Okie dokie.
They only cover the bare minimum required to stick it in and make babies in school sex education. They don't cover anything else or the emotional side of it.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:21, archived)

nah.
you kind of have to muddle along by yourself. best to have a friend to talk about stuff with really.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:25, archived)

I only found out a couple of months ago that men have muscles at the base of the penis.
I thought all they did was go erect and then flaccid again. Frankly, I'm jealous. My clitoris can't do that.

They also didn't tell us that the clitoris has deep roots and its total size more or less equals that of the penis. I thought it was just a little nub.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:27, archived)

urf
I didn't know about the clit roots thing. I'm glad girls don't get boners. We can have the horn without anyone noticing.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:30, archived)

I only knew that because of the book about lesbian sex
that got newslettered a while back. It had the look inside feature and so I had a little read. I also didn't know that the vagina collapses closed when it doesn't have a cock/dildo/baby/aubergine in it. It seems obvious now that I know, but every diagram I've seen shows it as an open tube.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:34, archived)

You can test the roots thing
by pressing the sides of your flange down from your clit. It's all connected.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:36, archived)

Big clit
Little clit
Swimming in the water
Come back here man
Give me my naughties back
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:19, archived)

C+

(Flobby Boris is returned to /talk from the northern wastes., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:28, archived)

more use / less use
babies can make your flaps dangle, too, I hear.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

If they swing from them, yes...

(Flobby Boris is returned to /talk from the northern wastes., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

damn you.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

shouldn't let them play with them then.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

Same reason some mens have willies that are tiny and thin
and some have huge wangs that hang down to their ankles.

The delights of natural variation.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

Not the best man is good. No speach pressure
I was not well yesterday. Because of boozes.

You should turn that post into a pink floyd song akin to "Keep talking"
(Flobby Boris is returned to /talk from the northern wastes., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:02, archived)

Motivated to do any work
You are great
( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:03, archived)

'lo slaphead.
1. hockey
2. a job to fall in my lap
3. 11p an hour
4. a sandwich
5. leprosy
6. oh.... err... you're southern.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:03, archived)

*hugs*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:04, archived)

what's the vue cinema in gunwarf like?
is it a chav-infested hole? or worth a visit?
(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:03, archived)

Depends on the film.
It's no worse than the Odeon or the one in Port Solent.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:05, archived)

Surely a cinema is a cinema?
As long as it plays films and the seats aren't sticky or something, what's the difference?
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

Chavs throwing food at you,
talking through the film and kicking the back of your seat.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

Yeah, but you can get the usher to throw them out.

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:15, archived)

you have not experienced the uber-chav yet, it seems.
a being so pikey that they defy all reason and decency.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

But the usher is their chavvy mate
who has let them in free.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:17, archived)

Yeah, right :)
I do enjoy being set upon by a chav and his mates on my way back to the car park.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:19, archived)

Ah, this is the advantage of being a wimmins.
People are less likely to hit you.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:22, archived)

you reckon?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:24, archived)

This.
I punch women. It gives me a hard-on.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:26, archived)

not when ALL the clientelle are like this
plus they'll wait outside and kick your head in

I've stopped going to cinema chains because of this
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:23, archived)

Blimey.
I'm glad I've never met anyone like that.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:28, archived)

some of them have shitty seats
and are populated by chavtwats, so are worth avoiding
(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

I'm guessing "Chav".
I have no basis for this assumption, but for a fleeting visit to Portsmouth at night.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

I love you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, archived)

since then there are alot of pregnant woman in portsmouth

( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

You may laugh, but there are 3 pregnant ladies
in my department at the moment. INCLUDING one based in Paris.

I'm getting the blame for all of them in the office :(
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

it's best you contain your nether regions in clingfilm
for the good of all females of a breeding age around you. I'm surprised I'm not preggers, to be honest - I hugged you when you left.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:15, archived)

via FTP?
Fish Transfer Protocol?
(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:17, archived)

I don't feel 100% because my guts are being a nonsense.
I just passed a relatively normal poo and feel a bit better now, though. Hopefully it'll be out of my system by the end of the day.
I can't answer the next question because I am the best person in the history of ever.
I'm waiting for several CDs to be delivered - I should have had them by now if not for the strikes. And I'm waiting to get home and spend some time training my Pokemon.
I'm going out for lunch because there was no fruit in the house this morning I could take to work with me.
I just had a sugar-free Everton mint.
Cola doesn't appeal to me much - I had one on Saturday, which reminded me why I stopped drinking them in the first place. Yuk.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:05, archived)

Pokemon Pearl is massively meh at the moment.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, archived)

How far have you got?
I have four gym badges.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:12, archived)

I'm waiting for lots of DS games.
:(
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:08, archived)

You say in your profile
That you simply enjoy toilet humour, however I think it goes beyond that.

Do the Everton mints you keep eating have sorbitol in them as that could explain the tummy troubles.
( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:08, archived)

They have isomalt.

( Bob Todd whee, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

I don't know about that then

( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:19, archived)

hello baldmonkey.
drink some water and sit outside. that might help you feel better. or pinch an unsuspecting co-worker's arse.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:05, archived)

I pinched the groom's arse quite viciously during the photo taking on Saturday.
It probably bruised.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

good-oh.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:08, archived)

*poke*
'lo you.
and 'lo to everyone else. forgot i hadn't said it yet. how rude of me.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, archived)

halloo there
zukizuki-face.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

Zuki!
Chatted up any more heavily-armed policemen recently?
(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

only the one at Gay Pride

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

TOUCH ME

( dotmund .co.uk, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:06, archived)

you are Sam Fox from 1985-ish
AICMFw
(Dangermouse., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:10, archived)

YOUR HEARTBEAT NEXT TO MINE

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:11, archived)

You!
Today's Nicer World is the awesomest.
( Newington, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:13, archived)

Ta
It's a good week this week, 100% of truth.
( dotmund .co.uk, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

Kitten's mum has a job for you.
She wants to talk to you in August. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.*





*Don't be afraid, she is lovely.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:19, archived)

I am excited by the prospect of meeting kitten's parents
their character is naturally reflected in the personality of their children*. As such, I can confidently predict they must be brilliant.

* Well, their daughter, anyway.
( dotmund .co.uk, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:45, archived)

I don't feel motivated
I wasn't the best at doing anything constructive.
I'm waiting for someone to email me some work to do.
I'm going for lunch in about 2.5 hours.
I just had a cuppa tea.
I should really read the whole post before I reply.
(Psycho Eyes, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:07, archived)

baldmonkey, you're utterly correct

( CowJam, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:14, archived)

YOU are.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:16, archived)

hello yes,
1, tired, i didn't sleep well
2, I'm not the best at patience
3, I'm waiting for lots of stuff to arrive so i can start making wristbands and banners for a party
4, I'm going fo tea in a minute
5, I just had some Armish friendship bread
6, scat sex doesn't appeal to me

You're looking good this morning, why don't you show us your bum?
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Mon 30 Jul 2007, 10:20, archived)