Morning all.
That's me home form work and settled in, I've had a bloody good night. The nightshift manager has quit so there will be some internal restructuring and I've been advised to apply for the post of nightshift supervisor.
And I got trained to use one of these...
Pallet truck forklift.

I'm taking bets on how long it takes me to run over/maim/flatten someone.

How has your day/night been so far?

If it's too soon to tell, what are you watching/listening to/doing?
I have Counting Crows new album on.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:01, archived)

*BLAND MIDDLE OF THE ROAD FORMULAIC POP ROCK FIVES*

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:02, archived)

It's very very good!
It's actually a double album. Saturday nights and sunday mornings.
Saturday night is quite rocky, sunday mornings is a bit more mellow.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

also, that looks like a walk-in marital aid
to me anyway
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:05, archived)

*never having sex with you...*

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:05, archived)

that's what you think

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:06, archived)

(_)*(_)

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:07, archived)

a pair of tits with a nipple in the middle?
handcuffs?

I honestly don't know. You fail at ascii.
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

Maybe it's an Indian lady, and her bindi fell down.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

Well, I'm aroused
/ac
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:09, archived)

It's two buttcheeks and a chocolate starfish.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:09, archived)

Rubbesh.
Is your arse square at the bottom?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:09, archived)

It was the best I could do without putting any thought into it.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:13, archived)

*drops trousers*

                \            /
                 \          /
                 |    o     |
                 |----------|
                 |--.    .--|
                 | . \  /  .|
                 |  . || .  |
                 |. . ||  . |
                _|__ .||. __|_
               (    '-++-'    )
               (      ..      )
                (     /\     )
                 (    )(    )
                 (____)(____)
             .----`   ||   '----.
            (_________)(_________)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:21, archived)

Did you make that yourself?
Or use a website etc?
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:22, archived)

Neither.
I employ a work experience boy who makes them out of spare or unused characters that build up in my computer.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:24, archived)

That's good.
You don't want them spilling out everywhere and having your ascii all askew.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:25, archived)

It's an alright job.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:27, archived)

Hope you don't mind
but I used your vector for this.
www.comedycv.co.uk/paulmaguire/index.html
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:31, archived)

I don't mind at all Sir!
It's an honour.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:40, archived)

'Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you'
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

OH, SNAP!

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

ESME WESME!
Good morning :)
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:09, archived)

HI BROADY SWORDY.
My level of /talk participation is going up. This is not good.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:10, archived)

I think my 15000th post is going to coincide with my 5th b3taday in about a weeks time.
Still deciding whether to get nekkid or not.
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:12, archived)

I made my 30000th on my 5th b3taday
this means I have exactly twice your gobbiness rating
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:15, archived)

Christ...
*shames*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

*points and laughs*

(Dangermouse., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:29, archived)

Fucking hell, you gobby moo!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:42, archived)

Fuck me.
I've done 13000 in 8 months.

*Shames*
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:18, archived)

And I thought my post count was bad
Mind you, Bud has about 60000, or something like that.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:32, archived)

Yes, but all your posts were shit.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:33, archived)

Yeah but, but....
YOUR MUM!!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:35, archived)

Unoriginal use of an old classic.
I give it 3 out of 10 Mafferses.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:37, archived)

e +a
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:38, archived)

There's only ONE Maffarse.


Though it's the size of ten ordinary ones.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:39, archived)

Enough to cause a solar eclipse, then.
"Argh!! The Sun's gone out! Wait, no, it's just the shadow from Maffers' HUGE arse"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:41, archived)

Yes, but all your posts were shit.

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:34, archived)

You can cock off.
I know you think I'm great.
Admit it.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:36, archived)

I rate you much higher than davew27

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:37, archived)

Well. That's not saying much now really, is it?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:38, archived)

Ha!
Not bad.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

lololololololololol

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:11, archived)

Look, look, I'm Bou Bees:
Wobble bzzzzz wobble bzzzzzz wobble bzzzzzz
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:12, archived)

I made this!
www.kineticnorth.com/b3ta/bzzlol.htm
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:15, archived)

Is it safe for work?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

very

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

hahahahahah
I love you.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:17, archived)

Yes.
No Tyler Durden Technology or anything.

Be warned though. It does have a stupid baby on it.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:17, archived)

You shouldn't have that attitude about babies.
I can, cos I'm not having one. HA. SUCKS TO BE YOU:p
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:18, archived)

Babys are stupid.
And ugly.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:18, archived)

*bookmarks*

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:19, archived)

On you go.
I tell the other half all the time.
I really do think babies are ugly, wrinkly little shits.
Especially newborns! I don't understand people who say they're cute.
See also the Queen Mother when she was alive. Girl I worked with said she was cute... WTF?!
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:21, archived)

Surely
Ugly, wrinkly little shit s machines.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:34, archived)

Both work.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:34, archived)

_{BZZZzzzzZzzZz}^{lolololololololololol}lololololololololbZZzzZzzZLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:12, archived)

I've been annoying /board with it as well
BZZZzzzZZBzzzzzzzZzz^{bzZzZZzZzzzzZZBZZZZZZ}bZzZZzZzZ^bZzzzZzZZzZZBzzzZZzzzzBzzZZZZZzzlolOLOLOLOLBzZzz
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:13, archived)

*looks*
hoorah!
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

I is in work, with nice coffee, skimmed milk, no sugar.
And sour tangy sweets, yum. I am going for a walk/run later, that I am looking forward to. yay.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:03, archived)

Silly Esme! (why is that autocomplete?)
Sweets are not breakfast!
Though the walk/run cancels it out... :D
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

I know, but I don't want proper breakfast food.
I just want the sour taste. Nyom nyom.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:05, archived)

The pallet lift looks like fun.

( BindiBaji, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

It really is!
AND FAST!
It's sodding lethal really.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:05, archived)

You need two so you can have races.

( BindiBaji, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:07, archived)

We only have one :-(
Next step... Proper forklift.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

mostly smelly
I'm considering ignoring my hairdresser friends advice and cutting my hair again
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

I worked all night, got home half an hour ago
to find I now have 8 hours work to do in the studio.
No bed soup for me :(
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

Booo.
I prescribe rum and pineapple juice and bacon and sausages for breakfast.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:05, archived)

Rum?
Are your feckin' mad?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:07, archived)

Nope, it is NYOM.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:08, archived)

I drank a whole one of these once.
www.pussers.com
I wasn't very well.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:10, archived)

It is a very nice rum though
I recall a friend throwing up after I gave him a large measure of this and the silly twat decided to down it in one, even though I warned him to take it easy.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:14, archived)

Yes, but he was only nine.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

He was quite drunk at the time
Didn't really help. I ended up cleaning the mess up in the bathroom and giving a running commentary on what I thought he had for dinner.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:19, archived)

and yet you still walk amonst us
only answer is that you is pickled on the inside.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:15, archived)

** stumble ** What did you call my pint?.....ohhh....

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:18, archived)

WANT

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:19, archived)

I predict a comedy head fall onto a mixing desk.
Waking up with a fader where a tooth used to be.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:06, archived)

Day is adequately serene.
I'm listening to the Cocteau Twins' Treasure.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:04, archived)

I used to drive them when I worked at tesco warehouse
we called them "yaks" and they are delightfully slippy outdoors in the ice :D
(Dangermouse., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:06, archived)

They're wild enough normally!
I can't imagine them in the ice.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:07, archived)

water is not their friend
the brakes fail and off you go sliding all over the place
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:17, archived)

I NO!!

's fun, isn't it!! :D
(Dangermouse., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:27, archived)

Ouch it makes me feel old
I was trained to use one of them at work 18 years ago....

Thought they were nothing but a glorified pallet truck and not a fork lift.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:12, archived)

That's their proper name according to Jungheinreich.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:14, archived)

The battery changes on them things can be fun
huge fucking battery which can tipple over and leak battery acid like its going out of fashion.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:16, archived)

Ace.
Glad I won't have to do that! lol.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:19, archived)

I remember when I learnt to use one of those.
Which takes some remembering as I was 17.
( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:23, archived)

Hahahahaold.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:23, archived)

I can lift my own fork

( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:25, archived)

Fork off.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:27, archived)

I've been meaning to ask
What is the derivation of your username? Is it the district of Edinburgh that you live or work in or is it something altogether more exciting?
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:27, archived)

It's the bit of Edinburgh I live in.
I just like the name. Also, since lots of businesses are called things like the Newington Coffee Shop and the Newington Hotel, it's like having my own branded area of town.
( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:29, archived)

In other B3tans And Their Vehicles news,
my trike turns out to be missing the thing that sticks into the thing that connects the thing to the other thing so the thing shifts when you pull the thing, so the gears don't change. The company are sending me a new thing, though.
( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:28, archived)

Do you have a photo of this vehicle?
It all sounds rather intriguing.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:30, archived)

Not of mine.
It's one of these though.
It's rather bigger than I thought it was from the photos, and I've attached a bulb-horn. There'll be other cosmetic changes when I'm happy enough with it to void the guarantee.
( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:35, archived)

That looks rather odd
Particularly the seat. It looks to me as if the manufacturer has deliberately elevated the seating and steering, having based it on an earlier and lower design.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:38, archived)

There's quite a lot of leeway in where the seat is, forwards/backwards and up/down,
I've got it as far back and as high up as it'll go, and the handlebars pulled forwards so my hands are just above my lap (with room to pedal) when steering. It's very different to riding a bike.
( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:42, archived)

I used to have a motorised one
It was very different from either a car or a motorcycle. The steering takes a little getting used to but probably only a couple of days.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:48, archived)

Far too technical and full of jargon
please explain in english
( Mornington Crescent Come the Envolution ..., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:33, archived)

Vehicle fucked
New part needed.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:34, archived)

I was trying to explain which part was missing to friends in the pub yesterday,
and realised I was poking my index finger through my other fist in the schoolboy gesture for sex.
( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:37, archived)

that's a good thing

(Dangermouse., Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:35, archived)

someone told me, long ago
there's a calm before the storm
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:28, archived)

I now have Kate Nash on.
+My cock... *dreams*
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:30, archived)

Pallet trucks have changed so much...
Ours was a big block of metal, none of this 'plastic' rubbish.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:29, archived)

To be fair it's mostly all metal.
With rubber padding bits.
And plastic handles.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:31, archived)

Cissy.

( Newington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:39, archived)

I didn't buy it!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 9:41, archived)